The Vampire Squid Is Neither A Vampire, Nor A Squid.

You know if i was in therapy I’m sure I’d be set back in it by now.  I cant believe 30 years into life all i have to show for it is a drug habbit, bad dreams, a pile of broken used electronics and a 7 year failed relationship.  Wasted life was the perfect title for this blog, I think my feelings would be hurt had I any left.

Before all my feelings were dead anger would be what I feel right now i guess, just waiting for death.

Concerning Life

I really have 30+ plus more years of this shit?  Probably closer to 30, but holy shit.  I dunno if it’s because I’m smart, or because I’m dumb, but it seems like traditionally we all died by 40-50 for a reason, holy shit is this life thing a mind numbing experience.  Buy shit ya dont need, pay to much for a roof to sleep under when ya not working, dread work the time ya under the roof, work to keep the roof, and so on and so on.  Just fuckin, just fuckin kill me already...

I think humans take the disarray of nature, the winding path and make it into straight lines, we take clutter and sort it by descending heights or contingent colors because we fear the chaos of ourselves, nature being chaotic and us being a product of said nature.

I think we obsess over pretty things because we are so very ugly inside, and we hoard items because we are forever left so very empty.  I think we live our lives in fear of everything real, our nature, our demise, that we strive to fill our lives with only the fake, we live our lives in accordance with these fears and these fears all stem from our need for immortality, which comes from a selfish nature to be special.

I think everything in our lives is the fear of death, which is just nothingness, and we fill our lives with constant trivialities of somethingness, and that is the thing we should fear, we work jobs we hate and go through bizarre rituals to impress those around us that we dont really even like because we dont even really like ourselves.

Drug Users on Tumblr

There seems to me, to be two main, and clear catagories on tumblr

Category 1: Sad brainwashed 12 step recovery Jesus freaks

Category 2: little like, spoiled white bitches that think its super cool they can suck enough dick to get meth each day

of course there are alot of sub categories, I fully support the hallucinogenic crowd, theyre generally good thoughtful people ( go figure ) or theyre like teenagers that havent done it but are super into pink floyd, its ok, start dreams small.

SO, a few thoughts:

Category 1: You’re everything people hate about mormons, except unlike mormons you are still egocentric as fuck and help no one around you and still only think of yourself, and youre faggy little brainwashed recovery

Category 2: hahahahaha, what can i say, enjoy those 5 years you’re fuckable I guess there toothless, dont fall through a crack in the floor now.  ( I’m so cool, i live with my parents and have zero education and enough free time to take selfies with my crack pipe 6 times a day everyday, so other crackpipe enthusiasts can click like )

“ TRUTH IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE, it is what it is and you must bend to its power or live a lie “ - Miyamoto Musashi

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt I had a jar of black flies ( you know, the ones that bite ) and my job was to keep adding flies, but only keep so many alive, while killing the rest. Id open the lid fast and mash my hand in and kill so many and scoop them out then add more live ones.  Apparently my subconscious brain likes to tie math to living shit or something.

We make an idol of our fear and that idol we call God.

Ingmar Bergman