Vickyhantari - 26/27

In 5 seconds, you can close that Instagram tab in your laptop and regain your focus back.

VATH, the focus one

Short Update from the Office

Yesterday, I made two accomplishments:

1) I was brave to voice my opinion, and 

2) I could make my documents tidy

That’s what my manager said teehee.

Hope will last longeeeer, yea

Heading to 30 #1

Semoga aku bisa jalan2 ke luar negeri

Bisa ngasih duit lebih banyak ke Bapak Mama

Punya sumber penghasilan lebih dari 1

70 kg

Punya badan sexy sampe memuja diri sendiri

Punya keluarga sendiri :) Suami aja cukup

Rambut tebel!

Kebahagianku hari ini sesederhana mencium aroma apel di kamar mandi.

I was praying my period would come faster, therefore I should not be fasting.

Today God has granted my wish. Not the period, but I'm not fasting due to my health issue. I suppose I am catching cold right now. A bit upset because this is not my prior intention.

Naik Bus Tingkat

Aku tandai check list-ku di Jakarta: naik bus tingkat. 

Butuh 1,5 jam untuk naik dan berhubung hari Jumat, penumpangnya tidak begitu ramai. Berawal dari rencanaku mengajak pacar naik bus tersebut untuk selebrasi ulang tahunnya, akhirnya aku sendirilah yang ke sana.Intermezzo, aku memang masih kesal karena rencanaku agak gagal untuk memberikan momen ulang tahunnya. Ternyata hingga hari ini, dia masih bekerja.

Lanjut lagi, Saat aku menunggu di sana, aku berkenalan dengan pemudi lebih muda dariku, namanya Elma. Ia berasal dari Bekasi yang ternyata juga suka berpetualang sendiri seperti aku. Jadi ya, aku tidak seutuhnya sendirian. 

Ruteku Monas sampai Monas lagi. Melewati Jalan Sudirman, berfoto gedung-gedung pencakar langit, menikmati pemandangan lebih leluasa karena bus yang kutumpangi tanpa atap, ditemani sesekali matahari. Selain sibuk mengabadikan momen, ada beberapa hal yang terpikir:

1. Jakarta membosankan. Hiburan yang disuguhkan adalah gedung-gedung pencakar langit.

2. Kebahagianku bukan tanggung jawab Aris, tapi diriku sendiri. 

3. Yogyakarta harus menyediakan transportasi lebih banyak.

4. Lebih asyik kalau ada operator yang menceritakan sejarah.

Coba aku update di sini ya dokumentasinya! 

Two advices that I read about restoring our reputation at work:

1. Underpromising - overdelivering

2. Act like a best employee of the month.

Ive got many plans in my head and already wrote a few in my agenda, for instance listing down actions item in next week.

A past indeed a past. Let’s work it out and be a great performer, Vicky!

i need cuddle :(

Subuh2 overthinking

the problem is I'm craving for men's attention... I always see myself as a whore.

Being surrounded by men makes me feel secure and...wanted

Alongside, people who do not reciprocate my feelings are more attractive than those who do otherwise.

I'm that ungrateful girl as I'm still seeking other men (or women) while I have one who is willing to accept my true self.

the issue here lies between I need external validation and i love being the center of attention

I love it when ppl say I'm pretty, a good kisser, the goddess on the sheet, a motherly figure, smart or independent. they define my self-worth. however, it comes to my subconscious mind that - sadly - I'm attempting to fit men's conventional standards. You can guess where I lead to be? yes, that pick-me-girl type

Been aware that my childhood has shaped me into what I am today and fixing is a loooooong journey. i dont make any improvement yet. it's so fckin hard to be consistent and disciplined. see? im still struggling.

in reality, I really understand the reason why I was cheating or seeking other opportunities is to find security. my birth chart said that I can grow if I have been in a stable environment. stable here means in a secure place literally - figuratively. yet, i can confirm this is 100% accurate.

how can I create this safe place on my own? everyday, i have battles to win for

how can i be independent?

how can I stand up for myself?

how can i stay loyal and be grateful for what I have now?

do I feel enough?