Only Those Who Have Seen The Light Know That Bruce Wayne Is Absolutely The Type Of Annoying Father Who

(they're watching bluey)

Y'all can't keep letting kon babysit alone

Tim calls a family meeting and everyone thinks he’s coming out as bi.

He comes out as Santa.

This is based off a text convo I had with my cousin lmao

Tim sending a photo of Jason to Steph where the lighting hitting Jason’s shirt makes his stomach look a bit round: why does jason look 5 months pregnant?

Steph: he’s carrying it for roy

Tim: #meninwomendominatedfields

Steph: yessss!

Tim: i didn’t expect jason mpreg on my 2025 bingo card

Steph: same i’m loving the plot twists so far

Once Clark tells Batkids that if they need a safe space or some comfort, then they can come and visit his farm — he'll do his best to provide some help or support.

And he means it.

However, he is pretty sure that they will rarely use this advice of his. They are Batkids, after all! Independent and uncommunicative at the most.

Well.

Turns out he was wrong.

Damian and Dick are frequent quests in his farm, anyway — Damian hangs out with Jon, always appearing out of nowhere, and Dick visits them here and there — so it takes Clark some time to notice that others are here, too.

Tim starts joining them on occasions first. Mostly with Kon by his side, but he still steals sweets from the countertop that they hide from Jon, and Clark just... smiles. Okay. It is cute. Kon is a part of the family, and he is clearly in a good relationship with Tim. It is not bad at all.

...Until, Cass randomly appears in his study room out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of him, telling that she needed a quiet place to read the book.

And then Lois almost gets a heart attack when she wakes up in the middle of the night to drink water and bumps on Duke and his magnificent glowing eyes, because... Because Duke munches their cereals in four am???

(He was nearby after some mission. Was lazy to go to the safehouse. Whatever.)

Clark finds Stephanie sleeping with his sheep, caged in her hug later that week. When he returns home to tell Lois about it, he finds out that... She stress-bakes with Red Hood himself, while they both loudly shit on the Batfamily for different reasons (but mostly it is about Bruce, of course).

Alfred calls him a few hours later, asking to send the kids home for dinner.

Clark thinks that maybe — just maybe — moving out is not a bad idea, after all!

the reason Jason started learning to cook was because before he died he used to go to Dick’s apartment like once a month for stilted forced ‘brotherly bonding’ on the demand of Alfred, and Dick had to cook them dinner every time up until the time where he mixed up the salt and the cocaine he’d been holding onto for evidence for one of his cases and he accidentally drugged them both to shit. the night ended with them deciding it would be a wonderful idea to go on a quick patrol and they blew up like three cop cars. Dick paid Jason off to never tell Bruce and after that Jason refused to let him cook for them and had to learn how to do it himself.

“HEYYY!! PLEASE DO AN ART WHERE YOUNG DAMIAN IS KISSING HIS MOTHER ON THE FOREHEAD!❣️ This will show how much love damian still has for his mom (I wanna see more of mother-son relationship)”

“HEYY!! PLEASE DO TALIA HOLDING LITTLE DAMIAN❣️❤️❤️ (I'd love to see them matching and fighting enemies together as a partner team🥺)”

So I got a few anonymous asks requesting some more baby Damian and Talia together and just Talia in general.

I decided to have them matching outfits because I think that’s so cute idk. Most of these outfits are actual comic outfits that I love. She’s so stylish I swear.

All my baby Damien art!🍼🦇

Damian and Jon are black cat and golden retriever coded to you. To me they are two snakes hissing at each other.

Here…. Imagine, tim preg. But litreally know one except bernard and tim knows yet.😭😭😭💀💀💀💀

"Imagine, Tim pregnant—" Done.

And, yeah, they would somehow either forget to tell everyone, or they'd just... Not.

—

Tim, throwing up in a dumpster mid patrol:

Stephanie: Oh my god, Red Robin is dying!

Jason: I don't think their doing that bad, sure the place closed on mian, but—

Cassandra: Your brother!

Jason: Huh? Oh.

Bruce: What's happening?

Tim: Oh, nothing, my bad. I just should've swallowed.

Tim, promptly passing out:

Damian: . . . What?

Cass: We've got him.

Stephanie: Spleenless wonder.

—

Tim, calling Jason at three in the afternoon: Jason. I need Subway.

Jason: . . What?

Tim: Bern is still at classes. I'm hungry.

Jason: So go get food.

Tim: Can't, injured my ankles during patrol last night and last time I tried to drive with a sprained ankle I lost my license for a year.

Jason: F#&#&$... Just wait for Bernard to get off classes.

Tim: You're starving me!?

Jason: I am not driving forty minutes to pick you up and get you a sandwich!

Tim: Fine, I'll call Dick.

Jason: He lives over an hour away.

Tim: And, yet, he'll get me a sandwich.

Jason: Oh my gods I wish Bruce closed the door on your face... Fine. Fine! I'm coming! Driving forty f#&$-#& minutes to get you a SANDWICH!

Tim: Thank you.

—

Damian: You've been avoiding spicy foods for than usual lately.

Tim: Uh . . ? Thanks . . ?

Damian: Suspicious.

Tim: No, it's not! I don't like spicy foods.

Damian: You usually eat Alfred's chilli though.

Tim: Well, not tonight.

Damian: Suspicious...

—

Kon: . . . Rob?

Tim: Yeah?

Kon: Why do you have two heartbeats?

Tim:

Kon:

Tim: Bat training.

Kon: Oh, okay.

—

Bernard: You really shouldn't be patrolling while pregnant.

Tim: Probably, but on the bright side I can say our kids been a vigilante since they were in the womb!

Bernard: You're impossible.

Tim: Their first vigilante name can be "The Egg"

Bernard: You're insane.

Tim: Glad you finally realized it.

—

Bruce: Now, this is a high stakes mission, so... Where's Red Robin?

Stephanie: He said he'll pass.

Bruce: . . . What?

Cassandra: He's not coming.

Bruce: . . . Why?

Dick: Maybe he's sick?

Jason: Could be hiding an injury.

Damian: Perhaps he's quit and decided his time is better used maintaining his horrid wreck of a boat.

Duke: Maybe he's pregnant.

Bruce: That's impossible.

Stephanie: How's that impossible?

Bruce: I had birth control specifically made for him.

Dick: He could've stopped taking it.

Damian: Don't be ridiculous, Drake would never willingly continue his cursed bloodline.

Duke: Bruce didn't even want to, man was snagging kids off the streets before he'd willingly get your Mama pregnant.

Damian: SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

Cassandra: No, no fighting.

Bruce: . . . Tim would tell us if he was pregnant, right?

Stephanie: Would any of us tell Bruce if we were pregnant?

Everyone:

Bruce: What?!

Jason: If I was pregnant I'd be on a remote island with Kori and Roy to avoid the stress you f#-$%-$s put me in.

Stephanie: I avoided Bruce like the plague when I was pregnant, he was NOT about to adopt my baby.

Cassandra: I would've terminated the pregnancy a week before I had sex.

Dick: I would be trying to get my life together.

Bruce: Why do you all have plans for this?

Dick: . . . Do you not have plans for this scenario?

Bruce: . . . I—

Stephanie: OH MY GODS, HE DOESN'T HAVE PLANS FOR IF WE GOT PREGNANT!?

Jason: Hate to point it out, but didn't the Joker get pregnant one time?

Bruce: . . . Moving on—

Duke: Why do none of y'all have plans for if your partner was with you?! I'd be chilling with my loving spouse!

Damian: That requires them to be loveable.

Jason: Kori and or Roy would be the reason I got pregnant.

Bruce: CARRYING ON!

—

Stephanie: You're getting fat.

Tim:

Stephanie:

Tim, breaking down into tears:

Stephanie: I'm sorry!? I didn't mean it! I was joking!? Tim, are you okay!?

—

Clark: So, uh, Bruce..?

Bruce: What is it?

Clark: Tim told Kon the other day... something interesting?

Bruce: Spit it out.

Clark: . . . Is it part of bat training to have two heartbeats?

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Clark: Kon has been hearing double heartbeats from Tim—

Bruce: I gotta go.

—

Tim, snapping pop tarts in half to stick in a large bowl of several different kids of ice cream, then dumping two boxes of pocky into them, topping it with chocolate syrup and powdered sugar: . . . I don't even like sugar—

Bruce: TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE-WAYNE!

Tim: Oh no.

—

In defense of Jon's taste in clothes, the bus boy fit he dreamt up damian wearing and the white knight suit he gifted to damian are both 👌 chefs kiss just wait to see what kind of wedding dress he would pick out for damian!

Oh anon, put Damian in any of these

Just *mwah* beautiful