Peaky Blinders Isn't Even About Tommy Shelby It's About Getting Cillian Murphy To Wear Classic Menswear

Can't wait to see where this is going! xx

F*ck Buddies

Part 14 ( more here)

Pairing -Modern Thomas Shelby and Reader

Warnings- 18*, swearing, violence, sexual content

I do not consent to my work being copied.

Feeling your happiness deflate, you turned to look at him. Leyton, your ex. Taking a step out of his embrace. He looked just the same, even had the same jacket on, was it actually painted onto his skin? He was a good looking man, yes, you would admit that. But, he always looked like he needed a shave and a bath.

No doubt, he thought he was going for the rock star look. He was in his thirties now though, time to smarten up, maybe? Your eyes grazed from his feet to finally meet his eyes. He was smiling, but it didn't seem a genuine happy to see you smile. It seemed strained, he seemed strained. Stressed even.

Had he ever been stressed in his life? You doubted it.

He was too laid back, had no... ambition, couldn't keep a job, couldn't keep a tenancy agreement. Didn't even have a car. You now wondered what you had seen in him? Your relationship had been... rocky. You were oil, he was water, you were fire, he was ice.

You were ambitious, liked to strive for more. Go on holiday, see the world, he was happy in his local pub. In the same seat, with the same friends... He would probably do that for the next fifty years.

"You look good, girl," he winked, eyes landing on your cleavage. Urgh, girl? Really? that used to give you the ick, it still did. You were a fully grown woman. Not a girl.

Ignoring him, you paid for the drinks. "Do you want something, or is this a general chit chat?" you eventually spoke, head tilting to look at him. Warily. What did he want? Money? Cigarettes?

"Straight to the point, as always. That dress is sexy," he licked his lips, raising a hand, he let his finger travel along your bicep, taking a step closer.

Grabbing his hand, you bent it back. Stepping on his foot with your heel, "Do that again, I will break your hand," you warned, through gritted teeth. Picking up the tray of drinks you began to walk towards the table. Hearing him follow close behind you.

"Thought I could smell bullshit in here," your friend Sophie announced, loud enough for him to hear. The whole table erupting in laughter. Hiding your smile, you slipped into the booth. Taking a long sip of your Bellini, it was much needed.

Shooting Sophie a scathing look, Leyton stood in front of you. "I need to talk to you, it's important," he stated, his tone serious. Unfazed by the glares from your friend group.

“So…” you encouraged him to continue, rolling your hands like you were wrapping him up. “Spit it out,”

“I … I not here Y/n, please,” he shifted from one foot to the other. "Just give me a minute,"

Pressing your hands against the table, you stood up. Irritated. If he was going to tell you he couldn’t pay back what he owed, it would be no shock. Once a loser, always a loser. As you walked to the dimly lit corridor with him. It hit you.

How different he was from Tommy. Tommy was successful, ambitious, determined. He worked long hours, had many business ventures. He was family orientated, a doting father. He took care of his body and appearance.

Leyton blew out a long breath, as you came to a standstill. He still looked nervous, sweat was forming on his top lip. Maybe he should remove the damn jacket. “Ok,” he began, holding his hands up defensively.

“I’ve, I, just need to.... I’ve,”

“Jesus, spit it out,” you snapped, tapping your foot. He wasn’t going to take up your time all night.

“I’ve got something, Y/n. You need to get checked,” he couldn’t look at you, as he finally said the words. Shifting from foot to foot.

“Sorry,”

A nervous laugh left your mouth, but you realised he was serious. He’s got something? What did that mean? Got what? A job hopefully. Still smiling, you waited for him to elaborate.

"Got what? What do you mean?" you quizzed him, feeling confused.

Reaching out for your elbow, he steered you further away from the crowd. "Chlamydia," he announced, like it was no big deal. Your whole body ran cold, you felt the blood drain. Ears ringing, the sound of the bustling bar fading onto the distance. No.. No...that couldn't be true.

No.

Looking from your group of friends across the room, back to him, you laughed nervously again. "No..., that can't be true, no, you.. you're not serious,"

"I am, I wouldn't fucking joke about this. I had to be tested, you should too," he stated, tucking his hands inside of his jacket. "It was fucking embarrassing, girl,"

It had been at least six months, since you last had sex with him. You would know if you had an STD surely? "But, but, I would know, I'm fine, I haven't got anything," you stammered out, holding onto the wall for support. Oh god... Tommy.... had you given something to him?

How would you ever tell him that?

"The nurse said it can be in your system for months, you don't always get symptoms," he shrugged. He fucking shrugged, the bastard, that was it, that was the last straw. You lost it, totally lost it. Dived at him, gripping onto him, trying to scratch him.

Hitting him over and over.

Letting all of your anger out. On him.

Feeling yourself being dragged away, you were ushered outside. Your friends following you. "Calm the fuck down," a voice warned you, gripping your arm so hard. It was the security guard.

“Shit, I know you don't I, you are Tommy's woman?"

Immediately letting go of you, he gave you space to calm down.

Tommy had just been drifting off to sleep in his King size hotel bed, when his phone rang. Groaning, he pulled himself up. He had rang your four times, and sent you five texts. Clearly, you were ignoring him. Rubbing his eyes, he answered without screening the call.

"Boss?" a deep voice said, he had no clue which one of his men it was. "Er we've had a bit of a problem your girlfriend was in a fight. We had to had to erm, we had to chuck her out,"

Tommy tried to process the words, "Y/n?" he asked, instantly feeling worried for you.

"Yeah, Y/n, that's her, I recognised her. I only recognised her after see, or I wouldn't have pulled her outside. So that was a mistake and ..." he tried to apologise. Shit, if Tommy had seen him put hands on you, he would be in the river.

"Mark, shut the fuck up, what happened?" Tommy asked, immediately beginning to dress.

Sitting on your sofa with Daisy, you poured out another glass of wine. Four you had downed, since you got back home. You were drunk.

"I broke a nail, the bastard," you slurred, sloshing the wine around the glass. Watching you from the open plan kitchen, Daisy poured you a glass of water. Your phone was ringing again, how would you even begin to explain this to Tommy?

"Drink some water, maybe you should go to bed. Try and rest," she suggested, sitting beside you. Your face with stained with mascara from crying, eyes red rimmed. "Do you want me to answer, call him back?"

You shook your head no, draining the glass of wine. "How embarrassing is this, Daisy? I'm gonna have to go to a clinic," you hiccupped, beginning to cry again. “A clinic at my age!”

A knock on the door stopped her from answering. "If that's him, you can tell him to fuck off," you shouted, realising how drunk you sounded. Head spinning.

Tommy could hear shouting on the other side of your door. What could have happened, to make you get into a fight with a man? And who was he? If he had laid on finger on you, this would be his last day on earth. He would see to that with a click of his fingers.

As Daisy slowly opened the door, he tilted his head to see you on your sofa crying into a wine glass....

"Tommy," you cried out, dissolving into sobs. Stumbling across the room to fall into his arms….

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Count me IN!

Imagine....

24 year old reader telling 50 year old Tommy Shelby he won't have enough stamina to fuck her cause he is too old....

And then he rails her

Hi. Do you plan on continuing lost on you?

Yeah, I am! Gotta find the notebook and figure the story out again 😭🙏🏻

He looks like he has more control than he actually does! He's burdened with the urges he feels around her, which makes him angry... And it doesn't help the situation at all, does it? 😈

Thank you so much for the much needed feedback! ❤️

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part one Part two

Summary: You can't escape, and the line between his manipulation and your own thoughts begins to disappear.

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!

After the events of that one particularly dark evening, Y/N shut off. She didn't come out to see Ada when the young woman would visit, not for a while. Spending most days in her room, sometimes even not reacting when one of the maids would come to remind her of Mr. Shelby's wish to see her at five PM.

Sometimes she didn't show up, and he let her.

”She's a teenager, Ada. What am I supposed to tell you, eh?” He spoke one day, finally answering the questions she had for him ever since Y/N's behaviour changed. His eyes remaining at the contract in his hands, agreement from Churchill himself. A small grin danced on his lips, tugging on one of the corners of his mouth. ”Don't you remember how it is as a young girl, eh? Always a bloody handful,” He snorted, lightly, letting go of the piece of paper as his eyes finally met his sister's. Cold and calculating, playing chess with every word, just the way he always did since their lives changed.

Ever since he unapologetically took the whole of Birmingham, and greedily reached out for the rest of Britain.

Unapologetic, that's the word she'd use to describe him.

Letting out a sigh, Ada shook her head lightly, crossing her arms across her chest as she stared through the big window.

”You didn't hurt her, did you?” Her voice came out almost tired, knowing the person Thomas Shelby became, Ada was... Almost expecting it. Dealing with the effects of his violence and decisions day to day.

Thomas' blue eyes slowly raised to her own, but she didn't look at him, still peacefully looking out the window.

With parted lips, he breathed out a quiet snarl.

”Am I a monster, Ada?” The voice so full of mockery, she should have felt disrespected, but worry for the girl was stronger.

”You want to be, Tommy”

~~

Jabbing at dinner with a fork, Y/N wrestled with her thoughts back and forth. She knew she couldn't escape, her absence would bring an inevitable danger onto her family, and despite the hatred she felt towards them ever since... Her father sold her, she couldn't bring herself to not care.

After all, where would she go? Y/N had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run.

His horrible, mocking chuckle rang in her ears loudly, making her wince as she heard steps behind. His expensive leather shoes clicked against the floor, and Y/N recognized his heavy steps.

The silence in the room was suddenly heavy, suffocating. She didn't dare to move, almost freezing under his gaze.

Her fear was palpable, and Thomas could easily sense it in the air. Her flowery scent came to his nostrils immediately when he stood behind the counter. Making coffee, as a cigarette hung from his lips. His blue eyes glanced towards her frame, a quiet chuckle leaving his mouth at her posture. Admittedly, he didn't know why her fear was so... Joyful to him. So attractive and addicting, like a sweet treat. His presence alone was enough to make her shiver, and he'd always take on every occasion to torment her.

Y/N expected it, almost like she got used to it. Holding her breath when he moved, steps growing closer before the cold air hit the skin on her neck. She waited, for something, anything. Pain, shame or whatever he would give her. That's what he always did.

So when he wordlessly passed by, all Y/N felt was a confusion.

The expected relief didn't come, and the cold temperature of the room suddenly seemed to swallow her whole as she let out a breath.

He ignored her, simply, walking through the doorway and disappearing into the corridor.

Leaving her breathing slowly, as a little smile appeared on her lips.

Maybe that was it.

The rest of the day passed calmly, without any events and Y/N spent some time entertaining little Charlie, doodling away in her notebook and drawing all the animals she could think of to make the little boy happy. Only when he fell asleep, drained from being awake that long, she sighed, letting one of the maids take him to bed as she walked back to her own room.

Glancing up, she noticed the beautiful view from her window. Something so obvious, yet not important enough to ever catch her gaze before. Now she felt a little peaceful, while he wasn't home.

Pulling out her drawing supplies, she set her notebook on the windowsill, taking her time to draw the sight, the beautiful trees bending under heavy wind. Rays of the sun penetrate between branches and hitting the window, accompanying the silence in her room well enough that the environment seemed peaceful. Calm. Safe.

Unknowingly, Y/N began softly humming under her breath, feeling a glimmer of hope for a better future still smoldering somewhere between her ribs.

He came back late, later than usual. Tommy's steps echo throughout the almost empty house, getting the attention of staff but nobody else.

”Good evening, Mr. Shelby,” One of the maids said, quietly, getting a quick nod out of him as he climbed the stairs, stopping midway.

”Where is she?” His voice held the usual complete seriousness, not holding the amount of mockery he seemed to have only for her. The middle-aged maid, shifted her weight from one leg to the other before answering.

”Miss Y/L/N informed Frances she'd go visit her horse in the stables.” Her voice was quiet, unsure.

Nodding again, Thomas moved forward before clearing his throat and stopping, just for a second.

”It's my horse. Everything here is mine.” His sharp tone cut through the air while maintaining the huskiness and not disturbing the silence of the house for too long. ”When she comes back, she is going to come to my office.” He liked it. The intimidation in the air, present wherever he goes.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

That day felt more special than most, much longer as if it held more than twenty four hours in it. After leaving the house and making her way to the stables, Y/N stopped checking her watch, letting the activity engulf her completely once she saw the precious creature she missed so dearly. Normally, Y/N would be too scared to come here without asking for permission first, and she didn't seek any reasons to come to Mr. Shelby. Not really.

Walking through the wooden building, she carefully eyed each of the horses there, eyes widening as she saw the biggest one. A massive, black horse with eyes that had the look to them, which made her back off. The madness in this horse's eyes reminded her of the blue ones she feared so badly.

Yet all the worries seemed to disappear as her gaze met the calm, brown eyes of her horse...

Before she knew it, Y/N walked back through the field, rushing towards Arrow house, sun barely up in the sky still. Time passed between her fingers so fast when she was having fun, but it's been so long she almost forgot how it feels. The beautiful black mane on a completely white Stallion took at least an hour to braid, but Y/N loved the process. She was taking care of him ever since he was a foal.

Taking him out on the free field and getting to ride him again, despite having to do it bareback felt wonderful. Felt like the freedom Y/N so desperately yearned for.

As the canter turned into a full on gallop, a bright smile appeared on her face, as her hair blew on the wind. The scent of nature, wilderness and sharp wind which turned her cheeks bright red made the experience almost magical, so she lost track of time. There was no reason to rush home either, since Mr. Shelby was away.

Letting out a tired sigh, Y/N's smile remained plastered onto her face until she noticed the long, black coat on the rack.

Which was a sign that he was home

Swallowing the lump which suddenly appeared in her throat, Y/N calmed herself down mentally before slowly turning towards the stairs and step by step climbing them, extending the whole process just to make as little noise as possible.

Her feet felt a little numb from horse riding, so when she reached the top of the stairs, one wooden plank bent under her weight, creaking slightly.

When no sound followed, Y/N let out a sigh, walking through the corridor and heading to her room when suddenly Frances opened her bedroom door on the other end of the hall.

”Miss Y/L/N” She spoke up, wearing her modest bathrobe and nightgown, ”Mr. Shelby asked me to tell you to come to his office when you get back.” She instructed quietly, as not to disturb the rest of the staff which was probably sleeping. The night came around, and the sky was almost completely pitch black. An old, wooden clock on the wall struck eleven PM.

Y/N's breath hitched, realizing she didn't manage to get out of coming eye to eye with him. Not today. Seeing the questions in her eyes, Frances, let out a quiet breath as well.

”He came back around three hours ago” The older woman added, replying to the silent question which never got asked. Not out loud.

”Thank you, Frances” She smiled lightly, before disappearing behind her bedroom door again, leaving Y/N standing on the corridor completely on her own.

She stood there, frozen for a hot minute. Contemplating what to do, whether she should go and change her dirty clothes first, or maybe go see him as soon as possible. After all Mr. Shelby's anger was the last thing Y/N wanted upon herself, knowing how cruel he could be if he felt like it.

Weighing her options shivers ran down her spine at the risk, and so her shoulders slumped slightly when she made up her mind. Turning around and slowly making her way further through the corridor, the dark, wooden door growing closer with each small step.

Moving closer, Y/N narrowed her eyes noticing a small beam of light on the floor coming from his office. Small enough to not be noticeable if she didn't pay enough attention. Another step, and Y/N's breath hitched in her throat as barely audible sounds came to her ears. High pitched, muffled almost.

Another couple feet, and she stood right there, by the door with her eyes widening at the realisation of what was happening. The door to Mr. Shelby's office was unusually creaked open, through the crack she could see the interior of the room. Dim light making it all more difficult, as she heard feminine moans and whimpers coming from the inside, accompanied by shuffling of the heavy desk.

Her hand rested on the door knob as she moved closer, covering her mouth with one hand as she noticed the dark haired woman splayed on the mahogany desk, face down. One of Tommy's hands was gripping tightly onto her shoulder, pulling back with each move as the other covered the woman's mouth, keeping her as quiet as possible. Muffled sounds kept coming out of her mouth as he kept thrusting inside her from behind, not caring about whether someone heard. Her breasts were almost spilling from her blouse, and Mr. Shelby didn't even care to get her undressed first, cigarette hanging from his lips as he fucked into her hard and fast, chasing his own high. Y/N's face twisted in disgust as the other woman began moaning crude words, calling out his name like it was the only thing she knew.

Still covering her mouth, Y/N took a step back, letting go of the door knob as she let out a shaky breath.

She shouldn't have come home so late, Y/N thought. Better go before he finds out.

Turning around, she moved swiftly through the corridor, before quietly closing the door behind her back.

She panted like someone was chasing her, and only after several moments she moved away from the entrance, sitting on her bed and taking off the jacket she wore.

Taking deep breaths, Y/N tried to calm herself down.

Half an hour later, Y/N was still laying awake, her lamp turned on as she read a book, not knowing what else to do this late at night. She wouldn't dare go out, and risk stumbling upon him or his mistress.

The last thing she expected was to hear a knock on the door, this late at night. Furrowing her brows, Y/N put the book down on the covers, and before she could answer, the door opened.

Thomas walked into the room, slowly shutting it behind him. An unlit cigarette in his hand, and she took in his appearance. The four undone buttons on his shirt, messy hair and dark, unreadable gaze in his eyes.

Shivers appeared on the back of her neck, and she froze seeing him.

”Not sleeping, eh?” He asked, glancing quickly around her room as he lit his cigarette, before letting his gaze fall back on her. He noticed the way she pulled the covers higher, covering every inch of herself besides her face and shoulders.

”N–Not yet” She stuttered out, feeling even more intimidated after what she saw just an hour earlier.

Thomas nodded his head, looking out the window as he inhaled the smoke, taking his time before letting it out again.

After a minute of silence, Y/N licked her lips nervously as she saw him move forward, lazily stepping closer to the bed before sitting on the edge of it.

”You were out late” He pointed out without looking at her, his posture firm and strong despite his clearly relaxed state. Y/N glanced nervously, looking at his side profile.

”I was in the stables” She explained, hoping that she wouldn't get in trouble for that. Y/N didn't bother explaining on why she went only when he wasn't supposedly around. ”Time passed so quickly I didn't realise–” She continued until he cut her off while blowing out a cloud of smoke, causing her to wrinkle her nose at the intense scent.

”Tomorrow is a special day” He spoke up, raising his eyebrows as he shifted to the side, leaning on his hand by her leg over the covers. His eyes scanned her emotionlessly, taking in the soft lines of her face, her lively blushed cheeks. ”I was wrong at the beginning.” He admitted, tilting his head to the side. ”I thought there would be troubles with you. That you'd try to run away, be a handful, yeah? All that teenage nonsense.” He gestured with the hand in which he held the lit cigarette, drawing a little circle in the air. His voice held a bit of humour, despite his completely numb facial expression.

Y/N looked at him nervously, looking everywhere but in his eyes.

”One of the maids overheard your conversation with Ada.” Her heart sank for a second, which he saw clearly, making him chuckle. ”Told me how much you respect the dear, old Mr. Shelby, yeah?” He chuckled again, reaching out and suddenly grasping her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. The approval in his gaze made her a little more relaxed, just like the warmth of her touch. So much softer than the usual, bruising grip. ”Good girl” Tommy added, the corner of his mouth lightly turning up.

Y/N didn't know what to say, so she just nodded along to make him happy.

He tilted his chin up, eyes narrowing as he watched her expression while his hand moved to the side of her face, slowly pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

”Don't go alone when you're planning to be gone for that long. Next time you're going to tell me, eh?” He offered, almost gently with a hardened expression, earning another nod from her.

Thomas sighed, deeply, letting his hand drop to his side before raising from the bed. He came up, close, too close for comfort as he looked down.

”Tomorrow at eight in the morning Ada and Polly will take you shopping. You'll get new clothes and horse riding gear.” Tommy informed, finishing his cigarette before putting it out it is in a glass of water which stood on her nightstand. Y/N's expression turned into disgust as she saw that, and Thomas made her look at him again. ”Understood?”

”Yes, Mr. Shelby” She said, blinking quickly as she held his heavy gaze. His blue eyes remained motionlessly locked into her own before she corrected herself. ”Thank you, Mr. Shelby”

...and only then, he smiled lightly, nodding in approval before taking a step back.

”You're welcome”

He said, before turning around and heading to the door. When his hand made contact with the doorknob and the door opened slightly, he stopped, glancing down on his hands with a grin she couldn't possibly see.

”And next time, close the door once you're done watching me.”

Hearing his words, Y/N's mouth opened as she realized what he implied, eyes widening at the sense of seemingly innocent sentence. Her cheeks turned crimson red, as she blushed fiercely. Tommy stood in the doorway for a moment longer, knowing the upper hand he had on her. Knowing that the younger girl was too naïve and shy to speak up against him, to dare to correct him on a topic so sensitive. When he was sure she wouldn't respond, Thomas walked out of her room, closing the door behind him.

Once again, he won, and in that moment, Y/N realized he purposely asked the maid to get her, and left the door open. He wanted her to see.

~~

@iilovedonnatartt @randomcreator-09 @hagarsays @novashelby @wonderlanddreamer @calmingmelody96

CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING?—please, don't leave me

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request by @goblinjnr

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of death, grieving, angst, suicide

A/N: it's very fucking sad so beware

~~

Her eyes shut tight as her husband pressed a loving kiss onto her lips. Y/N's body involuntarily relaxing into his hands, causing Tommy to smile through the kiss.

”Mrs. Shelby, are you cold? I can see goosebumps on your skin” He teased, leaning forward as he grazed the skin of her neck with his nose, causing her to let out a sigh.

”Very funny” She responded, pinching his side lightly with a grin. ”That's what happens to a woman when her husband finally decides to put business away and give her affection instead.” Her voice was also teasing, as her own gaze completely drowned in his intense blue orbs.

Pulling her even closer, Tommy's nose brushed against hers in a promise of a kiss.

”So I'll have to consider doing this more often.”

Leaving last, strong kiss on her lips Tommy took a step back.

”Do what you have to, and come find me.” Y/N asked, squeezing his hand lightly, her expression relaxed and almost dreamy seeing him in such a good humour.

Bowing lightly, Thomas answered.

”Don't go too far, I'll join you soon.” His voice had an undertone of worry to it, his eyes becoming slightly more cloudy at the obvious allusion.

Giving him a weak nod, Y/N agreed, understanding exactly what he meant.

Don't go anywhere on your own, it's dangerous

Turning around, Thomas slowly walked back to his office, his steps echoing throughout the corridor as the warmth of their lovely encounter disappeared under the weight of reality.

Y/N let out a sharp breath, her heart picking up speed as her hand fell to her belly, causing more internal pain than anything. The mask she had to wear around him was becoming heavier with each passing day.

But she couldn't tell him. Not when the prognosis were so hopeful the last time they visited the hospital together. Not after seeing him gain back the spark he lost for so long.

Letting out a sharp exhale, Y/N turned around, slowly walking back to their bedroom. Wincing quietly she made her way through the corridor before settling on a bed lightly.

The day they found out was the worst day in her life. Rushing to the doctor so hopefully, once she noticed her stomach... Growing. After trying for a baby, could it finally happen? Y/N wondered back then, showing Tommy the swelling on her stomach.

Putting his hand over her belly, he was the happiest man in the world, dimples on his cheeks revealing to their full extent as he smiled so brightly, a rare sight but how beautiful she felt. A family, of her own.

A girl? A boy? They wondered the day before her visit. Chatting away endlessly about names, clothes and toys for a little Shelby.

A heavenly happiness that lasted no longer than three days, before they got crushed by the diagnosis.

Stomach cancer

Thomas' hand fell limp by his side, as Y/N froze completely. It took a longer minute, followed by ”I'm so sorry” from the doctor before tears appeared. Falling faster and heavier, each one a nail to her poor heart, wiping away every dream they managed to talk about in the last days.

All hope, gone, just like that.

...but it wasn't over just yet, as Dr. Wellerman explained the path they will have to go through. The risks of chemotherapy, additional tests and needed medication.

Tommy tried to stay strong, so badly, despite the white colour his face turned. Nausea took over his mind as he listened to each word, listening to the doctor explaining her survival rate. He needed to be strong.

So he was, carrying the weight like a world champion, never letting her carry it alone.

”Don't cry” He murmured in the worst nights, rocking her back and forth in his arms, sitting on the floor by the bed. ”We will bring you back to good health, and then have children. Little copies of our own, eh? A girl with my nose and your smile.” He spoke quietly into her ear, staring blankly at a wall. Whispering beautiful words she so desperately needed to hear, keeping her heart from breaking.

With each week they were both feeling worse, Y/N's physical state worsening visibly throughout the chemotherapy. The pain she felt in her abdomen could be compared to the flames from hell, reaching her ruthlessly and blooming the horrible thought she tried to push away so badly.

I want to die already, her mind would whisper cruelly, hating the way her husband's bones became more visible. His sunken eyes which lost all colour, almost as if he was the one with tumour eating away on his body and mind.

It wouldn't be much different then, because the pain he carried seeing her slowly fade away was easily the most difficult battles he had to fight.

A couple years back, Thomas would never expect to even think that, but the war in France was nothing compared to the unfair war he chose to fight everyday, holding onto his wife at all costs.

On the worst days, he would silently cry against the door of their bathroom, begging her to let him in as she cried so loudly.

”Don't look at me, I'm disgusting!” Y/N kept repeating, looking in the shattered mirror at her reflection. She was a shadow of her old self, her almost completely bald head mocking her, along with the colourless eyes that looked back.

”Y/N, please. Don't shut me away” His voice was breaking, despite the attempts to stay strong. Minutes later he would be on the floor by her side, kissing her temples and holding so tightly to not let her drown.

”You're beautiful, Mrs. Shelby. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen,” He talked, looking her in the eyes, his deep, honest voice never ceasing to bring her out of misery even just for a few seconds. Rough fingertips grazing over her delicate, pale skin. ”So beautiful I just had to marry you.”

A deep silence following his gentle tone, as his fingers drew random patterns on her skin.

”Am I dying, Tommy?” She asked quietly, her voice so fearful as she held onto his shirt, head resting on his shoulder. Thomas was almost sure she could physically hear his heart shattering at the question.

”No,” He replied confidently, getting her to look him in the eyes. To see the lack of hesitation and the fire he had in him, as her own was slowly getting smaller. She was losing hope. ”You're not dying. I wouldn't let you leave me, after all, eh?” He said, small, weak smile appearing on his lips and reaching her eyes.

”I love you so much” She whispered, slowly nodding off to sleep against his heartbeat.

Y/N remembered every and each of those days when he's been the lifeline. The only reason she was getting up and fighting against the cruel faith, slipping from death's embrace every day, almost like his love was keeping her alive.

...and it worked. Tests started coming back better than before, the cancer responded well to the chemo, allowing life to slowly seep back into their reality.

Y/N could never forget how happy it made them. Made him. The way he laughed and joked, and touched her looking, oh the way he looked at her. Like nothing else mattered, as he brought her flowers and loved every moment they had. Thomas grew to appreciate her presence so much, even the business wasn't able to get a hold of his mind as often anymore.

Life was a dream, until it wasn't.

The pain and swelling grew, sometimes making it difficult to move her legs even. Y/N held onto the thought that it was temporary, that everything was okay, so she didn't tell him. Couldn't bring herself to share her worries, seeing the way he lived and not just survived anymore.

So the secrets began, every letter from the hospital started coming to the rented storage she kept away from everyone. Tests getting more worrying until one, particular one, killed the hope completely.

The cancer no longer remained in her stomach, now spreading to the liver, lymph nodes and lungs, crushing the potential survival rate to 3%.

”Oh God” She cried at first, howling so loudly her throat grew sore and voice weak.

But it wasn't the worst. The worst was pretending around Tommy, forcing herself to smile and walk and talk as lively as before.

Be there for him, and try hard enough to smile so it would reach her eyes, because else he would know.

Each day was harder as the pain grew stronger. Eventually she had to start shaving her head every few days, to hide the fact she stopped the chemotherapy.

The pain was too much. The first time was easier, as she mindlessly shared the misery with Tommy. Carrying it together was easier, but with how much he loved her, seeing her in that state was killing him more than cancer was killing her.

So she pretended. Smiling, shaving her head and making sure to keep her expression stoic as the swelling burned hellishly.

So here she was, sitting on the edge of their bed, both hands on her belly in hopes to ease the pain. Unfamiliar pain, one so strong she couldn't breath at all.

”Tommy” She managed to whimper out, fingers wrapping around the edge of the nightstand so hard, her knuckles turned white. Slowly lowering herself to the ground, Y/N felt her legs giving out as she fell down with a loud thump, starting to cough.

Barely opening her eyes, she noticed the drops of crimson red fluid dirtying the clean, wooden floor. Her mind turned hazy, feeling completely out of it as more and more blood splattered the floor.

Only then did she barely register the fast, loud steps approaching.

”Y/N!” Thomas boomed loudly, rushing to her side. His face was completely pale, his shaky hands wrapping around her chest as he pulled her up, completely panicked. ”Frances! Frances call the ambulance!” He screamed in a frenzy, leaning forward to try and help. ”Y/N, I'm here, I'm here.” He choked out as her eyes became cloudy, breaths coming out in short bursts. ”Y/N! Look at me, please fucking look at me!” Tears steamed down his face at the suddenly terrible state she found herself in. She looked at him, but couldn't see.

As he cried, and screamed, pulling all the old medication she used to be taking from her nightstand, spilling them by his side and looking for the particular one that used to help with breathing problems, Y/N was halway gone.

Physically she couldn't see, struggling to breathe enough to keep her brain functioning yet the only thing she could think of was him.

Please, don't take me away. Who's going to protect him from the self-destruction his heart holds?

”Please, don't leave me” He cried out weakly, pushing his forehead against her collarbone, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. Hiding.

The memory of his happy, blue eyes was the last thing she registered, feeling as if he gently eased her into sleep, taking away all the pain. In reality, Thomas couldn't hold in the animalistic howling that ripped from his throat while he held her tightly to his chest, rocking back and forth as the sound of an ambulance pulling up by the Arrow house came to his ears.

From this moment, there was nothing.

***

She was gone.

He lost count of the amount of hours since it happened. Thomas didn't know if it was a night or a day, as he forced the maids to cover every source of light in the house before sending them away. The alcohol combined with opium in his system made him see the most beautiful things in the dark, memories shining so brightly.

His eyes rolled back at the scent of her, as he was holding her nightgown to his chest. Blood was trickling from his fingers, dirtying the pink material because of the destruction he brought upon the Arrow house once left alone.

Rocking back and forth in the middle of the room, he remembered the sight of his wife sitting by the vanity, laughing as she made him roll his eyes with her smart mouth. She fitted so perfectly, so perfectly with the scent he was feeling.

It was all that mattered, as long as he felt her presence around him.

In the next few days Polly threw away all the opium he had, trying her best along with her nephews to support him through the ripping loss. Only if he wanted that help, maybe everything would eventually be okay.

But for him, there was nothing before her, and nothing after her. The story was done.

Once left alone again, he let out a sigh, feeling the pounding headache. The noise was overwhelming, impossible to suppress ever since she was gone.

”I can hear them coming again” He whispered into the silence of his office, as the shovels dug against the walls from every direction. Getting louder with every passing minute. ”They want to take you away from me, darling” His voice was rough from the lack of using it. Opening his eyes, Thomas looked at the portrait hanging on the wall. You and him. Like like he promised. His eyes on the painting were far from reality, not resembling the dark irises, swallowed completely by madness which took over his mind without change. ”I won't let you leave me” He repeated the line from the past, lips wrapping around the familiar words as he pulled out the pistol from his holster. Lazily pressing the muzzle against his head as his lips turned upwards into a heartfelt smile. ”I'm coming, sweetheart.”

His loving words were followed by a loud bang, as the bullet ruthlessly ripped through his skull and brain, only to get stuck in the old furniture in another room.

His body went completely limp as the unlit cigarette fell onto the desk, becoming the last sound of their lively love ever heard in the wall of the Arrow house.

A house which became a cemetery for the undying love, and future that would never come.

Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @preparedfruit @emptyvoidofmine

EVERY INCH OF YOU

Raymond Leon x Reader

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: angst, smut, fluff

A/N: interact please!

Summary: The best day of the year turns out to be a nightmare, at first. At least until Y/N goes looking for safety within the so familiar arms of a man she pushed away. Was sacrificing their friendship worth it?

Y/N couldn't believe what was happening. Her eyes opened wide at the… sight, or more like the sound coming from one of the cabins. The party she attended with her long term boyfriend turned into the worst nightmare. All the time wasted, broken promises and times she defended him to her friends playing on the back of her mind, as the obnoxious sounds of Luke having sex with another woman made Y/N stop in her tracks, unable to breathe.

Only when tears spilled down her cheeks, she almost ran out of the bathroom, the door slamming shut. Her eyesight was completely blurry, only the blinding lights and familiar faces occasionally blinked through the blur, some people calling out her name or slowly making their way to her, wanting to talk probably until they saw the state she was in.

“Y/N!” She heard shouting from behind out of a sudden, and without turning around or thinking she pushed through the crowd, not wanting to see or talk to him. “wait! It's not like that! Please!”

Luke's voice became more distant as the distance grew between them, because she managed to escape much quicker being smaller in size than he was. She fell out the door straight onto the sidewalk, rain mercilessly pouring from the sky. Drenching her to the last thread in mere seconds.

Hearing the footsteps behind her, Y/N tripped lightly, slipping in her heels and twisting her ankle which caused her to groan weakly. Knowing she had little to no time, Y/N quickly took off her high heels, clutching them in her hand as she ran through the street barefoot, not affording to care what other people thought seeing her in such a state. Only a couple streets away she managed to catch a cab, jumping in on autopilot. After telling the driver the right address, she pulled out her phone from the slightly wet purse, wiping the screen and doing her best to stop sobbing, immediately clicking the right contact.

Are you home?

She sent mindlessly and a reply came less than two minutes later. On the other side of the screen, he furrowed his brows seeing the message. It was a well known fact that THAT day she was going to celebrate with her long-term boyfriend, so he didn't expect to hear from her anytime soon.

R: What happened?

He typed out, sensing something bad. After knowing Y/N for a decade, Ray knew her better than his own pocket, even though she cut down on the contact with him lately, because Luke felt insecure about their friendship. He couldn't say he was surprised, because he wasn't. Even though he never admitted anything, nor to Y/N or himself, he knew there was… something else to their friendship, and he never strayed from flirting with her whenever an opportunity appeared, despite knowing how pointless it was.

As soon as Y/N read the message, she knew he was home. If he'd be at work, Raymond wouldn't respond nearly as quickly as he did. Shoving her phone back into her purse, she didn't bother with an answer, instead wiped the tears off her face, gaining back some eyesight as she realised that she reached her destination.

After handing the money, she got out of the car, also barefoot, quickly making her way to the right apartment.

Water was dripping from her dress, hair and every single inch of her skin, making her look and feel less than presentable but at this particular moment, she didn't care. All Y/N needed right now was to finally make the right choice, and… finally feel beautiful.

Raymond was pacing back and forth in his living room, impatiently waiting for a text back that never came. He was quite worried, uneasy and absolutely stressed, so when he registered the knocking on the door, he immediately darted to the corridor.

The last thing he'd expect to see was Y/N, standing in the doorway barefoot, with smudged makeup and wet hair. But before he could ask, she walked in, dropped everything she was holding to the floor and her hands immediately clutched onto his shirt, pushing him onto the wall. Her lips pressed against his own tightly, immediately demanding access to his tongue, deepening the kiss. For a moment he froze, caught off guard by her sudden bold move. But then his lips responded fiercely, kissing Y/N back with bruising intensity as years of pent-up tension boiled over. One hand tangled in her hair while the other gripped the hip possessively, pulling her body flush against his hard planes. Neither of them cared about her belongings, or the floor getting absolutely wet. Raymond's mind went blank for a longer moment, but when he finally pulled back slightly, his eyes took in the sight of her teary face. He grasped her face, tilting it up to meet her eyes. Breathing deeply, clearly affected by the sudden closeness, Raymond asked.

“What happened?” In a whisper, his stomach churning at the sight of sadness drawn all over her pretty face.

Y/N just shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as her hands balled into fists, holding him close as if she was scared he'd completely pull away.

“Please. Please, Ray,” She managed to stutter out, before kissing him again. Y/N’s hands travelled underneath his shirt, tracing his muscles and freckles skin with her cold fingers, causing him to hiss quietly.

Raymond's eyes fell shut at the sensation, his heart pounding in his chest impossibly fast. He couldn't believe it was happening, her touch infatuating him like nothing else he ever felt in his long life.

Y/N clearly had no patience to take it to the bedroom, as she took off his shirt, then reached back towards the zipper of her dress, pulling it down. Raymond held her hips, pulling her close as he moved onto her neck, kissing and sucking marks on her skin. He felt like it was all a dream, completely helpless and weak trying to fight against the way her scent made him feel. Wrapping him from every single way, making him burn for more.

As her dress pooled down to their feet, his breath hitched, seeing Y/N reaching back to open her bra.

In that one moment his subconsciousness seemed to wake up, when Raymond saw a few tears streaming down her face. Clutching gently her hands, he pressed his chest to her own, keeping the material from falling, not letting her bare herself in front of him completely. Swiftly moving them around, Y/N ended up pressed to the wall. He held her wrists, caressing her skin as their noses brushed against each other once more.

“Tell me” he urged, seeing the sadness in the form of tears. She let out a quiet sigh, before burying her fingers in his hair gently.

“He… cheated on me.” She confessed quietly, feeling ashamed of her own choices that led to this moment. But he didn't let her drown, grasping her chin and tilting her head up once again. Their eyes meeting, and Y/n relaxed in the way he held her gaze. She braced herself for the upcoming pity she expected, like people always give hearing such a news.. but it never came.

“He never deserved you.” Raymond said, his voice a little rougher, almost tender despite the desire. “Not a single second he spent by your side.”

Y/N smiled through the tears, caressing his cheek with a hand for a second before pulling him to the bedroom. Pressing their bodies together once again, her hands running up and down his thighs as her tongue licked stripes over his pulse.

“I need you, Raymond. I need you to do what you have always wanted.” She whispered, breaching the silent agreement they had, to never address what was happening between them. Never cross the line, but it was too late now.

He groaned deeply, turning her around as his chest pressed to her back, greedy hands touching every inch of her skin like a man starved. Y/N was going soft in his touch, completely vulnerable and on his mercy, small gasps leaving her mouth with every kiss he was giving her.

Every touch, every whisper, every sound pushing past her lips was making him dizzy, his manhood throbbing so hard, he felt like he'd pass out when suddenly he heard her voice.

“Make me feel special, Ray. Please.” She almost begged, making his heart shatter with the tone of voice she used.

He stilled behind her small form, seeming to wrestle with himself for a long moment as he felt his throat tightening. He was never good at talking at… explaining his feelings. But Raymond couldn't get rid of the feeling that THAT was his moment and he couldn't afford to lose it. When he spoke again, his voice was deeper.

“You're so fucking special.” He stuttered out in a weaker voice, slightly trembling. His fingers held her a little tighter, almost like she'd turn into ash anytime. “No one can compare to you. In every woman I meet I look for you, but it's never enough. You're… you're a work of art, Y/N.” His voice turned more husky, but with each sentence it was easier to… talk. She was trembling in his hold as he turned her around, meeting her teary gaze once again. Taking a step forward, Raymond forced her to step back, her knee touching the bed frame while he slowly laid her down, climbing onto the mattress, gaze never faltering.

One large hand caressed slowly down her spine as the other reached around to cup her perfect breast, kneading the soft flesh.

“That pathetic boy never deserved you. He's a blind fool who couldn't appreciate perfection if it slapped him in the face.” He whispered into her ear, kissing her neck.

He rolled the nipple between his fingers, pinching lightly. “But I see you. Every inch of you, inside and out. And I'm going to worship you like the goddess you are, until you forget that worthless prick even exists.” As he finished, Y/N sighed deeply, stopping him with a hand on his chest, making him raise an eyebrow in question.

“Raymond, it's… it's not about him, I'm not heartbroken, just… I'm ashamed of the way I treated you. I should have never listened to him.” She confessed quietly, her lip getting wobbly at the pure beauty he was looking at her with. Raymond cupped her cheek, leaning down until their lips were brushing against each other. His eyes shone like never before.

“Forgiven” He whispered with a smirk, kissing Y/n deeply for a couple long moments, making her feel absolutely melty. Slowly pulling away, Raymond locked his gaze on her own, lowering himself onto her collarbone and leaving a little kiss, followed by another and another. Carefully making his way down, he kissed every imperfection, every lovely inch of her being. Slowly kissing away the sadness she held in her heart. “Beautiful” he murmured every now and then. Avoiding where she needed him the most and going lower until he caught her leg, lifting her ankle to kiss it too.

Only then, going up, Ray rubbed his rough hands up and down her inner thighs making her squirm.

“Patience” He growled quietly, lowering his head to kiss her in the right place. Y/n writhed in the sheets as he kissed, licked and sucked her delicate spots, bringing her to the verge of tears as eventually orgasm flowed over her mind so hard she became dizzy. Seconds later he hung above her like a raincloud, pressing his lips to her own, letting her taste the sweetness he got to finally try.

“Please” She squealed, unable to wait any longer, and he listened, lining up his cock with her entrance.

“You're so special. So–o fucking s–special” He stuttered out with a groan, slowly filling her up as she wrapped an arm around his neck, feeling the need to have him as close as possible. “To me” he finished quietly, squeezing his eyes shut at the heavenly sensation.

Raymond couldn't say that, not yet, he didn't remember how these words sound from his lips just yet, and Y/N understood it. He needed time to wrap his head around the change in their relationship. Kissing his jaw, Y/N pressed their foreheads together.

“I love you too”

I love when trauma makes characters messy. I love when characters don't know how to show love. I love when they lash out. I love when they're vile and break down. I love characters who aren't perfect victims. I love when stories don't excuse behaviour but allow you to understand it

i hope you write (i hope we both write)