Vervainandspritz - KEEP QUIET

—I'D GO BACK TO YOU

Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: Tommy and Y/N can't seem to be able to let the other go despite the growing hurt and conflicted feelings ruining their friendship.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, jealousy, abusive childhood

A/N: SEND ME REQUESTS BITCHES

~~

Have you ever had someone by your side long enough to not remember the time before they came around? Almost like they were always here, through the good and bad. Relationship with no beginning nor ending, a permanent part of reality so dear, you barely ever stop to think about the direction.

The earliest memories Y/N had of Tommy were back in childhood. His small, thin hands covering her ears with eyes wide open as he listened through the old wooden door to her parents break the glass in the kitchen. Their words sharper than the pieces shattered on the floor as he braced himself against the door, silently praying for Y/N's father to not come looking for them. The early years of childhood they spent travelling through the imaginary lands where love was gentle and voices never rose in anger, where the outstretched hand did not mean upcoming pain of impact. Two kids so lonely, as they clung desperately to the presence of each other, holding hands so tightly, trembling from helplessness whenever the world would decide to remind them of cruelty from which they couldn't hide, not even in the four walls they grew up to call home.

As they grew older the definition of friendship became rougher around the edges, proving that no matter how hard you run, you won't outrun the blood in your veins. The uncontrollable rage Thomas inherited from the man he swore to hate, causing wounds that ran deeper than the broken skin on his knuckles after countless fights in Y/N's name, not letting anyone hurt her. Despite the differences they remained by each other, as he held her hand even tighter than when they were kids, not letting her drown in the ways of protecting herself by staying small and loving from a distance, until she couldn't stand it as the definition changed once more.

With a small distance that inevitably grew, Y/N watched him try to scratch the itch which seemed to never go away until he became an open wound, too raw for comfort.

Spiraling into the uncontrollable rage that ran between his veins, hating the reflection of his father staring at him in the mirror. Despising the flesh and blood he was made of, passed down like a legacy he never asked for like the scars on his face. She stood nearby, watching from the other side of his small room, not knowing what to say but offering her presence, too deep in her chase for the love she so desperately needed and never had.

Love from the hands gentle enough to not leave scratches, desperately seeking the fulfilment her childhood never offered.

Like two opposites, they stuck together through the worst years, separated by war just to be reconciled again in the worst versions of themselves.

He came back almost dead inside, and she felt too much. Y/N soon enough noticed the rough skin on Tommy's hands, the wilderness in his eyes dressed in expensive suits. Money coming from pain and blood mixed with gun powder, which he used to sharpen the blade hidden in his cap, one she feared so badly.

It took months for the colour to come back into his eyes, making them look lively, impossible to avoid the glances he'd send her across the table. Eyes watching so intently, she could never miss the gaze that weighed more than any other. Emotions swirling in them, creating a storm she was fearing, seeing clearly that she was the one directly on it's path.

For months they danced around the topic, not daring to address his longing. The lack of interest in other women and attention he couldn't bring himself to give to others.

Oh, how scared she was, knowing the destruction that Thomas Shelby held in his heart. One she didn't dare to reach for, shying almost as if she got burnt.

...and years passed without a word that would matter, just sticking through it.

How on earth was she still here?, Y/N wondered walking through the too familiar street. Passing by the old buildings which held more secrets than anyone could count, yet remaining silent, maybe too used to the violence of Birmingham.

Her long coat kept her warm, and emphasized the legs, causing men to glare.

Coming to a stop by the pub, her lips stretched into a smile, seeing him there, waiting. The little routine which formed by itself between them, as Thomas reached for the pack of cigarettes, offering her one before lighting it.

”Morning” He spoke up in a husky voice, the lack of sleep visible in his eyes, causing them to be paler than usual, as he stole a glance of her long legs.

Legs that he saw completely bare too many times to be able to restrain himself, brimming on the edge of hurt he was so used to.

”Are they inside yet?” She asked, glancing towards the entrance to which he shook his head, inhaling the smoke. Y/N nodded, looking at him with a small smile.

”What?” He eventually asked, seeing the light dancing in her eyes, to which she shrugged, remaining silent for a moment before letting out a sigh.

”He asked me out on another date. Brought me flowers” She confessed quietly, clearly happy. Cocking an eyebrow, Thomas just nodded, taking another puff of his cigarette. The numbing pain in his heart was nothing new, the uncertainty of his decisions making the wound remain open, never healing. He looked to the side, letting out a ragged breath.

”I'm happy for you, Y/N” He responded, causing her to shift awkwardly on her feet as she recognized the feeling in his voice. Stubbing out his cigarette, Tommy nodded towards the door. ”Let's wait inside, eh?” He suggested, his silhouette tense, to which she agreed.

***

A couple weeks later, Y/N realized the shift in his behaviour. Tommy's eyes grew distance, avoiding. The usual.. weight of his gaze shifted, not busying himself anymore to catch her eyes.

He seemed more closed up, focused on business and races which were very important. Looking more eager than usual to celebrate taking over major districts in London, he informed all Blinders to come to the Garrison tonight.

Arthur was more than happy, cheering about it since early morning but only when she arrived, hand to hand with William she understood why.

Amongst the chaos Thomas stood, leaning forward with a smaller hand in his grasp. Playful smirk dancing on his lips as he whispered sweet nothings to a dark haired woman. Y/N had to admit that she was pretty, lips smeared with red lipstick and short curls dancing close to her face with each move. Ripping her gaze away, she led William to Blinders table.

”I'll introduce you,” she offered, feeling the tiny bit of resistance in his uncertain walk, lacking the stride she was used to. Ignoring the nagging feeling on the back of her head she pulled him closer as they stood by the big, wooden table.

”Boys,” She spoke up, getting their attention, ”That's William, my good friend,” Y/N generously offered, as Arthur looked at him closely, quickly subconsciously placing him in one of the categories he had for men in this city.

”Arthur” He eventually offered with a slightly mocking grin as the younger man shook his hand weakly. Y/N pulled some chatter further, interrupted by her companion.

”I'll go... Get some drinks.” He quietly said, eyes dancing around the room in search of familiar faces, finding none, to which she nodded.

His tall, thin frame quickly disappeared in the crowd making her sigh as her eyes landed on the couple sitting by the other side of the pub.

His hand was draped over her shoulders as he knocked back the rest of his whiskey. Fingers slightly tracing patterns as he intently looked in her eyes, listening to her words.

Y/N's pulse quickened while her face remained completely stone cold, looking away as she felt the weird thumping in her ears as annoyance grew rapidly.

”Here” William suddenly appeared by her side, handing her a colourful drink. She looked at it funny, before cocking an eyebrow at him. ”What? It tastes good. Trust me” He offered with a smile, suddenly being way more annoying than before.

Letting out a huff, she placed it on a table.

”Let's dance,” Y/N suggested, trying to keep her gaze on him and not on the table several feet away.

”Oh, no, no, no” He shook his head, taking a step back. ”I don't dance. My back hurts” He lied, glancing nervously towards the big table.

Y/N breathed deeply, trying to calm her sudden frustration with the way he... Just was.

”You know, what? You're right. I don't have much time today, anyway.” She faked a smile, leading him outside and trying as fast as possible to get rid of him before making her way home.

***

Hours later once the party finished, Y/N was unable to contain her frustration any longer. Quickly walking across the city she knocked on the door of the house she knew too well.

Not waiting longer than a couple minutes before the door swung open, revealing Tommy in his undershirt.

”Y/N” He spoke up, before she took a step forward, her lips pressing tightly against his. Her hands clutched onto his shoulders as Tommy reacted immediately, pulling her inside.

The temperature immediately rocketed, when he leaned her against the wall. One of his arms grasped the back of her head while the other pulled on her hip, pawing on her dress. The familiar touch of his rough hands against her skin made her moan audibly, feeling his lips move onto her neck. Sucking and biting marks that she'd try to hide away later, as they fall into the same habit, unable to let go.

”Tommy” She whined, pulling on his belt and ripping it open with need. ”I need you” Her voice came out the same way as always.

Full of emotion. Passion and raw craving for the intimacy they could have only together, in no other setting. He shuddered under her touch, as she pulled him out of his underwear, stroking and pulling on his already fully hard cock.

”Why” He breathed out, as she pulled him onto the armchair, straddling his lap with her underwear already discarded to the floor. She took his breath away with another kiss, hands greedily pulling on his hair as he lined up his tip with her leaking entrance.

”I need you” She repeated, slowly sinking down as she threw her head back, exposing her neck. ”I need you to tell me, Tommy.” She pleaded, craving the roughness, the safety she felt in his strong hands. ”Please!”

Thomas knew what she asked for. She always did whenever they would be close. The first couple times he'd give in without a second thought, hope blossoming in his heart as he made love to her, but... It was never enough. She would never be there when he woke up.

He pulled her closer by the neck, hiding his face against her skin as he shook his head.

”No” He mumbled, thrusting up into her heart, fingers digging into the skin of her thighs, greedily pulling her closer. Needing her more than physically possible.

Her fingers pulled in his hair, tearing him away to look into his eyes. Her own were half lidded, drunk on the intimacy they shared.

”Please, Tommy” She whimpered in a voice so delicate and beautiful, he felt his heart tightening, bracing for the impact he'd feel in the morning.

Letting out a deep sigh, he shut his eyes.

”Please” She repeated into his ear, riding him skillfully just the way he liked. Her hands pawing on his skin less than patiently.

”I love you” He confessed in a choked moan, giving into her pleadings, hurting himself again.

”Again” She begged, feeling her heat squeezing around him, as her words made her feel what she needed. Making her feel like it was just them in the whole world again.

”I love you. I love you so much” He groaned, grabbing her hips as his released came sooner than expected, giving her deep thrusts that pushed her over the edge, as she pulled him closer. Embracing him as she screamed his name, before slowly trying to catch her breath.

Tommy leaned back, breathing deeply as his eyes searched for emotions on her own. Reaching up to her face, still sheathed deep inside her, Thomas grabbed her chin, making her look at him and the pain in his eyes.

”You're hurting me” He said, seeing the storm mirroring his own, as his heart slowed down to the normal tempo.

Y/N felt something shift, as the realisation dawned at her.

***

This time, Y/N fell asleep with him in the armchair, not waking up till the very morning. Sitting up she looked around, realising that she was in his bed, but... He wasn't around. The bedding on the other side was cold, already made and the only thing she found was... A piece of paper. Neatly folded in half, revealing his italic handwriting that brought fear into her heart.

I can't keep doing it anymore, it's too much to be with you but never have you. You have to let me go.

T.S

Reading the small letters, breath caught in her throat as she quickly threw on her clothes, rushing towards the phone and calling around. Asking everyone where Tommy could be, creating some serious chaos as she rushed to one of his cars. Jumping behind the wheel she drove to his office, praying to any deity watching over that he was there.

She could barely think, remembering the way his hands danced across her skin, bringing the feeling of safety she clung onto for so long. Associating the roughness, scent and weight of his gaze on her skin.

How foolish she was, all these years. Settling for having him in the moment and then letting go.

Jumping out of the car she rushed through the door, not bothering to knock before almost flying into the room.

For a longer moment the only audible sound was her panting as she tried to catch her breath. Slowly looking up, her eyes locked with his. Thomas' brows furrowed with surprise, seeing her in such a disheveled state.

”Oh my god, you're here!” She breathed out, straightening her back and sighing with relief. Reaching for a pack of cigarettes, Tommy lit one of them, taking his time to inhale and then slowly exhale smoke in the air.

”Where else could I be, eh?” He asked, his voice distant and rougher. His eyes so unavailable.

But she knew. She understood his stance, and the realisation swirled around her mind as she took a step forward.

”I'm... I thought you'd be gone. I don't know what I was thinking.” She stuttered out, biting her lip. ”I'm.. I'm so sorry, Tommy.” Y/N said, this time quieter as her eyes caught his once again.

”Nothing to be sorry for. Forgotten, as always.” He said dismissively, grabbing one of the papers sitting on his desk, trying to get away from the uncomfortable topic. Y/N wasn't surprised by his reaction, after the humiliation she put him through.

Letting out a sigh, she came up, pulling the document out of his hands, pulling him back and standing between him and his desk.

”Tommy, look at me.” She pleaded and it took a moment before he did. The hesitation made her heart hurt. ”I was... An idiotic dunce.” She eventually said, making him furrow his eyebrows again in surprise, yet the corner of his lips slightly raised. Y/N sniffed, before sitting in his lap and grabbing his face.

”I still am, since it took me so long to realise... And figure it out. I just.. I was scared, Tommy. I felt good around you. Nice and tingly, whenever you'd be around or look at me but it felt so... Different. New and scary, and i—i didn't want to be scared anymore so...” She relaxed slowly into the way he held her gaze. ”So I was running away from you. From us. But I never felt fear so strong like this morning. Like when I thought that you'd be... Gone, and unavailable for me.” Her voice grew shaky as she held his face.

Tommy just listened, his gaze softening as he watched her struggle with words.

”...and I'm sorry for yesterday. I don't have the right to be jealous, because you're not even mine... But I... I'd like you to be.” She added, her thumbs caressing the skin on his cheeks as her own turned pink.

Y/N waited for a reaction but he didn't say anything, so she leaned closer.

”Say you want me too” She whispered nervously, but Thomas just shook his head with a delicate grin, raising his eyebrows. ”Oh, come on, don't leave me hanging after i—” She began ranting, suddenly being silenced by his strong hand gripping the back of her throat, pulling her into a deep, very emotional kiss. She put her hand on his chest, feeling how quickly his heart was beating. Closing her eyes she savoured every second, the seemingly unending kiss making her dizzy.

As he pulled away, his eyes were bright and shiny, lips grinning at her mischievously. Expecting him to say something, Y/N smiled back.

”Idiotic dunce?” He repeated before a husky laugh pushed past his lips making her shove his face away slightly.

”Shut up, Shelby”

Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta

@preparedfruit

Y'all better start speaking your mind in comments or reblogs after you read someone's writing🥊

You all know I like staying positive and friendly on here, but this PSA must be made…again…

If requests are being fulfilled, then writers should not be hearing crickets!

I don’t know how many times this needs to be said, but clearly it bears repeating yet again:

If you ask a writer for more content (and in my case, I’ve been flooded with inquiries and people begging me for my two recent updates), regardless of whether it’s via anonymous ask or DM, it is not cool to then go silent when your request is fulfilled. Acknowledgement and feedback is standard social protocol and courtesy when someone does something for you.

This isn’t about writers wanting attention for the sake of attention; this is basic appreciation for doing something you asked us to do.

Think of it this way: if you repeatedly had done a favor for someone that they asked of you, but then they never acknowledged or thanked you for it any of the times you helped them, would you want to keep doing it for them? Probably not.

I’m saying this on behalf of all writers, not just myself. Any flak or hate I receive on this will go unanswered. There’s no debating this topic.

Support your writers or they will lose the motivation to do you any favors. Period.

Ok, back to friendly positivity now. 😁

After Hours

Part 14

Previous part here

..........................................................................................

Hey, it’s Jason. I got your number off Y/N’s phone. Y/N will be at Plume tonight. I’ll have a back booth reserved for you. Be there at 9:00 p.m., and I’ll make sure you guys have a chance to talk.

Upon reading the text message he’d just received, Robert’s pulse quickened. He hadn’t heard anything since he and Jason had talked yesterday morning, but now, his heart was pounding with the anticipation of finally being able to talk to Y/N. Had she read his letter? What was she thinking?

Rather than question anything, Robert was going to seize whatever opportunity he could get. Quickly, he replied to Jason.

I’ll be there at 9. Thank you.

Exhaling, Robert was certain that the next few hours of waiting were going to be the longest of his life.

•.•.•.•.•

“I have to tell you something, but you have to promise that you won’t be mad at me.”

Pausing, Y/N looked over her shoulder to Jason standing in the doorway, her arm stopped mid-air as she had been reaching for her outfit that was hanging on the wardrobe bar.

“Nothing good ever started with that statement,” she said concernedly as she met his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Moving from the doorway and stepping further into the dressing room, Jason walked over to Y/N and looked at her.

“It’s not a bad thing, necessarily, but you might want to sit down.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Y/N said, dropping her arm and turning to fully face him. “What’s going on?”

“Just come sit,” Jason said, and he jerked his head towards the two chairs and small table that were off to the side of the room.

Apprehensively, Y/N followed Jason as he walked over to the chairs, and she sat down in the one opposite him.

“Jason, what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”

Pausing for a moment, Jason looked at Y/N as she sat down, and then he spoke.

“Ok, before I tell you, please just remember that what I did, I did for your own good.”

Y/N shook her head, frowning.

“What did you do?”

Jason hesitated for just a moment again, and then he continued.

“I went to see Robert Fischer.”

Still frowning, Y/N wasn’t understanding what he was saying.

“What?” she asked confusedly, shaking her head, thinking she misheard him. 

“I went to see Robert Fischer,” Jason repeated. “Yesterday, at his office.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as she processed what he said.

“You what?” her eyes widened. “What do you mean you went to see him?”

“I went to his office yesterday. I went to talk to him.”

“Talk to him?” Y/N repeated back questioningly. “What do you mean you went to talk to him? You don’t even know him. What could you possibly have had to talk to him about?”

“You,” Jason answered, looking at her.

“Me? What do you mean me? Jason, what the hell are you talking about? What’s going on? What did you do?”

Jason shifted in his chair.

“I went to go see him yesterday, to talk to him about you. You were so upset, and I was so mad about what he did to you, and I just felt the need to confront him about it. I wanted to tell him what an asshole he was and to leave you alone.”

“You what?!” Y/N practically shrieked after she heard Jason’s response. “Jason, are you crazy?! How could you do that?!”

“Because you’re my best friend, and I didn’t want him to keep hurting you or playing with your feelings! And since I knew you’d never stand up for yourself, I felt the need to do it for you.”

“Jason! Oh my God!” Y/N said, putting her head in her hands.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Jason replied, “but I didn’t want him to think he could keep hurting you.”

“Jason...” Y/N said again, her head still down. Her heart was pounding in disbelief and embarrassment. She couldn’t believe Jason had done this. When she looked up again, he was looking at her.

“I was fully prepared to just avoid him for the rest of my life,” Y/N said then. “This is nuts!”

“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I just didn’t want him to hurt you again. You’re my best friend, and you’ve been there for me through so much, from the little things to the biggest obstacles, like when I came out to my family. I was just trying to be as good a friend to you as you are to me.”

As she processed his reply, Y/N’s anxiety lessened slightly. As nuts as the situation was, she was truly touched by what Jason had expressed.

“Jason...” she shook her head. “That is so sweet...and so twisted.” She gave him the tiniest hint of a smile. “You should have just left well enough alone."

"Well enough?” Jason asked sarcastically. “I would hardly say you’re well enough after what happened.”

Y/N shook her head again.

“So what...I mean...what did you say to him? What happened?”

“I went to his office and I told him that the things he said about you and the stunt he pulled the other night were about as low as someone could get. I told him that you were better off without him, and he was an asshole who didn’t deserve you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened.

“I can’t believe you said that.”

“He was pretty surprised, too,” Jason smiled back at her.

“I can only imagine,” she said. “So, what did he say when you told him all that?”

“He agreed with me completely.”

Furrowing her brow in confusion, Y/N tilted her head. 

“What? What do you mean?”

Jason shifted in his chair again.

“Well, that’s the other thing. I may have gone to confront him, but he ended up having a few things to say himself.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked again, her pulse rising once more.

At that, Jason pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the voice recordings.

“He didn’t know it, but I recorded my conversation with him. I wanted you to be able to hear whatever he was going to say.” Jason then set his phone down on the table and poised his finger over the play button. “I think you should hear this,” he finished.

After pressing play, Jason’s and Robert’s voices could be heard as their conversation from the day prior played back through his phone.

She heard it all. Everything Robert said. His misunderstanding about who Jason was. His admission of overhearing her with Beth and his shock at finding out she did this. The fact that he went to go see her the very first time and she didn’t even know it. That he’d arranged the performance at the new venue in an attempt to have the chance to talk to her after she’d rejected his other attempts and he’d missed her at her apartment. That he’d been trying to apologize since the day it all had happened. And most of all, that he’d said what he had not because he actually believed it, but because he’d been so temporarily blinded by jealousy, hating the idea of any other man seeing her like that or being involved with her.

The entire time the recording played, Y/N’s heart was pounding. She heard the truth, the sincerity in Robert’s voice, having come to learn over the last few years exactly what that sounded like. And then she heard his next statement.

“Because I’m crazy about her; I have been for a long time.”

Then more.

“...but she means more to me than anything.”

And finally.

“I love her. I’m in love with her.”

After that, Jason reached out and stopped the recording, and Y/N could do nothing but stare down at the table, shocked at everything she’d just heard. Her heart was pounding, and she didn’t know whether to cry or scream or...even what. What she’d just heard had suddenly changed everything, and all she could think about was the realization that Robert felt the same way about her as she did about him all this time, and that apparently, everything that had happened occurred because he loved her.

Finally, after a moment of silence, Jason spoke.

“He loves you,” he said. “I’ve never seen any man look as desperate or remorseful as he did the entire time he talked about you.”

“I...I...” Y/N didn’t know what to say. She was frozen from the shock of it all.

He loved her. He was in love with her, and he’d done what he had in an attempt to fix things, to apologize. She couldn’t believe it.

“Oh, and here, you should have this,” Jason spoke up again then, and he reached behind him and pulled something out of his back pocket. As he handed it to her, Y/N saw that it was an envelope, and as she took it from him, she realized it was the very same envelope that had originally been attached to each bouquet of flowers Robert had sent her those few weeks ago, the stamp from the delivery company still on the seal.

“Read it this time,” he encouraged her, and then he rose from his chair and left the room, giving her privacy as she turned the envelope over in her hand.

Taking a deep breath, her hands slightly shaky, Y/N carefully slipped her finger under the seal and opened the envelope. Pulling out the piece of paper, she unfolded it and held it in front of her, immediately recognizing Robert’s handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

There is absolutely nothing that I have ever wanted more in my entire life than to take back what I said to you that day. If I could somehow go back and change what happened, I would do it in an instant, and then I would instead tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you for a very long time.

You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. You are incredibly sweet, warm, intelligent, compassionate, and beautiful, both inside and out. I have never known anyone as loving and kind as you, and all I could do every day was count the minutes until I’d get to see you and be around you. You saw me in a way I never expected anyone to, and every day, you made me want to strive to be the man that you’d want, that you deserved. Of course, I knew I’d never deserve you, but that never stopped me from wanting to try.

I want to apologize, to tell you how sorry I am, but I know that will never be enough. What I said to you is unforgiveable, and I can assure you that I’ll never forgive myself for it, either. All I want is to tell you how incredibly sorry I am, and that I need you to know that I do not, nor have I ever, or will ever, think those things about you. What I said came from jealously, and although that’s no excuse, I need you to know that I didn’t mean a word of it. The only thing I can do now is hope that you’ll believe me, because you should know that the only thing I’ve ever seen when I look at you is perfection. The only thing I’ve ever felt when I’ve been around you is happiness. And that happiness went away the minute you left that day.

I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, and I’m so ashamed. And I know I don’t deserve to even ask for it, but if there’s any way you could find it in your heart to give me another chance, I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.

Whatever you decide, please just know how sorry I am, and that if I could take it all back, I would do it at any cost. You mean everything to me, Y/N, and that’s something I should have told you a long time ago.

All my love,

Robert

By the time she’d gotten to the last few lines of the letter, Y/N could hardly see clearly due to the tears that were brimming in her eyes. Her hands were still shaking slightly as she held the paper, and upon setting it down in her lap and blinking again, the tears started to fall from her eyes. Lifting her hands to her face, she wiped her cheeks as she tried to digest all that Robert had written, every beautiful line.

She could feel him in that letter, feel his sincerity and his remorse. He meant every word; she just knew it. Through his words, she felt the connection to him that she sometimes could swear she felt in the past. Only this time, he’d verified that what she thought she’d sensed from him wasn’t just her imagination.

Her heart suddenly felt as if it had finally been released after being painfully twisted in a vise, and when she looked down at the letter again, Y/N knew that it was always going to be Robert who could make her feel this way. Him and only him. This incredibly sweet man with a good heart who had always made her feel like she was the only person in the world whenever they were together. Who’d always made her feel protected in one way or another, and who she now knew had exhausted every possible effort to try to tell her what she meant to him. 

Y/N sat there for several more minutes, just processing everything, when Jason cautiously entered the room again, checking to see if she’d gotten through the letter. Y/N silently nodded and then handed the letter to him to read, and after he’d finished and then set it down, the two of them looked at each other.

“He means it,” Jason said to her quietly.

Y/N nodded.

“I know,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I have to talk to him, but...how do I even start that conversation?”

Jason shook his head.

“He won’t care how you start it, just put him out of his misery and talk to him.”

Y/N nodded slowly.

“You can do it tonight,” Jason said then.

“What? How? I’m about to go onstage in a few minutes,” Y/N replied, looking at him. 

“I know. You can talk to him afterwards. He’s waiting for you.”

At that, Y/N’s eyes widened.

“Wait...what? You mean, he’s here? Out there? Right now?”

“Yes. I told him to come tonight.”

“Oh my God,” Y/N replied. “Jason! I...oh my God.”

“What? You love him, don’t you? You want to reconcile.”

“Of course I do,” Y/N replied. “But I can’t perform knowing that he’s in the audience.”

“Why not?”

“Because! I’ve always done this knowing that it was strangers in the audience. I mean, yes, he’s who I always think about, but...”

She shook her head, trailing off. No matter the fact that he now knew she did this, Y/N still had trouble with the idea of Robert seeing her perform. It was so personal, and despite how much she loved him, and how she’d always done this with him in mind, actually having him there was another story. Her pride still hadn’t recovered from the ensemble performance. Imagining doing this for him and actually doing it were two different things.

“I think you need to show him that,” Jason said then.

“Show him what?”

“That he’s the one you do this for.”

“What? No, I...”

Y/N began to protest, but then, upon thinking about it, she realized maybe Jason was right. After all, Robert was the one behind all of this for her, yet he’d been completely caught off guard by the entire thing. And while that wasn’t her fault, it was true that he deserved to know that he was the man behind every one of her performances. If she did this for him, then she should show him that. And as she thought of the heartfelt letter he’d written her, she thought that perhaps this could be a way for her to finally express her own feelings back to him.

Her hands clammy and her body feeling shaky with nerves, Y/N looked at Jason then and slowly nodded her head.

“Go tell Dee I need to change my song,” she said.

She grabbed a piece of scrap paper and a pen off the table then and quickly wrote something down. Then she picked it up and handed it to Jason.

“Then can you go tell whoever’s in charge of the music tonight to play this for me instead?”

Looking down and reading what she’d wrote, Jason then looked up and gave her a smile and a quick nod. Then he hurriedly left the room, and as she turned and looked at herself in the mirror, Y/N took a deep breath.

She’d never felt this nervous before in her entire life.

•.•.•.•.•

After having shared Y/N’s update with Dee and also the employee in the sound booth, Jason made his way across the large room of patrons and to the back booths. He spotted Robert in the booth he’d had reserved for him, and as he reached him, Robert looked up.

“She read your letter,” Jason told him after they’d greeted each other.

Robert’s heart pounded.

“And?” he asked, his expression both worried and hopeful. “What is she thinking?”

Giving Robert a knowing smile, Jason replied.

“Just keep your eyes up there and she’ll tell you,” he said, and he jerked his head towards the stage.

After that, Jason walked away, and moments later, the lights in the room dimmed and everyone’s attention was aimed to the stage. Soon, the stage curtain began to rise as a soft, slow intro to a song began to play.

A spotlight was aimed on the stage center, and upon the curtain fully rising, Robert saw Y/N standing there, looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her before in a drapey, romantic, fuschia-colored evening dress. His heart pounded as he looked at her, and, her hands somewhat nervously clasped in front of her, Y/N’s eyes were aimed down as she stood in front of the microphone as the dramatic intro led into the first lines of the song.

Sweet love, sweet love,

trapped in  your love.

I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust.

My heart and I were buried in dust.

Free me, free us.

You’re all I need, when I‘m holding you tight.

If you walk away, I will suffer tonight.

I found a man I can trust,

and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I’ve finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am bound to you.

As Robert listened to the song and Y/N’s voice, he was completely captivated. Her emotion was palpable as she sang, and in that moment, he saw all of her beautiful warmth and vulnerability. Her nerves seemed to ease more with each line, and her face mirrored the emotion of the song as she continued, her hands unclasping as she closed her eyes and raised a palm to her chest in deep expression. 

So much, so young,

I faced on my own.

Walls I built up became my home.

I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us.

Sweet love, so pure.

I catch my breath with just one beating heart.

And I brace myself, please don’t tear this apart.

I found a man I can trust, and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am bound to you.

Every word of the song went to Robert’s heart as he watched Y/N, and as he processed what the message was, he felt the same connection to her that he had that very first time he’d come to see her, only this time, it was even stronger. He didn’t wish, he knew she was speaking to him, and with that, his love for her rushed through him all over again, the feelings he had for her and the message she was sending him making it almost impossible to stay where he was instead of going up to her right then and there and wrapping her in his arms.

Suddenly the moment’s here,

I embrace my fears.

All that I have been carrying all these years.

Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?

Fall.

I can trust, and boy, I believe in us.

I am terrified to love for the first time.

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way.

I am bound to you.

I am, ohhh, I am,

I’m bound to you.

As the music faded out and the audience began clapping, Y/N finally opened her eyes, and when she did, Robert could see the shimmer of the tears that were threatening to spill over at any moment. His chest nearly caved in, and when she gave the audience a timid smile of appreciation and then turned to walk off the stage, Robert felt more restless than he ever had in his entire life. He had to speak to her.

As the lights came back up, Robert looked around the room, and he saw Jason heading towards him again. As he reached the table, Robert was already standing up.

“I need to see her,” he said to Jason.

Without a word, Jason instead just nodded, then jerked his head in indication for Robert to follow him. As they walked through the crowded room and towards the set of doors off to the side, Robert’s heart was pounding.

Making it back to the dressing room and closing the door, Y/N walked over to the vanity and gripped the edge with her hands, bracing herself. Her heart was pounding, the realization of what she’d just done hitting her again as she tried to steady her breathing. She knew Robert was out there somewhere, and she closed her eyes again, the barely contained tears finally escaping her as she released a shaky breath. In that moment, it was all just so emotional, and as she thought about Robert and everything she felt for him, she suddenly felt so alone without him there.

Leading Robert down the back hallway, Jason began to slow down as they approached a closed door to their right. Hanging back, Jason indicated to Robert that this was where he could find Y/N, and he encouraged him to step in front of the door as he looked at him.

“She’s in there,” he said to Robert quietly. Then he gave him a small smile and turned, walking back down the hallway and out into the club.

As soon as Jason had disappeared, Robert turned back to the door, his heart pounding. After pausing to take a deep breath, he lifted his hand to the door, gently knocking and waiting for a response.

Still standing at the vanity, Y/N raised her head and looked across the room when she heard a knock on the door. She guessed it was either Dee or Jason, and she quickly lifted her hands to her cheeks to try and wipe away her tears before she turned to face the door and then spoke.

“Come in,” she called out softly.

As Robert heard her voice through the door, he took a final breath before reaching out and grasping the doorknob. Turning it, he slowly opened the door, and upon pushing it all the way and being met with the sight of Y/N across the room, his heart pounded again. As their eyes met, he saw the surprise and the emotion on her face, and as he noticed the tears still shining on her cheeks, his chest tightened.

Frozen in surprise at seeing Robert at the door, Y/N couldn’t move at first, and when she looked in his eyes, her own welled up again. Her heart pounding, she released a small sob, and the tears fell again as she blinked and looked back at him.

As he saw Y/N standing there, Robert was still for just a moment, taking in the sight of her and trying to gauge her reaction. But when she gave a helpless little sob and she looked at him with tears shining on her cheeks, there was only one thing he could do.

Immediately moving, Robert stepped into the room and crossed the floor to her in three large strides, and when he reached her, he wrapped an arm around her waist while his other hand cradled the back of her head, urgently pulling her to him and into a kiss as he wordlessly brought her face to his. A tiny gasp escaped her just before their lips met, and as Robert covered Y/N’s mouth with his, he held her tighter, willing her to forgive him as he kissed her with everything he had.

Her heart pounding, Y/N could see the concern and the remorse in Robert’s eyes right before he grabbed her. She gasped as he pulled her to him, but as soon as Y/N’s lips met his, everything else washed away, his kiss and his embrace the only thing she needed now.

The kiss was deep, passionate, and as Robert felt Y/N kiss him back as she fell against him, he held her tighter, trying to show her both how much he loved her and how sorry he was. As he then felt her lift her arms and slip them around his neck, he was consumed with the insane relief and elation that he had another chance with her. She was forgiving him, she was trusting him, and she was giving him another chance. 

It could have been seconds or minutes – neither of them knew, and Y/N wrapped her arms more tightly around Robert’s neck as their lips connected again and again. Finally, she felt him loosen his grip around her waist slightly, and he slipped his hand from the back of her head to her cheek as he parted from her lips.

Reluctantly, Robert finally put space between them, not wanting to, but knowing that he still had to say it. Cupping Y/N’s cheek, he still lingered close to her, their foreheads nearly touching as they both opened their eyes and he looked at her.

“I’m sorry,” Robert whispered, stroking her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, and I’m so sorry.”

Still clutching him, Y/N inhaled a shaky breath, slowly nodding as he held her.

“I know,” she said softly. “I know. Your letter...”

“If you can forgive me, I promise you that I’ll never hurt you again.”

Nodding once more, Y/N softly pressed her forehead to his.

“I forgive you,” she whispered.

The final last bit of worry that Robert still had then vanished with those words, and he stroked Y/N’s cheek again, pulling away from her just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said to her.

Looking back at Robert, Y/N’s heart pounded at his words, and the emotion she thought she’d seen in his eyes all those times before was now more obvious than anything, and, looking back at her, Robert saw the same in Y/N’s eyes.

“I love you, too,” she said then, a stray tear still shining on her cheek as she looked back at him.

Still cradling her face, Robert swiped away the tear with his thumb as he held her eyes for a moment longer, and when he felt Y/N lift her hand and lovingly place it on top of his, he knew that he had his second chance. And as he kissed her once more, he swore to himself in that moment that that was the final chance he’d ever need, because he never planned on losing her again.

@nyxxie-pooh @xsweetcatastrophe @vervainandspritz @febris-amatoria @an-eclectic-of-mass-destruction

@allie131313 @betty21rose @cardan-official @teawonderfultea-blog1 @meister95

@4ria790 @shopgirl6us @wonderlanddreamer @mrs-bond @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf

@mspookington-blog @helftmich @lara2719 @cillmurphyslover @peskybinders

@vastcapacity @ll4n4 @tommyshelby87 @fmo166 @cassandratyrellm

@galactict3a @shaddixlife @solarets

the way that there's a part of me that wishes Cillian had gone through a "so my kids could watch it" phase when his sons were born and maybe chose some roles that were a bit gentler??? softer??? easier to watch??? rather than his usual fare of Movies About The Most Stressful Situation Imaginable because sometimes I want to watch something with Cillian in it but I also want to like... chill the fuck out for once in my life

TASTE

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Summary: Once you're taken to the Arrow house, you can't seem to understand the reason for which he brought you here. Maybe Mr. Shelby just appreciates your company... Or maybe not.

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: non-con, oral (m receiving), Dark!Thomas Shelby, humiliation, degradation, straight up abuse, human t*

A/N: That's straight up abuse y'all LOL. Written for an amazing @novashelby

~~

"My sincere apologies, Mr. Sotheby," His voice came out smooth, butter like, as he slowly raised from his chair. His facial expression remained completely emotionless, the only sign of the fact he actually cared at all were his slightly furrowed eyebrows. The other man's eyes widened suddenly, as a gun came into his view, aiming directly between his eyes from a short distance, mere two feet. The older man's heart began pounding in his chest as an embodiment of a death threat looked him dead in the eyes. "For arranging my words in a way that gave you the false impression that you had any choice." A loud gunshot cut through the air, stunning the frightened man as his body trembled like a blade of grass. Pure fear, Thomas saw in his eyes, as he moved the gun, once more aiming it at the man's forehead. Mere inches from his head was a hole in the wall.

"Sign the contract" He eventually added, calmly, with a gaze as dead as his opponent would be if he didn't immediately listen. Which he did, of course, not being able to afford bargaining with the devil not a second longer.

Gripping the pen with his shaky hand, he signed the contract so evil, he could barely breathe. Giving up the horse so dear to his heart, along with his only daughter. Y/N.

~~

If someone asked, Y/N would tell that life was... Weird. That was the exact word she'd use. Weird. Months following her.. forceful moving were misleading, to say the least. She braced herself for all kinds of impact, whatsoever, coming from the hand of a gangster who wouldn't bat an eye on becoming the death for hundreds of people. He was indifferent, cold, never faltering to wordlessly remind people of who he was.

The first couple days, Y/N spent purely in the room she woke up in for the first time. Heart violently thumping whenever she'd hear muffled steps behind the door.

…and so she waited, and waited, until one of the maids brought her dinner with a smile gentle enough to bring some sense of safety, but not enough to reach her eyes. After that... She left the room, silently walking through the dark corridors of Arrow house. The cold and silent air occasionally cut with little Charlie's laugh or chatter, whenever someone would visit on the rare occasions Mr. Shelby was home. She didn't dare talk to him, hell, even look him in the eyes. The energy and power he emanated with was enough to make her understand her position.

Not worthy of even looking at him. And so she avoided him at all costs, like a little mouse would with a big scary cat. Even months after moving in, once the maids established the rules with her in Tommy's name, she was focused on being... As little trouble as possible. Despite the comforts of the big mansion, she constantly felt in danger.

Especially when the source of that feeling would stare at her across the room when she wouldn't manage to leave in time. Feeling his heavy gaze on her back, or hearing a snarky remark as she wouldn't dare to turn around.

So she knitted, attended horses, went on walks around the property and even indulged in meaningless talks with the only young woman she'd occasionally meet, Ada Shelby. Sister of a man so scary, yet not resembling him one bit. Y/N grew to like her.

"Does he talk to you at all? I never asked you before." Ada asked, letting out a cloud of smoke in the air as Y/N's eyes remained focused on the tea she was preparing.

Shifting from one leg to the other, Y/N tensed lightly, not wanting to talk about him.

"Not really, and... And I think it's okay." She finally stuttered out. "Mr. Shelby is a busy man and I don't want to get in any sort of trouble. Life has been treating me well ever since I'm here." Her voice was confident, yet gentle, just like always, not daring to speak about the humiliations she was dealing with on daily from him.

Ada looked at her cautiously for just a second, before taking another puff.

"He wasn't always like this." She eventually said, her voice low and quieter, almost as if he could hear it.

As if she knew

Y/N's eyes met hers, exchanging the knowing look which held something heavier. Something she couldn't put a finger on.

"I believe you," She breathed out, nodding.

~~

"Y/N" She heard, looking out of the window. Voice muffled through the thin wood of her door. "Please, come in" She offered kindly, seeing one of the older maids come in, offering nothing but a small smile on her thin lips.

"Mr. Shelby asked you to come to his office" She stated calmly, but the uneasiness in her eyes shone through the façade. Y/N froze for a second, her hand gripping onto the side of her nightstand.

"W-Why?" The usual gracefulness and

minimalistic confidence she carried herself with, gone, giving way to fear. She watched as the older woman let out a sigh, gently tilting her head to the side with a small smile.

"I'm sure you'll find out once you get there, Miss."

When she left, Y/N cautiously came closer, her head peaking out of the doorway to look at the door office. Dark wood, almost black. So fitting to the personality it hid days and nights.

He asked her to come, and so she did. Lazily making her way through the doorway, occasionally hearing the creaking beneath her white shoes.

That's what he was getting her. White shoes, white dresses, white everything. Y/N never dared to ask whether it was Ada, maids or himself choosing the type of underwear she wore. At the idea, her cheeks turned dusty pink just when her hand grabbed the handle.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed lightly, slipping into the room and closing the door behind. It took a few seconds before she moved at all, immediately feeling like she was caged in a lion's den.

As he flipped through the papers, she looked up, finally seeing him. Thomas didn't bother to look at her, continuing his work with a cigarette lying in an expensive ashtray, smoke seeping seemingly all the way to the ceiling.

"Mr. Shelby" She spoke up quietly, fumbling with the hem of her dress as her heart loudly thumped, perhaps trying to escape her ribcage.

Breathing through her mouth, Y/N tried to calm herself down as he seemed unbothered, as if she wasn't there.

So she waited, because he asked her to come. So she did.

"Sit down, Y/N" He finally said after several moments, not bothering with a quick response. He could afford to make people wait for him.

...and so she did, following his request which always sounded too demanding to officially call it that. Sitting on the chair in front of his desk, she leaned back, keeping her hands neatly folded on her lap. Waiting for a reason he called for her. All the dark and even darker thoughts ran through her mind one after the other.

Is he going to kill me? Have I done something wrong?

Five minutes turned into ten, ten into fifteen before finally, Y/N couldn't stand the tension as it turned into a pounding headache. She was.. scared.

”Mr. Shelby, why am I here?” She managed to breathe out eventually, fearfully glancing into his eyes hidden behind the glasses he wore.

Thomas didn't move, finishing up the contract as he smoked, inhaling the smoke into his lungs and carefully letting it out. As the cigarette came to an end, he stumbled it out before looking up and catching her staring at him. Shamelessly, he watched every small expression on her face, glancing towards her legs covered in white tights before sighing, and leaning back into his armchair.

”To keep me company, why else would you be here?” He responded in a husky voice, stating it as an obvious fact, making her feel stupid. Just like he wanted her to, of course.

It wasn't new by any means, Thomas Shelby he never missed an opportunity to talk to her like she was stupid, or openly mocking her.

Inhaling the smoke, Tommy let his gaze linger on her a little longer before dropping to his documents once more, losing interest in a conversation that hardly happened.

Y/N nodded, obediently which he saw in his peripheral vision.

Good girl

~~

After six days of her daily visits in his office, Y/N grew slightly less anxious. She didn't know why would he want her company since he clearly despised her, showing it on every step he could… besides those couple hours she was spending in his office.

That was the only exception.

One the seventh day, Y/N didn't wait for Frances to come and get her, instead she got ready on her own, bringing the book she was given by Mr. Shelby last time. The less she had to talk to him, the best it was for her own good.

Making her way across the quiet, dark corridor, Y/N sighed deeply before pressing on the handle, as the door opened.

As always, he was sitting by the desk, round glasses on his face as Thomas Shelby didn't spare her a single glance.

He never did whenever she came, even if he was the one who demanded her presence.

Y/N stood by the doorway, holding onto the book before finally, he sighed with annoyance, looking up.

”Take a seat, Y/N” He invited another day in a row, already knowing she wouldn't move if he didn't… allow her.

So good she was, never touching the things she wasn't supposed to. Never asking, never talking if he didn't start the conversation. The innocence was causing an itch, one Thomas couldn't scratch on his own.

Almost soundlessly she walked over to the couch, one that was too expensive to be this uncomfortable, but Y/N wouldn't dare to complain.

She sat on it quietly, putting her book aside as she looked out of the window, falling deep into her thoughts.

Y/N wondered, why was she even here? How did her family react to her sudden absence, did her father say the truth?

Times were difficult, dangerous enough for many young women to just… disappear.

Was that what he told her mother? she wondered, feeling the heartache at the memory of her loving mother. Her travel through the depths of her memory took longer than she thought, when suddenly, Y/N heard that deep sigh along with the armchair moving abruptly. Wooden legs scratching against the floor, perhaps leaving marks.

Her eyes snapped up, seeing him raise from his seat, rolling up his sleeves as he shook his head lightly.

”Books aren't interesting enough, eh? I thought little girls liked little stories,” He mocked, pouring himself another glass of whiskey, stirring it around with a swift move before he turned to face her. Feeling the shift in the air, Y/N shook her head with fear, her heart thumping loudly.

Can he hear it? Y/N wondered,

”N-No, Mr. Shelby I–” She started nervously, trying to explain but he cut her off without a care,

”’Yes, Mr. Shelby, ‘No, Mr. Shelby” His voice came out in a snarl, taunting as he saw pure fear in her eyes. ”I taught you well after all”

It wasn't new, the way people feared him. But the pure, little thing like her, it.. felt different. Addictive even. Taking a couple steps forward, he stood nearby before leaning down, his outstretched hands causing her to wince, afraid.

The impact never came, Y/N felt him tug on her chin. ”You don't have a single fucking ounce of rebellion in you, Dove.” The corner of his lips turned upwards as she closed her eyes, not brave enough to pull away from his touch. ”Doing exactly as you're told, eh?” His words were brimming on the edge of appropriateness because of the tone he was using. Her heart was thumping loudly with fear, and Y/N wondered whether… he heard it.

”I’m d–doing what I have to,” She quietly responded, feeling humiliated with the insinuations.

Suddenly Thomas crouched down in front of her, his rough, calloused hand grabbed her jaw, tugging and perhaps leaving bruises as he made her look into his eyes.

”No,” He hissed, ”You’ll do anything I fucking tell you to.” His voice was rough, a little odd even for him. Y/N tried to blame it on the amount of alcohol he drank. Tommy's eyes danced around her face, searching for any sign of weakness and as soon as he held her gaze once more, his lips turned into a wolfish grin.

The girl… she was completely pure and innocent. Her eyes so clear, he could read every emotion going through her head. His grip became stronger as he leaned closer.

”Are my books not good enough for you?” He snarled, unable to hold himself back from looking on her lips. Y/N squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to shake her head as tears gathered under her eyelids. ”Look at me,” He growled, and she tried, but the fear was overwhelming. ”I won't tell you twice” She sniffled, opening her eyes as she noticed the close proximity he was at.

”Not so fuckin’ stupid after all, eh?” Thomas let out a humoured sigh, leaning forward and leaving a little peck on her lips, before pulling away.

Slowly he walked over to the table, pouring himself another generous glass of whiskey.

”I know girls like you” He spoke up suddenly with a shake of his head, eyes remaining locked on the glass. ”Raised without a firm hand, to be treated as a princess of sorts..” The way his tongue wrapped around the words brought disgust to her mind. ”You think you're too good for us, Y/N? Too good for my house?”

Y/N watched with teary eyes as his head snapped up, meeting her gaze.

”Too good for my books, aren't you, Y/N?” The young girl sniffled, attempting to catch a breath so she could explain…

”N-No, Mr. Shelby.” Y/N stuttered out, but he ignored her voice, taking another glass in a gulp before turning around with a shake of his head. Y/N glanced towards the door, silently analyzing whether she'd make it to the door before he'd catch her.

Quickly giving up, as she realized that... She was very far away from anything she knew. There was nowhere to run from him.

Thomas felt her gaze at his back, as be poured whiskey into the wide glass in his hand. He turned it in his hand, thinking for a moment before he faced her again. Slowly walking across the room, as he pointed towards his desk.

"There's a pack of cigarettes on my desk. Light one for me, Y/N." He demanded out of the blue, not sparing her a single look and the tone of his voice proved to her that... There was no time to lose. He wanted it right away. Immediately getting on her feet, she walked towards the desk, passing by Tommy by mere inches, trying not to flinch as his scent registered in her senses.

Strong, heavy and... Specific.

Taking out a single cigarette out of the pack, she grabbed the little box with her shaky hand. With furrowed brows she finally managed to light it with a match, keeping it directly with the flame.

Tommy watched with amusement at her inexperience, clearing his throat as he leaned on the desk.

”Put it to your lips, then light and inhale. It's the only right way to do it,” He instructed sternly, watching her face. Seeking reaction.

Y/N tried to maintain a confident façade, but internally she felt out of her depth, cringing at the idea of feeling the flavour of tobacco on her tongue. She had never smoked before nor had she any inclination to start. This was certainly a test he was giving her: a test of her obedience and one she wasn't willing to fail.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Y/N lifted the cigarette to her lips, mirroring the way he's always done it. Under the watchful gaze she lit a match, holding the flame to the end, as she suddenly inhaled the smoke as instructed.

Not being able to hold it even for a second, Y/N plucked it out of her mouth as she coughed loudly, struggling to catch her breath.

Thomas couldn't help but chuckle, ripping the cigarette from her grasp and shoving it into his mouth for a long inhale, gaze remaining on her face which turned a few shades of pink darker.

As she slowly managed to pull herself back together, Thomas slowly smoked, one of his hands resting on the desk by his thigh. As her eyes met his, he smiled lightly.

”Do you like it, Y/N?” He asked, eyes narrowing as he watched her carefully, seeking every emotion. Y/N steadied her breath, straightening her dress slowly.

”No, Mr. Shelby” She said with a strained voice. He chuckled, exhaling a cloud of smoke towards her face.

”What’s there not to like, eh? Everyone smokes.” He mocked, raising an eyebrow in the way which made her blood boil.

”The taste,” She responded calmly, ”It’s disgusting”

This time Thomas let out a full laugh, taking the cigarette out of his mouth as his head fell back slightly. He shook his head, looking at her dumbfounded facial expression. Pointing towards the chair by the desk, he motioned for her to kneel down. With wide eyes she silently begged him to let her go, but he didn't.

Only after she did, Thomas scooted closer to the edge, leaning down.

”What do you know about taste, little girl?” He taunted, outstretching his hand to grasp her jaw tightly, too tightly for any sign of comfort. The cigarette was still burning between his middle and ring fingers, making her dizzy with the intense smoke. ”You’ve tasted nothing, Y/N, have you?” His voice was harsh, underlined with the inappropriate desire he held deep in his mind for so long.

The way she… did everything he asked. Despite the burning tears in her eyes, and fear which never left her body around him, she always listened.

”N–No Mr. Shelby” She repeated weakly, as one of the tears ran down her cheek. Y/N tried to nod, to make him happy in anyway just so he would let he go.

”That’s fucking right” He barked loudly through clenched teeth, ”’Yes, Mr. Shelby’, Good fucking girl” He hissed, pulling back, letting go of her jaw.

Looking down, Thomas set the cigarette between his lips before dipping two of his fingers in the glass of whiskey.

”I’ll give you something to try, eh?” He breathed out, looking back up into her fearful eyes. Setting the glass on the desk by his side, Thomas gripped her hair with one of his hands, harshly pulling and keeping her exactly where he wanted, causing pain and more tears to fall.

”Open your fuckin’ mouth” He hissed, as she didn't listen, trying to keep her mouth closed. With another hand he squeezed her jaw just beneath her cheekbones, causing it to open involuntarily. As it did, he shoved his fingers into her mouth, making her taste the bitterness of whiskey on her tongue.

As she surrendered, Tommy relaxed visibly, letting go of her hair as his head tilted to the side.

”You want to be a good girl for me, Y/N.” He said in a voice so odd and low, she couldn't take it in any other way than… threatening. Crying wordlessly, she nodded, tongue swirling around his fingers just like he wanted.

With the amount of whiskey he drank himself, it was easier to read his eyes. The shade slightly changing, pupils dilating depending on what he thought and felt. Her scalp burned, just like her tongue. He watched entranced, moving his fingers in her small mouth, feeling his pants growing tighter around the crotch.

Without missing a beat, he brought the glass to his lips, chugging it in one big gulp before pulling his fingers out of her mouth.

”Did you like it, Y/N?” He asked, petting her cheek with wet fingers, before sighing. ”...and don't fucking lie to me” He growled, causing her to wince in fear as she frantically nodded.

Thomas scooted a little closer, tugging on the material of his suit pants with his dry hand.

”Good,” He added, baring his teeth in a wolfish smile before spreading his lips, and shoving wet digits into his own mouth. Moving them around as he kept eye contact with Y/N, who didn't dare to look away.

”Open” He demanded in a husky voice once he freed his fingers, lifting them to her face. Y/N was too scared to deny him, parting her lips lightly, and it was enough.

Enough for him to slowly shove them inside, his own lips parting as he panted with burning desire. The sight of his spit covered fingers disappearing into her mouth made him completely hard. ”Suck them for me,” He offered gently, but the frenzy in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

Obediently looking him in the eyes, Y/N started sucking as best as she could, trying not to choke as he shoved them deeper. It was difficult to focus on the task as he groaned every few seconds, another one of his hand sitting tightly on his crotch, squeezing and tugging.

Her tear stained face seemed to only spur him on, so Y/N did everything to stop crying.

”Please” She tried to speak around his fingers, feeling absolutely humiliated with what was happening.

Hearing it, he slapped her cheek lightly, almost petting as his brows furrowed in mockery.

”You wanted to taste, so fuckin'–taste it!” He growled, choking her as he shoved his fingers deeper once again. ”Ah, that's it” Thomas sighed, taking in the sight of her teary and spit covered face, causing his cock to twitch impatiently in his trousers.

Only then he pulled his hand back, letting her get a breath as he spread the spit all over her cheek, touching the soft skin.

”Can–Can I go now?” She asked quietly, trying not to sob, but as he shook his head slowly with a chuckle, Y/N knew it was far from end. Furious sobs ripped out of her throat, causing him to tilt his head as he watched, leaning back.

”You need to understand one thing, Y/N” His voice turned serious, completely different from the usual mockery he was treating her with. ”You see,” He sighed, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. ”I paid for you a small fortune. You and the horse you love, eh? What was his name?” He spoke in a low tone, keeping an eye contact.

”S–Snow” She choked out,

”Ah, yes. Such a smart girl” He praised, petting her thigh and causing her to squirm. ”Which in the adult world means I own you. Fully and completely.” A small grin spread on his face, not reaching his eyes. ”So when I tell you to read, you read. When I tell you to suck, you fuckin’ suck! You hear me?!” He raised his voice with each word, followed by stumbling out a cigarette in the ashtray as he raised from his chair, quickly standing right in front of her.

”Look at me,” He demanded, and the warmth radiating from his body only reminded her of how close he was. Of how easily he could hurt her. So she did.

Looking up, Y/N’s eyes met dark orbs, almost completely black in the dim light of the room and with the desires he was holding deep inside. His fingers lightly grabbed her chin, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the side.

”...and right now, I will teach you another thing that you will be grateful to me for,”

With that, Thomas let go of her chin after pulling it down, making her stare ahead. Her eyes falling on the tent in his trousers, the evidence of his desire and list evident in a way that she was terrified of.

”Please, just–” She muttered out, before another slap landed on her cheek, this time harder, successfully shutting her up.

”I’m growing tired of little bitches like yourself pretending to be all proper, Y/N. Don't make me tell you what to do, because you won't like it, I assure you.” Y/N swallowed her tears, bracing herself for another potential hit as her hands raised in the air, reaching for his belt and slowly unclasping it.

She fumbled for a moment with his zipper, earning an annoyed sigh from him which made her move faster in fear. Pulling down his briefs, Y/N closed her eyes in hopes he wouldn't notice, but of course he did. Chuckling loudly, Thomas tutted.

”You’re ought to be grateful. Thank me for wasting my fuckin’ time on you!” He growled, getting a hold of his erect member and slapping it across her cheek, making her squeeze her eyes tighter. ”Ungrateful little whore,” He added, grabbing a fistful of her hair, pulling her closer.

”Open” Tommy demanded, pressing his tip against her lips, making her internally cringe but fearing his unrestricted violence, she parted her lips once more. “If I feel your teeth even once, I'm going to fuck your worthless cunt so long till you grow fat with my bastards” He growled, pulling on more strands, forcing her to nod her head in understanding.

Y/N remained motionless, not knowing what to do and at the same time, she didn't want to provoke him.

Feeling her obedience and fear, Thomas sighed, letting go of her hair and petting her cheek lightly.

”Good girl”

Moving his hips forward, he stuffed her face with more of his cock, giving her some time to grow accustomed to his thickness.

“Now suck on it, Dove” He instructed, watching her face as she hollowed her cheeks, taking him deeper as she sucked on the few inches she had in her mouth. Tommy hummed under his breath, feeling the familiar tingling in his spine at the sight. Such an innocent, pretty girl falling into the devil's embrace. Sinning on his account as he watched, and drank every second. ”Just like that”

Just when Y/N got used to the pace and depth he settled earlier, Tommy pushed on her head, forcing her to swallow him further and making her choke. She fought against his grasp, feeling dizzy with the lack of air as he began fucking her throat, not really caring about the nails sinking into his thighs.

Pulling away, he let out a laugh glancing on the mirror a few feet away from him. Y/N violently coughed, trying to catch a breath but his attention was elsewhere. Mirror which happened to stand by the opposite wall, a few feet behind Y/N’s back allowed him to get a perfect look. Her dress ridden up, revealing her white panties.

”Who knew you'd be such a whore, eh? Maybe I should make a penny out of you, after all. You'd do well in a brothel if that's what you like,” He laughed cruelly, leaning forward and shoving his cock back into her mouth, as he grasped her underwear. Tutting and groaning, Thomas pulled up, causing the material to dig into her pussy and ass. Y/N cried out around his fat member, trying to get out of his hold but he was too strong.

Tommy pulled until he became satisfied with the wet patch on her underwear, which was now evident on the white lace.

Letting her pull away again, Thomas grabbed his spit covered cock, tugging and rubbing as he groaned loudly, throwing his head back. The sight of her kneeling in front of him, with her cunt wet and face tearstained was too much, as orgasm suddenly arrived when he didn't expect it.

Stroking furiously, Tommy shot out load after load, painting her face just like he imagined before.

Silently, Y/N prayed to anything that was willing to listen for it to be the end of this encounter. Her sobbing died down, and gaze became absent as she dissociated.

Eventually seeing the difference in her eyes, Thomas chuckled darkly before running a hand through her messy hair.

”Don’t make me repeat myself,” He said, his voice echoing throughout the room before she raised her dead eyes to meet his.

”Thank you, Mr. Shelby”

~~

@iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @chaimaarouaine11 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @honeymoon8

S01 E19

please, like/reblog if you use it

don’t redistribute and claim as your own

its cruel to tell us you are going to update in 24 hours to get lost for weeks😭 where are u dear? It would have been fine but u made us expect it 😭

I KNOW! I'm the worst for that, and I do sincerely apologize. A lot is happening right now, I've decided to move apartments and have been working on a bigger project in the meantime. Life gets in the way heavily and it's hard to keep the mood whatsoever steady, especially with BPD.

Today one part will drop. I'm staying up late and will be drinking so hopefully another one will follow. Thank you guys for being around and I wish you a happy new years.

All the love🤘

Lizzie and her pain. a baby, little you and me.

i didn't believe deep down in these claims but wouldnt want to get blasted. good to know your back

- 🐬

'ppreciate it greatly🥷🏼