Moreover, I'd Like To Briefly Add - In An Admittedly More Unstructured Addition - That This Issue Surrounding
moreover, i'd like to briefly add - in an admittedly more unstructured addition - that this issue surrounding how we conceptualise masculinity as inherently malevolent also hurts queer people as well.
even if we choose to decide that we have no concerns about how this can - and does - hurt men (which, personally, is not something i can agree with), it cannot be ignored how this affects queer people by proxy.
when we assert masculinity is inherently toxic, we therefore, whether intentionally or not, implicitly assert that those who are connected to masculinity in any way are similarly toxic - or are at least, by nature of their proximity masculinity, inherently more 'dangerous.'
this is the type of essentialist logic that paints transgender women as predatory or inexorably socialised as male for no reason other than having committed the 'original sin' of being born a boy; this is the same type of essentialist logic that asserts that transgender men are, by nature of identifying with masculinity, somehow 'dangerous' to women (please, i encourage you to read the many posts discussing this transandrophobia); this is the essentialist logic that leads to bisexual women being seen as 'dirty' through this puritan lens of evaluating their attraction and love of men as somehow 'tainting' them; this is the essentialist logic that presumes butches are, by their masculine nature, 'aggressive' or 'rougher' than femmes.
it's easy to fall victim to these ideas - and it doesn't inherently make you a bad person - but it's important to critically examine and sit with our conceptualisations of masculinity, gender, and gender essentialism so that we can grow beyond them.
i’ve been thinking a lot lately about AI and its use in pornography, specifically in the seemingly gendered approach to it. Broadly speaking, there is a sort of ‘binary’ to the demographics of AI Pornography; men, typically, gravitate towards AI Images while women tend to gravitate more towards AI erotic roleplay (such as Chai and similar platforms which permit 18+ roleplay, unlike CharacterAI, generally speaking). While the gendered differences in consumption of pornography have been discussed and analysed before, I’m particularly interested in the broader implications of the intersection of AI and roleplay within pornography as I feel it differs from the traditional erotica-focused/text-focused pornography that many women gravitate towards, which I feel indicates a broader social pattern.
Particularly, what fascinates me about this is how much of this roleplay isn’t simply action-based (i.e., focused solely on sex) but rather more narrative-based (i.e., a specific dynamic - a mafia husband who’s secretly falling for you, a demon boyfriend courting his angel girlfriend, a prince smitten with a princess, and so on), which speaks to a broader desire for emotional connection.
Simply put, a cursory glance at these bots suggests that the user demographic seeks more than just sex - they seek connection.
Now, on its own this is not inherently surprising nor new - many women tend to prefer to feel ‘desired’ or ‘courted’ by their partners - but rather, I think that the broader social context that we see this interest evolving in is noteworthy. I think it is fundamentally linked to a larger social dynamic of the growing social gaps between men and women.
Over the past several years, particularly since the start of the pandemic, men in many countries have shifted towards more conservative and reactionary viewpoints; men overwhelmingly vote conservatively, many men have become far more outspoken in their misogynistic viewpoints, and many men have overwhelmingly demonstrated themselves to not be a desirable partner - be it due to politics, unequal contributions to domestic labour, disinterest in female sexual pleasure, or a litany of other factors.
Moreover, as the rate of female college graduates continues to rise - while the male rate declines - and womens’ overall growth in careers, mental health, education, income, and similar categories catches up to - or outright outpaces - mens’ performance, more and more women have seemed to developed a growing awareness that, simply put, being in a relationship with a man frankly does not offer the same benefits as it once did.
In reaction to this, many - though not all, of course - men have reacted negatively, instead doubling down on these behaviours rather than seeking to improve, which, in turn, has resulted in many women de-centering and de-prioritising men.
Concurrent to this, we’ve seen the rapid development and evolution of AI, which almost offers an escape - the ability to instead find fulfillment from an ‘AI Boyfriend’ - who’ll never leave dishes by the sink or ignore your pleasure - which I think contributes to this divide. Fundamentally, if you still desire companionship, at least in the vaguest of senses, you can satisfy it momentarily through the virtual embrace of AI.
Now, this isn’t to blame women for such a pivot - it’s wholly understandable why, given the above reasons, a woman might decide that remaining single isn’t that bad of an option - but I think it nonetheless requires discussion as we stare down the question of what happens when a large portion of the population may not end up in a relationship?
Regardless of what side of the issue an individual falls on, the question nonetheless retains its gravity. Fundamentally, whether or not we view men as wholly or in part at fault for this social trend in women choosing to remain single, we must consider how this affects men.
For example, if we take a group of 100 heterosexual men and estimate that 20% of them will not end up in a relationship, that leaves 20 men effectively isolated - particularly when we look at statistics of male friendships. Now, if we assume that 40% of them are unable to find a partner for ‘self-induced’ reasons - such as holding misogynistic views, for instance - that nonetheless leaves 12 seemingly ‘decent’ men single.
Now I’m not arguing that those 12 individuals are entitled to a relationship nor that they are obligated to be ‘given a chance,’ but rather I think we must ask ourselves: what happens to those overlooked individuals? It’s not sufficient to simply say “sucks to be you” as, ultimately, humans will still desire connection. Moreover, when we look at the systems that target these men - pipelines of radicalisation, such as the Far-Right - we fundamentally need to consider the outcomes of these circumstances.
I’m not positioning myself as a ‘defender of men’ here, but I fundamentally believe that we should not just abandon a segment of the population for no reason other than their gender. While, yes, the onus does ultimately fall on men as a whole to build up spaces and connections to combat this isolation, we nonetheless have to consider, as progressives, what will we do in response to this? Will we simply abandon these individuals, telling them to effectively ‘figure it out’ and leave them to search for communities, many of which implicitly push them out?
Fundamentally, I feel that that is an issue that pervades many progressive spaces; there is this tendency to engage in rhetoric outwardly hostile towards men and then be surprised that men are broadly disinterested in these spaces.
Now, I’m not arguing that we should placate and centre men - much of this rhetoric comes from people and groups who have understandable reasons to be distrustful of men, given the unfortunately too-common experiences of male violence - but we must nonetheless consider how we communicate this. To put it bluntly, we cannot reasonably expect men to happily sit by and be told they are fundamentally evil due to their gender; rather, we should try to find a reconcile our justifiable anger towards patriarchial violence while still offering space to men.
This doesn’t mean that we have to blindly tolerate patriarchial views and attitudes - fundamentally, I believe that everyone, regardless of who they are, should be held accountable and encouraged to grow - but instead we should open ourselves to a more intersectional perspective that considers that we are all victims of patriarchial violence.
Obviously, I’m not trying to equivocate between individual experiences of patriarchial violence and present them as all equal; instead, I’m simply positing that, in our ever-divided society, extending empathy to others is beneficial to reactionary ideology when we can.
In closing, I feel the words of Bell Hooks communicate my point much better than I ever could:
“To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist-defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being. When we love maleness, we extend our love whether males are performing or not. Performance is different from simply being. In patriarchal culture males are not allowed simply to be who they are and to glory in their unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do. In an anti-patriarchal culture males do not have to prove their value and worth. They know from birth that simply being gives them value, the right to be cherished and loved.” - Bell Hooks, “The Will To Change”
More Posts from Valeriannnnnn and Others
and let me be clear, i'm not saying you have to agree with these people. like, you're allowed to not want to interact/see/whatever a certain community, i genuinely do not care. but like, that still does not justify creating blind, visceral hatred over it.
and it's not because a lot of these communities targeted, such as radqueers, tend to be younger or neurodivergent, or whatever else (though do keep that in mind); it's that no one deserves this blind hate for simply existing. you're welcome to have a dni for them, you're welcome to want to avoid stuff you don't like, you're welcome to have boundaries, but like consider whether this is a "yeah i don't feel comfortable about this and would like to avoid it when possible" vs a "these people existing is wrong and bad"
the whole “is x valid” discourse is so bizaare to me; like obviously there’s the fact that we’re arguing about whether a person’s existence and identity is valid (especially when queer existence and rights as a whole are under attack), but also just the absurdity of the premise?
like what is the successful outcome here? does anyone genuinely believe that tumblr discourse is going to make someone change their identity? like is a non-binary lesbian gonna be like “you know what, tucutesmasher46 raises a valid point and i’ll re-define my entire identity to align with their stance?” (or is it just the desire to bully and harass people who ‘don’t lesbian correctly?’)
moreover, it’s the disparity between the outrage to the population that confuses me; like, i’ll see posts ranting about rad-queers, and it’s like…guys…you’re worrying about like 30 people on tumblr.
really been liking this guy by recent
"Hey, I can't sleep..."
Xavier mumbles something in reply, totally incoherent to you. He reaches for the lamp on the nightstand next to his side of the bed, and a warm glow fills the room. He yawns, and he sits up in bed, leaning against the headboard, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"Okay, come here, then."
He pats his lap twice. You stare at him, and then at where he was patting.
"You want me to sit on you?"
He raises an eyebrow. "No. Come put your head here."
You oblige and lie down with your head in his lap. He reaches for something else on the nightstand - it's a book. He flips open to a page and clears his throat.
"Once upon a time–"
You can't help but laugh out loud, and you end up shaking the whole bed. Xavier clicks his tongue and shushes you.
"I'm trying to read you a bedtime story, if you don't mind."
"Okay, okay," you concede. "I'll be quiet. So quiet."
Xavier continues, putting on a storyteller voice. "There was a young girl whose mother had sadly died, and she lived with her father whom she loved dearly..."
He continues with the story of Cinderella, and you're enthralled by all the voices he puts on for the different characters. They sound ridiculous and ill-fitting, but you're entertained nonetheless. All the while, one of his hands is in your hair, gently brushing his fingers through it. The other holds the book, and in the moments where he takes the hand in your hair to flip a page, you instantly miss it - you would be happy for him to read a page over and over again if it meant keeping his hand right where it is. There are a couple of times where he yawns, and it's contagious - you yawn along with him.
"... and they all lived happily ever after. The end."
Xavier closes the book, but you turn over in his lap to look up at him. You push your bottom lip out in what you hope is a cute pout. "Can you read me another one, please?"
He rolls his eyes, but obliges, and opens the book again. He flips around for a little bit before clearing his throat again. "This is the story of Sleeping Beauty..."
You're not sure when it is that you doze off, but the next time you wake, sunlight is streaming through the gaps in the curtains. Your head is still in Xavier's lap, his hand still resting in your hair. The book he was holding is next to him on the bed, opened to a random page, and you can hear him snoring lightly. You turn, just a little bit, to take a look at him. His eyelids are twitching just so slightly, his mouth moving as if in conversation with someone in a dream. You feel a warmth spread across your chest, your heart beating just a little faster. Sleeping Beauty indeed.
i love whenever random fandom drama shows up in my feeds; i love seeing intense discourse that i didn't know exist ten seconds prior. like, yes babes, you're right that ship is 100% wrong always and all who disagree should be banished to The Barren Realms
Ive seen posts about how disabled people should be able to have hobbies and how we should be able to do things that we like if we enjoy it and if it doesnt hurt us, and yeah I totally agree, but like unpopular opinion ig, let disabled people do things they enjoy even if it hurts them.
I, as a chronically ill person, have things I enjoy doing that arent that good for my pain levels. For example, I enjoy going on walks, just for like an hour or so around my town and in the forest. I will most likely have a flare up the day after/for a couple days after and my legs will be aching most of the way through walking but I love it, not the pain but the walking and seeing places (specifically the woods, i love the woods so much omdddd). Another example is video games, which may sound like an odd thing to flare from for some, but with fast paced video games on console or pc, my fingers get very stiff and achey from moving around so much so quickly, and it tires me to have to even use my eyes sometimes but I really like playing them.
Obviously there are way more examples that I've missed but the point still gets across. Let disabled people have hobbies, even ones that may mess up their pain levels, or make them extremely fatigued etc.
![Hair Wash [read On AO3]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8b2dc7017df0d67c97aac5bbec007495/2948d7bd0160ab33-95/s500x750/0989aa3d7a048322f76930c8d13b42df77bd4642.jpg)
Hair Wash [read on AO3]
For XavMC Week 2025 ( @xavmc-week )
Day 2: Domesticity
(🔞 slight nsfw at the end)
In which, after a long mission, you decide to comfort Xavier by washing his hair.
Little did you know, it would lead to other consequences..
![Hair Wash [read On AO3]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ebda659f76986f974fc01a5d43325521/2948d7bd0160ab33-3e/s500x750/40726c889606e6a404fc5ac8d011bd0b11e085e5.jpg)
“You..wanna help wash my hair?”
Xavier stares at your adorable figure, standing in the doorway of the bathroom. He has just returned from a classified mission and is in the process of unbuttoning his shirt when you walk in with the proposal. He isn’t averse to the idea. Rather he’d welcome any form of skin contact if it’s you but the fact that this is the first time you’ve suggested doing something like this makes him slightly suspicious.
He tilts his head and frowns. “Am I being pranked?”
You giggle as you head to the cabinet and pull out your bottle of shampoo. “Xavier, you look like a bunny who rolled around in the mud. I simply wanna help clean up.”
“Well then, you can wash my hair but, ” He scratches his cheek and smiles, a playful threat in his eyes, “..know that this bunny will bite if you try anything funny.”
You shake your head and gesture with your hand for him to come over to the bathtub. The smile never leaves his face as he deftly undoes the last few buttons on his shirt and discards it, followed by the black turtleneck to reveal the muscular build of his torso. The sight still makes you shy like a schoolgirl so you avert your eyes and dip a finger in the tub to assess the temperature of the water instead.
“Okay just..”
When you crane your head back, you find him clad in nothing but his boxers. Your eyes involuntarily travel south and the apparent bulge shouldn’t surprise you, considering the fact that you have already seen the real thing in action, but it does. A heated blush blooms upon your face as he makes his way to you and settles into the tub, completely oblivious to the effect he has on you.
While he adjusts himself in the tub, he’s quiet but not uncomfortable. Rather, his eyes seem to be twinkling like a cat that got the cream. And his body is positively glowing like a radiant star. “I’m ready.”
It’s impossible to believe he suspected you of pranking him just a moment ago when he looks like the happiest bunny right now. You take up the hand shower’s cord and gently pour water on his hair.
“Close your eyes, lean back, and relax.”
He obliges.
You let your fingers run through the strands to evenly wet his hair, and he hums in approval. The sight makes you smile, and you proceed to squeeze out a generous amount of the shampoo in your palm. Then slowly, you massage the liquid into his hair and scalp, earning another sound of approval, this one deeper.
“Glad you’re enjoying this.”
“I am.” His reply is a breathy whisper, barely audible because of your proximity. And his cheeks are flushed a pretty hue of pink. Who knew he’d be enjoying something so simple so much?
You continue on, massaging his scalp for another minute before taking up the shower cord again. “Eyes closed, okay?”
He doesn’t respond but his eyes are closed regardless so you spray his hair with water, and begin rinsing off the shampoo. Your fingers card through his wet, silvery locks to make sure the lather isn’t left anywhere.
After you are done, you stand up to grab a towel but before you can take a step, his wet hand comes up to grasp your wrist. “Wait! You’re done already?”
His eyes are open now, big and blue and disappointed.
“Um..yeah..” You shrug. “It’s done.”
“But I just..”
He tugs at your wrist and due to the wet, soapy floor, you end up slipping, your face smacking right on his half-submerged torso.
“Ugh..Xavier you!”
Clumsily, you try to sit up, and in the process, your hand glides down, accidentally landing on something firm. Immediately you retract your hand and stare at him, face flushed beyond words.
“Is that..are you..?”
He passes a hand through his hair, the other leaving your wrist to instead wrap around your waist, and properly draw you on top of him in the tub. His eyes are heavily lidded and voice hoarse as he asks, “What if I am?”
You are too stunned for words. The article you read online only talked about this being an act of intimacy and domesticity between couples. And it’s not that you aren’t flattered but you had no idea this could turn sexual.
You punch his chest lightly. “I was only trying to help you relax!”
“And you’re doing so well.” His thumb easily unfurls your fist and he guides your palm back under the suds to rest over the outline of his obvious length confined within the boxers.
“Now..” He runs the back of his other hand over your cheek and smirks. “..finish what you started.”
![Hair Wash [read On AO3]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5f82630699401d11605c939d84747b02/2948d7bd0160ab33-46/s500x750/db85edadb1fd325d0a742a00bce7184df17e06f0.png)
hope you liked this ficlet ♡
i don’t think i have much time to write full-length fics but i atleast wanna write short moments of intimacy for each prompt, and participate!
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oh boy, incoming bisexual discourse
so this is admittedly quite rambly, but ive been thinking a lot about the stigmatisation of bisexuality within sapphic spaces a lot lately. like, there’s this pervasive expectation that bisexuals will downplay their attraction to men (e.g., the whole “i’m attracted to like every woman and 2 men” and similar), which feels so incredibly hurtful to me.
i think my issue with it stems from the fact that it’s rooted in basically the need to ‘apologise’ for experiencing attraction to men - and masculinity writ large - that bothers me so much as a bisexual. like, i shouldn’t have to apologise or downplay that, yes, i find men attractive - and no, not just uwu submissive soft boys. like, there’s this pervasive issue within queer spaces that results in the demonisation of masculinity and it results in creating this expectation that bisexuals, especially in sapphic spaces, will suppress their attraction to men in a sort of ‘apology’ for it.
and like this is fundamentally biphobic. like, it’s rooted in this expectation that we as bisexuals must downplay and dismiss and apologise for committing the sin of gasp being attracted to men - which is deeply rooted in purity culture. this puritanism creates this notion that being attracted to or, even worse, having past experiences with men taints the individual, which is incredibly harmful. this type of attitude is what hurts bisexuals (and other multi-sexuals), hurts late-bloomer lesbians, hurts mascs, and hurts butches. it fundamentally creates this exclusionary atmosphere that is rooted in this pervasive, inescapable disdain for masculinity.
anyways i'm sure i have more thoughts on this, but thats kinda what's been in my brain lately
ew I hate bariometric pressure
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