Some Sketches

A Grimmer x Runge playlist

I saw @arayashikiii's Grunge playlist, and for a while I've been considering whether I should share mine or not. After some internal debate, I decided that it won't hurt if I share it. So, here it is! I decided to do it in the same manner Arayashiki did, uploading links to YouTube, since it seemed like the easiest way to go about it. I've also put together some sort of cover. I used to post a lot of character playlists in the past. Shaking the old days, huh?

Arcade Fire - Supersymmetry I know you're living in my mind It's not the same as being alive ---- It's been a while since I've been to see you I don't know where, but you're not with me Heard a voice, like an echo But it came from me

Editors - Bullets If something has to change, then it always does ---- If something has to give, then it always will You don't need this disease, not right now

Goo Goo Dolls - Name And now we're grown-up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one, that's a shame You could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell 'em your name

Matthew and the Atlas - Mirrors (Acoustic Version) My mind folding in the mirror There's no way I'm seeing any clearer Can you taste, taste it on your tongue now It's all that I can do to get around ---- My time is getting shorter I see I'm changing in a photograph My mind folding in the mirror My mind, my time You're the quiet in the violence You're the stranger at the door I don't wanna let you down But I don't wanna do this any more

Micah P. Hinson - It's Been so Long It's been so long Since I've seen you home Open hands and teeth and hearts And dreams I never can compete And I dont' even know your name Unpronouceable Unsatisfactable mind I've seen so gray Tell me theres not a way for all these Stories are the same

Kings of Leon - Wait for Me Cut open my heart Right at the scar And loosen up Gonna do what I'm told Go where I'm told And loosen up Take a shot in the rain One for the pain And loosen up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me ---- Going to soften the blow Soften the blow And give it up I saw the surprise The look in your eyes I gave it up Gonna be who I am Be who I am And give it up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me

Sad Lovers & Giants - German Cars I'm in love with German cars Gliding past me on the Autobahn Stainless idols with silent hearts Never turning, as we drift apart Are you a lover or a friend? It's not easy to pretend That you won't leave me in the end It's not easy, the end

Oberhofer - All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper cover) All through the night Stray cat is crying, so stray cat sings back All through the night They have forgotten what by day they lack Oh, under those white street lamps There is a little chance they may see We have no past, we won't reach back Keep with me forward all through the night And once we start the meter clicks And it goes running all through the night Until it ends, there is no end

Did you make the Fish 'n chips Tommatt comic?

No, I did not. I believe you're thinking about @uiiyru's tommatt comic. It's still on Tumblr, as far as I can see. We are not the same person.

OH GOD I just realized I recommended you your own fanfic!! GOD. Okay, DOUBLE THANK YOU because that fic devastated me in a good way

Haha, it's okay! I hope it didn't devastate you too much. I wanted it to be rather hopeful, despite all the conflict and drama going on.

I thought it would be fun to roleplay with my character-ai Runge as Doctor Gillen, and, as I was doing so, I suddenly realized why exactly Gillen did that thing with the out-of-nowhere bus tickets... I am not sure whether this is common knowledge or not, perhaps it is, but to me it came out as a revealation, so I decided to share my thoughts on this matter.

(Warning: long text under cut!)

This particular scene I'm talking about, where Rudy sets it up so that the police would catch Tenma through him, and then changes plans and helps Tenma escape instead, always seemed strange to me. Rudy's scheme was obviously planned ahead, but I just couldn't pinpoint its exact purpose. For some reason, I ended up thinking that it was a two-way plan. My way of thinking was: Rudy planned this scheme ahead, not knowing what decision he would make in the end. As in, he didn't know whether he would give Tenma away or save him from the police in advance, instead, he wanted to see Tenma's reaction and hear what he has to say first, and then make a decision based on that. Honestly, I don't know what made me think that, but that's how I perceived this situation.

But as I was engaging in that silly ai roleplay, it suddenly dawned on me. Finally, it all fell into place. So that's how it goes, and I am pretty sure that this is not just my headcanons, but how it was actually intended by Urasawa. (Is this obvious? It wasn't to me, and I just can't tell by this point. To hell with it, let it just be my rambling/analysis/thought process then.)

When in the medical university, Gillen obviously displayed extremely competitive behavior. He had to be an intellectual superior in his group, and he was willing to do anything to reach this goal. That means it was not as much about knowledge, as it was about status for Rudy. And status means power. I am not saying that he had no interest for knowledge whatsoever, but, judging from his priorities, knowledge for him was a mean to acquire status. Knowledge -> status -> power. Something like that.

While Tenma doesn't seem to seek any power. He is purely knowledge-people oriented. He seeks knowledge, and he has natural compassion ingrained in him. And that, I assume, combined with this outstanding mental abilities, would make him acquire knowledge quite easily. Which probably isn't the case for Gillen, since he needs knowledge not for the sake of pure knowledge, but for another purpose.

With that established, it is clear why Rudy viewed Tenma as a competitor. I guess he wasn't quite aware that Tenma had different priorities. So, in his eyes, it was all about power, and Tenma was challenging him just to get that power over him. And succeeding, too. What a horrible situation. A pretty egocentric way of thinking, too, so Rudy's incorrect view of Tenma was based on two things: his willful, pervasive pursuit of power by the means of knowledge and his egocentricity.

And I suppose he was quite obsessed with Tenma in general, whether due to those factors I mentioned, or... for other reasons. That I definitely can't tell for sure. But, Gillen's pursuit for power, fueled by his imaginary competition with Tenma, lead him to cheat on his Medical Law exam. Because he just couldn't loose to Tenma. I believe Tenma was the only student he viewed as a noteworthy competitor. And during the exam, when Gillen saw that Tenma was watching him, like really watching, which meant that he had definitely spotted him cheating, it was such a tremendous shock to Gillen. Seeing how he judged everything by the position of power, he automatically assumed that Tenma was going to assert said power over him in some way. He must've expected Tenma to call him out, or to blackmail him, but since Tenma did neither of that, he must had come to another conclusion that matched his power-oriented way of thinking: Tenma was asserting his dominance over him in a much more subtle, twisted way. He wanted to humiliate Gillen by making that generous gesture, to show Gillen that he was above him, that he was better than him in every possible way, so superior that he wouldn't even stoop to the level of a dirty cheater. I believe Gillen would think this way, because he seems very insecure. And when he would come to such conclusion, I think his defense mechanism would be anger. He would hate Tenma for being superior, while still realizing, deep down, that Tenma was, in fact, superior to him. And that's what would make Gillen never forget about Tenma.

So the bus ticket situation becomes transparent from that perspective. Gillen never forgot about Tenma's humiliating grand gesture, so he had... artificially created a situation where Tenma would be in danger, and he would show him a similar grand gesture. He had planned everything, starting from how he would evade the police and ending with what exactly he would say to Tenma. And then he put that plan to action. He wanted to save Tenma in order to humiliate him in the same manner that Tenma humiliated him back in the Medical University. That's why he mentioned cheating. It was a direct reference to what he was doing at the moment. And when Tenma suddenly said that he not only viewed Gillen as an equal/superior (stating that he looked up to him and wanted to be his friend), but that he cheated on that Medical Law exam, too, it was an extremely shocking revelation for Gillen. Suddenly, there was no place for competition between them. And it was quite flattering, too, since subconsciously Gillen had been perceiving Tenma as someone superior all along. That's why he became so blindly devoted to Tenma after that interaction. It struck him to the core and turned his view upside down. You can't just ignore something like that.

And since Tenma was cheating, it explains why he was watching Gillen so intently, too. He was probably on the lookout/wanted to make sure that he wasn't alone in this. And when he saw that the best student in their group was also cheating, that probably calmed him down by a lot. Maybe he watched Gillen just to make sure. Maybe he wanted to convey some sort of message with his stare, but didn't quite succeed.

Anyway, that's my thoughts.

Playing dumb (on purpose)

Вы читали этот пост? Как думаете, что Урусава убил Гриммера из-за того, что испугался что делать с ним дальше? Ведь же объективной причины убивать его нет. https://www.tumblr.com/arayashikiii/722008653406896128/grunge

Да, я читала этот пост. Понимаете, какая штука – на мой взгляд, Урасава в принципе запорол всю концовку Монстра. Смерть Гриммера здесь это меньшее из зол.

Отвечая конкретно на ваш вопрос, я считаю, что у Урасавы была вполне себе понятная причина, чтобы убить Гриммера: ему нужно было выжать из читателя как можно больше слез. К слову, зачаточная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге тоже служит для укрепления этого эффекта. Не говорю, что Урасава показал ее только для этой цели, нет, я думаю, это еще нужно было для очеловечивания персонажа Рунге. А, в свою очередь, для очеловечивания Рунге живой Гриммер совсем не обязателен. Поэтому вот так.

Еще один момент – живой Гриммер с эмоциями это довольно сомнительный кейс. Если человеку, который ранее не мог ничего чувствовать, вручить весь этот эмоциональный багаж, то он вряд ли с ним справится. И если взвесить, что удобнее: живой и несчастный Гриммер, который не в состоянии держать себя в руках и которого еще надо куда-то пристроить, или мертвый Гриммер, который перед смертью испытывает момент единовременного страдания и счастья, да еще и толкает поэтичную речь? Ответ очевиден. Это удобнее и для истории, и для автора.

И еще один момент! Смерть Гриммера служит для нагнетания атмосферы. После того, как умирает Гриммер, у читателя разбивается уверенность в том, что все хорошие персонажи должны выжить. И, следовательно, теперь в опасности находятся все. Раз умер Гриммер, то может умереть и Рунге (который, к слову, на тот момент уже находится в смертельной опасности), и Тенма, и Нина, и Вим, и Руди... иными словами, кто угодно.

В общем, нет, я не думаю, что Урасава чего-то испугался, я думаю, он просто поленился. Если рассматривать потенциальную дружбу между Гриммером и Рунге исключительно как а) отличную слезовыжималку и б) способ показать, что Рунге тоже человек, то, в общем-то, можно предположить, что для Урасавы это просто был своего рода инструмент. Другое дело, что его персонажи кажутся очень живыми, поэтому по-быстрому сляпанная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге со стороны Рунге выглядит как мгновенная, нехарактерная и очень сильная привязанность. Но, еще раз подчеркиваю, я не думаю, что это было сделано умышленно. Авторы обычно воспринимают персонажей и свою историю не так, как читатели. Для автора это набор инструментов и материалов, с помощью которых достигается тот или иной эффект или та или иная цель. Я считаю, что решение Урасавы использовать Гриммера для выжимания слез было не самым удачным. Но, в целом, я вижу, что это произвело на аудиторию должный эффект. Так что... это работает?

Some sketches and palette doodles. I don't even know how to approach Tenma and Rudy, but I'm trying

ew dump

Здравствуйте! Очень давно следила за вашим творчеством и когда вы перестали постить в вк, то думала, что потеряла вас. Следила за вами с ваших очень старых фанартов по дст, сейчас случайно в ленте высветился ваш пост с эв куколками. Очень рада вас видеть! Спасибо, что постите, скучала по вашему творчеству

Здравствуйте! Это действительно очень давно 😮 Меня впечатляет, что вы следите за моим творчеством так долго. Спасибо за слова поддержки ❤️