Wish I Had The Opportunity To Just Exist Unknowing Of What's Happening I Just Don't Want To Know Anymore

Mo-dern zu shi   

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i love wwx as much as the next person but never forget that he would use 3-in-1 shampoo. yes, he has gorgeous hair but he also 100% definitely absolutely uses 3-in-1,,, there’s no arguing this. the guy has a multi-purpose stone slab in his man-cave/bedroom/lair of angsty teenager cringiness,, that shit is his bed, his experiments table, the place where he teaches a-yuan to write and stuff, and like anything else he ever needs to do is done on the slab,, if lwj had ever come back to visit him a second time he would’ve walked into his cave and seen wwx and wq dissecting a corpse on the slab and they would’ve been like oh hey we’re trying to see if we can let wn eat again. like two hours later granny would have walked in and been like here’s lunch! and wwx would just floot floot and off the corpse walks back outside to chill with the other corpses and he takes the bowls from granny and puts them on the same slab that just had the corpse on it. now lwj is not squeamish by any means but like,, there is still blood on the slab,, a dead person was just lying there,, but wq and wwx are digging in already and he doesn’t wanna be rude so he just keeps quiet and pretends not to see the person-shaped bloodstain on the slab. when they finish lunch lwj looks around and is like hey i thought you slept here,,, where do you sleep? and when he turns around wwx is just enjoying a mid-afternoon nap on his bed (the slab),,, so yeah wwx uses 3-in-1 at the least,,, maybe even a 5-in-1 if we’re calling him out,,

social media has made it extremely difficult to like any artist. there's something wrong with everything and we're just all expected to be this perfect human being who isn't capable of making mistakes and growing from them. even though i'm aware no form of media i ever consume will be without its problems but i can't physically stop myself from seeing everything so critically to the point i hate myself for liking it in the first place. not to mention now i just assume things from the smallest gestures, so at this point someone i like could say one thing and i will be sitting here thinking of 100 ways it could be taken in a wrong context. there's no way to know either cause you don't know any of them personally. then it ends up in extensive searching and breakdowns in the middle of the day. in a way i am just so scared of them actually fucking up and seeing everyone hate them that i try to villainize them to save myself from the pain.

Wei Wuxian made the Bonding/Binding Talisman...

Solely because he got inspired by getting tied with a sacred forehead ribbon to his crush.

Look at him admiring the handiwork wrapped around his wrist.

Not to mention that that's the only talisman he made that's colored blue.

i’ve never needed a wangji more in my life

I just find it beautiful (and heartbreaking) how Wangji immediately takes responsibility for Wuxian as soon as he comes back from the underworld.

He knows by now Wuxian is not that good at taking care of himself and he’s not going to let the same mistake repeat over and over again, so he just decides he’s going to be the one who will take care of Wuxian, whether he likes it or not.

And he does take care of him. Perfectly, in fact. Not only does he take care of Wuxian, he anticipates his needs (like when he fixed his flute) and you can see that Wuxian is confused at times, but also extremely comforted by how protective Wangji is of him. 

Because let’s face it, Wuxian is used to being the protective one, the one who has the weight of the world on his shoulders, even when the people he loves don’t know what he’s done for them (like Jiang Cheng).

This is the first time someone is taking care of him without him asking for help and without expecting something in return. 

Wuxian has known little kindness in his life and certainly none in the years leading up to his death. By that point, he had no family, no clan and everyone would rather see him dead than try to understand him.

The Wen Clan was a found family, but he was the one taking care of them, not the contrary. So no, Wuxian probably doesn’t remember what it feels like to depend on someone else because he never had the luxury to do so. 

And yet Wangji has no hesitation and will not negotiate. He immediately makes himself dependable for Wuxian. He’s not going to lose him again. He lost his chance to protect him once and he’s not going to repeat that same mistake. 

He knows that very well and immediately acts on it without second thoughts, losing all the hesitation and maybe even a little of the discretion he had 16 years before. If Wuxian is wounded he will touch him or undress him, if Wuxian can’t walk he will carry him even if it’s “embarrassing”. Whatever Wuxian needs, he shall have.

And Wuxian’s reactions honestly have me in tears most of the time, because he doesn’t think he deserves any of that. But that’s exactly the point: Wangji knows Wuxian doesn’t love himself. So he decides he will love him enough for the both of them until he does.

The Untamed and its pretty snow scenes.

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)