Its Not Easy To Keep It A Secret That You Are Kind Of A Demon When Your Boyfriend And His Family Are

AAAAAAASAIDHS THIS IS SO SADDD

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hunter X Hunter Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck Characters: Gon Freecs, Killua Zoldyck Additional Tags: Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Past Torture Summary:

Set post S1 E25, just after the Zoldyck family arc. Little bit of head canon filler/ fix it fic. Canon compliant violence and discussion of abuse.

‘Killua hisses as he passes over a particularly deep lash, its edges are frayed and it cannot have been made by a regular whip. Gon’s fist clenches around the cloth, and warm water runs out between his fingers. He’s heard of such things in dark corners from cruel people, but never seen them. His next word breaks in two and he sounds far more like the child both of them are supposed to be than either of them ever do.

“Why?” ’

Killua and Gon discuss what happened to him at the Zoldyck mansion.

Thinking about it, the Mystery Twins are those dumb people that walk towards the creepy sound at night on a horror movie, except they actually survive.

The Corpse Bride will forever be one of my comfort movies, not even mentioning how AMAZING YOUR ART IS!!

Historically accurate Corpse Bride

Drawing inspirations from the 1870s-1880s . So perhaps the film might be set in the 1890s-1900s, if this dress was her mothers dress.....its a stretch, but that time period with fashion has the perfect silhouette for the hip hugging bodice she wears in the film - as you can see in my brainstorming sketches at the bottom. And instead of the bones of her ribs visible under the hole on her bodice, you can see the bones of her....corset 😅.

Being in a car with three people who know how to drive, when someone is doing something that isn't right with driving, they all start shit talking that person together

And im confused so i just dont say anything.

I don't like ging but at least he was direct with gon on not wanted to see him and didn't denied he was an shitty dad compare to silva on doing terrible things to his children and think it was the right thing to do on prepare them be world-class assassins

I kinda agree. I have a really hard time and mixed feelings about Ging in general, but in comparaison to Silva, there’s no doubt Silva is worse.

No one can really be sure what kind of Dad Ging would have been - even now, he doesn’t consider Gon like his son, and Gon does’t feel like he is considered as such. So even his current behavior, that is to scold Gon and tell him to suck it up, is not exactly telling of if he would have been a good dad or not.

Abandon does a lot of horrible things to a kid. When it happens this early especially, it creates damages that are hard to overcome. Which is why also Mito lied and said Ging died, and it’s Kite who told him about Ging being alive and that Gon had to be worthy of finding Ging if he wanted to meet him. 

I think Mito meant well by taking Gon away from Ging, and that Ging wouldn’t have been able to raise Gon properly. Ging, as far as we know, doesn’t know Mito told Gon he was dead, and so far he didn’t care. He did leave a track though, and I find the whole thing with him letting Gon access to Greed Island a little douchy, but even there it is true that Ging had always spelled out that he didn’t want to be here.

Which is still harmful for a kid. Which is still really bad. Ging isn’t a good father at all, not even now.

But compared to Silva? He’s far better than this. Silva abused his children, all of them, in one way or another. the fact it’s “normal” in their family doesn’t make it okay. the fact Killua especially, once in a healthy environement, talks about all of this with horror, saying it was painful, means it was not normal. 

Silva wanted to have his children under controls, especially Killua. He agreed with Illumi to put Killua under mind controle, he locked Alluka up, Silva is not a good father.

And honestly when I see what kind of person Illumi is… While he became an abuser himself, all of this seems to me like the result of an even harder training and the fact he was far more isolated since, as the first born, he didn’t always have his siblings running around. Illumi accepted all this abuse as normal and necessary because that’s what he was taught, and that’s why he reproduces the cycles of abuse, especially on Killua. 

Silva’s way of raising his children had been proven harmful and destructive for their own individualities. 

Especially because Silva has expectations for them, and even if he gives them the illusion of a choice (or at least he does with Killua) he does so while still repeating that after all, Killua is his son so he’ll come back in the family’s ways.

It’s far more fucked up. It’s extremely fucked up.

Type of trauma and the reprecussion on children caused by family are harder to discuss than just saying one is better than the other, because the children will react with other ways, and it should be the responsability of the adults to not screw up their children.

But as far as bad father goes, Silva takes the cake.

Take care!

I think there’s a consensus that most of the adults in the CAA failed Gon and Killua miserably (mainly by treating them like adults and not traumatized children). But if a responsible adult HAD shown up, and told them Kite’s death wasn’t their fault and they shouldn’t be involved in the operation, would they have even listened? Neither takes kindly to being “treated like a kid”.

Anon, I love you! 

Yes, I completely agree this is the issue in CAA.  Here’s some panels for the folks following along at home: 

SO, I’ve been saying for a while that one thing Kite does, that Gon and Killua’s previous mentors did *not* do, is treat both Gon and Killua as professional - adult - hunters. 

I believe Kite does this because - unlike Wing and Bisky - he isn’t used to working with kids.... Wing is also training Zushi, who’s even younger than Killua and Gon, when they meet.  And this isn’t Bisky’s first go-round training child protegies in nen, either.

On the other hand, Kite works with a crew of adults, he treats Gon and Killua the same way he treats anyone else on the crew:  

Look at Gon and Killua’s faces in the last panel... they freaking LOVE Kite telling his crew, of adults, that they have a lot to learn from them haha.

Also, there’s actually a bit of time between when Gon and Killua reconnect with Kite, and when they go to NGL to investigate the Chimera Ants....if you only watched the anime you might not realize this, but in the manga, Gon and Killua work with Kite’s crew for a month before the Chimera Ant Queen washes up on shore in NGL. 

And that whole time, they aren’t just two well-respected members of the team, but like... two of the BEST two members of the team???  Kite’s assessment of their abilities is not based on nothing, it’s based on his observation of them and their abilities. 

Here’s what Kite’s crew think about Gon and Killua’s abilities:

Here’s what Kite thinks:

SO, when Gon and Killua choose to follow Kite into the NGL battefield, it’s actually against this background of working as professional hunters for the first time, and being respected for it!

Gon is earning the respect of Kite, the hunter he respects the MOST because of his connection to Ging, and because he saved Gon’s life as a kid.  We all know how much Gon hates feeling weak, right?  When Kite rescued him as a kid he was weak, but he got stronger, passed the Hunter exam, did a bunch of stuff and now he’s on equal footing with Kite, in the sense that they are both Pro Hunters. 

And Killua is also earning respect as a Pro Hunter, not an assassin... it’s only because Gon and Bisky encouraged him that he left Greed Island to take the Hunter exam, but it seems at this point in the story that he’s fully resolved to stop working as an assassin, and work as a Pro Hunter with Gon instead. 

So getting back to the question of whether Gon and Killua would have gone home, if the adults in charge had told them to... I mean, that’s what Kite, Netero, Morel and Knov ALL told them to do.

It’s in chapter 196, if you’re curious. 

Kite was wrong, he underestimated the enemy. He admits as much to Gon, when Gon comes to apologize to him (chapter 338 “repentance”).  He could have been a lot more firm about excluding Gon and Killua. 

Netero, Knov and Morel were also wrong, they also underestimated the enemy (and Killua).   For example, when they heard that Killua had knocked Gon out and retreated from Pitou, they told him it was a cowardly thing to do, and a real Hunter would believe in his ability to win even against a stronger foe (something Bisky also says to Kilua). 

And that assessment is something Killua takes to heart, because it’s something he’s struggled with since the beginning of the manga, when Netero told him Gon had more potential as a Hunter.  (Also when he failed the exam on purpose and went home, and also when he struggled in Yorknew with his desire to prove Illumi was wrong about him by sacrificing himself for Gon.)

(And also, you know... when he pulled the needle out!)

I think we’re supposed to believe it to an extent, BTW, that this kind of blindly optimistic attitude - Gon’s shounen protagonist(TM) attitude that everything will work out if you just give it your all - is somewhat correct.  That there’s some truth to the idea that being willing to risk your life to win is how you win.  Bisuke says as much to Killua, and Bisuke is usually right... Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  It’s the highest-risk situations that also have the highest rewards.

But we’re also supposed to see the limits to this kind of blind optimism.  Gon is optimistic that he can defeat Pitou and save Kite (or he’s in denial that he can’t), and look what happened with that, right?  Sometimes the enemy really is too strong.

SO I see I number of things going on here: One, the fact that the adults are treating Gon and Killua like professionals (or at least not being discouraging enough); and Two, that the adults are failable, in the end.  They don’t realize the true extent of the threat, they overestimate themselves and underestimate the enemy.  

That’s Kilua’s assessment, by the way.

As for Knov, Morel and Netero:

(Netero asks, was it such a powerful adversary?  And Killua explains about Pitou’s aura.  At which point:) 

Only Netero takes Killua assessment of Pitou’s strength - “You guys are powerful, too... and still I don’t think you could defeat him” - even a little bit seriously.   But then, Netero is also the only one, of the three of them, who knows exactly who Killua is and what he is capable of. 

Knov, and Morel and Netero in the end get their comeuppance, when they experience firsthand exactly how strong the enemy is (Knov especially).  All three characters come up against the limits of their abilities, where they’re just outmatched in terms of strength, even as powerful pro hunters.   Netero and Morel fight through it, Knov retreats to a support role.  But definitely they are all humbled. 

People can be wrong,  you know?   All of these characters were wrong about how strong the Chimera Ants would be...    

If you want my opinion, HxH Chimera Ant Arc is a Deconstruction, it shows the limits to the Weekly Shonen Jump core values of Friendship, Hard Work, Victory. Sometimes the enemy is just too strong. 

And it’s also a Tragedy.  The thing that defines tragedy, as a genre, is that it is the inevitable result of a specific character flaw of the protagonist... which in this case is Gon’s willingness to sacrifice his own life, because he doesn’t value his life enough compared to others’ lives.  And it’s also Killua’s flaw of following what Gon wants to do, and not voicing his objections because he fears they would damage the relationship.  Because both of them are protagonists, it’s a double tragedy...

Here’s what Hegel says about Tragedy, as a genre, btw:

His later lectures formulate such a theory of tragedy as a conflict of ethical forces, represented by characters...

The heroes of ancient classical tragedy encounter situations in which, if they firmly decide in favor of the one ethical pathos that alone suits their finished character, they must necessarily come into conflict with the equally justified ethical power that confronts them.

Modern characters, on the other hand, stand in a wealth of more accidental circumstances, within which one could act this way or that, so that the conflict is, though occasioned by external preconditions, still essentially grounded in the character. The new individuals, in their passions, obey their own nature... simply because they are what they are.

Hegel's comments on a particular play may better elucidate his theory: "Viewed externally, Hamlet's death may be seen to have been brought about accidentally... but in Hamlet's soul, we understand that death has lurked from the beginning: the sandbank of finitude cannot suffice his sorrow and tenderness, such grief and nausea at all conditions of life... we feel he is a man whom inner disgust has almost consumed well before death comes upon him from outside."[71]  

Anyway.  The Chimera Ant Arc is a Tragedy.  Possibly it could have happened differently, but at the same time, exactly because the characters are the people they are, and “individual personality... must manifest self-destructive passions because only such passions are strong enough to defend the individual from a hostile and capricious external world” (Hegal again), there was no other outcome that could have occurred.

Today is my 16th birthday!!🥳🎉🎉

We're on the way to Olive Garden, then to Spirit Halloween at the mall, then off to the "special birthday suprise"(my sister gave it away with her reaction when I guessed)

Anyways, today has been great so far! I woke up to a truly beautiful piece of art on the stairs🤭

My sister drew Killua, theres a cactus, a lunar eclipse, a birthday tornado, what i can only assume is a dinosaur, a turtle, a fish or shark with a missing fin, a frog, and whatever that bat looking thing is.

Today has been good so far. They decorated the dining room with Gravity Falls decorations. So far, I've got 2 gf funko pops and the gravity falls vinyl and, ofc, cash and fift cards

Yandere Archetypes

Yandere is a super broad umbrella term and I’ve been whining for a while now about how badly I want to see it broken down into coherent subgroups based on behaviour and mentality. I’ve seen a few blogs do something similar (most notably @yandere-daydreams who has a whole fascinating world built around the idea of yandere being the social norm, and does some great writing besides) but none of them have quite been what I had in mind, so I decided to finally sit down and try to make my own categories. 

This isn’t super refined or anything, and I’ll keep updating and editing more specific categories as I figure out how, but here’s what I’ve got so far.

The first way Yandere are divided is based on a Kinsey scale of Delusional to Lucid.

Delusional Yandere believe that their Obsession is already in love with them, or that, if they aren’t already, they will be soon. They either see nothing at all wrong with their actions, or they justify their actions as being perfectly acceptably because they were done for love. Not only do they justify their actions to themselves, but they expect their Obsession to understand, sympathise with, and appreciate all they’ve done in the name of their love. Delusional Yandere can be unpredictable when their Obsession reacts negatively. Some will hardly see it as little more than a lover’s spat, while others will become enraged that their Obsession would “betray” them by trying to get away after everything they’ve done to build their relationship.

Semi-Delusional Yandere are mostly delusional with random bouts of lucidity. They maintain a true Delusional Yandere’s instability and unpredictable nature, but their occasional self-awareness alows them to better navigate the world around them. They may experience rare second thoughts or guilt over their actions, but they quickly brush these off.

Selective Yandere are either Delusional or Lucid depending on circumstance. They’re likely aware on some level that their fantasy is exactly that, but they prefer to believe it’s true, or else outside factors are continuously forcing them to face and second-guess their delusions, leading to them having more regular and longer-lasting bouts of lucidity. Selective Yandere are a random grab bag of traits, because of their place right in the middle. Some may have all the guilt and regret of a truly Lucid Yandere coupled with all the instability and desperation of a truly Delusional Yandere, while others will have all the Lucid’s self-awareness and all the Delusional’s drive, making for a terrifyingly dangerous combination either way.

Semi-Lucid Yandere are usually aware of themselves and their actions, but they either so heavily justify those actions to themselves that they’ve begun to truly believe those justifications, or outside influences are impacting their mental stability, prompting them to more heavily lean into their Obsession as an escape from reality. These yandere are typically more willing to cross lines than their truly lucid counterparts, although they still hold fear of what their Obsession would say or do if they found out.

Lucid Yandere are aware of their actions, and how those actions impact reality, both for themselves and their Obsession. They have a relatively clear understanding that what they’re doing is wrong, and that their Obsession likely won’t thank them for it, but they either don’t care or are incapable of stopping themselves. They may justify their actions as being for their love, but they aren’t expecting their Obsession to do the same. They will go to great lengths to keep their actions hidden from their Obsession, and although they may be more stable than their Delusional counterparts, their self-awareness can sometimes mean they have an easier time manipulating their obsession or other people around them.

From here, yandere can be further divided based on the reasoning behind their obsession. Yandere are either Selfish or Selfless.

Selfish Yandere are more interested in how their Obsession makes them feel than they are with the Obsession themselves. These yandere will stop at nothing to have their Obsession’s full, undivided attention. They want you because you make them feel good, and as a result, they refuse to let you go. Like an addict, these yandere are constantly chasing the high they get from being with you, and, like an addict, they may gradually need more and more of your time and affection to keep them satisfied. They’ll keep you with them at all costs, even if it means hurting you or doing something directly against your best interests.

Selfless Yandere care more about the happiness and well-being of their Obsession than their own, which sounds better until you consider that a yandere’s over-protectiveness can be a lethal thing. These yandere tend to be more Lucid than their Selfish counterparts, though that isn’t a hard rule. All yandere crave to be recognised and loved by their Obsession, but a Selfless yandere puts that second to ensuring the comfort, safety, and happiness of their Obsession. Some never push for a romance at all, content to merely be a protector, while others are simply willing to patiently put it on the back-burner while they focus on more important things. These yandere might allow you to have close relationships with your friends and family members, either because they know it’ll make you happy or because they have more important things to worry about. 

Some examples (potential spoiler warning):

Lucid Selfish: Ayano Aishi/Yandere-Chan, Yandere Simulator. Ayano’s “Love at first sight” for her senpai Taro Yamada was born when he was the first person to make her feel anything. She knows he isn’t in love with her, and doesn’t particularly care one way or another. Her senpai is a vessel that delivers the high she craves, she wants to keep him with her because she craves the way he makes her feel.

Delusional Selfish: Sato Matsuzuka, Happy Sugar Life. Sato found Shio on the side of the road after Shio was abandoned by her mother, and “fell in love” with Shio because Shio made her feel “sweet.” She didn’t hesitate to kidnap a child off the streets, and refuses to see anything abnormal about their relationship, even going so far as to say that everyone else’s love is “bitter” and wrong. When she finds out Shio’s older brother is desperately searching for her, it never occurs to her that Shio might be happier or better-off with hi. Instead she desperately does everything she can to remove him from the occasion, so she can keep Shio with her and keep feeling “sweet.”

Lucid Selfless: Homura Akemi, Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Homura is never once under any delusions about her relationship with Madoka, although she of course yearns for something closer. She never once shows any interest in keeping Madoka away from her friends or family, even though Homura is at best apathetic and at worst actively dislikes every single one of them, because she knows the isolation wouldn’t make Madoka happy, and would rather kill herself and sacrifice a potential life with Madoka than see her come to harm. She only kidnaps Madoka when she gains the ability to literally rewrite the universe, creating a perfect city where Madoka can be with all of her loved ones while still being close to and protected by Homura.

Selective Selfless: Yuno Gasai, Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. Yuno is a perfect example of a Selective Yandere because she can literally rewrite or delete her own memories at will, allowing her to completely pick and choose how she views the world and her experiences. Although it’s somewhat tricky to define her on a selfish-selfless binary, since her powers mean that her actions have effectively zero consequences, she’s still mostly driven by a desire to keep Yuki safe and happy, as shown by her willingness to kill Yuki’s mother rapidly changing when she found out the woman was a good and loving mom. The first time she killed Yuki, she did so under the belief that she could bring him back to life and make him a god alongside her, and the second time she attempted to kill him she was thinking of the Yuki in the next time-loop, who she could try to have a better relationship with. Yuno’s main drive is to keep Yuki alive during the survival game, however she constantly pushes him for a closer relationship, and often convinces herself that the lines she crosses simply don’t exist.

Beautiful Illustrations by Niuya