Bpd Culture Is Daydreaming 24/7 As A Coping Mechanism And Wishing I Could Just Sleep Forever Already

Like for real, splitting episode incoming

i hate when i start rambling about smth im excited about and when i look around, i see that no one is listening to me

The thin line between

Being emotionally so drained you can't feel shit anymore but you rationally know it will pass and you love them

And

Knowing you love them but not being able to feel it so the bordi tries to convince you that you never loved them and you should push them away

But

As soon as you meet up again you can feel the love and warmth again and realise you really love them so you get really scared again to loose them

Only to

Spiraling into this endless, toxic circle of "I hate you, please don't leave me"

I'm so tired of life, of not knowing who i am or how i am. Lately i can't even feel pity if someone tells me something sad.

I can't see people as white anymore until Splitting is suddenly over. I only splitted during being depressed for a long time now and since yesterday i feel like I never was depressed and i feel some weird euphoria and nothing at the same time.

Friday during therapy I got really pissed at my therapist for constantly asking me how i feel or why i feel like that because i don't know myself. I wanted to run away. I said sorry afterwards tho.

How long will it takes her to drop me?

Or actually helping me heal?

Because i don't know how to help myself anymore.

people need to understand that once you go through your worst time alone, you really don’t care who stays in your life anymore.

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm begging on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover.

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother.

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

---

Love this song. Its my comfort song since years, seemingly to perfectly describe how i feel.

BPD culture is WHO THE FUCK AM I

.

So am i the only one that gets more and more (silent) panic attacks when i get emotionally extremely tired like tired to the point it physically affects my body.

Feeling weak, nimbs going numb, dizziness and headaches, stomach pain, things like that I mean.

Probably also a thing that more people should talk about mental illnesses since just because you can't see something there isn't nothing. Most illnesses begin without a visible characteristic.

But at the same time, if we try and talk about this were just lazy or imagining things.

But why? Like (normally) nobody is questioning if you really have a headache or stomachpain or things like that but if you say "its because my mental health." You can't be sick just because they can't relate/understand.

my anhedonia is eating me alive so i’m making these mental illness memes to cope

Oh, to feel unlovable...

BPD culture is crying your eyes out at 1am because you can't understand why it feels like everyone around you hates you or why you feel like a terrible person even though everyone around you says you aren't.

.