A Hora Da Estrela (Suzana Amaral, 1985)

Chaos. The Genesis (Ivan Aivazovsky, 1841)

Nobody is ever ready for anything you cant prepare yourself for a relationship its so stupidddd that we get told this like “girll focus on yourselffff”. If you were smart you wouldnt be focusing on anything at all actually cuz nothing matters. But if we r gonna be sold this like true love fantasy then i guess focus on THATTT, fall sooo deep into the fantasy, let it destroy and rebuild you thats whats so good about love. This bubble wrapping urself generation like sorry but i just do not subscribe to this version of love im not happy that the options for me are guys that are “aware of dating rules”. I read GOOD books and watcj GOOD movies cunnnn I see my mum and dad i know what GOOD relationships look like its not “healthy communication “ or like “learning a love language” or “taking space” its explosion explosion explosion bomb bomb bomb holding up a mirror to eachother and hating it and seeing yourself in the things you hate about them and choosing to instead love that about them and yourself cuz yoy cannot change a person. You jhst havr to love them and its always your choice. Love and relationships is literally just destruction and unavoidable change and crisis over and over and over again its meant to obliterate your ego and your partner should every day naturally unconsciously be teaching you something new about the world. Or am i being dramatic lol. Romance exists to explode you and my confusion is this: how do you not love that??

don’t forget that it’s your life. it’s not school’s life, it’s not work’s life, it’s not your family or your partner’s life—it’s perpetually your life, for better or worse. what do you want from this life? forget happy, what motivates you to live? why are you here?

Nothing common about the Common toad/vanlig padda. Paddtjärn, part of the Lokadalen nature reserve in Västmanland, Sweden (May 14, 2021).

I have to get in my journal and put a lot of thoughts down soon I have to get a needle to sew up my old journals I have to go through them first to make sure there’s nothing I want to bring to the new one there’s so much to work out on paper today and I am so beyond excited

-Anaïs Nin, 1939