Genshin RP

Purple: Rambling #2

16th April 2022, 23:42

Well, I suppose I should start with one of my bad thoughts. There is this girl in my class who is the embodiment of a queen bee. I absolutely loathe her. Not only is she self-centred, she is patronising and slanderous. I am sick and tired of being slandered. I know I think of bad things, but I never enact them. She is a vile human being. Her personality makes me want to shoot staples through my eyeballs. Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. She is so unbelievably narcissistic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly narcissistic myself, but I deserve to be. The way I see things is that because I have had so much wrongdoing to me, I am allowed to be egotistical. I tried to be a good person, I tried to be nice, and what did I get in return? I got kicked to the dirt. I am not dirt. I am better than every other human being. I will do anything to achieve my full potential even if it is to the detriment of others. This girl, however, is nothing but bacteria. In fact, that’s offensive to bacteria. This girl is a waste of space and that’s saying something because the universe is humongous. This girl wastes human resources. She wastes food, she wastes energy, she wastes water, she wastes the air that we breathe. There is nothing magnificent about her. She would be doing the world a favour if she died. I hope she does. I would love to watch it myself. I would love to wrap both my hands around her neck and watch the flame slowly burn out behind her eyes. I want to see the fear in those eyes with my reflection prominent across. I want her to gag, to choke, for her tears to congeal with the snot from her nose. I would sit on top of her and use the sole of my boots to keep her wrists pinned down. I would strangle her until her face turned purple. God, isn’t purple such a lovely colour? She should have known better than to mess with me. Too many people have messed with me. There is only so much more I can handle before I finally snap. It would be so wonderful to watch her die, to watch her feel the pain that she inflicted onto me. How dare she pain me? The audacity she has to even look in my direction! I am above her. She is nothing but a worm. Karma is coming.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Things that don’t make you a bad person:

Displaying “scary” symptoms of mental illness

Being diagnosed with multiple disorders

Having one or various personality disorders

Being diagnosed with NPD, BPD, or ASPD

Having very low empathy, or no empathy

Having symptoms that cause anger, emptiness, or paranoia

Having triggers or “strange” personal boundaries

Needing extra help or accommodations

Having intrusive thoughts about upsetting or scary topics

"be like a star,

distant and dying"

DEAD DOVE RP FINDER

Hello, as you can probably tell by the title, I am depraved and need my writing to reflect this.

CCXCC MXM ONLY

DISCORD ONLY

I would like to do something where our characters are extremely toxic for one another, but cannot stand to be away from each other. I’m talking real dead dove tropes here; think grape, kidnapping, stalking, non-con, dub-con, sewerslide attempts, self-knife (or mutual self-knife), age gaps, underage, illegal, drugs, drink, ABO, forced Mpreg, 1nc3st, everything bad you can possibly think of. If we do go down the underage/ABO route, I would prefer to be the underage/O character, however I would still prefer that both of our characters are switches as I believe this makes the plot more dynamic and interesting.

I’m currently interested in writing dead dove for these fandoms. The character I would like to write will be in bold:

Genshin Impact:

Kazuha x Scaramouche

Razor x Bennett (or anyone to be honest)

Xingqiu x Chongyun

Gorou x Heizou (or anyone)

Tighnari x Cyno

Yuri on Ice:

Yuri P x Otabek

Overwatch:

Hanzo x Cassidy

Hanzo x Genji

Like this post or send me a message and we can get to plotting something together!

I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days. I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.

Sleep: Rambling #6

17th April 2022, 02:23

I never seem to sleep anymore, and when I do sleep, I wake up every hour. I have nightmare after nightmare - they’re usually about my sister. I also seem to hallucinate a lot around the time I’m supposed to sleep/wake up (that’s probably just because I’m sleep deprived, though I would like to not see tarantulas crawling up my wall for once). I’m taking 20mg of Amitriptyline, but it feels like I’m taking sugar pills. They’re supposed to help my Fibromyalgia and help me fall asleep, but I’m still in pain and I’m still wide awake. I wonder what it is like to get good quality sleep. I feel like I would be able to get so much done. I have so many ambitions and dreams, but I can barely get out of bed without collapsing. My body is giving up on me. My brain is giving up on me. Life is giving up on me. I don’t know what to try anymore. If anybody would like to knock me out with a baseball bat, please go ahead.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Psalm 58:6

The saddest thing is when you are feeling real down, you look around and realize that there is no shoulder for you.