THIS AO3 AUTHOR IS TOO SWEET FOR THIS WORLD

Stan Azuki for clear skin and free therapy(and a little bit of angst) P.S. This is a draft from months ago but I forgot to post it

UGHHH as much as i want them to get together already, I think Aya’s reaction is valid because keep in mind Aya doesn’t know what Mizuki thinks of her and doesn’t know that all those flirty(?)/sweet lines said to her was a desperate attempt of Mizuki trying to keep up the image of a cool guy persona or smth like that, hence why she always goes, “WHY DID I SAY THAT OMG” after saying those lines cuz it was never intentional(I’m not certain about this cuz idk if Mizuki’s feelings towards Aya is romantic, and she’s actually subconciously or conciously projecting it)

As for Mizuki, I relate to her in some aspects, like not being able to find the right timing in talking to an extrovert alone, not being able to wear flashy things you like in school cuz you don’t want to be the center of attention, overthinking and being anxious, being intimidated by popular extrovert kids, and so on. What she did was understandable but not justifiable cuz she was aware that Aya had a crush on her guy persona and still decided to keep up the act and unintentionally(and this is really important to take note of), toyed with her feelings. 

In Aya’s eyes, a classmate whom she wanted to be friends with turns out to be the “guy” she liked, and was completely aware of that fact, and still kept talking to her pretending to be a guy, being the witness to her blushing flustering girly side which she never showed to any guy in school; she felt deceived, embarrased, and betrayed. 

They need time to gather up their thoughts and feelings for now, and I want Aya to get the apology she deserves, and for Mizuki to clear up her misconception about how Aya thinks of her.

Anyways about how I think they’ll reconcile, look at this art the author posted before on twitter:

It was captioned, “Just me, the two of us” LOOK AT THEIR CLOTHES THEY’RE BOTH WEARING BLACK THEY’RE MATCHING AND IN THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLD 

So yeah, I’m thinking that the way they’ll reconcile is through music, rather than direct communication 

Here are other arts the author posted on twitter captioned, “’...Sorry, I thought you noticed, which made it harder to talk to you even more...’" I THINK THAT’S GONNA BE MIZUKI’S LINE WHEN THEY RECONCILE AHHHHHH

So here I think, Aya already knows Mizuki’s identity, and keeps looking at her, waiting for her to say smth, and Mizuki keeps avoiding eye contact

Then here we see them both flustered, cuz Mizuki made the first move in attempting to reconcile through music(see how they’re sharing earphones) then she says the line in the caption 

That’s it for my ramble, anyways stan Azuki(idk their official ship name)

KAIMELIA IS CANON OMG IM SO HAPPY

Me and my brain just few mins ago for no reason:

Brain: I thought of a dance to go along with the jazz frog song

Me: that’s nice, am washing dish-

Brain: You gotta do it after you’re done YOU GOTTA ITS SO GOOD

Me: aight im do-

Brain: OK NOW DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE

Me: *dances*

Brain: ok that was cool so do you aspire to be a milf who cooks too much on purpose so she could share with everyone and always comes up with cute nicknames to call people like, sweetiepie, honeyboo, tatertots, etc. outfit styles ranges from country girl to badass stripper and acts extra af

Me: 

Me: omg how did you know-

Brain: well duh also hey check this out *dissociates*

RANT RANT RANT!!!!

New episode(ep 33) of Valdemar route wasn't loading at all!!! so I kept closing and opening the app then I reinstalled it as a last resort!!! But!!! my!!!! account!!! lost!!! all!!! data!!!

hearts that i collected from logging in daily so i could donate it to Ronelle!!! GONE!!!

the new Valdemar episode that I wanted to play!!! LOCKED!!!

ok so while writing this I checked my account again and thought REALLY HARD cuz when you have an account your data is saved automatically.....but mine's gone....so it's possible that I didn't log in at all in the first place?

was about to blame it all on dorian but nvm

My thoughts on why Ash let Eiji borrow his gun even though they just met:

So I was wondering for awhile on why Ash lent Eiji his gun and the most likely reason that I could come up with is because Eiji asked for permission, and Ash was touched by Eiji's politeness and sincerity that's why he lets him borrow his gun.

But why though? For someone who would go as far as blowing someone's finger off, he trusted Eiji with his gun too easily and quickly

I'll tell you why, it's cause Eiji asked for permission, for consent. The fact that Ash trusted a stranger with his gun shows that no one ever asked first before touching his gun. Just a simple "Can I hold your gun?" was all it took and all that Ash needed to let someone touch his gun.

So, consent, right? Ash wants someone that asks for consent first, right? He shot a drunk guy's fingers off because he tried to touch his gun, right? RIGHT?

Riddle me this, what's an act that is done without the consent of the victim and that Ash has experienced throughout his life?

THAT'S RIGHT!

Abuse, r*pe, and manipulation!

And do you know that gun has another meaning other than a weapon used to shoot people? 

THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT BITCHES

A 🍌 or biceps, a body part

So Ash wanted someone to ask for consent before touching his gun,

Ash wanted to have a say on whether he wanted his gun held or not, cause it's his own fucking gun. You hear me? his OWN MOTHERFUCKING GUN

ASH KEEPS TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO HIM, PEOPLE WHO DARE NOT TOUCH HIS GUN (HIS GANG FRIENDS), AND PEOPLE WHO ASKS FOR CONSENT BEFORE TOUCHING HIS GUN (EIJI)

So that's my theory on why Ash let Eiji hold his gun and why I need therapy

Ash & Eiji’s Mysterious History Of Love Affairs With Women

Could it be that they are virgins!?

Whenever the main characters of a manga are two boys around their age, it’s common for a lady to get involved. However, in BANANA FISH, no woman gets involved with any of the main characters. Far from it — there are very few female characters and they all have perfectly minor roles. Because of that, there might be worries that all of the characters would get frustrated.

So, I became intrigued by Ash and Eiji’s love affairs with women up until now and decided to analyze them.

Firstly, Ash. He doesn’t seem to be gay but he’s been attacked by perverted old men countless times. That being said, Ash was never the one to lead them on (although he did seduce men during his operation), and there were no scenes of him calling out to a woman either. There was only one time when he talked about girls with Eiji, while drinking beer on a Halloween night. To Eiji’s “you were popular with women, weren’t you?” (why did he use the past tense?), Ash nonchalantly replied with a “yeah, sort of”. As there are plenty of women who want to be the boss’ lady, he could pick and choose whoever he wanted if he felt like it. But Ash coolly stated that “he would refuse those unsightly women even if asked”. From his words, it can be understood that not only old men, but also many women had approached and made a pass at him. He may have been raped or attacked by an older woman.

Actually, when he was 14, he maintained a sexual relationship with a 42-year-old female tutor in Golzine’s mansion. The tutor justified her actions by claiming that “Ash was the one who seduced her” and was dismissed by Golzine. Based on these facts, it can be be inferred that Ash has at least some experience with women. Whether he had sex out of his own volition and desire apart, it’s unthinkable that he might be a virgin. If the women who approached him in his early teens were lining up, Ash would surely get wobbly. Since he “could pick and choose whoever he wanted if he felt like it”, there must’ve been nights when he was into it after all.

But during this same Halloween night, he told Eiji another part of his past — a very sad one. At 14, Ash came to really like this one girl, but, as she was mistaken for Ash’s woman, she ended up getting killed. Chances are that Ash had never even kissed her. Ever since this incident, he absolutely stopped himself from falling in love or dating anyone else. Being in his position, the likelihood of exposing anyone he came to love to danger was huge; alternatively, situations in which he thought he was loved but realized that the other party was actually expecting something in return happened quite a few times. Because of that, it seems that Ash ended up having a tendency to be unsuitable for love. Considering the situation, Eiji was surely the only one truly special to Ash.

Meanwhile, this very Eiji is strongly suspected of being a virgin. Eiji was a high school student in the countryside of Izumo city¹, Shimane prefecture. Besides, he spent all of his time practicing, day after day, as a serious member of the track and field club. Even though it wasn’t mentioned whether it was an all-boys high school, there were absolutely no girls in the school scenes, nor in the pictures taken by Ibe. There were only boys around. Since he had a cute face and was a promising high jump athlete, Eiji undoubtedly had some fangirls; but he was the sort of high school student who really had no interest in such things.

After graduating from high school, Eiji went on to university with a sports recommendation. Eiji seems to have actively joined the track and field club — this also left no time for him to enjoy mixers with college girls. On top of that, he got injured soon after joining and ended up slipping into a slump. In such cases, people would commonly become desperate and visit soaplands or hang around a woman’s place, but Eiji isn’t much of a dexterous type when dealing with his problems. He was in such an indecisive state that Ibe forcibly took him along to the US under the pretext of being a camera assistant. Then, he ended up meeting Ash before he could have some fun with blonde ladies in America — and the rest is history. He has been violated by Golzine, but he has never been approached by a woman.

In addition, as an evidence that backs up the “Virgin Eiji Theory”, there’s one remark from his Halloween night chat with Ash: after being asked whether he had a girlfriend back in Japan, Eiji faltered — he knew that by “girlfriend”, Ash meant “a sexual relationship”. Flustered, he answered “well, if it’s just a friend......” in an attempt to dodge the question. Because he was uncharacteristically jumpy, whether they were really “just friends” seemed quite dubious.

Ash has kissed Eiji once, it happened during the time he was in jail and tried to pass a capsule with a message on to Eiji. (It’s their only direct love scene.) As he watched them, Ibe got worried that it might’ve been Eiji’s first kiss — his guess was probably right on the money. Even if Eiji had ever kissed someone in Japan, it certainly wouldn’t have been voluntary — maybe it was forced onto him by an assertive senior, or someone could’ve stolen a kiss while he was drunk. Far from losing his virginity, Eiji has never even experienced a proper kiss.

However, as Eiji was still in his teens, it was still alright. So how about after Ash’s death? Set sever years later, “Garden of Light” introduces a 28-year-old Eiji. Just as ever, there doesn’t seem to be any woman around; he might still be a virgin, no changes here either. It’s pretty concerning as it feels like he’s remained faithful to Ash.

NOTES:

1. Izumo looks like a very countrysideish city, so dating around doesn’t seem to be as common as it would be in big cities like Tokyo. I guess being from a smaller place made it already hard for Eiji to have had any relationships... It wouldn’t be surprising for him to have barely even talked about those things — considering his devotion to sports. Ash being so used to such subjects (not because he chose to, but still) really widens the gap between the lives they’ve led. I’ve touched upon this before but y’know, I can never stop talking about those two :’)

I made a miu404 quiz if anyone wants to try hehehehe

Homicipher's not just an otome game???

I saw alot of people SIMPING over these monsters and I get it, im currently playing a game with a non-human as love interest, too but I didn't go along with the hype cuz they weren't my type

then I saw one of my fav youtuber play it with the vid captioned "Trendy horror game where I have to make stupid convo with monsters to escape" smth like that and I was confused cuz that didn't sound like a otome game AT ALL so I checked it out and from the start of the game you're being spoken gibberish with no given hints so throughout the game you're basically playing detective trying to decipher all the words they're saying

im halfway through the gameplay and im ripping my hair out from stress everytime a new word comes up but pocky's ciphers are hilarious and its a nice distraction

also mr. chopped captured my heart so guess i do have a type

Ohh thanks for the correction! It felt more like a puzzle game with almost to no romance while I was watching the gameplay so I just assumed w/o looking it up😭

just found out Homicipher's a puzzle game, not an otome game

I saw alot of people SIMPING over these monsters and I get it, im currently playing a game with a non-human as love interest, too but I didn't go along with the hype cuz they weren't my type

then I saw one of my fav youtuber play it with the vid captioned "Trendy horror game where I have to make stupid convo with monsters to escape" smth like that and that didn't sound like a otome game AT ALL and it wasn't! you're basically playing detective trying to decipher all the words they're saying

im halfway through the gameplay and im ripping my hair out from stress cuz you're being spoken gibberish from the start with no hints at all but pocky's ciphers are hilarious and its a nice distraction

also mr. chopped captured my heart so guess i do have a type

I just realized that not laughing at suicide jokes doesn't mean you're mentally healthy I'm still a depressed patata😭