To The Rescue!

A) i was a church organist

B) i made cereals w beer instead of milk

C) i can hold my breath for 40 seconds

Which one is a lie

Halour, I'm kinda curious... What crimes have Cale done, exactly? I see a number of "crime list" videos about him but the wiki don't really confirm anything💀

— 🌄

...The Time Has Come. 😌

I have long promised this list, so perfect timing! Thank you very much for this question! Allow me to introduce you to:

Cale Henituse's Crime List

(Just for the fun of it, I tried to give a different example for every single one of these. Some events repeat, but not the crimes!)

1) Accessibility of Records for Tax Department

Cale looted significant amounts of money from the Magic Tower and many other places, without leaving any legal trace.

2) Affray

Multiple occasions, like pretty much everything that happened in the Molden Kingdom.

3) Aggravated Assault

Cale rarely gets physically involved in a fight, but I think suddenly strangling Prince Adin qualifies.

4) Aggravated Burglary

Every single time "Real Arm" is in business.

5) Allowing Dog or Cat To Be a Nuisance

How else would you call encouraging your animal shape-shifting kids to be involved in criminal activity? Also Fluffy the Puppy was under Cale's command even if he technically belonged to Princess Jopis, I say it totally counts.

6) Ammunition – Possessing, Acquiring or Carrying

Cale intentionally pocketed magic bombs from the Plaza Terror Incident and used them later on.

7) Animal Cruelty

...Does Cale subjecting On to his "nice act" in front of Litana counts? Oh it definitely counts. That poor child.

8) Armed Robbery

That time Cale & co. robbed the Mercenary Guilds in Leeb-An City, for instance.

9) Arson

Setting the Wind Island on fire.

10) Assaulting or Resisting Police

That time Cale & co. went to Sez Kingdom. Pretty sure the knights trying to stop them from kidnapping the king counts as "resisting law enforcement".

11) Being Disguised With Unlawful Intent

Priest Cale in a nutshell.

12) Blackmail

That time Cale talked to Antonio Gyerre.

13) Breaking and Entering

Cale coming to the Sekka Estate.

14) Careless Driving

Debatable since a fantasy world doesn't own cars – but. I count Cale breaking through walls of a maze on a mother-effing Stone Imugi as "irresponsible driving". Just think of what kind of example you're setting for the kids, Cale!

15) Carrying a Loaded Firearm in Public

Cale has Raon following him everywhere, so.....?

16) Carrying Out Plumbing Work Without License or Registration

Cale has an underground villa in the Forest of Darkness. I'm pretty sure whatever construction work they did there would count as illegal.

17) Carrying Out Work Without a Building Permit

Cale had Dragons teleport an entire castle into the Forest of Darkness. Yet again, involves a building with no legal paperwork.

18) Causing Injury Intentionally

Obviously. Like making fiery lightning bolt strike in the middle of an Elf Village attack. Or hitting a radish with a rock.

19) Collecting or Making Documents Likely to Facilitate Terrorist Acts

Everything involving Knight Rex after he became a terrorist.

20) Conspiracy

Cale and Alberu talking about anything.

21) Control of Body Armor

After reading it up, I decided that mana disruption device ABSOLUTELY falls into this category.

22) Control and Use of Dangerous Articles

Cale adopting pretty much everyone on his team.

23) Corrupting Benefits Received By Commonwealth Public Official

Cale using Alberu's golden plaque to trap the White Star with Embrace. I mean, if being infected with that clown doesn't count as corruption, I don't know what does.

24) Cultivation of Narcotic Plants

Cale letting Hong eat plants in the Forest of Darkness. It IS, in his own words, his own backyard.

25) Dangerous Non-Guard Dog Attacks or Bites a Person or Animal with Person in Control

Cale letting Choi Han beat up Adin. ...Well, Choi Han COULD be counted as a Guard Dog, but. They never formalized the paperwork? I say it counts since Choi Han isn't legally registered!

26) Dealing With Property Suspected of Being Proceeds of Crime

Cale renting a house from Odeus Flynn.

27) Dealing With Property Which Subsequently Becomes an Instrument of Crime

Cale buying the Magic Tower before he proceeds to kidnap Mueller.

28) Delaying the Entry of Police

Cale not letting the law enforcement know about the Plaza Terror Incident beforehand. Also, activating the mana disruption device, knowing it would hinder their efforts to stop terrorism. ...Yes Cale & co. prevented said terrorism better on their own but it still counts.

29) Deliberately Omitting Information

Cale making an Vow of Death to Choi Han claiming that he can't tell him anything.

30) Destroying, Damaging and/or Interfering with Any Works of a Water Corporation

Setting the Lake of God's Tears on fire.

31) Destroying or Damaging Property

Cale destroying houses in the Gyerre territory.

32) Destruction of Evidence

Cale and Raon blowing up Hais Island 5 to cover up Ron's infiltration.

33) Directing the Activities of a Terrorist Organization

Cale's entire career in a nutshell, really.

34) Discharge Missile to Endanger Person or Property

Cale blowing up the whirlpools in the Ubarr territory.

35) Dishonestly Cause a Loss

Cale tricking the White Star into the abandoned underground city.

36) Disturbing Religious Worship

Cale messing with the Sun God's Church for being mean to Mary.

37) Driving an Unregistered Vehicle

Cale & co. using Mary's bone Dragon.

38) Drunkards Behaving in Riotous or Disorderly Manner

Cale pretending to be drunk in the Gyerre territory.

39) Endangering Safety of Aircraft

Cale letting his allies abroad an airship during the Jungle battle.

40) Entering a Place Without Authority or Lawful Excuse

Cale rescuing Raon.

41) Extortion With Threats to Destroy Property

Cale threatening the slave traffickers in the Gyerre territory.

42) Failure to Notify the Authorities of Criminal Activity

Cale doesn't notify Alberu of crap, unless it's to make him clean-up the aftermath.

43) Failure to Register a Pet

Pretty sure Cale registered exactly none of his allies. ...Except maybe the Tiger Tribe that one time they moved into Harris Village with Deruth's permission. Everyone else? Not a chance.

44) Falsifying or Concealing Identity

Cale acting as Naru von Ejellan in Endable Kingdom.

45) Forgery of Documents

Cale and Taylor faking an ancient document to fool the White Star.

46) Fraud

Cale promising Plavin Singten benefits for siding with the new Sun Church.

47) Getting Funds To, From, or For a Terrorist Organization

Cale sponsoring his allies, like giving Rosalyn magic stones.

48) Going Equipped for Stealing

Cale making Real Arm uniform.

49) Handling Stolen Goods

Cale using Divine Items.

50) Identity Theft

Cale introducing himself as Bob.

51) Indecent Assault

Cale telling Choi Han to strip that one time. (Yes, it actually happened. ...Not the way shippers wished for, obviously.)

52) Inducement to Be Appointed Liquidator

Cale helping Princess Jopis overthrow her sister on the condition of benefits for the Roan Kingdom.

53) Insider Trading

Cale selling Alberu dead mana from a Dragon.

54) Intentionally or Recklessly Causing a Bushfire

Cale setting that bush monster on fire in Xiaolen.

55) Introduction of a Drug of Dependence Into the Body of Another Person

Cale letting Rosalyn drink coffee on Earth 3.

56) Kidnapping

Cale & co. capturing Venion Stan.

57) Leaving Children Without Supervision

Cale letting the kids look for Mueller.

58) Lighting of Fires in the Open Air

Cale using Fire of Destruction against Sky Attribute.

59) Loitering Near Schools

Cale & the kittens in the Sez Kingdom.

60) Loitering With Intent to Commit an Indictable Offence

Cale letting Clopeh Sekka spot him that first time.

61) Manslaughter

Cale letting Choi Han, Rosalyn and Lock go and destroy the Archduke's Estate.

62) Membership of a Terrorist Organization

Cale making up Real Arm.

63) Murder

Cale killing the White Star.

64) Negligent Manslaughter

Cale letting Ron go on a vacation.

65) Non-dangerous Dog Attacks

Cale letting Choi Han spar with Hilsman.

66) Obtaining Property By Deception

Litana giving Cale free stuff.

67) Offences Connected With Explosive Substances

Cale commissioning Eruhaben to create Dragon's Rage.

68) Other Acts Done in Preparation for, or Planning, Terrorist Acts

Every morning Cale drinks lemon tea.

69) Possessing More Fish Than the Catch Limit

Cale dealing with Whales. ...Whales are fish, what are you talking about?

70) Possessing Controlled Weapon, Housebreaking Implements, and Things Connected With Terrorist Attacks

Everything Cale owns in the Super Rock Villa.

71) Possession of Precursor Chemicals

Cale making Billos buy alchemy ingredients.

72) Prohibited Weapons

Cale utilizing the Dragon Bones in battle.

73) Providing or Receiving Training Connected With Terrorist Acts

Cale letting his people train in his backyard.

74) Public Nuisance

Cale letting Choi Han act.

75) Reckless Conduct Endangering Life and/or Endangering Serious Injury

Cale every time he uses his Ancient Powers.

76) Recruiting for a Terrorist Organization

Cale adopting the Tiger Tribe.

77) Robbery

Stealing magic stones from the Alchemy Towers.

78) Sabotage

Cale going behind the Empire's back while he helps out the Whipper Kingdom.

79) Setting Traps to Kill

Cale Ghost Operation during the sea battle against the Indomitable Alliance.

80) Smuggling

Cale helping Cage and Taylor into capital.

81) Stalking

Cale entering Alberu's bedroom whenever he wants.

82) Stating False Name When Requested

Cale never letting anyone know about the transmigration and calling himself Cale Henituse.

83) Tax Evasion

Willful tax evasion for sudden wealth increase.

84) Terrorist Acts

Cale & co. detonating a bomb at Maple Castle.

85) Theft

Cale obtaining the blood drinking crown.

86) Threats to Inflict Serious Injury

Cale & co. threatening King Bakehe.

87) Threats to Kill

Cale cheerfully informing Adin he's going to personally kill him.

88) Torture and Interrogation

Cale ordering Beacrox to deal with the Magic Spearman.

89) Unauthorized Access to Restricted Data

Cale & co. coming to the Directory. ...Yes Bud was the Mercenary King so technically it was legal, except from the Mercenary Guild's perspective, it was break and entering.

80) Unlawful Assembly

Cale hanging out with Dragons.

81) Unlawful Oaths to Commit Treason

Cale promising to destroy the Alchemy Belltower to Rei Stecker.

82) Unlicensed Driving

Cale riding Dark Tiger Alberu.

83) Willful Damage

Cale employing Archie to destroy Duke Sekka's statues.

Any other crimes I forgot to list? Let me know!

***

BONUS CONTENT

With the help of others, we've expanded the original list of Cale's crimes!

84) Aiding and Hiding Fugitives

Cale helping out Hannah and Jack.

85) Aircraft Hijacking

Cale & co. taking over the Empire's airships.

86) Being an Accessory to Crimes

All Cale's deals with Billos in a nutshell.

87) Child Labor Law Violation

Cale making children work for their meals. Even if he's actually just adopting strays under the guise of formal work, said formal work is still illegal. Just admit you care, you weirdo.

88) Defamation

Cale spreading recordings of Adin being evil acros the Empire.

89) Deliberate Damage and/or Destruction of Currency

Cale happily throwing coins into lava.

90) Ecoterrorism

Wiping whole islands off the map counts as severe destruction of the environment.

91) Fly-tipping/Littering

Cale casually defenestrating Adin. Watch where you throw garbage, Cale. There are trash bins for a reason!

92) Harassment

Cale ordering Beacrox to beat up mountain bandits.

93) Illegal Detention/Imprisonment

Capturing prisoners of war, like the Dragon Half-Blood or the Flame Dwarves.

94) Illegal Goods Trade

Cale selling and buying items at the Caro Kingdom Auction.

95) Impersonation

Cale pretending to be different people in the Indignity Test.

96) Intentional Destruction of Cultural Heritage

Cale setting the Lake of God's Tears on Fire. Also, blowing up the Magic Tower.

97) Plunder of Public Property

Cale & co. destroying the walls of the capital of the Empire.

98) Trafficking Endangered Plants Accross Borders

Cale transporting the Fake World Tree in his badge.

99) Treason of the Crown

Cale treating his Hyung-nim with utter disrespect, such as comparing the Shining Sun of the Kingdom to a squirrel.

100) Trespassing

Cale in Endable Kingdom.

BONUS BONUS CONTENT

Not technically illegal, but:

101) Crime Against One's Well-Being

Cale abusing his health in such horrific ways even a regeneration power cannot keep up with him.

102) Crime Against Fashion

Cale preferring only black and plain clothes when he could look good in anything.

103) Crime of Self-Delusion

Cale thinking he still has a chance at slacker life.

104) Spreading Misinformation

Cale's track record of causing misunderstandings everywhere he goes is frankly terrifying.

105) THAT FACE

Cale's fabulous looks are a crime in of itself. It deserves a spot on the list.

>You choose to masturbate to entice the demon king

Laying down on your bed, you discard your usual pride as a princess and lift your gown. The clothing the demons have provided for you was rags compared to the silk and fine fabric you were used to.

You were taught to always sit with your legs closed tightly, to even sleep with the grace and tact of a princess, but today you spread your legs wide and pull your panties to the side.

Your bare cunt is exposed to the cool air of your bedroom, it’s soft scent drifting past your doorway and towards the demon king that stays by your room.

Truly, he was not a horrible man. The demon king had been watching you from afar, knowing he could never rightfully have your hand in marriage.

You were a human princess after all… though he fell in love with you at first sight during a ball, it was not to be.

His mind changed when he found out you were in an arranged marriage with an old man. The noble had already taken on seven wives before you, and all had died under mysterious circumstances.

The demon king could not let the same happen to you.

He never thought having you in his castle would be so… tempting. At first he intended to give you a choice, stay there freely or be relocated somewhere safe in the human realm.

After having you in his presence and catching a whiff of your scent, his animal instincts took over. You were his, and he couldn’t let you go.

Even though he decided to keep you, the demon king was a gentleman. He may sneak a peek at your pretty face and softly run his erection while watching your soft, bare legs being moisturized after a bath, but he’d never come in without an invitation.

Though, when your arousal reached his nose, he was quick to look in.

Your soft, plush thighs were wide open, your little fingers opening up your chubby pussy lips so you could get to your sensitive clit. Ladies didn’t masturbate, especially one of your class, but here you were.

Now, the demon king stood in your doorway, tail swishing as he stroked his leaking cock to the sight of you pleasuring yourself.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea, Charybdis and Scylla. or as we say in french, choosing between plague and cholera. It got longer than planned so there will be one last and third part- I want to get to one particular point so bad but I couldn't rush it- (AND I FORGOT TO MAKE JAMILS HANDS WEBBED IN THE FIRST PART AHSHDJFDHSJ I am devastated, can't remember my own designs) Part 1

This is so perfect!

Bonus Memes. Part II

Once again, I was playing with Online Meme Generator.

And, once again, sorry if they aren't that funny.

To this and this post

Every time Self-Aware! Fukuzawa and Self-Aware! Oda try to pet Little Light

For this post.

To this post

spin this wheel of fanfic tags. this will be the theme of your day tomorrow.

Lost Narwhal

Bedo: *Looks around nervously* Mommy? Daddy-

Floyd(8): *Pops into view, flashing his teeth* H!!

Bedo: *Gasps, freezing as his eyes closed*

Jade(8): Floyd, you scared him...

Floyd: *Pokes Bedo curiously*

Jade: *Grabs Bedo, pushing him to the surface*

Floyd: *Follows behind him, helping push Bedo*

Bedo: *Coughs, flailing round as his eyes bursts open*

Jade: You alright?

Floyd: Yeah, you knocked out on us quite quickly

Bedo: Sorry, temporary panic attack, I would've been fine...

Bedo: A-Although mine seems worse than my parents.....as you can see..

Floyd: Are ya lost, new fishy~

Bedo: I think so...there was a storm and my hand slipped from my Mommy's

Jade and Floyd: *Looks at each other then grins*

Floyd: You can live with us! Just until you find your parents!

Jade: We'll teach you how to live in this area

Bedo: Really..?

Jade: Of course! Come on, we should start hunting now!

Bedo: O-OKAY! *Dives after them, following the two eel mermans*

Jade: By the way, I'm Jade, he's Floyd...

Bedo: I-I'm Bedo!

Floyd: Welcome to the family, Bedo!!

Bedo: *Smiles slightly, holding Jade's hand*

~~~~~~

Bedo(17): *Swims full speed after a small group of fish, his eyes narrowed*

Jade(17): Go Bedo!

Floyd(17): Ehehe! He's doing so well!

Bedo: *Swerves around the fish, causing several to bump into him*

Bedo: *Grabs the stunned fish, biting their heads off immediately*

Jade: *Laughs, coming over* Lunch!

Floyd: Awesome! *Grins widely as Bedo passed him and Jade a fish*

Bedo: *Floats closer to Jade, sticking by him*

Jade: Shall we return? We can share with Azul

Floyd: Yeah, yeah, let's go~

Bedo: *Swims after Jade, keeping close to his tail*

???: *Peeks out, her eyes widening* Bedo...?

@queen-of-twisted @yukii0nna @zexal-club @13hoursss @writing-heiress

fem reader. nsfwish. you ride anaxa while stargazing.

i

"you brought me here to see the stars," you say, reclining back on the cool marble of the dome's floor. your crystalline lashes catch the moonlight.

it's cloudy tonight. your fingers trace the edge of the starmap projector.

"no," anaxa answers softly, setting his coat beside you before lowering himself down. "i brought you here to be seen."

you turn to look at him. you never smile wide, but tonight, it’s nearly there.

ii

"you don't need to explain constellations to me, anaxagoras."

"i don't. i know," he swallows, eyes flicking up to the way occasional moonlight wraps around your collarbone. "but I still want to."

your silence isn't permission. it's invitation.

"that," he continues, brushing his fingertip just below your clavicle. you're seated in the way that lets the projector move the constellations onto your body, and anaxa has never been so grateful. "is where orion's belt stretches, when the clouds clear. and just beneath it—" he touches the hollow of your throat "—nebula, shaped like a kiss you forget to return."

you huff softly, low and too close. "you're sentimental tonight."

"i'm... learning," he breathes you in like a prayer. "you're the best proof i have that wonder survives reason."

your kiss him first. he forgets every nebula he's ever known.

iii

anaxa lays flat against the marble floor, stars blinking down at him, and you lower yourself onto him like a prayer.

his hands grip your thighs, thumbs tracing constellations into your skin. you feel like the divinity he is meant to defy.

"go slow," he breathes. "i want to remember every second."

"we’ve had centuries," you whisper. "but this… is the one i'll keep."

iv

"say something," you murmur, brushing a thumb under his eye, where tears threaten but never fall.

he opens his mouth. closes it. then finally:

"you’re beautiful when you look down at me like that."

you let out the gentlest laugh—one he feels in his bones.

"then look up," you say. "and see it again."

v

you press a kiss just below his eye patch, featherlight.

"i've seen you teach ridiculous equations, crush religion, and reject fate," you whisper, fingers threaded with his. "and yet here you are, letting me pull you apart with nothing but me."

"it's always been you," anaxa says, so quietly you almost don't hear. "even before i understood."

the projector flickers, constellations spiraling across the dome. one lands between your shoulder blades.

he touches it with his mouth.

vi

"you don't fall," you tell him, lips against his jaw. "you choose." and anaxagoras—philosopher, skeptic, logician—tilts his chin, bares his throat, and says your name like it's the first law of the universe.

vii

you move slowly, so slowly it’s not about chasing the high. it’s about existing, being, folded into each other.

you press your forehead to his. "say something incomprehensible," you breathe.

"i am completely undone by the weight of you," he replies.

you shudder.

"you’re supposed to say it in logic-speak."

"i did."

viii

you press your palm over anaxa's sternum.

"still composed?"

he exhales shakily.

"only in theory," he mutters weakly.

"and practice?" your lips hover just at his jaw.

"currently unraveling."

ix

he maps you like the stars—carefully, with awe—and memorizes every soft gasp like it's his only truth.

x

you lie still, only heartbeat against heartbeat now.

"so this is the grove's most brilliant professor," you tease softly.

"devastated," anaxa agrees, brushing a hand up your spine. "and happily ruined."

some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs

* body language masterlist

* a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

* a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

* 550 words to say instead of fuckin said

* 638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

* some more body language help

(hope this helps some ppl)