Painted This While Having A Flu So The Colours Are More Neon Than I’d Like… Happy Mermay!!! Shh No

“I felt heavy my whole life. I always thought that death would be the heaviest thing of all, but it wasn’t, it really wasn’t. Life was like being dragged through concrete in circles, wet and setting concrete that dried with each rotation of my unwilling body. As a child, I was light. It didn’t matter too much; I slid through it, and maybe it even felt like a game, like I was just playing in mud, like nothing about that slipperiness would ever change, not really. But then I got bigger and it started drying on me and eventually I turned into an uneven block, chipping and sparking on the hard ground, tearing off into painful chunks. I wanted to stay empty, like the eagle in the proverb, left to perch, my bones filled with air pockets, but heaviness found me and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t shake it off; I couldn’t transform it, evaporate or melt it. It was distinct from me, but it hooked itself into my body like a parasite. I couldn’t figure out if something was wrong with me or if this was just my life—if this was just how people felt like concrete was dragging their flesh off their bones.”

— The Death of Vivek Oji, Akwaeke Emezi

It starts around 14:50 please listen and write what you thinkk i need opinions im so happy he called him Zayno he sounded genuine imo

My thoughts in a jumbled mess of feelings and incorrect paraphrased quotes:

i’m not sure he actually calls him Zayno? It sounds to me more like he said “Zayn, oh.” As much as I wish it were otherwise. 

NIALL DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHY HE LEFT. HE TRIES BUT HE CANT QUITE PUT HIS FINGER ON IT. HES THOUGHT AND THOUGHT AND CANT QUTIE IDENTIFY IT AND THAT NAGS AT HIM. WHY WOULD ZAYN WANT TO LEAVE HIM? 

“That worked out well for both of us” Interesting narrowing down to just you and him Niall. Hmmmmmmm

INSTANT DEFENSE OF ZAYN “some people are just like that, not emotional in that sense”–don’t you dare diminish Zayn’s way of being and expressing emotion it is just as valid and Niall will not stand for it

NO ARGUMENTS. maybe that bit is party line but Niall just shuts it down hardcore. THERE WERE NO ARGUMENTS

there’s a great regretful sigh. Niall is happy that it worked out, that they’re all happy, that Zayn’s happier–but the sigh. Oh, that sigh. Heaved of pain and the long struggle to get to that point and the regret that Zayn couldn’t be happy with them

“His heart couldn’t be in it as much as he wanted it to be” I don’t know it was just interesting that he phrased it in that way–that it wasn’t as much as zayn wanted it to be. There’s an interesting note there about passionate, impulsive Zayn who needs to be all in about something. 

“not for a while no”–Niall didn’t see it coming for long. Do you think it blindsided him a little? That Niall didn’t conceive of it as a possibility? But also NO ZAYN WASNT PULLING AWAY FOREVER THIS WASN’T FOREVER IN COMING NIALL KNOWS ZAYN LOVED IT ONCE AND FOR A LONG TIME HE WILL CLING TO THAT. 

In other words: i have a lot of feels, but it feels sincere? Maybe that’s me projecting onto Niall, who is of course just as media trained as the rest of them, but I hope it’s genuine, the affection where he says he’s happy, and the mixed up emotions in it. As I said–as long as Niall ships OT5, i’m okay. 

thank you for letting me know what it's like to love

and to be in loved.

Happy birthday to the bi pride flag, created in 1998 by Michael Page.

In 1999, Monica Helms created the trans flag after a meeting with Michael Page, who suggested that the trans community should have its own flag as well.

https://evelionheart.medium.com/on-the-intimacy-of-the-mundane-863f9efb3c39

There is a song that I wish you would listen to. YOUTH OF MAY (2021) dir. Song Min Yeop

Jaehyun's Natal Chart

This will be a short analysis of NCT’s Jaehyun’s natal chart! I’ll look at the most interesting parts of his chart. He confirmed his birth time thank you god, so we can look a bit deeper into it!

Everything is based on my personal knowledge of astrology and my opinions.

Keep reading

beautiful

x

my hot take is that you don’t have to love being single or love being alone. if you can’t spend a second in your own company there’s a problem, but wanting love and companionship is completely normal and natural. you’re not weak or mentally unstable for feeling lonely or yearning for partnership and friendship. we do need each other, we need community, we need love, it’s part of our dna to be social creatures.