People Be Like Oh You’re In Your 20s You Have A Whole Life To Live But I Already Feel As If I’ve

I don’t even want any of this, but I have to deal with all this failure which is a result of me being alive. And that just makes it a million times worse. I fail at everything, I can’t do one thing right. Yeah I failed but I don’t have the motivation or the will to work. I’m not being lazy. I just don’t know how to work towards anything when my end goal is to be dead

Some realizations I had in the last few days

— I’m never going to be good enough to make anyone stay

— I’m needy and pathetic, clingy and annoying. No one wants that

— I’m so inconsequential that I’m not even worth being told by people that they don’t want to talk to me

— there’s something terribly repulsive and unlovable about me

— my sadness will be the only thing that will be there for me so I need to hold on to it

— happiness isn’t for me

— I need to stop trying and accept my fate of dying alone. Let’s face it, why would anyone want me

“Not everyone who comes into our life is meant to stay. So stop holding onto people who clearly don’t want to be with you.”

— Unknown

How am I supposed to succeed at life when on most days my best is getting out of bed. I have no energy to work towards anything. Showing up is my best sadly. But how do you explain that to people.

“Maybe if I was good enough you would have stayed.”

-12:34 AM

I begged him to stay. Lost all my dignity in the process. And it still wasn’t enough.

Don’t tell me I’ll find someone else. Don’t tell me someone will love me someday. Please don’t give me that hope. I want to believe it more than anything. Knowing me, I’ll give in and try again. But heartbreak is inevitable. And I don’t have it in me to have my heart broken again. I won’t make it if it happens again. So let me stay safe, doesn’t matter if I’m alone. At least I’ll survive.

So please don’t say it. Because I’m doing everything I can to never believe in it again.