On Most Days It Just Hits Me Why Am I Even Trying To Put Any Effort At Doing Anything When All It Leads

I can’t do this anymore. I hate myself so much, it’s suffocating me. It’s getting closer and closer to swallowing me and I just let it come.

“My heart gets sad sometimes. I’m not really sure why. It just starts to ache and my body begins to feel hollow. My mind wanders. I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to. But I can’t help it. My heart just feels heavy.”

— You asked why I was so quiet

The way I loved you wasn’t normal and the way you broke me wasn’t either.

Ever hated yourself so much that the only thing you could is think about is punishing yourself and making yourself suffer? Doing every self destructive thing you can think of. Wanting to harm yourself because there’s so much hate. And you don’t know how to deal with it without taking it out on yourself

“I really need you to pick me. I really need you to stay. Please just pick me. I don’t have any dignity left at this moment, I’m swallowing all my pride and I’m asking you to pick me. Please just stay.”

— can’t you see how much I love you

Live, not just survive

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I don’t wanna live because it’s not worth living with all this pain and completely unloved

I’m not sure which hurts more. The one word replies, the one sided conversations, the glaringly obvious lack of interest and effort. Or not hearing from you at all.

Bring up how people don’t reciprocate your energy and watch them guilt trip you for giving them things they “didn’t ask for.”

it’s scary how when i think of the future my mind immediately jumps to “youre gonna kill yourself soon anyways so you dont have to worry about it”