theravenflies - Listen To ALL Disabled People
Listen To ALL Disabled People

Raven, he/him, 20, multiple disabled (see pinned for more details.) This is my disability advocacy blog

282 posts

Latest Posts by theravenflies - Page 2

3 months ago

give me a show with disabled queer representation. and I don't just mean amputee that is not affected at all by their amputation because "we're all basically the same- woo friends!". I don't just mean non descript wheelchair user that uses a hospital wheelchair. give me young queers using canes and rollators and white canes and powerchairs. and give them bright hair and make them neurodivergent and have struggles in life relating to them not fitting in with a lot of abled queer representations and "disabled friendly" pride events that aren't disabled friendly. make them black, make the Asian, make them fat, make them interesting. make them angry, make them punk, make them pastel, make them have interest and passions, have them protest, show them taking breaks and having to take care of themselves. please.


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3 months ago

Hi there! Can you give any advice on how to write someone becoming disabled through a traumatic injury? The Transition phase particularly, the emotional aspect and things to consider and pay attention to? I've been disabled since birth so my journey is completely different to the one my character will have. And while I went through transition phases too they were never going from being abled to disabled but from my condition worsening over the years. I've done research but I figured maybe you have a mod who'd be willing to share some thoughts on this? Thanks!

Hi, you might find this and this post by Mod Faelan useful! You can also check out our #acquired disability tag :-) (smile emoji)!

Mod Sasza


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3 months ago

I feel like if your MRI doesn't show anything you should get a refund


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3 months ago

I wish there was a way to ask for money without doxxing myself. I have seven dollars to last me until the 28th and I need forty bucks for transport to my job.


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3 months ago

Salt pills are a miracle. I had low salt levels earlier, took one, and it took my levels up so fast it was wild. I went from feeling like I needed a hospital to feeling fine in what seemed like minutes without needing to dump table salt into my mouth. Beautiful. 100% recommend


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3 months ago

Disabled people have to live somewhere poor people have to live somewhere you cant just exclude us from everywhere


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3 months ago

My cousin is noncompliant diabetic (type one,) but not by choice.

So, she's six. Her parents do not listen to her doctors and will not follow her diet plan. She stays part-time with another one of my cousins and he does his best to follow her diet and make sure her needs are met, but he doesn't have her at all times. There have been a lot of times where she gets dropped off at his house only for him to pretty much immediately need to take her to the ER because she's in ketoacidosis or her blood sugar is extremely off. There was one time where things got so bad she was in the PICU on a ventilator because her lungs stopped working, it was a miracle she survived and he's worried that it will be too late if nothing changes.

I don't know. I'm just worried about her and I'm venting about it. There's no way to help her without trying to go to CPS, but there's no family in the immediate area if she gets removed from the house who can take her and if they don't take her, her parents might retaliate and move somewhere else or stop letting her stay at my cousin's and then she's in even more danger. I wish I knew what to do. She deserves better than this


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3 months ago

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.


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4 months ago

Introducing two new tags

op says endos dni- means that the person I'm reblogging from does not want endogenic systems or their supporters to interact with the post

op says anti-endos dni- means the person I'm reblogging from does not want those who are anti endogenic systems to interact with the post

And if I ever accidentally reblog from someone who doesn't want someone who's neutral on syscourse to reblog from them, feel free to tell me and I'll delete the post. Please try to be respectful of OP's wishes when I use these tags.


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4 months ago
A mom, labeled "actually mentally ill people," is putting a box, labeled "'gaslighting' 'intrusive thoughts' 'the voices' 'delulu' 'narcissistic'," on a high shelf. A small, petulant child, labeled, "the internet," stands below it with their arms crossed

*mom voice* You can get these words back when you know what they mean


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4 months ago

I will never forget the time I was on the bus and I heard some middle school-sounding kid say to his friend "Stop being so autistic, Sam," using autism as an insult.

And another kid, presumably Sam, said "But I am autistic."

That one... that really stuck out to me. An autistic kid having his own disability thrown at him as an insult. Every time I see someone use autistic as an insult, or "acoustic" and "artistic," I think of Sam.


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4 months ago

People always think that if a disabled person says they can't do something it's because they haven't tried, when in reality most of us say it because we HAVE tried and failed enough times to know for sure


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4 months ago

i think everyone who's ever had migraines should be financially compensated forever btw


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4 months ago

Everything coming out about Dream right now and the people defending it simply because “he’s autistic uwu” just reaffirms to me something that I’ve known since childhood— autistic men will always be coddled while autistic women are belittled.

It’s not only infantilizing to people with autism, but offensive. Being neurodivergent is never an excuse for having a fundamentally insane predisposition and worldview, and exploiting and hurting other people. I can’t believe I have to say this!


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5 months ago

I'm about to blow a lot of minds right now

Have you ever seen a person with a visible disability and wondered how they got it? Did you see someone with a burn or other scar and wonder what happened? Does what happened to that person who doesn't have part of their leg fill you with burning questions? Well, guess what, you don't even need to ask. You already know.

Does someone have a burn scar? You already know what happened, they got burned. A cut scar? They got cut by something. Missing part of a limb? Clearly they were either born without it or something happened that made the removal necessary. Are they in a wheelchair? Clearly something happened that made them using a wheelchair necessary, whether that something was a condition they were born with or if it's a condition they acquired later in life. You already know what happened. Don't ask.

The who, when, where, and why of that person's disability does not matter, it is not your business. That is their personal medical history and they should not be asked to disclose it to a random stranger who's staring at them like they're a unicorn or something. You know what happened. You do not need the specifics. So don't ask for them.


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5 months ago

shout out to the disabled people with emotional dysregulation particularly in regards to anger. people who get overwhelmed just by feeling things, people who don't know how to direct their strong emotion so its directed inwards or outwards indiscriminately. people who hurt themselves or break things, especially things they don't want to. people who start crying when they're angry and hate that people treat the anger less seriously as a result. anger is considered monstrous sometimes, like some sort of failing when it's just one emotion out of many. people act like if you can't control your anger you're automatically an abuser who exclusively and specifically takes their anger out on other people. there are indeed many instances where someone needs to learn to regulate their anger, but i'm talking about strong emotion in the context of disability. where just the act of feeling is too much, where people don't have the capacity to process their own emotions, and how difficult that can be


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5 months ago

*guy with an undiagnosed disability voice:* haha it’s kinda crazy how everyone just deals with the constant unending pain but we just keep trucking per usual 💯💯💯


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6 months ago
theravenflies - Listen To ALL Disabled People

you are not a burden.

you are strong.

SpoonieStrong.


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6 months ago

Communicating about problems is hard for me.

I don't know why. If I'm having a problem like I'm sick or I'm having a migraine or I can't do something, I can't just tell people that verbally. It gets harder to make my thoughts come out of my mouth. I stutter and I pause and I use a lot of filler words and even then, usually I can't actually say what's wrong. If I can manage to say it, I can't... like, if I tell my manager that I can't do a specific task right now and she pushes back and says there's no one else to do it or that if I can't do it she'll send me home, I can't stick up for myself. The second I meet a tiny bit of resistance, I always fold. I always try and force myself to stick it through. Even if it's an issue where I really, really need to go home, I can't communicate that with my words.

Writing out what I need to say is better. I can write out my thoughts and feelings way easier and better than I can speak them. So I write down what I want to say. I explain the issue, and I explain why said issue is causing a problem and why I need some intervention here. But even then, actually communicating with that is hard. Because it's hard to just hand my manager a note. It feels weird. Like, socially, it feels like I thing I absolutely should not be doing. But say I manage to give her the note. Now I need to explain why I am handing her this note and we're back to the first problem. And if she chooses to push back, I still can't help but fold.

I don't know what it is. But it's hard to deal with


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6 months ago

no you won’t be “high support needs” “like me” if you just unmasked, especially if choose to unmask, thank you very much.


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6 months ago

on tumblr lot more people know about it which great! that improve life of all AAC users. but pretty much with anything disability/developmental disability space on social media (which need certain amount of cognitive/intellectual & language abilities be on even if have support), good majority you see be teen & adult people who already literate learn language via speech n write *first* n then *independently* learn AAC base on it *later*.

especially symbol based AAC, but all AAC, is new system n hard n take long time learn even when you literate & not moderately severely cognitively disabled. but also, “literate teen/adult independent learn AAC” not at all full face of AAC user community.

as in like. experience of theirs. not universal. independently motivated & able to look up different AAC options different AAC apps, compare n contrast. download app n immediately know how to use, or able figure out by self. first time use app n may be clunky n slow, but make sentence on first try. need learn AAC, but most of that learning is for where words are (if button based), how exist as AAC user in public with confidence, etc. those all valid but not true for everyone who need AAC, especially not developmentally disabled children (& some adults) with complex communication needs.

most developmentally disabled children (n some adults) w complex communication needs who need AAC, can’t just hand them tablet with symbol based AAC app or text to speech AAC app n then wait for magic. many of them developmentally delayed in way, not taught in way that fit them (e.g. gestalt language processors), n their language abilities behind peers, so they can’t read, can’t spell, can’t grammar, etc.

some of them need learn where word is not by read word, sometimes not even by understand symbol, by other people press button n hear sound n associate that with meaning n location on AAC n symbol associate with it. in other words, they learning language alongside AAC.

for some their learn process look like, learn how use AAC say one word. n then much later, try make two word message, “want food” “go school.” “two word message” incredibly common goal for many these developmentally disabled children, teens, n even adults, that is something rare n truly extraordinary for that person that need be celebrated.

for others it look like learn by phrase (gestalt), then slowly break it down into smaller phrase n chunks n finally single words.

many of them babble (click random/seemingly random buttons on high tech device, stim with it, etc). but ultimately, won’t be able learn all by self. need be taught, see you accidentally spill water n crying, maybe you “feel” “sad”, n when that happen you “need” “help” from adult. need learn AAC by adults around them constantly model with it, constantly use it in conversation, show them how use. because they learning language along side it.

but also some of them don’t know what this thing in front of them (AAC… device, low tech boards or picture cards, etc) is. don’t know what communication is or you should do that. don’t know people exist who you should communicate to & with. heard many parents n SLP say they try model all time, try all kind of stuff, but child just not seem interested in it, don’t look at it, don’t touch it, don’t use it.

people who use AAC, not all them struggle with only speech. some them struggle with language, with intellectual/cognitive. some of them very developmentally delayed.

n some people, too disabled learn or use AAC. yeah, they exist.

for people who cannot use / cannot only use speech to be understood, AAC can be life changing. but is so much more complex thing. AAC still not as widely used n accepted n properly taught n supported as should, some parents n professionals n schools still many pushback n refuse. but sometimes answer to “have you tried AAC for them” is “yes, but they need long time n lots help to learn n we not very far yet even though spent long time on it” or “yes, but they simply not show interest even after constant model” or “god, wish can, but insurance only cover if show some amount of communication competence n ability use AAC, while only give 1 month trial, which simply not enough time” (wide spread thing that happen) or “yes. many types. it not work.”

for many AAC users & AAC user-to-be, it not as simple as “be handed AAC n check back in while they figure out by self”


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6 months ago

not be able communicate by words means… constantly be misunderstood. misinterpreted. not have any way show own perspective, your side of story. your story always written talked about interpreted read thru other people.

someone did something wrong you. someone hurt you. someone say wrong thing…

someone make up malicious thing about you. maybe that you rude ungrateful bad temper behavior problem. it now become truth it now become you because there no way you correct them.

you can’t educate them. you can’t explain it to them. nevermind that, for example, you severely disabled n having symptoms that impact quality of life, or have symptoms that dare inconvenience people - can only watch as people around you speak “for” you not with your interest in mind but of their own selfishness - that people who can communicate by word say you only do that because you lazy, you selfish, want attention, on purpose, just want to for no reason, faking, inherent personality flaw.

not just big things. more often it those small things that build up every day, happen tens n hundreds of times each day, every day, every week, every month, every year… more often it those small things that add up that break you.

imagine everything bad, incorrect, & bad and incorrect thing said about you in your life. n now imagine you not able defend yourself, explain yourself, or even say those wrong not true.

n any attempt of yours to maybe protest, not enough, people not understand, or downright not listened to, made fun of. at first you shake head make noise meaning no all calm. after while of it not work you get frustrate n it start showing. you get impatient n snappy, why none of you understand, is any of you even trying. but people around you with privilege of able communicate n defend self thus never have experience of not have that, find it such basic of skill that they no longer see it as acquired skill but instead see as innate, born in, natural, cannot imagine person not have it just like can’t imagine living person not breathing—they only see their perspective n only see their interaction n not the many, hundreds n thousands, of previous communication where no one understood you (or even tried to). so they mock you (sometimes they the one who on purpose provoke you to see your reaction like you monkey in cage for their entertainment), geez big reaction why can’t you be patient. n you get label, impatient, rude, explosive, anger issues.

you protest in only way you can without words. you do it by sounds n noises n movement. you raise voice you scream you smash thing around you you hit yourself in frustration you hit other people who don’t understand you because you frustrated at their incompetence n how much they failing you. because. show me another way person can communicate without words. show me way that one can continue do after tens n thousands of misinterpretations n miscommunications n malicious interactions.

you communicate in only way you can with only emotion you can feel at this point: anger, frustration, helpless. be misunderstood, even smallest innocent one become trauma become trigger. miscommunication alone can set it off, make you see red n see billion of previous miscommunication where everyone failed you n left you to fend for self. then the backhanded jab that sometimes follow, that make thing exponentially worse.

you communicate in only way you can with only emotion left you can feel that consume you. loud sounds, screaming, get physical. it not earn you be understood. it only earn you this: be called impatient, irrational, explosive, land mine, rude, ungrateful, annoying…

“behavior issues.”

and that’s another misinterpretation of you you can’t defend yourself against. cycle repeats.

n other verbal people only listen to other verbal people. so these descriptions of you become “your truths”.

n the true you left there. to rot.

a lot people with no functional communication (either because no ability, or because circumstances) labeled as have behavior issues. yeah, no fucking shit. try it for a while. anyone would “have behavioral issues” in these circumstances.

no one seem to care. so okay fuck yeah am difficult kid, have behavioral issues, make your life miserable. yeah am terrible person, have internet personality flaw of no fault but my own. except now do it on purpose, make it true now, put ability to control own truth in own hand. because you all seem want me be that so bad. so now you get it. don’t complain now, you all asked for it really really nicely.

but deep down. at most basic. hidden beneath. really just. want be understood. want be helped. want people to learn my communication.

“many behavior is communication” yes, those kind of behaviors should be respected n valued n listened, but try behavior your way out of correcting n explaining everything just said in post to person who just don’t seem to get it

without rely on good grace of nice people around you who keep on play guess games n give out guesses in words you can nod or shake head to. now, that’s cheating.

people not nice to people who *have no choice* but to *only* rely on behaviors & vocal noises to communicate

n, even if every single person nice. behaviors n vocal noises alone, not enough.

this written with full time experience in mind


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6 months ago

I want people to understand this.

Nonverbal and nonspeaking people are capable of going into higher education, and many have.

Does this mean every nonspeaking and nonverbal person will go into higher education? No. Lots of nonspeaking and nonverbal people are not able to go into higher education for various of reasons. This however does not mean that every nonspeaking and nonverbal person is unable to go into higher education.

College is something that a lot of people want, including nonspeaking/nonverbal people. If you’re able to, then go for it! If you want to, then go for it!

Nonspeaking/nonverbal people have been kept out of higher education for a very long time, and to see blog posts and articles about nonspeaking/nonverbal people going into higher education, it just makes my heart happy, because I’m not alone. Stop underestimating nonverbal/nonspeaking people. Stop saying we can’t do things. Some of us can’t, and that’s completely ok, but we need to start making it more possible for nonspeaking/nonverbal people to achieve their goals and dreams.


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6 months ago

wheelchair users deserve a minimum of three wheelchairs to meet different needs. like, bare minimum of indoor chair, outdoor chair, and off road chair. chairs that meet different needs for transport, activity, positioning needs, energy levels, etc.

there is not "one chair" that can meet every need. wheelchair users deserve to have multiple chairs that meet specific needs, no matter how complex their seating/positioning needs. we deserve to at least have a backup if our chair breaks that is just as suited to our needs.


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6 months ago

this is going to be a long post, it's kinda just me writing all my raw unfiltered thoughts on ABA therapy as someone who actually went through it

-> TW for ABA therapy, child abuse, suicide <-

I was functionally diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 but it wasn't until I was 13 that I was actually formally evaluated for it and given an official diagnosis. I was behind in social skills and developmental skills

This Is Going To Be A Long Post, It's Kinda Just Me Writing All My Raw Unfiltered Thoughts On ABA Therapy

[ID: "was also described as a sensory seeker. She does not currently have any friends and has struggled to make and maintain peer relationships throughout her childhood. Difficulties with social skills were initially noted when she was in preschool (years before the onset of clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and"]

This Is Going To Be A Long Post, It's Kinda Just Me Writing All My Raw Unfiltered Thoughts On ABA Therapy

[ID: "Social functions: [blank]'s mother also completed a questionnaire rating her social responsiveness. Her responses on the SRS-2 indicated that [blank] is demonstrating severe deficits in the areas of Social Communication (reciprocal social interaction and nonverbal and verbal communication), Social Motivation (motivation to engage in social-interpersonal behavior) and Social Awareness (perceiving social cues) and moderate deficits in the areas of Social Cognition (understanding social cues). Severe Repetitive and Restrictive Behaviors (stereotypical behaviors or highly restricted interests) were also reported. The total T-score on the SRS-2 indicates severe deficiencies in reciprocal behavior that are likely to result in interference in everyday social interaction"]

This Is Going To Be A Long Post, It's Kinda Just Me Writing All My Raw Unfiltered Thoughts On ABA Therapy

[ID: "%ile) are mildly impaired, while her social skills are moderately impaired (2nd %ile). By domain, demonstrates mildly to moderately impaired abilities in six adaptive skills areas, including self care (9th %ile), communication (5th %ile), home living (5th %ile), self-direction (2nd %ile), social (2nd %ile), and leisure (1st %ile)"]

and ultimately all this ended up with the number one recommendation after my autism evaluation being for ABA therapy.

This Is Going To Be A Long Post, It's Kinda Just Me Writing All My Raw Unfiltered Thoughts On ABA Therapy

[ID: "Recommendations: Based on the above results, the following recommendations are made for [blank] and her family.

1. ABA therapy: [blank] May benefit from an intensive treatment program to foster cognitive and communication skills, improve independence and adaptive functioning, and help manage interfering behaviors (i.e home-based, 1:1 instruction, task analysis, etc.) Most private and community programs are based on principals of operant conditioning and taught in home with 1:1 instruction"]

*I'm getting misgendered here. my pronouns are he/him

"operant conditioning"-- like a dog 🐕🐕. woof woof.

my mom didn't know any better so she put me in ABA therapy with the Center for Autism and Related Disorders. she regrets this. I regret this more.

my autism evaluation was cruel, it dissected all my flaws as if I was a bug under a microscope in a highschool laboratory. my evaluation was passed around to ABA therapists, a line of high schoolers peering through the microscope examining the most vulnerable parts of me.

and I choose the highschool analogy quite deliberately. most of the ABA therapists at my center were recent highschool graduates with no degree and little training. they knew nothing about autism and had no qualifications. you need more certificates to become a professional dog trainer than to become a professional human trainer.

"operant conditioning"

and I wish I could say it was just a poor choice of words but ABA therapy was dog training for children. my dad used to call me an "it" and somehow I felt less dehumanized by that than the entire experience I had in ABA therapy.

I was the oldest person at my center (I did not receive in home therapy) with the next oldest being approximately 3 years younger than me. at the time I felt babied. I was surrounded by 5 year olds and I was treated as if I was not just a 5 year old but an autistic 5 year old and anyone who has been a visibly autistic 5 year old knows what that feels like. I had escaped being an autistic child and now I was being treated like one again. The head of the program tried to console me by telling me adults received their services too.

This Is Going To Be A Long Post, It's Kinda Just Me Writing All My Raw Unfiltered Thoughts On ABA Therapy

[ID: "Following the principles of applied behavior analysis, CARD has developed a treatment approach for children and adolescents with"]

this was the first lie they told me. CARD does not work with adults.

I was not allowed the privileges of being a 13 year old. because I was an autistic 13 year old and therefore I was the equivalent of a 5 year old. I was in psychotherapy at the same time and I had grown very accustomed to some level of freedom in therapy. I was allowed to use the bathroom independently. in ABA therapy I was not allowed to use the bathroom independently. I tried once, me and my therapist were on an "outing" to the grocery store and I told my therapist I was going to the bathroom and walked off and I got a very stern talking to about how I needed to "stop eloping" and if I didn't stop it would "become a behavior"

eloping became a common theme used to control me and squeeze money out of my parents.

out of everything I hated in my life, including severe physical abuse at home (which they did not report), I hated ABA therapy the most. I would repeatedly make serious threats of suicide to try to get out of ABA. no one cared. everyone thought I was being dramatic but there were times I wrote out suicide notes and ABA was among the reasons I listed. ABA made me feel hopeless, depressed, revolting, disgusting, inferior, and less than human. between ABA, my home life, and my social life I had never felt so hated and it was boiling through my skin. I acted out, I was bullying people, I was behaving recklessly, I was starting fights, and all this only made the oppressive force of ABA crack down on me harder. I was a cat hissing in the corner begging to be left alone and ABA brought a net to try to tame me further. every time I scratched back it was listed as a reason I needed to be there.

I was "disruptive" and "rebellious" and "uncooperative" and "resistant to treatment" and no one could figure out why I was "regressing" despite me shouting the answer. I was screaming and no one was willing to hear me

I hated myself and my autism. my autism diagnosis made me want to die. I didn't feel freed by it or understood I felt ashamed and disgusted. I felt incompetent and like I had failed. I was ashamed to be at ABA, it was my biggest secret. I'd lie to my friends about why I couldn't hang out and I'd lie to people in public about who the woman I was with was and I'd lie about all of it to try to cover up my most shameful secret.

ABA therapy did nothing but foster this. In ABA therapy I was mocked for being autistic and what was happening only clicked when a young kid, maybe only 4 or 5, was flapping his hands and a therapist took out her phone and recorded him. we were circus animals. it was all an entertaining show to them while they poked and prodded at us with metaphorical hot irons to make us dance. the first time a therapist laughed at me for rocking back and forth I wanted to throw up. I almost did. it was systematic bullying of children I was forced to watch and experience.

my point is: the last place on earth I wanted to be was the ABA center.

so of course I tried to leave. my mom would bring me McDonald's and I'd beg, sobbing real tears, to leave early because only she could sign me out. every time I'd go to meet her I'd be marked as "eloping" and my hotel stay in hell would get extended.

my natural response to a stressful environment (leaving) was pathologized. I was eloping this way and that way and never once did I actually, truly elope. that word was a weapon used against me. they used my "elopement" to justify extending my stay to my parents. they ate it right up.

they argued I needed to stay there because I was making friends. this was true, I'm great at getting along with children it's part of why I want to go into pediatrics, but I had also made real friends with people my age at my highschool. ABA was getting in the way. I wanted to spend time with my friends outside of school but ABA took up all my time from the minute I left school to 6pm and all day on weekends. I was doing a full time job's worth of hours. I complained about how I was missing out on spending time with my real friends (as in, over the age of 7) and I was met with almost no wiggle room in my schedule. I was allowed to pre-plan time to spend with friends but every time my friend group wanted to do something spontaneously? I had to say no, and I had to lie about why. my friends would share stories about driving around town with 2 people in the group stuffed in the trunk, of hanging out in the woods together, of taking part in ordinary highschool activities as ordinary high schoolers and it made me cry because I was not an ordinary highschooler and I was not allowed to participate in ordinary highschool activities. I was one of those weird, unpleasant, socially awkward autistic people instead. eventually, they just stopped inviting me. I was forced into the out group by ABA.

I'll never get that back. I'll never get a chance to be a normal highschooler ever again.

when I did have time available to hang out with people I never had the energy to. at the time I was living with an undiagnosed physical disability and I was begging to see a doctor but no one would believe that it wasn't just anxiety. the people who believed me least of all were the people at the center.

I was constantly told I was trying to get out of therapy by "feigning" very real pain and fatigue. I tried to explain spoon theory, and that I had limited spoons, and in response they made a task for me to name things to "regenerate spoons" that's not how it works. I wasn't the only physically disabled person there. there was a wheelchair user who was constantly forced to stand for periods of time despite being in agony doing it. he wasn't allowed rewards until he did it.

rewards were used to train us like dog treats are used with dogs. sometimes the treats were fun! I'd get to cook, play Mario kart, and go on outings. other times the treats were "using the correct name and pronouns for me." I'd constantly be threatened with deadnaming and misgendering if I was being "noncompliant."

misgendering because of my autism was a theme in my life. my neuropsych evaluation report misgendered me. my parents misgendered me. the staff at ABA misgendered me. at one point the head of the program suggested that my "gender confusion" was because of my autism. my abusive father latched onto this and still claims that the reason I'm "confused" about my gender is because the evil transgenders tricked me into thinking I'm one of them because I'm autistic and therefore easily impressionable.

the two therapists I had were nice because I refused to work with the others. they weren't on a power trip and both eventually left because they realized the harm the organization was doing. other therapists were not so kind. other therapists were on a power trip, because in their mind lording over autistic 5 year olds (and autistic 14 year olds) makes them powerful and strong. occasionally I'd get stuck with one of the other therapists when my usual therapists were out. they would talk to me in a baby voice. they would make fun of me for rocking back and forth, for not making eye contact, for talking about Skyrim "too much" and generally just for being autistic.

I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing, just that I was doing it wrong. the therapists there rarely actually told me what my tasks were they'd just mark yes or no on them, judging me for something I wasn't aware of. I was never actually supposed to graduate, I was never supposed to get out, if they wanted me to succeed they would have taught and explained what was happening but I was intentionally left in the dark.

I continued threatening suicide to get out. no one took me seriously. I was seriously considering it. there's no happy conclusion where someone finally realized it was all wrong, or I figured out how to be allistic and graduated, or I felt more comfortable there. I only got out when covid struck and shut the center down. it's gone now, replaced by a family advice center. I hope their advice for autistic children is to never put them in ABA.

there is no grander message here just suffering. I'm sorry if you were expecting some sort of great point at the end of this. there's not one. it happened, I wish it didn't, and I hope no one else experiences what I did ever again.

okay to reblog


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6 months ago

I love to use my disability “as an excuse.” Fuck yeah my disability is an excuse. It’s the most valid excuse I have. I’m not helping you lift that box/etc because my disability would make it fucking painful. Not wanting to be in pain is a good enough reason. I’m not going to put myself in pain to comfort your sensibilities.

Yes I’m using my disability as an excuse because I refuse to hurt myself for you. If you’re mad about it you can cry! ❤️


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6 months ago

I am visibly autistic but wouldn't want a cure because I don't know how it would change me as a person and that's scary. I'm not diagnosed but that's complicated (I had signs and my parents saw a doctor about it several times but he firmly believed I did not have autism because I was verbal early, and now I've had several professionals tell me some variation of "I'm almost certain you're autistic" but haven't been actually diagnosed because I hear it's a hassle.) I was not in ABA therapy but I did have a friend who lost his life to it. And then I'm MSN

*a world where this would not be used for eugenicist purposes, would only be done with informed consent, etc. whatever your criteria for an ideal world is.

no nuance button, just pick one. everyone would pick nuance because this is a nuanced question so I'm not adding the option. feel free to share your nuance in the replies/tags

⬇️ follow up polls in the reblogs ⬇️


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