Is There Anyone Else Who Doesn't Remember The "before My TBI" Time? Like, You Were Super Young (I Was

I just had a migraine visual aura stop as a tiny little speck and in literally a few seconds I would not properly see out of either eyes because the aura filled my vision that fast. I am not exaggerating, I noticed the tiny speck of aura and in the few seconds it took for me to grab my meds from my bag the aura spread to the point that I could not read. I think that's a world record and in related news, I am visiting urgent care as so as I am able to because what the fuck. That should not happen. I think is has something to do with my eye photophobia suddenly getting so much worse so quickly over the last few months. There might be something wrong with my eyes and I'm very worried

Why “It Was Just a Question” and “It Was Just a Joke” Are Not Defenses For Ableism And Why Your Reaction Is the Most Important Thing

When someone is disabled, neurodiverse, etc people can sometimes ask really ignorant, invasive, or invalidating questions that take emotional labor to answer. And sometimes there is a lot of pressure to answer. This is even worse if it is a joke instead, and the options are to ignore it or say something and risk being yelled at because “it was just a joke, gosh.” Confronting people and setting boundaries gets you called over-sensitive, over-reacting, childish, etc.

I’ll make this clear: it isn’t about your questions or jokes - it is about the assumptions you made when you opened your mouth and the reaction you had when you were corrected.

Let’s Talk About Questions.

I first want to say, I started this blog because I wanted to. You are more free to ask me questions than random blind people on the street. The questions I receive here are also good, researched questions where I can tell someone has read my blog or some articles. I’m not posting to give my followers or anyone else anxiety. The whole point is that these people don’t have an interest in learning, doing any of their own work, or challenging their false beliefs. They want me to endure them and confirm them. I haven’t had to do that here and if I did, it would be easier than in real life because I can choose not to answer a question by deleting it. My followers are also already respectful of and educated on blind people, and so if I have a response that is less than perfectly polite, readers will know why. That is not true outside of this blog.

Now let’s talk about questions and why they can be used in a bad way. What makes a question bad? What is the difference between a genuine and ignorant question? What if you don’t have time to research?

A Bad question here is one that is based on a usually false assumption that prompts a desired answer. An example would be, “Are you really sad that you can’t read?” or “Why would a blind person need a phone when they can’t use it?”

I see a lot of these on tumblr. For example, one blog I followed received an ask that basically said blind people couldn’t be in the orchestra because such and such limitation. These questions have, at best, an obvious assumption along with, at times, a confrontational tone. This person does not want education. They want to defend their belief. A better way to truly ask such a question would be something such as, “I read that people in orchestras and choir have to sight read music. How do blind people navigate this?” No assumption is made about a blind person’s ability. The question is asked in an open manner. The asker has done some research.

Now, in real life, people don’t always preface it with how much research they have done. And let’s be real, it usually isn’t much. But someone asking, “Do you prefer Braille or do you use a computer to read?” shows at least some knowledge. They aren’t trying to put me into a box or use me for confirmation bias. It isn’t so much about getting the perfect wording. It’s about not expecting the blind person to confirm something for you, argue with you, or educate you without you putting in any effort. Even “I was wondering how you do assignments,” is open and allows for my response. If you aren’t able to research in the moment, make your question open or be transparent. To be honest, I feel better about people not doing research in person than online, because being online usually shows you have some time and tools to research. If resources are not available to you and you don’t have the internet for long periods of time, preface your question with that and acknowledge that the person does not have to respond if your question is offensive. Again,it isn’t about getting it 100% right, but truly trying and prioritizing the comfort of the person you are asking.

When I confront people for asking a question with an assumption, I often receive an angry response. The fault is placed on me for not educating people, for not being cooperative, for being mean. This happens whether I answer or not. If I try to explain to someone assuming I can’t read that I, in fact, can read or use a phone or whatever, this is seen as rude or not cooperative. Even confrontational. This person comes away from the conversation now believing blind people are rude and angry. Usually they assume the blind person is jealous of them for being able to see. Which, in that instance, would not be true.

Making assumptions that a person cannot possibly do something because of their disability, especially when you are ignoring what that person says, is ableist. Pointing this out is not attacking you or even, necessarily, judging you. They are not calling you any other name, no matter what else you claim it means to you. (I once had someone claim that when I said the word ableism or ableist she heard the word bitch.)

Let’s Talk About Jokes.

This one is much harder to navigate, especially because blind people often make jokes themselves. However, I want to continue to consider the underlying assumption and judgement some jokes can contain. The joke is usually bad when it contains an ignorant assumption and falls apart when that assumption is corrected.

One example is that picture that often goes around with a person holding a white cane is using a phone. The joke asks what’s wrong with the picture. The problem is not that it’s a joke, as most people assume. The problem is the assumption underneath this particular example, which, by the way, can result in blind people being harassed and even hurt. Read my post here.

But it isn’t even the joke that is the problem. The reaction is. Instead of being accused to attacking someone for an innocent question, someone who points out the problem with a joke or even that it was hurtful, gets someone accused of not having a sense of humor or being mean. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that in real life, not outside of this blog. It is, honestly, too difficult and too uncomfortable.

The reaction people sometimes have is one of defense. They aren’t ableist, it was just a joke, can’t you take a joke?, why are you so serious?, you are ruining the joke, etc. People also assume disabled people can’t tell when someone has made a mistake and when they are genuinely asking a question or trying to call attention to something by making a joke. Disabled people are not trying to take all jokes away. They just want to point out when something is harmful. Doubling down about how that person can’t take a joke is a big problem.

Again, it isn’t that someone made a joke about disabled people. It’s the assumptions inside the joke itself that are harmful. For example, jokes about blind people going to cinemas don’t land because blind people do watch movies. The joke falls apart when you remove the assumption - and not knowing that it was an assumption is part of the problem in the first place.

What Now?

Again, this post was never about not asking questions or not making jokes. It is about ways they can go wrong and how people can make it worse by getting defensive instead of being open to learning and moving on. Everyone makes assumptions or repeats jokes sometimes, and whether or not it becomes an argument is about being open to learning.

Disabled people aren’t out there looking for people to confront. Most of the time, they just want to go about their day or have a nice time with friends. If someone corrects you, no matter the setting, treat it as an opportunity for your growth and to make others feel more comfortable. Listen, apologize, acknowledge your mistake, and change your behavior.

My aim here is not to complain or to make people feel bad or even worry excessively. My goal was simply to share my thoughts on why these things can be a problem and offer suggestions on how to avoid them.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

Note: I provide sensitivity reading for blind characters. See my Pinned Post for information.

Can you do an age of onset poll for phobias?

Yep!

For those with a phobia or phobias,

*this does not mean when you first realized that they are symptoms. But rather in retrospect when you looking back, with the context of the disorder, remember symptoms starting.

i feel like people should know there are differences between a kleptomaniac and a "mwehehehe I'm stealing because I'm evil and i like money >:)" character

Saying this as someone that absolutely loves silly cartoon thieves and goons, kleptomania is a compulsive disorder it's not the same thing as stealing for the need of money or becuz you're evil and fucked up

So stop calling thief characters kleptomaniacs, it's pretty frickin harmful for people that actually suffer that disorder :/

Not saying you cannot make a thief character a kleptomaniac,,but you need to know at least what the disorder is like and have some respect

So yeah, the raccoon brothers from happy tree friends are not kleptomaniacs even though so many people said that, they steal because they're evil and greedy, and if it's canon then it's a really bad stereotype or representation (flippy also is a really bad representation of a person with ptsd)

Do you have any advice for dealing with Kleptomania? I'm realizing I might be...uh...that, and it's one of those things people stigmatize to hell and back, but not one of those things I've seen or heard a lot about.

I'm not dumb enough to think it's just "uwu help I'm so quirky I stole stuff" disease and it's probably not like...completely uncontrollable, but I tend to experience worse symptoms when I'm stressed and feel out of control, so any advice would help a ton.

First of all, I am so sorry you deal with this as well. I absolutely understand how stressful and overwhelming it can be, especially when you're first realizing it.

My biggest piece of advice is try and find ways to reroute it..kinda like creating loopholes for it so that the urge to steal can still be satisfied in non dangerous ways (e.g ways that won't result in prison time or legal trouble)

This is how I've managed to cope with it and the symptoms have become much less stressful. My number 1 loopholes are:

Taking things that aren't owned by anyone and allowing my brain to view it as stealing. (Pennies on the ground, rocks outside of restaurants, free pens or candies from businesses etc.)

"Borrowing" things from my friends and partners, especially those who know about my kleptomania and make a big deal of pretending to really be concerned about what I've taken.

Advice that doesn't relate to actually giving in (somewhat) to the urges are:

Keeping my hands busy while in stores or other locations that trigger the impulses. I like to use subtle stim toys, but things like a phone can help too.

Wearing clothing that would make it super hard to steal (bright clothing, no pockets, very small bags etc) Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get away with it tends to keep me from giving in.

Listening to music or journaling helps with the anxiety that comes along with it.

I've only recently been actively working on this, but as I discover more things I'll share them here. And if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask!! I hope this helps 💜💜

‘how do you expect people who have been abused by someone with NPD to refer to their abuse then?’

by calling it what it is: emotional abuse.

it’s not difficult.

slapping the word ‘narcissistic’ on the front of abuse is blindly assigning blame and associating the abusive behaviours with NPD, despite the fact that nowhere in the criteria does it state any abusive behaviours as a symptom.

i understand that people who are severely mentally unwell are more prone to abusing others, however to point the blame at a disorder (and therefore at everyone with the disorder) is ableist, irresponsible and grossly misinformed.

to put it into perspective as to how bad the stigma surrounding NPD is, i have been diagnosed with NPD and have been told i should be killed because of it, that i will inevitably abuse my partners i have had, i’ve had partners in the past be harassed by people saying that it’s ‘just a matter of time’ before i abuse them without any of these people ever even knowing me. i see endless amounts of things online calling all narcissists evil, as well as having my own experiences with abuse disregarded because they do not believe someone with NPD could be anything other than a perpetrator, despite the fact NPD is induced by trauma. the list goes on.

your choice of wording does matter and it does damage people with NPD.

Talking about a discourse that doesn't even exist on Tumblr

On Tumblr, us higher support needs nonverbal/nonspeaking people often had 2 possible scenarios to deal with:

1. People ignore us and our opinion because our writing isn't "proper" English, and they make fun of us or comment on our writing style.

2. People think we're faking because our writing is good.

I couldn't care less about scenario number 2. And luckily I'm not affected by scenario number 1.

But what happens now is that somebody tries to discuss a Twitter discourse that simply doesn't exist here on Tumblr: Nonverbal/nonspeaking people with severe or profound autism and/or severe or profound intellectual disability who use FC to run their blogs.

This isn't happening.

Nobody on here (except maybe 1 person, but even there I'm not sure) has profound autism. Severe yes, there are some. But we don't use FC to run our blogs. Nobody on here (except maybe 1 person) has a profound ID. Severe yeah, maybe. But most people with ID are mild or moderate. And none of them use FC to run their blog.

So what happens now is scenario number 3:

3. People (or rather 1 online troll) think that what we write is facilitated and not our own words.

Especially those of us who have severe autism and/or ID. This is worse than scenario number 1 or 2. Especially because there's no way to disprove it. The better our grammar, the higher the probability that somebody else wrote our posts; at least to this online troll.

So whenever you encounter someone who says that what we write is facilitated and/or written by someone else: Don't believe them. Yes, sometimes people write something for us, but we can always check if we agree with what's been written.

I've heard of the FC problem where caregivers wrote something for the nonverbal/nonspeaking person, and it always was about how great FC was, etc. I think this was on Twitter and on individual blogs somewhere on the internet. But this isn't happening on Tumblr. Nobody with severe autism and/or severe or profound ID uses FC to run their blog on Tumblr.

It's basically "Yelling into the void".

Edit:

Since this post reached people who aren't aware of what was going on lately:

FC is short for Facilitated Communication. It's a method for people who can't speak and struggle greatly with other communication methods, such as writing, signing, or using an AAC device.

There's nothing wrong with people helping someone to run their blog; I, too, sometimes need help to run my blog. There's also nothing wrong with people writing posts or messages for someone. This post was only to inform others that nobody on Tumblr uses FC full time to run their blog. Because this is what this troll believes. She basically complains about something that's not the case.

teaching yourself how to deal with mildly annoying inconveniences is imo an essential part of treating the disabled people around you with compassion and no i'm not kidding

An unpopular opinion that actually makes sense when I explain why I have it. (Well makes sense if you're not abelist)

I'm not too fond of the "I don't want to be led by the people that ate off of led paint and played in asbestos." Criticism against baby boomers.

Obvious abelism aside (the criticism is implying that baby boomers are less fit to lead because asbestos and lead severely negatively impacts cognitive functioning.)

But both of these mass disabling events are centered around a lack of knowledge that asbestos and lead has such a severe impact on cognitive functioning.

And I don't like that because many people today are also victims of a mass disabling event caused by a lack of information.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

Up until 2013. The only fetal alcohol diagnosis that existed was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. And it's caused by severe alcoholism in the pregnant person, and the baby tends to have withdrawals after they're born.

Back then. It was believed if you drank while pregnant, you could still get lucky, and your child can be born "completely fine".

But very recently (I think it was in the early 2000s?) People started saying "No. They're not 'completely fine'. They don't have the classic signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but they're still impacted by the alcohol on the developing fetus." And it was in 2013 they realized that yes. Even "just one or two glasses" causes Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

It's estimated 1 in 10 pregnant women between the ages of 15-41 have had alcohol in the past month and 1 in 5 first graders have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is pretty well known. They have a distinct face shape and learning disability.

But fetal alcohol spectrum disorder can (but doesn't always) have specific facial features. Other symptoms include

Trouble with emotional regulation

Issues learning

Low body weight

Loss of coordination

Issues with empathy

Shorter height

Hyperactivity

Holding attention difficulties

And you're thinking "wow. That sounds a lot like my autism/ADHD diagnosis". Yeah. Since it's not well known in its mild forms. It's often misdiagnosed as autism/ADHD and often times the best way to know is by straight up asking your parents if there's any chance your mom drank while pregnant.

I asked my mom, and she was one of those strict "I didn't even dye my hair while pregnant because I thought the chemicals would seep through my skin and affect the baby."

But like...

Let's not make fun of baby boomers for being disabled due to a lack of knowledge? When a lot of us Millennials and GenZ are probably affected by a similar lack of information.

-fae

Hi, guys. So, just to warn you, I encountered an ABA "therapist" (child abuser) in the wild today so I'm saving a lot of posts that are very anti ABA and Autism Speaks. Don't know when I'll reblog them but all will be tagged as ableism, plus specific tags like "aba therapy" and "autism speaks"