Okay So This Is Funny And All But I Did Have This Expirience And It Was Terrible And Really Fucking Funny

other characters this applies to:

bruce wayne

actually basically anyone from cod

raymond holt from b99

my english teacher

alfred

paul hollywood

i hate my brain for randomly choosing characters that are my family now. simon riley from cod?? thats my dad. that would be fine if all of my friends didnt think he was hot. it feels wrong. thats my dad. stfu please and thank you let me exist

this shit is why i thought this was cannon

Star Trippin' , Baby

me at 2am vs me at 2pm

to me demons are like cats just doing whatever they want causing problems on purpose, while angels are like hares theyre painfully aware of their place in this world theyve seen the end

hm

grandpa pussy attack

(Source)

The president has claimed that his "wartime" deportations — which he has wrongly and illegally invoked — are not subject to judicial review.

every time my life gets worse my immediate reaction is always something adjacent to "at least i'll have a good backstory" as if i am a fictional character and not just a dude

im a marvin everything hater to be fair. the tie didnt particularly offend me but i immediately dislike it because he likes it you know what i mean

is this a safe space to say i'm not a marvin tie hater?

i had to submit a study guide for my history final. i made two versions, one to submit and one to actually study. the one to study was mostly bill & ted's quotes and hamilton. i submitted the wrong one to google and had to shamefully apologize for calling napoleon a dick. i still have not lived that down with my friends tbh

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

i spent most of my early life around mechanics and car people because those were all my dad's friends. if you dont know, the term for whenever a car is all black (interior, detailing, exterior) is "murdered out". the time that i spent NOT around mechanics and car people was at my grandma's, who is obsessed with crime shows and did not think of how not good it was to watch those in the presence of young children. i, five years old, had a black horse plushie. i connected the dots of something all black being "murdered out" and the voice that the guy on the tv made when talking about murder and would introduce my black horse plushie as "MURDERRRR" with the deepest and gravelliest voice i could manage as a toddler. this is why my kingergarten teacher told my parents to take me to a priest

(edit because i forgot how old kids are in the second grade and that is very not right??)

Me, introducing stuffed animals : this is Arnold he is in jail for first degree murder

the fact that, in the text post, bruce is the one slipping through dick's fingers kills me. bruce wont be young forever because hes not immortal or invincible, but dick's so not used to thinking like that. ouchie

*plays slipping through my fingers by ABBA*

This was made for this tumblr post I made a while ago.