Theprodigalsoldier-blog - ♠ Attente Tourmente ♠

#dork

tylerbeyond:

“you are a buzzkill, but―” tyler threw his arms wide, “happy birthday! ya big jerk!” he gave jaxon a one armed hug. “whatever, i’m glad you’re still around. mostly for the cupcakes, though,” he teased, bumping jaxon’s shoulder with his own. “eh, my grandfather’s a bastard. hates my guts, thinks i’m a fuck up, whooped my ass way back when.” he licked off the last of the icing on one cupcake, then took a bite out of it. “dunno why mom keeps trying. i’ll be nice when he’s nice.” actually, since he lived on the other side of the country now, he mostly just ignored his grandfather. it seemed to suit everyone just fine, except, apparently, his mom. “got any plans?”

as grumpy as his birthday made him, there was only so much scowling he could hang onto when tyler was beaming at him like that and squeezing around his shoulders. tyler was good like that. and jax relinquished a small smile in exchange.  “ yeah, man. thanks, ” jaxon murmured in response, returning the half-hug. as tyler spoke and explained, jax played with a swipe of icing between his fingers. “ wait, thinks yer a fuck up? how? yer in a signed band. that doesn’t sound like a fuck up to me. i’m with you, man. fuck that guy. my father was shitty like that too. and hell no, ” jax shook his head, licking his fingers clean of icing.  “ not really. havin’ dinner with the family. maybe i’ll go out for a drink. but i’m workin’ in the morning. so i can’t get too crazy. what’re you doin’ tonight, rockstar? ”

tatemcallisterr:

It was hard to talk about, even with someone like Jaxon who could relate so strongly to what he was going through. That was a big reason Tate kept insisting he didn’t need to see a therapist or go to any support groups. Talking about things had never helped him deal with them anyways. “I know it’ll probably never go away completely —- I just wish it would get better. I’m fucking tired.” Tate knew he wasn’t the first person to go to war and come back having nightmares about it, and he certainly wouldn’t be the last. But when he wakes up at night, alone, in an empty house, it’s hard not to feel isolated. “I am for the most part. Doc just found some problems with my liver when they were doing blood tests. It’s not a big deal.” At least that’s what his doctor had told him, it wouldn’t be a big deal as long as he didn’t drink so often. Which was proving difficult when it was his go-to coping mechanism. 

yeah, he knew that feeling well. too well. it made his chest ache for his friend. and it made him angry that he didn’t know how to help tate. especially when tate was so adverse to help.  “ they say therapy is supposed to... i dunno. do somethin’, ya know? ” the suggestion was tentative and gentle, like he knew tate wouldn’t respond well to it. but he had to try. there had to be something. even if talking didn’t help the famously tight-lipped man, maybe there was something else they could recommend. at least, that’s what jaxon hoped.  “ yer liver being fucked up doesn’t sound like ‘not a big deal’. and that fuckin’ sucks. who else is gonna appreciate shitty whiskey with me? ” he teased gently, a small smirk flickering at the corner of his lips. “ oh, we got a friend in common. jonny. maybe in place of drinkin’, get stoned with him. ” the suggestion was only half serious, and the light in jaxon’s eyes said as much. he was trying to be helpful. trying to make tate feel like there was a little hope. despite how fucking tired he felt. 

beautifulburnout:

When the door closed with a soft thud Jonny slummed down in the seat a little. Now that he wasn’t sitting on the side of the road he let himself relax. At least some. He knew he was safe with Jaxon. That was something that never changed. The extra moment it took Jaxon to get the blanket was used to collect himself as much as he could. He took a couple deep breaths to calm his pounding heart and ease his nerves. He was thankful he could do this and even if there was tension between them he was contented here in the passenger seat. Especially when Jaxon laid the blanket in his lap. The warmth Jonny felt wasn’t from the blanket he covered up in but rather in knowing that in the face of all the years apart, Jaxon still knew him. And knew how to care for him.  The feeling of a finger against his wound made him hiss in surprise. It wasn’t incredibly deep but it stung and he wasn’t exactly prepared for that. In fact, he’d forgotten about it until that moment. His hand shot up to cover his arm as he flinched away. “Yes, please stick your finger in my open wound.” His tone was sarcastic but that was only trademark hurt or upset Jonny. Both in this case. He looked out the window as the pulled away, watching the lines on the road flicker as they passed. Jonny was quiet for a long moment before he finally spoke up. “I got mugged.” He didn’t go into anymore detail than that. He didn’t really feel like reliving it. But he didn’t want Jaxon to over worry more than he was already sure he was. “He pulled a knife on me.” He didn’t tell Jaxon how the knife had been at his throat, or how he knocked it away with his arm causing the slice. He didn’t tell him about how he was shoved against the wall after that and the mugger had overpowered him because he hit his head. Instead he swallowed and fiddled with the rip in his jacket. Anything for a distraction.

he felt better knowing that jonny was in a safe place with him— that he was warm and comfortable and protected. so many times over the past 10 years he found himself worried about jonny, wondering where he was, if he was okay, if he was happy. all that time, jaxon knew jonny must have found some trouble, some pain, some problems. it was a weird twist of guilt he felt about not being there to protect him. but all those years ago, all the stupid shit he'd done and said and caused... it was too much, and it had been so much time. now they were here, and even if jaxon couldn't figure out his feelings, or figure out his role in jonny's life, he could help, and watch out for jonny the best he could.

jaxon tsk'd at him and gave him a scolding little look. “ take it easy. it wasn't in your wound, ” jaxon replied, though his voice was still gentle and soft. that weak, biting tone was nothing unfamiliar to him. jonny was still jonny, even after all this time. jonny's response confirmed his assumption. from the looks of him, a mugging was most likely. but jax was glad it wasn't any worse.  “ i got a first aid in th' trunk. i can patch that up for you... if you want, ” he offered, glancing over at him. jonny looked fucking miserable, and cared. sure, some things hadn't changed. but what had changed was that jaxon didn't know him anymore. he didn't know what would help. 10 years was not nothing, and things did change. he pulled into the starbucks drive through, waiting in the line.  “ do you want t' file a police report? ”

@tatemcallisterr asked “ ❢ ” [ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

he’d gone through the list. yoga, taking a long walk, reading a book, doing something with his hands. he was really trying to find better coping mechanisms, but the ones that the counselor at the VA recommended just really were not cutting it. or doing much of anything at all. with the reappearance of jonny in his life, and all the complicated bullshit that came along with that, plus the hardship his family was going through with the cafe not making as much as it needed to... the inside of jaxon’s head was not a fun place. and god damn, he just wanted everything to slow down for a moment. he wanted the world to just get a little quieter. four shots of whiskey and a bar fight later, things had slowed down. his brain could only focus on the throbbing and the bleeding and the blurring effects of the whiskey. jax sipped slowly at his flask, sitting on the concrete edge of a planter outside the bar. blood slid slowly from the re-opened cut on his cheek, and leaked from the inside of his mouth. it should be trouble that jaxon felt calm, and centered like this, for the first time in weeks. 

the day got away from me and i meant to get all my replies done D: 

but i work tomorrow morning, and im v tired. 

so becca’s reply on jax, and then all of kapono’s replies will come tomorrow. as well as replies to starters c: 

i’ll also post the new bios on the main! 

love y’all <3 <3 <3

tylerbeyond:

“your mom sends you cupcakes to annoy you?” tyler asked, skeptically, but taking two cupcakes nonetheless. “i wish my mom annoyed me with home made cupcakes. my mom just annoys me with complaining about why i don’t get along with my grandfather.” he began licking the icing off the first cupcake. “so what’s the occassion? like, literally to annoy you, or a congratulations maybe?” his wide eyes and bouncing leg made it seem like he’d already had five cupcakes. “and why do you look so bummed out?” this time there was more concern in his voice.

“ she’s fuckin’... sneaky, ” jax scowled slightly. he knew he was being ridiculous. it was cupcakes, and it was his birthday. but his mama’s slightly sarcastic smile as she sent him off with cupcakes and made the girls sing happy birthday to him over breakfast told him that she was at least slightly teasing him.  “ what’s th’ deal with your grandfather? ” he asked, curiosity getting the best of him. tyler seemed to enjoy the cupcake, and jax forced himself to stop being a grump and give it a try.  “ eh. it’s my birthday, ” jax shrugged, pinching off a piece of the cupcake to taste. they were good, of course. but his mama knew he wasn’t super fond of sweets.  “ jus’ not a big fan of my birthday, ya know? which, i know. makes me sounds like a fuckin’ buzzkill. but i dunno. ”

hinemoanax:

Kora blinks in the darkness as the man on their porch speaks - they recognize the voice, and as their eyes adjust, their brows lift. They hadn’t expected Jax to be the one to turn up on their doorstep - usually if anyone arrived at their house in the middle of the night it was a drunk college-friend who’d thought it’d be easier to uber to Kora’s and crash on their couch. 

“Oh. Sup, dude.” 

Kora blinks a few more times like a sleepy child trying to process something, kind of just letting his words rush over them. They don’t say anything for a second, snapping the door shut. It opens a moment later, as they’d had to slide the chain off before letting him in. 

“I can handle blood,” they say, pulling the door open to let him in. Normally they’d probably be a little freaked out in a situation like this, but they were at that stage of sleep-deprivation where everything felt just a little surreal, like they were watching themselves from afar. Like they were existing but slightly to the left, or like they were watching it on tv.

“Uh… What the fuck happened?” They ask as they usher him inside, shutting the door and locking it again out of habit. They scuttle across the room afterwards to flick on a main light, illuminating the room that’d previously only been lit by a side lamp and the blue glow of the television. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, of course.” They’re quiet a moment before flapping a hand at him, dragging a chair out from under the kitchen table and gesturing it as they try to think back to that first aid course they took in high school. 

“Uh. You should sit, or something.”

jaxon groaned as he shifted, the wound in lower back shooting sharply with pain. this had to take the cake for one of the fucking stupidest thing he’d gotten himself into. seeing kora’s hesitant reaction, he couldn’t help be feel guilty for imposing himself (and all his bullshit) on the younger one. but kora was someone he thought as solid, and he’d definitely be making it up to them in the future. hard. 

“ ‘course you can ask. i mean, i’m showin’ up here late as fuck, bleeding. kinda owe it to you, ” he huffed with a soft chuckle.  “ i, uh... got into a bar fight. which, is dumb enough. but people are stupid and crazy, and this guy’s buddy stabbed me with a god damn nail. and i.... i kinda need you t’ pull it out. i’ll talk you through it. ” he offered up, a small consolation to an admittedly crazy request. he’d do it himself, but with the nail shoved into the meat on the left side of his lower back, he couldn’t really reach it on his own. 

he sat with a groan, sitting sideways and pulling his shirt higher up off his back. the nail was protruding about an inch out of his back. driving here was a fucking bitch, but it was the reason he came here. it was the closest. he set a small first aid kit on the kitchen table (one of the ones he kept in his truck). “ if this is too much, tell me. i don’t wanna ask you t’ do something you’re not okay with. i know it’s a lot. ”

Jαхoɴ Sαwyer + [moodboard]

✉️| DANNIE & JAX

dannie: well, shit. i was shopping for a birthday present for you. i'll scratch that.

dannie: any particular reason why?

jaxon: yeah right haha

jaxon: i dont know. birthdays just aint ever been pleasant. and i spent nearly a decade of them in the desert overseas. just. i dunno.