63 Reasons Why Fidds Wants To Kick Ford’s Ass

63 reasons why Fidds wants to kick Ford’s ass

1. The sass

2. Fucking triangles everywhere Stanford WHY

3. Why must you always be such a pretentious asshole

4. Legwarmers are fab as hell fuck you

5. GO! TO! BED!

6. You talk too much shit for a man who’s never in his life seen a boob

7. Coffee isn’t breakfast

8. YOU STOLE MY HAIR STRIPE THING

9. You fucking ignored my warnings

10. Your roast game is so weak that you had to write down your potential roasts in fear of me roasting you harder in return

11. You have flannel pajamas and won’t teach me how to make my own

12. I’ll pluck this banjo all damn night you can’t stop me

13. Adopted a violent alien as a child

14. Almost mistook that shapeshifter for me and costed us all our work.

15. I’m supposedly your best friend but you didn’t trust me enough to give as much of a hint as to where the hell you got the idea to built a portal to hell in your basement

16. All those precarious stacks of books in our old college dorm room

17. Just make up with your brother already your cold uncaring facade isn’t fooling anyone

18. Why is it that you can outright order me to destroy my inventions but i can’t even inquire as to the safety of yours

19. 4 years in college together as roommates and not once did you ask me out of a date.

20. …And then you’re all salty when i marry someone else

21. You think my southern farm boy habits are gross but when was the last time you showered

22. You said Tate had great eyes, you didn’t pull his bangs back once during your visit

23. You dissed me for being from a hog farm but at least my upbringing was honest

24. Oh, I see how it is, I couldn’t have a pig in the house but your 12 year old niece can

25. You didn’t deactivate the portal before calling your brother over

26. Where the FUCK did my smez dispenser go

27. You got yourself a work out regime but didn’t share it with me

28. Leave my goddamn cubik’s cubes alone

29. You waited until after I made you bacon for breakfast to tell me you were Jewish

30. You won’t just shut up and accept forgiveness

31. You suck at being big spoon

32. Your dab game is WEAK

33. Stop correcting my grammar you know I’m just as smart as you if not more so and it has nothing to do with my word choice

34. You called my banjoing annoying yet you keep on playing the piano at 4-a-fucking-m in the morning

35. Using bigger words doesn’t make you smarter

36. Licorice jelly beans are trash and you know it

37. Molasses is a perfectly reasonable popsicle flavor

38. If I find ONE MORE GOSH DARN SKELETON ON THE PORCH I SWEAR TO GOD

39. What was the one thing I told you not to do tonight? Raise the dead… And what did you do? Raise the dead!!

40. You value the advice of a literal demon over mine

41. For a supposed genius you’re oblivious as hell

42. You think looking at a framed picture of Tesla is the same at looking at your family

43. You talked shit about laptops but fucking what’s the best selling piece of tech?

44. If you needed my help on this project so bad then why are you ignoring literally all of my contributions

45. I survived 30 years without shoes I don’t need em you can’t make me

46. Why I’m God’s name are you wearing a sweater IN SUMMER

47. What is that belt strap across your chest even for? Do you think it makes you look cool? It doesn’t

48. Maybe don’t go poking every button in a literal alien spaceship

49. Learn some god damn basic lab safety please

50. Why did you put that weird symbol into the side of the portal console?

51. Ok so bigfoot is real but palm reading is bogus? Where do you draw the line

52. You threw away that weird squash I gave you that was a HEARTFELT TOKEN OF FRIENDSHIP

53. You never let me have a dog

54. You never introduced me to your mother

55. After 30 years of hell you’re still hot somehow and it’s not fair

56. KISS ME YOU FOOL

57. You couldn’t keep your damn mouth shut and hold your brothers hand for 3 seconds to stop the literal apocalypse

58. You almost always made sure I’d skip leg day

59. WITCHCRAFT

60. You said I was being too kind to the plaidypus

61. Just admit you don’t know how to play chess

62. You can’t expect people to trust you if you don’t trust them

63. YOU STILL HAVEN’T KISSED ME