Thedearladydisdain - Thedearladydisdain

RECLAIMING DISCIPLINE CAN LOOK LIKE:

• keeping small + manageable promises to yourself daily

• healing your attention span (ex: reading books, watching movies without scrolling, letting yourself be bored)

• moving from "I'll try" to "I will"

• reframing pain + difficulty as often where the growth happens

• showing up as the person you want to be

• making mindful & nourishing choices VS choices that result in instant gratification

My ultimate pet peeve is women sexualising themselves being defended as “she’s embracing her sexuality”.  It could not be more removed from her sexuality.  Her sexuality is what she finds attractive.  Making yourself more attractive to men is embracing MEN’S sexuality.

here's some more unsolicited adult advice as someone in her 30s who knows there are a lot of twenty somethings and teens that follow her: if you're trying to build a new habit you really want, and are struggling, you have to break it down to the smallest building block possible. If you're failing, you haven't thought small enough. I know it's possible to hear stories of people who just snapped into new life mode one day by "just deciding", but truly what's happening there is a confluence of events and experiences that force the brain into some sort of epiphany. You cannot will an epiphany. It'll never work. For most times of your life, you will need to build habits intentionally, and that means not working against yourself and to set micro goals. like laughably tiny goals. because once that easy tiny goal is met, you can build off it, tiny goal after tiny goal until you reach your big goal.

so for example, if you want to be a morning person that gets up at ass crack dawn so that you can work out, eat brekkie, shower, and get to work at a leisurely pace, and you're not that person because you will hit your snooze button 800 times, you have to get the big picture goal out of your head. think smaller. "I want to get up 15 minutes earlier than I normally do." If you can't do that, make it 5 minutes. "I want to cook breakfast every day" hell no too big. "I want to eat something, anything, before I leave the house" hell yeah, fantastic. When you go to the grocery store to make sure there are things in the house for breakfast, if you keep buying bagels and microwave sandwiches that you ignore, you gotta think smaller. SMALLER. What's something so easy to eat that you'll never say no to. Is it a yogurt? Is it a handful of grapes? Is it a hostess ho ho? is it hot cheetos? FORGET the big picture of the fantasy put-together woman preparing a full nutritious meal that you'd be proud to admit to. Think only of the smallest goal you can achieve. If you know you can't say no to an ice cream sandwich, put a ton of ice cream sandwiches in your freezer and have one for breakfast every day until it's so instilled in you that you gotta get up to eat something you can start diversifying.

It sounds like, from the lack of habit place, that must take forever. But really it doesn't take too long to form the habit once the discipline kicks in. the trick is that you have to give your brain something easy to become disciplined to. If it's too hard, think easier and smaller. No one has to know. Literally no one in the gd world has to know that for 4 weeks when you were 22 you had an ice cream sandwich for breakfast every day. who cares. If it gets you eating oatmeal with fresh fruit in a few months who cares. you did it, yay. smaller, easier. if you can't do it, think smaller and easier. smaller!! EASIER!!! You are not thinking smaller and easier enough. break your brain thinking how small and easy you can go. SMALLER. EVEN SMALLER, SIS.

Chances are, you’re not fridgid or asexual- patriarchy probably killed your natural, healthy sexuality.

Things that ruin the sexuality of women:

1. Habitually forcing yourself to have sex you don’t want to have out of duty + obligation.

2. Habitually having sex with someone who is selfish and only cares about their pleasure.

3. Being treated like an object or treating yourself like an object (getting all your pleasure out of being desired, never thinking about what you desire/find physically attractive or what feels good to you)

4. Sexual abuse, rape, exploitation and being exposed to violent kinks.

5. Habitually having sex totally disconnected from emotional intimacy and care.

6. Having sex with someone who disrespects you, disregards your needs, emotionally neglects you or full blown abuses you on a daily basis.

7. Participating in sex work. Biggest kept secret is that women who have sex for work are prone to becoming sex repulsed.

REAL sex positivity for women would come from addressing these issues. But we don’t hear about it. 👂🏽🚫

Pamela Anderson choosing to wear no makeup (not “natural” makeup, not a “no-makeup makeup” look, but actually no makeup on her skin) to events and letting her wrinkles and age spots be clearly visible is actually groundbreaking and anyone who paints it as not a big deal, or worse, as somehow an attack on some other group, is a moron

The amount of people that stay stagnant because they’re afraid of having friends that are “better” than them might just be the answer as to why a lot of them are so lonely, too. Having friends that are better spoken, better traveled, better dressed, better educated, better whatever actually enriches your life tremendously and I couldn’t imagine not surrounding myself with people I wanted to learn from out of mere fear of inadequacy

it's genuinely crazy that free the nipple died

Hey, take it from someone creeping towards 40:

Ignore the fun police.

If you like it, order your steak well done. Get your bagel toasted with jam and butter. Put ice in your scotch and ketchup on your hotdog. Get red wine with fish and white with steak. Who cares?

If you want to, listen to pop music. Watch blockbuster popcorn flicks. Read dime store novels. Enjoy them.

Dye your hair or cut it off. Paint your fingernails blue. Wear whatever the fuck you want on your own time (ie, when not at a job or school or whatever where you can get penalized for breaking rules) as long as you aren’t like welding or shoveling snow.

Anyone who tries to tell you you’re wrong? Say “okay” and go back to what you were doing. You’re not hurting them by enjoying yourself or having things the way you like them.

There are no caveats or addendums to this. No “but what about x?” Nah. You’re allowed the things you like. You don’t have to justify your taste or apologize for it if it’s not hurting anyone.

And likewise, let other people live their lives. We’re all dead in the long run, so tend your own garden before you become fertilizer in it.