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f*ck personality tests, what font do you write in?

hope ur ok - a poem

dedicated to all the online friends who have left online spaces or who are inactive more often than not. 

hey.

it’s been a while. i hope you’re well. i hope you’re safe and happy. i miss seeing you online, but i hope you’re doing better offline.

i miss seeing the active symbol next to your name. i miss talking to you. i miss the three different keysmashes you used depending on what felt right to you at the time. i miss spamming your question stickers. i miss congratulating you for every single milestone you reached. i miss competing for first on our friends’ posts and always being first on each other’s. i miss taking your friendship for granted.

days, weeks, and months later, i still remember the first time you dmed me. and the funny thing is, i remember saying hello but i don’t remember saying goodbye. i didn’t think i had to.

memory is strange. i can remember when we started talking, but i don’t remember when we stopped. maybe it didn’t happen all at once. maybe it was an hourglass, time running out, grain by grain, and I didn’t notice until there was nothing left. do you still remember me? i haven’t forgotten you.

hey.

maybe you won’t come online again. some selfish part of me wants you to return. but all i ever wanted was for you to be happy, and if this is what you want, then i will accept it. even if someday i look on our friendship as only a faint memory, i will remember it fondly. i can only hope you will do the same, wherever you are.

i just wanted to say: i miss you, and i hope you’re okay.

1 Year Anniversary Post

Origins

I made this account a year ago, on November 29, 2020. I’d been in the writing community since August 2020, but I was only on my personal account at that time. Everyone was so familiar and warm and friendly, and I knew that this was a place I wanted to be, so I joined it. I can safely say that was one of the best decisions I've made! It’s been a wild ride ever since. I’ve learned so much about myself and about my writing, and I’ve met so many lovely people!

Thank you to...

Thank you to all the people who were with me from the beginning, including those who first shouted out my account when it was new. Not all of you are super active anymore, but I couldn’t have gotten started without you! Thank you to Brynn, Vega, Val, Cecelia, and Shel, who were all so kind and helpful to me in my early days (and still are)!

Thank you to my other friends and mutuals, including Maya, Jorja, Jay, Sailor, Liv, CJ, Emma, Yolanda, Noor, Liv, Daisy, Grace, Sam, and many, many more whom I'm forgetting right now. Thank you for listening to me, fangirling and ranting with me, competing for first in my comments and being all-around awesome people in general. You guys never fail to make me smile and I’m so, so grateful to have you all! You make all of this worth it.

Finally, thank you to the person reading this post. I literally would not be here without you. You are just as important as all of the other people I’ve mentioned so far. Thank you to all my followers--everyone who comments on my posts and answers my question stickers and supports me unconditionally. Thank you to the people who have shouted me out and reached out to tell me that you liked my account--you guys are amazing. I don’t think I can express how much all of your support means to me!

Here's to one year on Instagram, and here's to the next :)

I aspire to write a book that makes people stare at the cover and hold it reverently for a solid ten minutes after finishing it

This is a tumblr hug, or a tumblr high five, or a tumblr sitting in the same room together, pass it on to your ten favorite followers or mutuals <3

aww thank you 🥺 <3

are you really lost if you don't want to return

How to Write the “Gifted” Kid

Intro

First, I apologize for the slightly misleading title when this is also a thinly veiled excuse to rant about being said “gifted” kid. But I also do want to touch on this topic because it’s something I’m familiar with, having seen it in many other people my age. The irony of the system I’ve seen and experienced is that it’s meant to push us up, but instead far more often pulls us down.

Note: I think the idea that people are more gifted than others is complete nonsense, therefore I have placed it in quotation marks in the title. I will not be using the quotations throughout the entire post; however, please assume they are there, just invisible.

Remember too, that this is my experience, and a lot of these are my opinions; you may have had a different experience, and that is also completely valid!

Pressure

“Gifted” kids are often singled out at a young age by the education system. Usually they have desirable qualities like good memorization, determination, and curiosity. Sometimes they’re chosen by their school to take part in a “gifted and talented” program or something similar. The result is that they grow up with a lot more pressure on them to do well in school, and later on, life. They are expected to achieve high and aim for success, all with relatively little effort because they’re “gifted.”

But as they grow older, they become more insignificant as the number of gifted kids increases, and suddenly they’re struggling to compete with a dozen other people at any given time.

And speaking of grades, that’s another thing gifted kids focus on. A lot of gifted kids end up connecting their self-worth to their grades, which eventually leads to low self-esteem, mental exhaustion and low mental health, and burnout.

Perfectionism

Another effect of being a gifted kid is growing up believing that you have to be perfect. This often leads to a huge fear of failure and/or disappointment. 

Perfectionism has always been a huge issue for me. When I check my grades, I get a cold, almost nauseous feeling from the anticipation. I cry when I don’t understand a lesson the first time because I expect myself to be perfect. I hate not being good at something the first time I do it. It’s terrible and it’s irrational, but it’s a habit, and a hard one to break, at that.

Not all gifted kids are perfectionists, but it’s a common trait. You probably know that one kid who complains about getting an A minus or some other grade that’s still good. That’s the gifted perfectionist, on a bit of an exaggerated level.

Gifted kids are held to a much higher standard, and I believe that’s what causes the perfectionism in the first place. Our identities are tied to our success. If other people aren’t satisfied with us, we aren’t satisfied with ourselves. If we make mistakes, we become them. It’s a vicious cycle that’s difficult to break out of, but unfortunately, it’s a reality for many.

Academic career

(Disclaimer: A lot of what I say here applies to the United States. If you live in another country, I would be interested to hear about what the typical “gifted” academic career looks like!)

Gifted kids frequently take honors classes, AP classes, or IB classes in their academic career, and usually more than one at any given time. Also, note that College Board, which runs AP and a bunch of other tests and classes, is regarded as a scam and a rip-off by most people, and it’s something of a running joke among AP students. I’m not going to dip into that discourse here, but I do believe that exams are very expensive and the grading scale is designed to be deliberately detail-oriented and harsh.

All of this is to say; gifted kids spend most of their early lives learning to build toward their future. A frequent problem is, though, that it’s not a future they’ve chosen for themself. I’ve chosen it, but there are plenty who haven’t, or people who want to escape it and can’t.

Burnout and motivation

All of this can lead to declining mental health and self-esteem and close connections. “Gifted kid burnout” is a common condition as gifted kids get older. They work themselves to the point of exhaustion, and use coping mechanisms such as old childhood/comfort hobbies or fandoms. Another popular coping mechanism is procrastination.

Often at this point, productivity sharply tumbles, and the gifted kid is left wondering why they can’t seem to summon any of their old achievements and success. This may bring them to a loss of motivation and increased apathy towards life.

Why it’s problematic

The entire concept of “gifted” kids is designed to benefit only a select few, and then then, after the system is done with them, I wouldn’t call those few “benefited.” And what about those who aren’t deemed gifted? Are they average? Below-average? The system is divisive and discriminatory, and it needs to be reworked.

Gifted kids are also forced into competition, both with others and themselves. Their careers become a race against their own productivity and success. And when that fails, they’re left with the dregs of their mental health.

Outro

Hardly any of this was actual writing advice, but I hope some of it was useful, or at least eye-opening. This may not be the most important issue out there, but it is certainly one of the most common ones. When you're writing a gifted kid character, keep these things in mind. Thank you for reading!

writing characters with one eye

i can pretty much guarantee that ↑that↑ is not a heading you see everyday.

now i will not be giving advice on writing cyclopses, (though it may be sort of the same thing) i still hope this will be helpful for some people out there that are looking to provide a more diverse cast to their wip!

i have never ever ever read a book, watch a show movie etc etc that involves a character with one eye. (aside from those badass characters who wear eye patches bc they lost sight in one eye in some badass way)

for context: i am one of many people who was born with microphtalmia, an eye disease that results in one or both eyes develope smaller than normal at birth. i myself was born with a smaller left eye, which resulted in my left eye being removed exactly twenty days after birth.

microphthalmia (along with many other eye diseases) typically leads to being half or fully blind. i lucked out and only lost my left eye which i am so so thankful for.

i would really really love to see more representation for my community in literature, especially so people would come to see that being half blind isn’t as unusual and weird as people make it out to be.

without further ado, i present to you, a list of information, facts, and first hand experiences from yours truly!

i’ve had prosthetic eyes made to fit my eye socket for about fifteen years (i’m 16 lol) (the first 6ish months after the surgery i never had a prosthetic)

in my life i’ve had four different prosthetic eyes made because just like other people, my eye socket grew alongside the rest of me, meaning the prosthetic needed to be made bigger

i’ve had my current prosthetic for four years now, the past ones lasted about 2-3 years at a time. this one will probably last me through the rest of my life unless i need/want a new one

as opposed to most media/assumptions, my prosthetic (along with most prosthetics) is PLASTIC (people always think it’s glass) and only half a circle!!

i’ve had three surgeries related to my eye

i do not have depth perception which makes doing certain things very difficult (estimating distance, how close/far i am from something etc)

driving is not affected too much, i just have to turn my head more than other people. i believe being blind in the right eye might be more difficult, but i couldn’t say

doing my make up is kinda easy, except for eyeliner is a pain in the ASS since most people close their eye to do it on their upper lid, but clearly i can’t close my right eye whilst doing it lol

my family as well as my friends and even myself often forget i have a prosthetic, which sometimes results in awkward/funny situations

i hate walking with people on my right bc i can’t tell where they are unless i’m constantly looking down at my/their feet

i sucked at basketball bc i had such a disadvantage (no depth perception, i could only see half the court, i was constantly turning my head) but professional swimming is much easier for me since it’s not a contact sport and doesn’t really require for me to be paying attention to a million things at once

i rarely have to take my prosthetic out, and if i do, it’s either to clean it, (we do get eye crusties on our prosthetics just like other people do when they have pink eye or sever allergies) it’s bothering me/really dry, or i want to take it out to show/scare people lol

a lot of people don’t realize when i first meet them that it’s fake bc my recent prosthetic is amazing accurate to my real eye. others notice and assume i have a lazy eye since it doesn’t move

for some reason people think i can’t cry out of my left (prosthetic) eye??? i still have a tear duct??? i actually think more tears come out of my left tear duct than my right lol

i am extremely self conscious about it, but i know there are other one-eyed beauties out there who aren’t which is amazing!! i try to live vicariously through them lol

i make sooo many jokes about my eye lol, and i’m usually ok w other people making jokes as long as they aren’t like overly rude/offensive, then i’ll feel a lil bad about my self

people never really made fun of it, but kids in middle school likes to wave things in front of my left eye/on my left side that i couldn’t see which got really annoying after a while

getting custom designed prosthetics are available, but they’re really expensive (so are normal lol) they costs thousands of dollars, just like other prosthetics do

i run into things that are on my left side ALL THE TIME it’s actually kinda funny lolol

i try to hide my left eye/turn more to my left side in photos bc my eyes aren’t always looking in the same direction, which really gets to me

i wear glasses for both protection and bc my right eye is -1.75 lmao but i did used to wear non-prescription glasses purely for safety

i do have contacts to wear during the summer, swim meets etc, for when i don’t want/can’t wear my glasses but need to see. bc of this, i have a second pair of glasses that have no prescription

if doctors/scientists managed to figure out a way to fix microphthalmia (a birth defect), or do a sort of eye transplant, i would not be able to have that done to me because all parts of my left eye have been removed from my body

microphthalmia is NOT the only disease that results in the haver losing sight in one or both eyes!! there are many others, but it is not my place to share any experiences for something i have not experienced!!!

for once i just want to see a clumsy character who has one eye that WASNT a result of some tragic event.

so please please please consider including a character with one working eye in your wip. it would mean the world to myself and all the other members of the community (there’s a lot of us, trust me) plus, i wouldn’t mind starting an acting debut playing a half-blind female protagonist, that would be so dope.

that’s about all i can think of for now! please send an ask or reply to this post if you have any questions, i’m willing to answer any!!! and if you happen to be a member of the one eye club, please add to this post!! that would mean the world to me:)