I Can Be Shaped By More Than The Things That Hurt Me

god cis people really dont even know about transgender euphoria. like they can only fathom transitioning as something you do to save your life. its so so bleak

I wonder how many people were buried with the wrong names. Not due to their parents disrespecting their identity, but because they themselves didn't know that it was wrong.

They never got to learn who they were. They never got to see what life could have been like. Who they could have been. What they could have done if only the world had allowed them to explore.

How many more of us could there be. How many more of us are out there. Numb to the fact that they aren't truly living. How many will never realize.

ok well I finished I saw the tv glow … for me I think what this movie depicts so well is the deadness you feel before you realise you’re trans. like I kind of thought I was a sociopath before I realised I was transgender because I didn’t really feel like I loved my parents that much and I didn’t really feel joy or happiness. I remember someone asked me once what the best day of my life was and I was terrified because I didn’t have an answer, not because my life was miserable but because I could not think of any moment in my life where joy made any sort of lasting impression on me. I didn’t have many friends or cared that much about the ones I had, I forced myself to be in relationships with men I didn’t like, everything was just pure social obligation. there was this membrane between me and reality at all times and I just thought I was insane for most of my life. I keep thinking about Isabel saying, completely deadpan “I even got a family now. I love them more than anything” and you know how fraudulent and horrifying that statement is. and what threads that needle is her revisiting the old tapes and thinking it all just looked cheap and cheesy, she says “I just felt embarrassed” because she’s so thoroughly suppressed her dysphoria that even the thing that led her to recognising it had no colour or feeling in it anymore. the movie is horrifying and idk if I have anything like coherent to say about it but for me the thing that connected with me the most is how monotone so much of Isabel’s life is. Once Maddy/Tara leaves there’s no colour in it anymore

the Ice War on Europa...

Fuck.

if you want to think and engage with things in a politically beneficial way then there is really just no way around the task of unpacking "common sense" and all other unrecognized frameworks in which you've previously based your morals and politics. the next time you find yourself basing an argument or preconception in "well, i mean, it's just not right/it's just common sense/this is just how things work" your job is to rapid onset develop a four year old alter who cannot stop asking you "why"

do you guys think Karl Marx would've liked Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because it promotes waste reduction and the subversion of both capitalism generally and brand commodification¹ specifically through second hand buying or do you think he would not like it because it still promotes consumption as an activity especially of items one does not actually need.² or do you think he'd like it cause it's a banger³

References

¹ Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [2:38]: ""They be like, "Oh, that Gucci? That's hella tight", I'm like, "Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt", Limited edition, let's do some simple addition, Fifty dollars for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch shit, I call that getting-swindled-and-pimped shit, I call that getting tricked by business, That shirt's hella dope, And having the same one as six other people in this club is a hella don't"

² Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [1:29]: "They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard, I bought a skeet blanket, then I bought a knee board"

³ trust

they sacked my fucking fiefdom. it's so over. i'll never be able to afford the king's taxes. i don't have a single fucking asset to my name except *winks shyly* my special sex ability🫣

That feeling when your nephew calls you gay because you are wearing maroon.