Most Soldiers Had A “do It For Her Bored” Homer Simpson Style But It Said “win It For Him”

Most soldiers had a “do it for her bored” Homer Simpson style but it said “win it for him”

Imagine if Achilles & Patroclus hadn’t left Pyrrhus with Deimedia and Thetis. Imagine if instead Patroclus had adopted him & they had taken him to the war with them.

And then when they arrive to the war everyone is like: “Great the best Greek soldier is here!” And they look up and it’s this gigantic, intimidating guy cradling a baby in his arms.

And when Achilles goes to the war, Patroclus babysits the kid & Pyrrhus grows up with no idea that he’s not technically related to Patroclus. And everyone is really confused as to where the kid did come from, until Pyrrhus gets his hands on a sword and there’s no doubt it’s Achilles’ son. But even if he’s not Patroclus’ kid, Pyrrhus has his kindness.

Pyrrhus becomes the legion’s mascot and everyone just cheers up when they see him. He’s got a whole army of godfathers who are all desperately trying to win the war because they want this kid to grow up away from the war. He’s got uncle Ajax who likes to take him to the sea & teach him to swim, uncle Odysseus who teaches him about the world that’s out there and uncle Chiron who hasn’t met him yet, but would undoubtedly be delighted to meet him.

And Achilles doesn’t turn bitter anymore, because he’s got a son that he wants to be a great example too. So really, they saved Pyrrhus, but Pyrrhus also saved them because Patroclus never has to go to the war instead of Achilles and Achilles never has to grieve Patroclus.

And truly I just made this up because I can’t deal with the actual ending, so let me have this please