⟣ 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕕 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 ⟢

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized) (Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) 

UPDATE 11.02.2018: I TAKE REQUESTS ONLY FROM THOSE PROMPTS THAT ARE IN BOLDED TEXT (like the text from this update.)

1. Do I look like I give a fuck? - 2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you. - 3. Me? Overreacting? Probably. - 4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you. - 5. A: Whar are you doing? B: Avoiding. A: Avoiding what? B: Everything. - 6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES? - 7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time. - 8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.     A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell. - 9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world! - 10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass. - 11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it. - 12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends. - 13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it. - 14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard. - 15. A: How do you make someone holy?       B: You beat the hell out of them. - 16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.       B: Not me, I’m important. - 17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it. - 18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such. - 19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it. - 20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything. - 21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment. - 22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place. - 23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though. - 24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.       B: THanks.       A: You’re welcome. - 25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming. - 26. A: What are you reading?       B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.       A: wHAT the fuck? - 27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.       B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch. - 28. Man, how many eye contact until date? - 29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”. - 30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on. - 31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19? - 32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey. - 33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb. - 34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower. - 35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful. - 36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right. - 37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic. - 38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me. -

39. A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.      B: That’s my right boob though.      A: Babe. -

40. Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough. - 41. What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answer to a Harry Potter trivia question. - 42. I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck. - 43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. - 44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you. - 45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch. -

47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense. -

48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier. -

49.I ship me and that boat. - 50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay. - 51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death. - 52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee! - 53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me. - 54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit? - 55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery. - 56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING - 57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games. - 58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad. - 59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general. - 60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally. - 61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later. - 62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy. - 63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know. - 64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”. - 65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what? - 66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects. - 67.A: I love you.      B: What if I got a bowl cut? - 68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t. - 69.I’m aggressively thinking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is? - 70.My opinion is no. - 71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan and he’s hot as Hell. - 72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch. - 73.Which is messier - my life or my hair? - 74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face? - 75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. - 76.Read a girl who dates books. - 77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants. - 78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory. - 79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that. - 80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting. - 81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

(This update applies ONLY to MY blog (aka Persuasivus) !) 💕

/PART TWO/ PART THREE /

the office intro but it’s stray kids

The Mentor’s Child (a multi-chapter Shinsou x reader fic): Chapter 5

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Warnings: none!

If you like my stuff you can buy me a ko-fi here!

Taglist: @universal-imagines​, @lucio-the-beautiful-goat​, @lostgirlheart​, @katsheen​, @estrellitaaart​, @complexhouseplant​, @vinaios​

A/n: And here’s the next chapter, along with a snazzy new picture that will replace the gifs in the beginning of the chapters! Thank you for your continued support towards this series and I hope you enjoy!

You sat in your classroom, not really listening as your teacher droned on and on about something. Normally you would at least try and pay attention or take notes but today your brain just wasn’t having it and you eventually just gave up. Akihiko would let you copy off his notes later anyways. So instead of being a good student and paying attention, you were zoning out lost in your thoughts. 

Specifically, you were thinking about what you said to Shinsou a few days ago during your training session.

You mentally groaned at how harsh you were. Sure he had commented on your quirk but he hadn’t even said anything bad or malicious. He was simply asking a question and you had let your insecurities get the best of you, causing you to be a little more mean than you had intended. It’s not like Shinsou knew your past or why you didn’t like your quirk, he was simply trying to get to understand you better and you had ruined it. He had even kind of complimented your quirk in a way, as he had commented it could be useful, but nope you had to focus on the bad parts.

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boys like you (m)

series masterlist!

1.0 | 2.0 |

Second Son Navigation | A Regulus Black Series

Synopsis: Forbidden from contacting Harry over the summer, you opt to explore the eerie halls of Grimmauld Place where you stumble upon a lonely portrait of the House's second son.

Warnings: Story is not canon compliant. Includes time jumps. Magic lore is altered/not compliant with canon HP series.

Status: Completed (03.14.23 - 04.24.23)

Main Masterlist

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III

Chapter IV

Chapter V

Chapter VI

Chapter VII

Chapter VIII

Chapter IX

Chapter X

Chapter XI

Chapter XII

Chapter XIII

Chapter XIV

Chapter XV

Chapter XVI

Chapter XVII

Chapter XVIII

Chapter XIX

Chapter XX (Epilogue)

sugar and spice; all things nice

Sebastian Vettel x Fem!Reader 

Series Summary: It’s hard raising a child, let alone doing it as a single parent. When young two girls become attached at the hip from day one, it’s like faith forced them together. You could say the same for their parents. 

Author’s Note: this is an idea that was swirling around for a bit and thanks to @estevries​ for their encouragement to write chapter one - I’m not sure how long this will run but you know me and my chaos. updates will come as they will <3

taglist is full! I do apologize to anyone who wanted to tagged now //  character synopsis

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you’re on your own, kid // mercedes

summary: to quote her mentor, it’s been a shit fucking day at the office. she doesn’t want to go home alone, and needs a few shoulders to cry on.

pairing: platonic!mercedes amg f1 team x female reader

warnings: *existential crisis intensifies*. talk of loneliness and romantic problems, anxiety. y/n is very emotional and sensitive. I do a lot of projecting because I just want to be comforted. we jokingly bully paul aron a little bit.

author's note: the only explanation i have for this is sad girl fall

"mr. bonnington?" she shouted, dashing across the factory floor to catch up to the race engineer, a stack of papers in her hands.

peter bonnington smiled at the young intern, taking the sheaf of papers patenting the new suspension system being used in the silver arrows for next season. "mr. bonnington was my father. please, y/n, call me bonno. everybody else does. you're one of us now."

"am i? i just work in legal. i don't even get to travel." she said it jokingly, but it was another reminder that she didn't truly fit in with the team, that nothing she did would make her good enough.

"yeah, and you don't get the stress and jet lag that goes along with it." bonno looked at her knowingly. "you're going to do great things here. just you wait and see."

but y/n didn't fully believe him. she wasn't even a proper lawyer, just the clerk. the glorified errand-girl.

she carried that bad feeling in her stomach all day. while she was sitting at her desk typing reports, watching through the windows as the engineers laughed with each other. while she sorted contracts and blueprints and watched the drivers talking with each other on their way to the simulator room. the junior drivers, kimi antonelli and paul aron, one a year younger than she was, the other two full calendar years and three months. just kids, already more successful and well known than y/n would ever be.

and she realized that she never truly felt like she fit in, and then she was going to go home and sit alone with her feelings over a frozen dinner.

as soon as the clock hit five, she grabbed her backpack and her coat and she was out of the office in a flash, headphones in as she bit back tears.

she made it to the edge of the parking lot before she started crying, sitting down on the edge of one of the decorative rocks. the tears ran down her face and she knew she looked like a fool sitting in the parking lot and bawling her eyes out, but her mother always told her that emotions were better out than in.

she didn't know how long she had been there when something brought her back to the present moment. the press of a paw on her leg, a deep bark that cut through the music she was listening to. the gentle pressure of a hand on her shoulder.

she looked down, taking out one of her earbuds as she reached down to scratch roscoe hamilton behind the ears, turning her head to see the bulldog's owner, the one and only lewis hamilton, standing next to the rock where she was sitting.

"are you alright, y/n? you look upset."

she shook her head, wiping her eyes and trying to regain composure. "you know who i am?"

"of course. we met when your lawyer did that tour of the factory floor."

"i didn't think the higher ups would remember somebody like me."

lewis smiled, taking a seat next to her on the rock, lifting roscoe up so she could hold the bulldog in her arms. "do you want to talk about it?"

"it's been a day, lewis. it's been a day. i'm struggling to fit in here, even though this field placement is literally the dream to me. i've loved this team since before i could walk, and i feel like an outsider every time that i walk through the factory doors."

lewis comfortingly put his hand on her arm. "what can we do to help?"

"i don't know. i think that i'm the problem, lewis. i don't know how to talk to people, and i always think they're judging me behind my back. i'm not a people person, and i think it's just as simple as that."

roscoe whined in her lap, nudging his head into her stomach. she laughed scratching the bulldog behind the ears.

"roscoe seems to like you. and if roscoe likes you, you can't be that bad."

"i'm just lonely, lewis. it's my first year away from home, and i've never been alone for this long before."

lewis was about to say something when another voice cut through the air.

"oi, lewis, mate, what are you doing out here in the cold?"

they both turned around. lewis waved the other man over, and soon enough, george russell was sitting on her other side, a concerned look on his face.

"are you alright, love? you look like you've been crying."

"thanks for the reminder." she sniffled, wiping at her eyes with the cuff of her sweater. "i'm y/n, i work in legal."

"nice to meet you, y/n. i'm george, but you know that already, i bet."

lewis patted her gently on the shoulder. "y/n was just saying that she doesn't feel like she fits in here."

george's eyes widened. "that can't be true. come on now, we aren't that bad company, are we?"

y/n laughed, shaking her head. "i've just always struggled with the social aspect. and now i get to go home and be lonely over a good book and a frozen dinner from sainsburys."

lewis raised his eyebrows. "really? a pretty, bright young thing like you must have someone to come home to."

"you know how it is. you grow older and you lose touch with friends, they move away destined for better things and you're still stuck in the same place that you were before because your anxiety is so bad that you can't bear to move away from home and leave behind everything you thought you knew. this is my first time living on my own. i moved out of my parent's house and into a small little flat that i can barely afford."

she stopped and took a deep breath.

i will not cry in front of the most important members of this fucking team.

"with every day that goes by where i don't meet that person, that person who's going to love me unconditionally, that person who's going to tell me i'm gorgeous and kiss me softly and want to spend the rest of their life with me, i get scared that it's never going to happen for me. i'm scared of being alone."

"woah, is there a party out here that i wasn't invited to?" nyck de vries was bundled up from head to toe against the british fall, the wind ruffling his hair as he shrunk his already small body back into the down jacket that swamped his body. "room for one more?"

"if you can fit on the rock, you're welcome to join us." y/n smiled, grateful for the company as she shifted to create room for the reserve driver.

"nyck'll fit, he's tiny anyways." george laughed as the dutch driver joined the trio.

"fuck off, russell. we can't all be tall. being short is awesome anyways, i don't know what you're talking about. so, what are we talking about? boys? inter-office gossip?"

"how about the ever present fear of dying alone having never experienced being in love." y/n said shortly, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles. "yeah, it's a heavy one."

"i'm sorry, how old are you?"

"almost twenty."

"that's way too young to be having an existential crisis like this, mate. you have your whole life ahead of you."

"it will happen when it's meant to. the world has a funny way of working in the ways you least expect it." lewis said gently, taking her small hand in his larger one. "and in the mean time, you have the three of us."

"i can set you up with some of the f2 guys." nyck suggested. "i mean, it's been a while since i was a part of that world, but there's got to be a few of them left around that could help out."

"absolutely not. i'm not sicking an f2 driver on the poor girl." lewis laughed. "you of all people should know how wild they are."

"would you rather i set her up with a formula e driver? i'd say that they're worse."

"what about clement?" george suggested. "i think you'd love novalak, he's a riot."

"he's friends with lando." lewis reminded his teammate.

"right, maybe he's not the best fit for someone so sweet and quiet. paul, maybe?"

"paul is eighteen years old, george." y/n reminded through a laugh. "i'm not dating a literal child."

"what's this about dating?"

at the sound of the team principal's voice, all conversation ceased as the drivers turned to look at their boss. "hey toto." they chorused in almost terrifying unison.

"your drivers are trying to find me a boyfriend."

toto raised his eyebrows. "and they suggested paul? i wouldn't wish that boy on anybody. his brother might be a good fit though. a nice boy with a respectable job on the pit wall."

"leave the poor girl alone, toto." susie laughed, smacking her husband on the arm. "me and angela are the only people allowed to send her on dates, you hear me?"

"yes, susie." the three drivers said in unison, laughing among themselves.

y/n already felt better.

"hey, y/n," george offered. "we were all about to go for a night out, lewis was taking us bowling, we were probably also going to get some pizza or something. did you want to come with us? i'd hate for you to go home sad."

y/n smiled. "actually, yeah. i'd like that a lot."

"come on, then!" susie smiled, helping y/n up from the rock and putting her arm around the younger girl. "you look like you need some girl time."

"oi, susie!" nyck shouted with a laugh. "don't go stealing her from us now!"

and suddenly, even if it was just for a night, she felt like things were going to be okay again.

maybe she wasn't as lonely as she thought she was.

maybe she wasn't on her own after all.

meeting mr. mistletoe

→ Pairing: Namjoon x Female Reader

→ Summary: When your company hosts its annual gift exchange, you don’t expect to receive anything since you’re the one setting it up. But the holiday magic works its way back around to you, giving you not only a Secret Santa of your own, but a Santa who’s also your Secret Admirer. Even though this person has you totally flattered, you’re nervous about learning who he is at the annual Holiday Santa Soirée. You weren’t ever one to approve of office romances, and you still aren’t exactly sure how to navigate this, especially when you uncover who Mr. Mistletoe really is.

→ Genres: Fluff | Romance | Humor

→ AU: CEO x Secretary | Idiots to Lovers | Christmas/Holiday-themed

→ Word Count: 16.2k

→ Rating: pg-13

→ Warnings: mentions of alcohol & alcohol consumption

→ Other: A big thank you to Maggie @kimtaehyunq for making this banner ages ago and letting me reuse it again!! This a repost of my old fic titled the same thing! I hope you like this updated version and give it the same amount of love, oh and happy early holidays!!

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Vice

kaz brekker being a menace! six of crows edition;

kaz and matthias underrated moment: “were you always good at locks?” “no.” “how did you learn?” “the way you learn about anything. take it apart.” “and the magic tricks?” kaz snorted. “so you don’t think im a demon anymore?” “I know you’re a demon, but your tricks are human.”

Kaz’s grin was as sharp as a razor. “Thank goodness we’re proper thieves. We’re going to do a little shopping and it’s all going on Fjerda’s tab. Inej,” he said, “let’s start with something shiny.” - chapter 28.

“when we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm,” kaz said. “i’m going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me.” kaz fell into step beside him. “why don’t you pay someone else to pay someone else to burn your kruge for you? that’s what the big players do.” - chapter 19.

“please tell me kaz hasn’t gone missing again,” nina said. - chapter 37.

kaz marvelled at his own stupidity. dumber than a pigeon fresh off the boat and looking to make a fortune on the east stave. - chapter 45.

“son of a bitch,” he exclaimed a second later. rollins held up his watch chain. a turnip was hanging from the fob where his diamond-studded timepiece should have been. “that little bastard-“ then a thought came to him. he reached for his wallet. it was gone. so was his tie pin, the kaelish coin pendant he wore for luck, and the gold buckles on his shoes. rollins wondered if if he should check the fillings in his teeth. - chapter 46.

They blew up the lab, he’d thought as the debris rained down around him. I definitely did not tell them to blow up the lab. - chapter 38.

The harbour had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world. She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him. - chapter 38.

“And get me clean clothes and fresh water.” “Since when am I your valet?” “Man with a knife, remember?” He said over his shoulder. “Man with a gun!” Jesper called after him. Kaz replied with a time-saving gesture that relied heavily on his middle finger. - chapter 13.

At any given time he had at least two knives stashed somewhere in his clothes. He didn’t even count this one, really - a tidy, wicked little blade. - chapter 13.

“This is disgusting.” kaz shrugged. “Only disgusting thing about it is that I didn’t think of it first.” “These men aren’t slaves, kaz. they’re prisoners.” “they’re murderers and rapists.” “and thieves and con artists. your people.” “nina, sweet, they aren’t forced to fight.” - chapter 6.

these are just some favourites from the first book that made me laugh very loudly.