Somebody's Definitely Made This Joke Already But I Think Scout In All His Early 2000's Whiteboy Swag

Happy trans day of visibility!!! Hell yeah baby!

ignore this if you've gotten an ask like this before but what do you think the mercs love languages are?

Ah yes, the act of human love. Something I am both terrible at and perfectly unqualified to talk about. What better reason to make a long post?

TF2 mercs showing their love, let's go!

Scout:

Shares food with them. Not just any food, no, it has to be good. His favorite, even. Usually he has quite selfish eating habits - comes naturally from growing up with so many older siblings - but if he really loves someone, he'll share.

Slows down. He's a very enthusiastic man, always full of energy, always up to something. But at the sight of someone he loves he just... stops. Like his entire headspace is instantly filled with just them and nothing else.

Ruffles their hair. It might sound weird, but that's what his mom used to do when he was little - run a hand through his hair as a gesture of love and care. He doesn't do it consciously himself, doesn't even realize he picked up the habit.

Walks kinda backwards when they're walking together. Always wants to look at their face. Ends up bumping into people. Doesn't care.

Introduces them to his favorite videogames. Shows them the ropes, cheers loudly when they win. Still kicks their ass in PvP though.

Soldier:

Listens to them. Hes usually loud as all hells, it's hard to get through to him. It comes from the kind of habitual aggressiveness that starts as a defense mechanism and develops into a full-blown personality, but it works because he rarely ever feels safe. It's only with the people he loves that he drops it completely.

Shows them everything he thinks is cool. A weird rock. A flock of birds in the sky. A piece of cardboard he bets would be really tasty. A shoelace. Just... shinies. Something that makes his world brighter.

Loudly announces their name when they enter a room full of people. Talks about them and how great and awesome they are. Wants everyone to agree.

Makes medals for them. Gifts them his war trophies. Dedicates his victories to them.

Puts his helmet on their head. This is the only piece of armor he wears, and it keeps him safe. He wants the people he loves safe as well.

Pyro:

Draws them. Has a whole sketchbook dedicated to just them. Ironically, he doesn't care for appearances much, but the way he draws - colorful and emotional, linear and dynamic, or soft and caring - is about the heart, not the shell.

Crafts for them. For everyone, but for them especially. Matching bracelets, matching rings, matching pendants... He feels lonely sometimes, when he knows he shouldn't, and he'd never make it someone else's problem to deal with, so he combats the fear of abandonment by keeping his loved ones close through things. It's like a bond. A physical object that locks them together.

Hugs them. Excitedly, arms over the shoulders, and kind of... uh, what do you call it... tucks (?) their head to his chest. People hug that way after a long time apart, but for him even a day feels like an eternity.

Rests his head on them. Their shoulders, chest, stomach, knees - everything goes. That said, he himself doesn't mind being a pillow either.

Gives them candles. Lighters. Sparklers. Fire-making things. Teaches them to handle it the way he does - it's like taming a wild animal together. Maybe one day it will grow into a family pet.

Demoman:

Acts all cool and solitary. No, he doesn't need company. Sure, he doesn't mind spending time together - not that he didn't have anything else to do, though. "I didn't need yer help, y'know?"

He's the kind of man who'd kiss his friends on the lips platonically if it was socially acceptable, what's to say about someone he loves? He gets bird-related nicknames for how often he wants to peck someone on the cheek.

Tries to make them laugh. Tries to make everyone laugh, but them - especially. It's the best thing anyone can do for the world around them! He's good at it, too. He brings joy with him wherever he goes.

Writes notes for them. On a sticker on the fridge, on their desk, in a bouquet of flowers he sends to them, on the sand with a stick... They're regular notes at first, but quickly devolve into a mess of inside jokes and code words, and soon they need to decipher every sentence, but it's worth it every time.

Takes them places. An old house he'd heard might be haunted. A tall hill from where they can see the entire city. A strange cave that might or might not actually be somewhere, so vague are the directions. Everybody loves a secret place. Demo's not the type to stop at just one though.

Heavy:

Picks them up. Sits them on his shoulders. Carries them around. Doesn't matter if they're big or small - everyone's tiny compared to him.

Reads poetry to them. In Russian, knows a ton of it by heart, most of it - love poetry. Doesn't care if they understand or not, translates the best he can, but the important parts are in the feeling, not the wording.

Wakes up early. Makes breakfast. Doesn't make a big deal out of it, doesn't come back with a stacked plate and a coffee - just leaves everything in the kitchen, sometimes maybe with a note, but most often just there to eat whenever their loved ones please. He doesn't like to sleep in anyway.

Watches them. When they're busy, working, immersed in something. When they're lazing about, doing absolutely nothing. Lets them know he's there, leaves if he's not welcome, but when he is - watches, and smiles to himself, and fills the room with warmth and comfort.

Can be loud too. Not all the time, not for show. He can confess his love in public, or he can do it in private - it's all the same happy, thunderous voice that leaves no room for uncertainty.

Engineer:

Wants them around. Invites them to join whatever he's doing, tries to make it interesting even when it's really not. He may just be tinkering with an old machine that might or might not work in the foreseeable future, but he'll glow with happiness if there's the right person watching him do it.

Holds their hands. He may only have one, but he wants to grasp both of theirs.

Contrary to his friendly and open-hearted facade, he's a very private man when it comes to feelings. He wouldn't "confess" per se, but he'd say things sometimes, quietly, when there's nobody around. Profound, meaningful things, like telling them the brightness of their smile would put the stars to shame, or something better. And then shrug like it's nothing and chat about the weather and whatnot.

Cooks for them. It's all family recipes - well, changed and improved and switched up a thousand times, but the emotional attachment is there, and that's what all family dishes are about, anyway.

Shows them his work. Robots, inventions, smaller personal projects - everything. First to them, then to others. Sometimes just to them.

Medic:

Wants his doves to get along with them. It's hard to get the birds to do something they're not inclined to do, but he's keen on fighting over it for the rest of his life if he has to - it adds to the drama of the predicament.

He talks non-stop. It's not all "nothings", either - he has so much knowledge in him, so many ideas, so grand a philosophy, and he shares it in tons of words. The more he loves them, the more talking they'll hear.

He makes up excuses to spend time with them. Terrible, pathetic excuses that don't fool anybody, but that's the intention. He knows who he wants to spend time with. He makes sure they know he wants to spend time with them. The excuse is but a joke, a social commentary, a funny little bonus to strike up a conversation.

He keeps them safe. A lot of people want to keep their loved ones out of harm's way, it's a natural instinct, but Medic wouldn't be Medic if he didn't go above and beyond in that regard. He'll prove death curable if that's what it takes. Thankfully, more often than not a simple reminder to sleep at nights, drink water, and eat at regular intervals is enough.

He gets them very small and completely useless gifts. A pen. A single flower in a tiny pot. A decorative sticker. Tiny, tiny things he gets excited about for no reason whatsoever.

Sniper:

He's the little spoon. Not to be cute or whatever, it's just... nice to have his back safe, for once. Not to worry about a backstab and all.

Teaches them things. Doesn't know much, beyond his profession. Teaches them that. How to shoot a rifle, how to reload it, how to defend oneself with a knife. Makes him feel like his job - his greatest passion in life - is being appreciated, and, by extension, he is appreciated also.

Brings them sweets, but they're not normal sweets. They're either sour-sweet or bitter-sweet or spicy-sweet, because he can't be normal about it, he only loves the stuff that gives other people existential crisis and dental pain.

Takes them fishing and hunting and hiking. Plans out the routes, tells them about all the plants. Points out mushrooms, moss, bugs, spiders, all that stuff. Shares a story about how he ate poisonous berries by mistake once. His idea of a fun time.

Gives compliments readily, excitedly, but lacks the knowledge on how to, as well as the elegance to do it properly. He's the type of guy to get nervous, blurt out "You have teeth!" and show a thumbs-up, but he's trying his best, and if he has to cover his face with his hat and find an excuse to get the hell away immediately afterwards, then that's on him.

Spy:

His love language is French. No, this is not the old joke again, he really does talk to the people he loves in French. He finds it difficult to express himself otherwise.

Buys them good gifts. Expensive gifts. A nice watch. A beautiful scarf. A pair of earrings. He has great taste, but even better he is at observing people and finding out their tastes. He'd never get gold for someone who only wears silver. He puts so much thought into a gift, it doesn't need any kind of engraving to be personal.

Knows the best restaurants, but merely having dinner together isn't always his idea of fun. He frequents poker nights, golf clubs, pool tables. Knows all the best ones, and makes sure their love discovers them as well.

Gives them nicknames. Long and short, funny and poetic, actually meaningful and completely nonsensical - he likes to have a lot of words to call them, and often complains that English is too poor a language to convey the diversity of character that he's so in love with.

Ah, but it would kill him to make a compliment. So he finds a roundabout way to do it, makes it... Well, not backhanded, exactly, but balanced. "Handsome Devil", "wretched wonder", "blasphemous beauty", sometimes it feels like he's knitting words together only to level them out, god forbid someone finds out he loves others more than he loves himself.

That's it! Hope you enjoy!

For that merc roadtrip post, I see Scoatcand Demo as the ones asking to stop every 20 min. Granted Demo almost has an excuse

Hah, certainly agree with that headcanon! Engineer ends up screaming out of frustration half way through because multiple times they both stopped them just to say they were kidding. 

Lemón

Óne singular citrus fruit

!!!!!

Good post op

(Also I can doodle him perhaps maybe tomorrow?)

(I need to finish something for a collab first oh shoot I forgot)

(But still... Merasmus...)

(Might do some general headcanons in the meantime or finish one of the Merasmus requests from earlier..!)

Thank you for the Merasmus posts, he needs more love! :]

Heheh thank you! I'd love to do actual art of him one day instead of just rebloggin him, but I'm not very good at drawing (especially old dudes like merasmurray) so. Maybe some day.

Though I can share some headcanons! This is a bit of a common one but I do like to think of him as transmasc

Also, Merasmus sometimes will play DnD with the more willing mercs (after much pushing from Soldier)! He uses his magic to make fun effects and stuff. He isn't happy about it, but he secretly thinks its fun

Could I perhaps get engineer, sniper and demoman with an autistic S/O who got really overstimulated and Is Not Okay? I need,,, for purposes.

Yes, yes you can!!!

Demo, Engineer, and Sniper with an overstimulated autistic S/O:

Demo:

Demo recognizes that his S/O is overstimulated pretty quickly. The base is always messy regardless of any attempts to clean it, there’s a lot of noise, especially chatter and gunfire during the day and even moreso at night during complaining or celebrating with the entire team.

“Ye alright? Ach, who am I kidding, ye look right terrible at the moment, love. No offense.”

He takes his S/O to somewhere quieter, probably his room as there’s at least some sense of familiarity and homeliness there for he and his S/O.

As someone who needs quiet to focus on tinkering without blowing something up, he’s got some ways of keeping the room from just being the equivalent of another hallway thanks to the paper thin walls.

If it still doesn’t help, he sticks by his S/O’s side and refuses to move away for the others until they’re able to process things more clearly again.

If they’re stimming to try and release the tension and overwhelming energy of the situation, he’ll literally just start mirroring them and stimming as well.

If they need something to focus on that isn’t their surroundings, he’s got a large amount of folklore and myths he can talk for hours about instead of whatever jabbering caused them to be overwhelmed in the first place.

Engineer:

Once he figures out what’s going on, he quickly tries to diffuse things and get his S/O to a place where they feel more comfortable.

Engineer commands a lot of respect, and most of the mercs know not to challenge him when he puts on a genuine serious face and asks for things to be done.

Quiet down, hush now fellas, can one of ya’ll get S/O a blanket? Hm? Yeah, they said somethin’ to hold would do.

Does his best to balance their current needs with social interaction; since he’s aware that taking them out of it entirely might cause them to break down further.

Instead, he lassos in the conversation and quiets things down as much as possible, then reduces the amount of stimuli by sending a glare to anyone making more noise than necessary.

As for sensations, he’ll hold his S/O’s hand if it helps, usually with his normal hand unless they prefer the feeling of metal, wiring, and electric circuitry to focus on. Warm or cold, his hand envelops theirs and acts as an anchor.

If anyone dares pipe up about it or anything else related to the situation, he’ll keep his cool. That is, until next time they need his help on the battlefield.

Sniper:

While he doesn’t necessarily understand a lot about it, Sniper is still very familiar with needing and wanting his space, where things are just how he wants them. Regardless of if he consciously realizes it or not, he might actually be the best person to go to about it when his S/O is having a rough time and is overstimulated.

At first, he’ll probably try things that help him calm down, but if a lukewarm cup of coffee and a polishing kit don’t assist—or taking a hike into the nearest area empty of people—then he’ll start quietly asking questions while internally panicking.

He doesn’t want to overwhelm his S/O further, but he also wants to fix or make the situation a bit better for them. Afraid that he’ll make it worse, he kind of ends up awkwardly throwing ideas at the wall to see what sticks.

Whatever ends up appearing to work first is what he doubles down on, before trying to branch out from there. If his S/O manages to calm down a little, he thinks, then they can help him help them a little more too.

It’s a very slow but sure process, and he gets there eventually. By the time he figures out what works, it’s probably far past when they were too overstimulated to function. After that point he’ll know what to do and is much quicker and more confident about lending a helping hand.

If they’re getting overstimulated and it’s just the two of them, he’ll do his weird too-long-legs thing and hug them to him in a way where they’re closed off and safe in his arms. He’ll end up a bit flustered about it later, but they calm down a lot more quickly that way since he’s able to just shut them off and ground their brain to the hug instead of what’s bothering them. It’s not foolproof, but it’s shocking how often it works.

This was a lot of fun to write! I hope I got this right and did well with the prompt, haha. Personally going with what would be nice when I’m overstimulated, though I don’t believe I’ve shut down fully because of it. That must suck a lot when it happens :(

The last one about Sniper is a personal tidbit I think would work really well on me, because I imagine what he does is like a really comfortable tight hug where noises are kinda shut out and the pressure would kinda keep you from moving y’know?

It’s like the ultimate “calm the FU—“ move and I love it but it also looks like it’d be really comfortable ;—;

Oh my god I’ll keep an eye out for fundraisers but my hometown is in flames.. they think it might all be gone.

Okay but bees falling asleep in flowers and Engiebee... What if it's winter and there's not a lot of flowers and he has to stay with Spyder bc it's literally too cold otherwise... I dunno man I feel like that'd be an excuse to cuddle... 👀👉👈

cozy

-And the connective point between worlds must be sustained by a kinetic field suspended inside of both rifts, leading to the divided halves entering stasis and allowing travel- yes! But how to harness the raw energy if this plane prevents Merasmus from even harnessing- no, wait, incorrect... But why then do I...

Oh!

Is- is this thing on?

Yes, it appears to be working fine...

Well, hello, mortals! Long time no see! Merasmus has been busy.

Allow me to fill you in on the details!

Aside from cleaning up blood stains in the carpet, drama and a rather chaotic week, Merasmus has been doing... Other things, on the side.

See, as powerful and mighty a wizard I am, the fact remains that I appear to be... Stuck.

Trapped in a realm known as “Earth.”

There is a reason for this! But Merasmus will sore you the grueling details. All you mortals need to know is that I have yet to find the clues to how magic works on Earth, and it has hindered my progress in getting back home.

Now, I will admit, Merasmus has enjoyed these adventures! A lot, actually! But it is unfamiliar, and Merasmus is very, very scared.

After all, like Merasmus said! There is a reason for my intrusion!

But why am I telling you this..?

Err,

Well,

There’s sounds of shuffling.

I don’t know... What am I doing? There’s no way this will work...

Ahem.

Mortals, I am going to be frank with you.

Whether or not I can make it to the next realm, I require assistance. The channeling of magic, my channeling of magic, has manifested into a situation far beyond my control.

So, I will continue to post suggestions! Serious or not! But please, if you have- if there is any way you know- how this “Earth” works, send Merasmus a letter! Any information- any suggestions- any questions may bring me closer to a new discovery.

Ah, this is getting a bit long, isn’t it.

Farewell, Mortals! Best of luck on your journeys!-

The tape cuts out on the last word.

...that your audience won't hate.

This is a method I started using when NFTs were on the rise - thieves would have to put actual work into getting rid of the mark - and one that I am now grateful for with the arrival of AI. Why? Because anyone who tries to train an AI on my work will end up with random, disruptive color blobs.

I can't say for sure it'll stop theft entirely, but it WILL make your images annoying for databases to incorporate, and add an extra layer of inconvenience for thieves. So as far as I'm concerned, that's a win/win.

I'll be showing the steps in CSP, but it should all be pretty easy to replicate in Photoshop.

Now: let's use the above image as our new signature file. I set mine to be 2500 x 1000 pixels when I'm just starting out.

Note that your text should not have a lot of anti-aliasing, so using a paint brush to start isn't going to work well with this method. Just use the standard G-Pen if you're doing this by hand, or, just use the text tool and whichever font you prefer.

Once that's done, take your magic wand tool, and select all the black. Here are the magic wand settings I'm using to make the selections:

All selected?

Good.

Now, find a brush with a scattering/tone scraping effect. I use one like this.

You can theoretically use any colors you want for this next part, but I'd recommend pastels as they tend to blend better.

Either way, let's add some color to the text.

Once that's finished,

You're going to want to go to Layer Property, and Border Effect

You'll be given an option of choosing color and thickness. Choose black, and go for at least a 5 in thickness. Adjust per your own preferences.

Now create a layer beneath your sig layer, and merge the sig down onto the blank layer.

This effectively 'locks in' the border effect, which is exactly what we want.

Hooray, you've finished your watermark!

Now let's place that bad boy into your finished piece.

You'll get the best mileage out of a mark if you can place it over a spot that isn't black of white, since you'll get better blending options that way. My preference is for Overlay.

From here, I'll adjust the opacity to around 20-25, depending on the image.

If you don't have a spot to use overlay, however, there's a couple other options. For white, there's Linear Burn, which imho doesn't look as good, but it still works in a pinch.

And for lots of black, you have Linear Light

Either way, you're in business!

EDIT since this has escaped my usual circles, and folks aren't as familiar with my personal usage:

An example of one of my own finished pieces, with watermark, so you can see what I mean about 'relatively unobtrusive'-- I try to at least use them as framing devices, or let them work with the image somehow (or, at the very least, not actively against it).

I know it's a bummer for some people to "ruin" their work with watermarks, which is part of the reason I developed this mark in particular. Its disruption is about as minimal as I can make it while still letting it serve its intended purpose.

There's other methods, too, of course! But this is the one I use, and the one I can speak on. Hope it helps some of you!