Hi Hello Good Morning

happy sniper sunday

How would Spy react to not being able to find his knife, only to see some little kid messing with it?

LET ME SEE WHAT YOU HAVE,

A KNIFE!

NO!

SMALL CHILD WIELDS SHARP OBJECT, LOCAL SPY CONFOUNDED!

His first feelings would likely be of confusion, anger, followed by seething rage when he noticed his knife was missing. After all, he was the Spy, no filthy pickpocket could simply take it. There was no way he had forgotten it either, as he triple checked his belongings and kept them on his person at all times. Being in public, there was no way for Spy to necessarily do much about it. He couldn’t just shout “WHERE IS MY KNIFE?!” To the world, and so he forces a deep breath and begins to search, splitting off from the team and looking about without garnering attention, as if he were merely a tourist.

At first, he had expected to be looking for any suspicious individuals, not anyone barely up to his middle in height. Yet, after a minute or two of scanning the room, there had been no other options, and right there. A lone child, holding a knife.

They were practically begging to be yelled at, dragged by the ear and taken to their guardians for such a bold defiance of all things he held dear, yet… It seemed the child had no parents in their midst. They were enthralled by the blade, flicking it between their fingers and trying to get the butterfly knife to do a trick or two, the light metal clattering far less satisfyingly in their smaller hands. Yet, while not masterful, the little kid treated the weapon with respectful caution, lacking precision but aware that their plaything was dangerous and sharp.

Spy found himself staring, rather than doing anything about it. Nothing about their appearance resembled his son, it wasn’t as if he had reason to not snatch it away and be done with it, yet here he was. Perhaps he saw a bit of his younger self in their eyes, or in the way they had healthy caution for the unknown, yet played with it anyway. 

Eventually, he exhaled and wandered over to the child, unsure what angle with which to approach the situation. Putting out his cigarette and kneeling down to get to eye level, he left a hand outstretched for them to return the knife, frowning.

“This is mine, mon petit, may I have it back…?

The child seems afraid, immediately shocked that they were caught. They shake their head, mumbling a “noo…”

“And why is that?” He has to force himself to be patient. Interacting with children is not his forte, but perhaps it feels like a second chance.

 Reminding himself this is a stranger, but unwilling to walk away without at least getting his knife back, and giving the child reason not to do such a thing again.

They blink, looking down at the butterfly knife. “Cause it’s pretty and feels good to use… Whus your accent from? S’all sounds pretty...”

Spy, shocked by the answer, goes silent, before sighing.

“Well, it is unwise to play with dangerous objects, mon ami. And… It is French. Do you know French?”

“My momma was from France! I knew I recognized th’ talking…”

“And where is she now..?”

The child’s expression immediately falls, and Spy needs no verbal answer to know what may have happened.

“Have you any other guardians?”

They shake their head, pointing down the road towards the old orphanage, shrugging sadly.

“Don’ matter, s'alright…”

There was the anger again, but now tenfold. Not at this child, but at himself. Of course he had to converse with the child, feel protective, now look at him. He had a job to do, he should have just grabbed the knife and went on with his day. 

When they finished talking, and Spy had left, there was a hollow feeling in his chest. Guilt, was it? Insecurity? Knowing the effect of not being present, it felt as if perhaps he was being given a second chance, yet he wasn’t sure how willing he was to throw it away.

Returning to the base, there were quite a few phone calls made to Miss Pauling, then the Administrator herself. Paperwork, negotiations, how in gods name would he work this out- Convincing Miss Pauling to allow a child into the base-- so long as battles were separate and hidden from their view, had been a breeze, but it was the Administrator, a cold, cruel hag of a woman whom he knew would take issue with the idea. It was to the point that he had been conversing through the night, even just in his white button up and suit pants, but he continued to talk.

What would his teammates think? He dreaded to find out, he merely hoped none of them would question it or tease him, but he knew he would come under fire, if only because he was the Spy, an uncaring, cold, emotionless figure.

At the very least, he knew he had time to pass, since the time in which it would take to get the paperwork in order, a new room built, etcetera, would give him ample time to learn more about who it is he was about to bring to the base.

That next day, a child wakes up to a gift by an unknown donator, all they know is it was a man with a vest and tie, with salt and pepper hair, inside of which is the materials to make the popsicle stick butterfly knife, a soft rabbit plushie, and a note written in a very simple cipher for them to solve.

“Pack your things in two weeks, If you see a woman in purple, she is your friend.”

To whom it may concern,

It has come to our attention that you have been tampering with our audio and publishing your findings to the public - or at least making it available to them. This is an official cease and desist from Mann Co. Though @talk-to-the-mercs is a public ask blog, their lives are not. There are some things that should remain private. We understand that you may have done this on accident, or that you are working for someone who, through either intimidation or financial promises, is forcing you to go through with this act. However, if this is intentional, remember, we have other ways of convincing you.

With all due respect,

Miss Pauling

R.E.D Corporation

𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗅.

𝗂 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗍, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 dignified 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺, 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌- 𝖼𝗅𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 '𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗒'.

𝗂𝗇 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗅𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗍 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗅𝗈𝗒𝖾𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖺𝗀𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗂 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗈𝖼𝖼𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝖺 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗎𝗀𝗌, 𝗂 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖺𝗑 𝖺 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗂𝖽𝖽𝗅𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝖾𝗑𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍.

𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗏𝖾𝗂𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌, 𝗂 𝖽𝗈 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗅 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖻𝗎𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇?

𝗈𝗁, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇 𝖤𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗇𝗈𝗑 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝗐𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗏𝖾𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇, 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀.

𝗁𝗈𝗐𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋, 𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗌 𝗂 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗀 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖺 𝗉𝖺𝗐𝗇 𝗍𝗈, 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗏𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗀𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖼𝖾. 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾𝖽, 𝗇𝗈 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖽, 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗏𝖾.

𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖬.

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween Everybody!!! This is from the new Scream Fortress comic. You can read it at: teamfortress.com

Thank you for saying that! One of my biggest fears is waiting for something that's never going to come, so reassurance is great. -Honey badger anon

Yours is in drafts too, by the way! As an update ;]

Makin’ my way downtown (the tetrology)

it’s friday, post the dancing demoman

why is getting a stalker for just being a kid in a fanbase such a universal experience w so many artists that I know….it’s extremely sad (I say this as someone who had this happen to me in an unbelievably horrific way btw. It’s more common than you’d think)

(Follow up to the honey badger ask) How would Sniper, Spy (and maybe medic?) React to, after that battle, seeing the same new recruit making some chamomile tea with the honey badger tucked under their arm asleep, one or two of Soldier's raccoons following them, and Archimedes on their shoulder? All the animals are sorta just... chilling there, y'know?

Sniper:

 Is immediately enamored by it, definitely is tentative but eventually asks if he can be nearby, since he’s quite an animal lover himself.

 After the battle, seeing them all relaxing together gives him a bit more context into why the honey badger showed up in the first place- but he finds himself bewildered over the fact that any of this was happening.

 Likely asks for tips on befriending animals, asks questions on what she’s doing, why, how, etc. Seems more at ease knowing that she’s familiar with her animal buddies, though.

Spy:

 Walks into the room, then immediately cloaks and tries to leave upon seeing the honey badger and Archimedes. Both of which he would not like to interact with at this moment.

 If forced to stay, or if he has to get closer in order to retrieve something, he edges past whilst trying to act calm and collected, though his hand keeps roving to his watch, as if he could go invisible at any moment again.

 Very, very nervous, much as he tries to hide it. Spy has never had a good history with animals, seeing as they tend to see him before their owners do. While he enjoys being around them, ones he knows are dangerous are a whole other story, as taking the time to calm them down and distract them with a toy buys more time for his target to flee.

Medic:

“Archimedes, no!”

 Once he figures out Archimedes isn’t in fact trying to hurt her, he shrugs and smiles.

 Seeing as the other animals seem to trust the new merc, he sees no reason not to let Archimedes stay- he has a mind of his own sometimes.

 At the very least makes an excuse to pet the other animals, pick them up, get to know them better- “checkups!” he explains. He is, in fact, doing so, but only as a reason to hold the animals. 

 Though, whether or not he’s subtle about it, he’s also keeping an eye on his bird anyway. The new merc likely doesn’t know why, though.

people woobifying medic and making him this frail weak pitiful creature that’s useless without heavy

have u seen him run around the battlefield and saw through people

I was suddenly overcome with the urge to search up “heavy image tf2″ on google dot com and caption an image “huggable”

this transitioned to me almost crying over how amazing this guy is. plea-se- pleas..e...i am... goigmbng to yell

hes...perfect..................