𝙲 𝚑 𝚊 𝚙 𝚝 𝚎 𝚛   𝟷 𝟶   𝚜 𝚗 𝚎 𝚊 𝚔   𝚙 𝚎 𝚎 𝚔

Oh absolutely! Sniper would have been my first pick tbh, since he’s definitely one to know exactly what to do in a situation like that. Engineer, while smart and chill (I agree you’d spend a lot of time around the campfire!), might not fare well in the survival department since he’s more of a metal-working guy. 

,,but imagine an s/o cuddling against the merc of choice in the wilderness against a tree or in a makeshift shelter in the cold-- hhh

✈️ tf2? 😳

I dunno the idea of being trapped on an island with ANY merc seems like absolute hell but yknow which would be the least?

✈ - character I'd rather be stuck on an island with -

If I had to pick one I'd probably pick Engineer. He's good company, probably really likes campfires, and after a day or so would probably have built a working plane out of twigs and seaweed to get us the hell outta there.

Sniper's also a good choice due to his wilderness survival skills.

ignore this if you've gotten an ask like this before but what do you think the mercs love languages are?

Ah yes, the act of human love. Something I am both terrible at and perfectly unqualified to talk about. What better reason to make a long post?

TF2 mercs showing their love, let's go!

Scout:

Shares food with them. Not just any food, no, it has to be good. His favorite, even. Usually he has quite selfish eating habits - comes naturally from growing up with so many older siblings - but if he really loves someone, he'll share.

Slows down. He's a very enthusiastic man, always full of energy, always up to something. But at the sight of someone he loves he just... stops. Like his entire headspace is instantly filled with just them and nothing else.

Ruffles their hair. It might sound weird, but that's what his mom used to do when he was little - run a hand through his hair as a gesture of love and care. He doesn't do it consciously himself, doesn't even realize he picked up the habit.

Walks kinda backwards when they're walking together. Always wants to look at their face. Ends up bumping into people. Doesn't care.

Introduces them to his favorite videogames. Shows them the ropes, cheers loudly when they win. Still kicks their ass in PvP though.

Soldier:

Listens to them. Hes usually loud as all hells, it's hard to get through to him. It comes from the kind of habitual aggressiveness that starts as a defense mechanism and develops into a full-blown personality, but it works because he rarely ever feels safe. It's only with the people he loves that he drops it completely.

Shows them everything he thinks is cool. A weird rock. A flock of birds in the sky. A piece of cardboard he bets would be really tasty. A shoelace. Just... shinies. Something that makes his world brighter.

Loudly announces their name when they enter a room full of people. Talks about them and how great and awesome they are. Wants everyone to agree.

Makes medals for them. Gifts them his war trophies. Dedicates his victories to them.

Puts his helmet on their head. This is the only piece of armor he wears, and it keeps him safe. He wants the people he loves safe as well.

Pyro:

Draws them. Has a whole sketchbook dedicated to just them. Ironically, he doesn't care for appearances much, but the way he draws - colorful and emotional, linear and dynamic, or soft and caring - is about the heart, not the shell.

Crafts for them. For everyone, but for them especially. Matching bracelets, matching rings, matching pendants... He feels lonely sometimes, when he knows he shouldn't, and he'd never make it someone else's problem to deal with, so he combats the fear of abandonment by keeping his loved ones close through things. It's like a bond. A physical object that locks them together.

Hugs them. Excitedly, arms over the shoulders, and kind of... uh, what do you call it... tucks (?) their head to his chest. People hug that way after a long time apart, but for him even a day feels like an eternity.

Rests his head on them. Their shoulders, chest, stomach, knees - everything goes. That said, he himself doesn't mind being a pillow either.

Gives them candles. Lighters. Sparklers. Fire-making things. Teaches them to handle it the way he does - it's like taming a wild animal together. Maybe one day it will grow into a family pet.

Demoman:

Acts all cool and solitary. No, he doesn't need company. Sure, he doesn't mind spending time together - not that he didn't have anything else to do, though. "I didn't need yer help, y'know?"

He's the kind of man who'd kiss his friends on the lips platonically if it was socially acceptable, what's to say about someone he loves? He gets bird-related nicknames for how often he wants to peck someone on the cheek.

Tries to make them laugh. Tries to make everyone laugh, but them - especially. It's the best thing anyone can do for the world around them! He's good at it, too. He brings joy with him wherever he goes.

Writes notes for them. On a sticker on the fridge, on their desk, in a bouquet of flowers he sends to them, on the sand with a stick... They're regular notes at first, but quickly devolve into a mess of inside jokes and code words, and soon they need to decipher every sentence, but it's worth it every time.

Takes them places. An old house he'd heard might be haunted. A tall hill from where they can see the entire city. A strange cave that might or might not actually be somewhere, so vague are the directions. Everybody loves a secret place. Demo's not the type to stop at just one though.

Heavy:

Picks them up. Sits them on his shoulders. Carries them around. Doesn't matter if they're big or small - everyone's tiny compared to him.

Reads poetry to them. In Russian, knows a ton of it by heart, most of it - love poetry. Doesn't care if they understand or not, translates the best he can, but the important parts are in the feeling, not the wording.

Wakes up early. Makes breakfast. Doesn't make a big deal out of it, doesn't come back with a stacked plate and a coffee - just leaves everything in the kitchen, sometimes maybe with a note, but most often just there to eat whenever their loved ones please. He doesn't like to sleep in anyway.

Watches them. When they're busy, working, immersed in something. When they're lazing about, doing absolutely nothing. Lets them know he's there, leaves if he's not welcome, but when he is - watches, and smiles to himself, and fills the room with warmth and comfort.

Can be loud too. Not all the time, not for show. He can confess his love in public, or he can do it in private - it's all the same happy, thunderous voice that leaves no room for uncertainty.

Engineer:

Wants them around. Invites them to join whatever he's doing, tries to make it interesting even when it's really not. He may just be tinkering with an old machine that might or might not work in the foreseeable future, but he'll glow with happiness if there's the right person watching him do it.

Holds their hands. He may only have one, but he wants to grasp both of theirs.

Contrary to his friendly and open-hearted facade, he's a very private man when it comes to feelings. He wouldn't "confess" per se, but he'd say things sometimes, quietly, when there's nobody around. Profound, meaningful things, like telling them the brightness of their smile would put the stars to shame, or something better. And then shrug like it's nothing and chat about the weather and whatnot.

Cooks for them. It's all family recipes - well, changed and improved and switched up a thousand times, but the emotional attachment is there, and that's what all family dishes are about, anyway.

Shows them his work. Robots, inventions, smaller personal projects - everything. First to them, then to others. Sometimes just to them.

Medic:

Wants his doves to get along with them. It's hard to get the birds to do something they're not inclined to do, but he's keen on fighting over it for the rest of his life if he has to - it adds to the drama of the predicament.

He talks non-stop. It's not all "nothings", either - he has so much knowledge in him, so many ideas, so grand a philosophy, and he shares it in tons of words. The more he loves them, the more talking they'll hear.

He makes up excuses to spend time with them. Terrible, pathetic excuses that don't fool anybody, but that's the intention. He knows who he wants to spend time with. He makes sure they know he wants to spend time with them. The excuse is but a joke, a social commentary, a funny little bonus to strike up a conversation.

He keeps them safe. A lot of people want to keep their loved ones out of harm's way, it's a natural instinct, but Medic wouldn't be Medic if he didn't go above and beyond in that regard. He'll prove death curable if that's what it takes. Thankfully, more often than not a simple reminder to sleep at nights, drink water, and eat at regular intervals is enough.

He gets them very small and completely useless gifts. A pen. A single flower in a tiny pot. A decorative sticker. Tiny, tiny things he gets excited about for no reason whatsoever.

Sniper:

He's the little spoon. Not to be cute or whatever, it's just... nice to have his back safe, for once. Not to worry about a backstab and all.

Teaches them things. Doesn't know much, beyond his profession. Teaches them that. How to shoot a rifle, how to reload it, how to defend oneself with a knife. Makes him feel like his job - his greatest passion in life - is being appreciated, and, by extension, he is appreciated also.

Brings them sweets, but they're not normal sweets. They're either sour-sweet or bitter-sweet or spicy-sweet, because he can't be normal about it, he only loves the stuff that gives other people existential crisis and dental pain.

Takes them fishing and hunting and hiking. Plans out the routes, tells them about all the plants. Points out mushrooms, moss, bugs, spiders, all that stuff. Shares a story about how he ate poisonous berries by mistake once. His idea of a fun time.

Gives compliments readily, excitedly, but lacks the knowledge on how to, as well as the elegance to do it properly. He's the type of guy to get nervous, blurt out "You have teeth!" and show a thumbs-up, but he's trying his best, and if he has to cover his face with his hat and find an excuse to get the hell away immediately afterwards, then that's on him.

Spy:

His love language is French. No, this is not the old joke again, he really does talk to the people he loves in French. He finds it difficult to express himself otherwise.

Buys them good gifts. Expensive gifts. A nice watch. A beautiful scarf. A pair of earrings. He has great taste, but even better he is at observing people and finding out their tastes. He'd never get gold for someone who only wears silver. He puts so much thought into a gift, it doesn't need any kind of engraving to be personal.

Knows the best restaurants, but merely having dinner together isn't always his idea of fun. He frequents poker nights, golf clubs, pool tables. Knows all the best ones, and makes sure their love discovers them as well.

Gives them nicknames. Long and short, funny and poetic, actually meaningful and completely nonsensical - he likes to have a lot of words to call them, and often complains that English is too poor a language to convey the diversity of character that he's so in love with.

Ah, but it would kill him to make a compliment. So he finds a roundabout way to do it, makes it... Well, not backhanded, exactly, but balanced. "Handsome Devil", "wretched wonder", "blasphemous beauty", sometimes it feels like he's knitting words together only to level them out, god forbid someone finds out he loves others more than he loves himself.

That's it! Hope you enjoy!

another post about tf2 scammers

about a week ago i made a post about what types of tf2 specific scams are floating around steam, how to avoid them, and how to identify a scammer. a scammer literally just added me and to a newer player/steam user, their profile could come across as legit so i'd like to go through it and pick apart some of the red flags i look for when people like this add me on steam. hopefully it'll help some people lol idk

this is the profile of the person that added me. it seems normal enough at first, they have a decent steam level and their profile is personalized with artwork and a background. they've also written a bit about their hobbies and favorite tf2 maps in their description. initially, i thought this person knew me from tf2's steam forum and added me from there, but i did some snooping around just to be safe.

here is their full description. i know this might seem pretty normal, but for me personally descriptions like this are a red flag in my mind. the first part would be fine if they had any workshop submissions or had posted their work anywhere, but they haven't so it looks more like they just added some random hobbies specific to tf2 to make them look more legit. i've also never seen anybody list their favorite maps on their profile and in combination with everything else it just seems like they're trying to come across as more knowledgeable about the game than they actually are. this isn't enough to get me to block or report somebody immediately, but it does make me raise an eyebrow at least.

next, i scroll down and i see what games they play/own. 7k hours in tf2 is mighty impressive, but there's another red flag here: these are the only games this person owns and has played, and they're both free to play. for someone who has been on steam since 2015 at the very least, you'd think they'd play more than just tf2 and csgo.

another red flag is their friends list: there's only 8 people here. again, if they've been playing tf2 since 2015 as they claim, it means they'd have been on steam since then as well and most people would have a lot of people added in that time. (i've been on steam since 2014 and have 342 people added.) i know some people only like to add close friends or people they trust, but if this person added me out of nowhere and i've never spoken to them prior.

with all this in mind their profile is extremely suspicious, so at this point i've got a good hunch that they're a scammer. let's dig a bit deeper.

private inventories are another red flag as i mentioned in my previous post about scams. you can see the trade history of some items using websites like backpack.tf, and because of this a lot of scammers will keep their inventories private to prevent people from seeing if their items were stolen from someone else. it also prevents you from seeing what they have if they're chatting to you about trading.

this is an absolute dead giveaway. despite having 7k hours in tf2, they have absolutely no playtime on any of the classes. not only that, but every single one of their achievements were unlocked on the exact same day at the exact same time, which is impossible to do unless you're using an external program. it seems like this person used the program to unlock some achievements, then idled on the menu to inflate their hours on their profile. this is also why a lot of scammers won't have their stats visible; it's to prevent you from seeing if they actually play the game or not.

so yeah after seeing all this, i was 100% sure this was a scammer. here's them proving me right by doing the "we need you to play on/vote for our team there's money involved and we'll give you items" scam.

when i'm talking to a scammer i like to pretend to be engaged in order to keep them engaged as well and waste their time a bit, and because of this there's another red flag to add to the heaps of them this guy already has: why would you add a heavy/sniper main and ask them to play soldier or scout, especially when soldier is their least played class? surely someone who is looking for teammates for a tournament where money is involved would also check the stats of the people they're supposed to be playing with.

i sent them a couple more messages and they unfriended me shortly after. i've since blocked + reported them for scamming/phishing.

I’m so sorry for not putting something here but it’s very early in the morning, this reblog is a reminder to do it when I wake up because HO BOY can I think of MANY- I hope so at least we’ll see when I wake up-

Any headcanons on how spy and scout’s ma met?

Dear M,

Hi, Pauling here. I’m sure you remember me from my last letter regarding the bugs that you may or may not have put in our base. But that was so long ago - I’m sure we can put our differences aside in order to work towards a common goal. That’s what civil people do, right? They compromise.

We have a suspicion that you are keeping one of our teammates, as well as a teammate from another company, hostage in a diner. For their freedom and your cooperation, we are willing to pay any price. Money is no object. We can provide equipment that isn’t available - or legal - anywhere else.

We don’t know why you have done this, if you have, but there is no one we can’t outbribe.

With all due respect,

Miss Pauling

R.E.D Team

@talk-to-the-mercs

𝖶𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗇𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗐𝖾 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗍, 𝖬𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝖥 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀.

𝖠𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗁𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇...

𝖢𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗇, 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗎𝗆𝖻?

𝖶𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖽𝗈 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗉𝗎𝖻𝗅𝗂𝖼, 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖭𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗋𝗂𝖻𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗂𝗌 𝗎𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝖾'𝗋𝖾 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾... 𝖲𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗇𝗈𝗐.

𝖶𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄, 𝗐𝖾'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗒𝖾 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

;)

𝖢𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖬.

I’m not one to try and spread negativity, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the constant drawing of (canon) Demo, Soldier, Heavy, and Medic as stick-thin.

I struggled to draw their body types at first, but getting into tf2 actually helped my art style a LOT as I was forced to branch out of what I was used to drawing.

I just wish more people would do the same.

Such in a shitty fucking mood today. Tell me about your LEAST favorite thing the TF2 fandom does. The worst widely accepted headcanon. Hatred rage violence. I'll probably bite someone.

The european citizens initiative for unconditional basic income is running out june 25th and so far only has 245.092 out of 1 million required signatures with only 3 countries out of 7 required meeting their goal.

so

heres the link

European Citizens’ Initiative for Unconditional Basic Income 2020-22

- European Citizens’ Initiative for Unconditional Basic Income 2020-22

Our aim is to establish the introduction of unconditional basic incomes throughout the EU which ensure every person’s material existence and

i know this is usually just a lighthearted tf2 blog with some personal rambles but goddamn it i hadnt even heard about this until like an hour ago so i just want to share this, this would be huge.

More Spy gifs from The Red, the Blu, and the Ugly! 

Me, sending out loud shouts telepathically through the computer screen: Please please pretty please keep sending headcanon prompts I have lots of really good ones but don’t mind me I am going to continue hoarding them like a dragon to treasure-

Saw this post and got super inspired! Made me want to jot down my own ideas. Go read op’s version tho, it’s really fun

Mercs with a s/o that loves to play fight

Scout:

When it first comes up, he puts on this usual confident facade and says he’s totally down to wrestle, but he’s actually a little hesitant. He was the baby in his house as a kid and always lost to his brothers no matter what, so it’s a bit of a sore spot for him. Rough-housing used to be a little too rough for lil Scout. However, once he tries it with his s/o for the first time, he realizes its actually supposed to be fun when one person isn’t crazy overpowered. Then his playful nature takes hold and he just can’t get enough of it, he loves sneak attacks and random tussles.

Soldier:

He sees it as the perfect opportunity for some training, and fully believes it will have benefits for both of him and his partner. He will hold nothing back and isn’t afraid to fight rough, but won’t go as far as to actively try to hurt his s/o. That said, he is still very likely to do so accidentally, and it’s isn’t uncommon for both of them to come out injured but grinning. There is always a winner declared at the end of the fight, unlike some of the other mercs who just tussle for fun.

Pyro:

They love pretty much anything that can be described as a game, so as long as no one is taking it too seriously they are down for some horseplay. Honestly they like chasing games more than they like rough housing, but attack hugs and tackles are all welcome. Sometimes it’s more like aggressive cuddling than actual play fighting, but it’s still fun.

Heavy:

Heavy is very patient and has no problem letting his s/o to try and fight him. In fact, he is very amused by how hard they try to win and will happily sit to watch them struggle. Even if he’s busy it doesn’t bother him very much, he can be totally absorbed in a novel while his s/o tries and fails to put him in a headlock. If asked nicely, he will politely pretend to fight back, but in reality he just gently pins them down until they give up since they absolutely cannot win. He has full confidence that they aren’t capable of hurting him, and has full trust in his own precision so he know he won’t hurt them. It’s like a puppy chewing on the tail of a Great Dane.

Engie:

Engie is relatively sure he likes the idea in theory, but in practice he’s really awkward about it. He hasn’t play fought with anyone before, and he isn’t sure how to be fun or affectionate about it. He pretty much resorts to always letting his partner win with very little push back, because he really is afraid of hurting them. He does like hooking their head and ruffling up their hair though.

Demo:

Demo is probably the most fun to play fight with. He fucking loves horsin around, he is super affectionate about it but also has enough ambition to legitimately want to win. He doesn’t go easy on his s/o, but he has enough self control to keep from hurting them too. He’s a very tactile person and it makes him feel closer to them. It’s always fun, and they end up tussling a lot.

Medic:

Medic is very particular, so his s/o has to catch him in a silly mood. If he is being serious he shuts them down fast. But sometimes he is feeling cheery and goofy, and his s/o can manage to sneak up and nab him. He has a playful side and will chase them around gleefully until he inevitably catches up. It can be almost scary (in a fun way) because he is deceptively strong and can win very easily. He knows it too, which is why he usually turns them down. It doesn’t happen often, but he isn’t completely opposed to the idea of rough housing.

Sniper:

A little unexpectedly, Sniper loves rough housing, but only in private. As long as he is super comfortable with his s/o and knows it’s something they’d be okay with, he might even be the one to initiate it provided they’re alone. If they’re shorter than him, he loves scooping them up from behind and just tossing them around in general. A shorter s/o could also absolutely climb him like a beanpole. He’s got strong arms, but other than that he’s a bit of a stick so he’s definitely not impossible to beat, so the end result of the fight is anyones game. All in all, he has a lot of fun with it and makes sure neither of him nor his partner actually gets hurt. Around other people though, he gets super shy.

Spy:

If asked outright, Spy will refuse because it sounds childish, and also because he’s SUPER competitive and he doesn’t want to lose. If his partner does decide to tackle him, he knows he could escape with ease, but the problem is his escape maneuvers tend to be very…. deadly. So while he could, he isn’t willing to use those tactics, and his s/o beats him when it comes to brute strength because he has noodle arms. They can absolutely jump him and pin him down with little effort, and he acts all pouty and mean about it until his partner catches him hiding a smile. Once his secret is out, it’s possible to get a laugh out of him. As long as they go easy on him and don’t damage his suit, he will tolerate it and maybe even humor them for a little bit.

These are just my own interpretations, I legit love op’s headcannons so pls don’t see this as me trying to correct them or anything ❤️

Extra stuff in the tags. I’m normal about this image. Totally.

snipertism. sniper autism. :-)