The Archer!!!! I Can’t Guys, It’s Too Good

In the weeks since pre-saving/ordering Lover I’ve also pre-danced, pre-cried, pre-hyperventilated, pre-talked about only the album, pre-sang lyrics I didn’t know the melody of, pre-wished today was already August 23rd.

Family and friends are certain I am not ok.

Pre-surgery photos 👍🏻 I wasn’t allowed to take post surgery photos because she “looked crazy” 😂 Thank you to all who sent positive thoughts and prayers! Everything went as planned and the tumor is out! Next step, radiation. #cancersucks https://www.instagram.com/p/B6UnjsLnuukBD-ihZtqDixrO1pFd01MgZZsWis0/?igshid=1p6pkbh6so271

I can’t get over the YNTCD mv! I keep trying to replay it but the YouTube is being so slow!

OK! How many of you all lost your damn voice from screaming?! I know I’m not the only one! Look at her!!

“Creating reputation felt different to any other album I’ve ever made because… It was about a journey, from one emotional place to another. I wanted it to sound like losing something you thought you wanted, and in the end, gaining something you really needed.”

I Stand With Taylor.

#Fuck Scott and Scooter

You seem like the right person to ask but what the fuck is going on in the Taylor Swift fandom? Are they OK?

Okay friend, I’m going to give you the run down. Are you sitting comfortably? 

2PM GMT - SOME TAYLOR SWIFT FANS DECIDE - FOR SEEMING ABSOLUTELY NO INTELLIGIBLE REASON - THAT THERE IS A MURAL IN NASHVILLE THAT RELATES TO TAYLOR’S NEW ALBUM

THERE ARE NO FACTS TO BACK THIS UP

TAYLOR HAS NOT SPOKEN OF THIS MURAL

HER TEAM HAVE NOT SPOKEN OF THIS MURAL

THE ONLY VAGUE LINK IS THAT IT RELATES TO HER INSTAGRAM AESTHETIC

THEY’RE GATHERING IN THEIR HUNDREDS BY THIS MURAL CONVINCED THAT SHE’S GOING TO SHOW UP

WHY?

ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING REASON

FLASH FORWARD (and we’re taking on the world together, and there’s a drawer of my things at your place) TO 5PM GMT 

AND THE ENTIRE TAYLOR SWIFT FANDOM ON TUMBLR IS BRACING FOR THEIR MOM TO CALL THEM BOO BOO THE FOOL LIKE SHE DID WHEN THEY ASSERTED CONFIDENTLY THAT BECAUSE THERE WERE FIVE HOLES IN A FENCE ON ONE OF HER INSTAGRAM PICTURES THAT A COUNTDOWN WAS HAPPENING

THEY’RE ASSUMING CRASH POSITIONS

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN OUTING OF STUPIDITY TO THE ENTIRE WORLD

NEWS CREWS ARE GATHERING —- AGAIN FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN THE FANS THINK SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THIS THESIS

EVERYONE ON TUMBLR IS DISTRESSED

DISMAYED

“THE WORLD WILL KNOW THAT WE’RE INSANE!!” THEY CRY, THEIR SELF-AWARENESS THEIR LAST REDEEMING FEATURE

AND THEN

WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST

TAYLOR ‘I’M POTENTIALLY THE ONLY PERSON MORE BATSHIT CRAZY THAN MY FANS’ SWIFT GETS HER CLOWN ASS ON INSTAGRAM

AND CONFIRMS THAT IT IS HER FUCKING MURAL AND THAT SHE IS ON THE WAY THERE

“YOU FIGURED OUT (my secrets and I figure out why you’re guarded, you say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes) THE CLUE!” SHE SHRIEKS

THERE WERE NO CLUES

NOT ONE

THEY TURNED UP IN DROVES BECAUSE THEY ALL DESPERATELY NEED TO GET A JOB

AND THEN - 6PM GMT - THIS ANGEL/DEVIL WOMAN TURNS UP AT THE MURAL AND TAKES WHAT SEEMS LIKE A SELFIE WITH LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE WHO’S THERE - WHICH BY THE WAY, IS ABOUT 500 PEOPLE AT THIS POINT

AND SAYS! NOTHING ABOUT THE ALBUM! NOTHING ABOUT THE SINGLE! NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!

SHE JUST SHOWS UP AND SAYS HEY (it was enchanting to meet you) 

OUTSTANDING

LITERALLY OUTSTANDING 

WHO KNEW SUCH CLOWNERY AND TOMFOOLERY WAS POSSIBLE?

NOT I, GENTLE READER! NOT THE FUCK I!

I’m literally in love with Taylor Swift, I have never wanted to be a celebrity’s friend more than in this moment. She’s so messy and I live for literally every second of it, we are SOUL MATES. 

👀

wait……………………………. my hearts been borrowed and yours has been blue…………. something borrowed and something blue…….. ma’am

the rolling stone article was *chef’s kiss*

Her crazy straw spells Lover, I can’t even handle her. The detailsssss