When I Came Out As Trans I Had An Old Friend From My Church Days Message Me To Congratulate Me And Ask

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

love this tweet bc it's basically just saying wizards would be autistic. which duh

Can't wait until AI has been tumblr poisoned and I'll be able to type in "Some of y'all," as a prompt and receive a post which is both perfect in its approximation of the tumblr shaming tone, and completely inscrutable in meaning.

obsessed w/him actually