I Wish I Could Take A Scalpel And Cut It All Off

I know I'm in deep shit when a 100 c@lls a day seems too much.

Have you ever tried the korean cucumber salad? A few days ago I've made it for the first time and I'm currently OBSESSED with it ^^ Today I wanted to at least try to make a proper meal out of it and personally I think it came out great! Here's the recipe:

100g of konjac noodles - 9kcal

127g of cucumber - 18kcal

0.5tsp of soy sauce - 2kcal

1tsp of Gochujang paste - 20kcal

2 cloves of garlic (minced) - 15kcal

0.5tsp of chili pepper powder - 0kcal

0.5tsp of vinegar - 0kcal

(TOTAL: 64 calories!!)

Cut up your cucumber, place it into a bowl, rub it with salt and put in the fridge for 30-60minutes. Then get the cucumber out of the fridge and rince it with water at least 3 times. In a seperate bowl, mix your soy sauce, garlic, chili, Gochujang, vinegar and a little bit of water(the original recipe asked for chili/sesame oil but I replaced it with water) in order to make the sauce. Prepare the noodles according to the package and add it to the cucumber, then pour in your sauce and mix well. Enjoy!!

(Just a reminder that you DO deserve to eat, you NEED to eat to survive and function properly, you are beautiful just the way you are and you don't need to change anything about you and your body <3 I know how dangerous eating disorders are and how they can ruin your body. I know how hard recovery can be, so please don't force yourself and take it one step at a time. Eating disorders are NOTHING to brag about and I'm not romantizing them in any way. I'm just posting simple recipes while learning how to cook. Please stay safe <333)

I'm shivering, my head is spinning and I feel tired, food repulses me...

I feel better than ever.

I hate that I recovered, I was so thin and lovely back then. I stopped being afraid of food and became overweight, I look so ugly. This time I will do better, I will become even thinner. People keep commenting how much bigger I am now and it's giving me the motivation to starve.

I've let go, I got so busy with life that I forgot what I was striving for. But now I will get back on track, I have more free time now, I will finally look how I used to, weigh what I used to.

CW:80

GW:55

Tiny legs and big shoes <3

My personal rules:

Only light snacks after 7pm

Absolutely no food after 9pm

You're not hungry, you're bored

Drink spirits instead of beer, it makes you fat

No sugar allowed

No potatoes

No bread

If you crave it, chew it up and spit it out

Use a smaller plate

Who needs breakfast anyway?

Want some food? Go smoke a cig

Split what you're eating onto several plates, it will trick your brain and the people you live with will think that you're eating more than you actually are

Always eat in your room

Parents: Have you eaten today?

Me: Yes (lying)

I love how little I have to drink when I ⭐ve myself in order to get drunk, what a money saver