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How to Shower...

...when you're too dysphoric to.

Personally, I struggle with showering on my bad days since this body doesn't quite match what's up top you know? I'm a big guy too, over 6' and more than 200 lbs. So showering in of itself tends to be an event every time. I had issues growing up and stumbled around on the internet enough to get comfortable in this. So without further ado, lets begin. How do you shower...

... when I can't stand seeing myself?

First, we gotta figure out the boundaries of "seeing myself." When you look in the mirror, can you stand there and feel confident? Is it cause you're not wearing your preferred clothing? Is it cause you can't stand seeing the wrong reflection? Next, stand where your reflection can't be seen. Now look at yourself. Can you stand seeing your hands? Your outline, your belly, your legs? Is it the finer details of your body your can't stand, or is it the greater amount. There is no wrong answer here.

It's not fun, but figure out the extent of seeing yourself. Once you've done that, it's time to get creative.

If you can look at yourself not in the mirror, but your reflection sets you off, then we get rid of the mirror. Not actually get rid of, mind you (unless you can, then be my guest), but rig up a towel or shield to put over the mirror. Cover it up, and that should ebb the issue enough to ignore it.

If you can't stand your body in general, what you should do is turn off the main lights. Don't do pitch black, that's dangerous once it's wet, but maybe crack the window shade enough to safely navigate but not see yourself. If there isn't a window, get some waterproof string lights, and either dim them or cover up just enough of them to safely navigate. Maybe get a darker shower curtain.

If you can't stand yourself without your preferred clothing, then we get shower clothes. Robes are great for covering yourself up, and there's an endless amount of possibilities for what that robe looks like. Do you have a favorite media? Chances are you can find one online styled with that. I have a TMNT robe I use when it's cold. If robes aren't your cup of tea, shower aprons are another option. A shower apron is basically a cloak someone out there made for folks who have issues bathing themself or need assistance bathing but want some privacy. This one is the first one to pop up when I googled it, but there are far cheaper options out there. (https://www.buckandbuck.com/mens-terry-shower-robe.html) If those don't interest you, swimwear. Swimsuits are designed for water. While wearing them, it may be harder to clean some areas, but we're trying to get you to bathe what you can first. Clean the majority of your body before you clean your problem areas. If you don't have body dysphoria around the "normal" areas, but instead have issues with say, your hands? Spas have a couple great options out there, like exfoliating gloves. Or if you have issues with your feet, shower shoes.

Do what you can to minimise sight in the safest way possible. I should mention, 'cause I'm sure someone out there won't think it an issue until after the fact, but don't shave in the dark. If you have issues shaving, DM me and we can talk in private. Shaving in the dark is akin to running around at night with a pocket knife. A bad idea for everyone involved.

... when the bathroom is the opposite of how I present myself?

If you are masculine presenting in a feminine bathroom, or the opposite, or something in between, then we try and get the bathroom to reflect you. Do you share the bathroom with anyone? Can you seperate the problem items while you are showering? Growing up, I had issues with my mother and sister's smelly products, so I went out and bought some shower organisers for the back of the door, where we started putting things instead, so they weren't being perfume-y while I showered. I also set things on the counter while I showered and replaced them after. If it's a design issue, and your bathroom compatriots are okay with it, maybe swap out the shower curtain or decor. My ma used to have the bathroom cat themed (idk why, but she did), and it was rather pink and cutesy. After I came out, I asked if we could redo the bathroom, and she and I compromised with a beach theme, and we disguised it as a chance to renovate the features in general, to our more conservative neighbors at the time. If that's out of the question (or budget), maybe introduce crates or a cart or other organization just to cover your ass with whoever you share with. If you can stand them, try candles or scent diffusers. There are masculine ones out there! Bath n Body Works used to have a coffee and bourbon scent I adored, but they recently discontinued it, so I got a plug in one from Walmart that's scented fresh linen. My sister moved out a while ago and has a ton of flowery scents around her apartment. My dad likes citrus. Find something that works for you.

... when my intrusive/impulsive thoughts get pretty loud?

Then we get louder. I have OCD, and struggle in particular with intrusive thoughts. My friends, let me introduce you to... waterproof speakers! I got my first one for $7 at a nearby Walmart. My latest one was $20 from Amazon. We didn't have Wifi until the Pandemic, when the cable companies realized they could exploit the town further and laid the underground wires through the town (promise this is related). As such, before we had Wifi, I would steal my sister's radio and pop in one of my discs, usually something upbeat and fast so I could dance and distract myself. My brother uses our dad's old walkman and hooks it up to a mini speaker he got at a Christmas Party about a decade ago. My ma sticks her phone in the sink's cubby and it amplifies the sound and puts on her news station. If nothing else, you can hum out loud and just try to distract yourself.

... when I can't stand feeling the wrong body under my hands?

Then we get assistive devices! Washcloths, loofahs, sponges, pomis stones, exfoliating nets... there are so many out there, all we gotta do is look! I mentioned earlier exfoliating gloves. If you need help searching, let me know and we can brainstorm together!

Overall, bathing is unfortunately a necessity, and we gotta figure out how we can trick your mind into making it easier. Feel free to comment questions or concerns or other tips if you've also dealt with this.

And keep in mind, this may seem an embarrassing topic or something otherwise taboo. Be kind. The bravest thing to do is ask for help, and if I can then I fucking will. The block and report button is easily accessible; you control your internet experience. If you don't want to see this, leave my blog. Easy. Simple. If you find something wrong with this, then feel free to DM me and we can talk personally. But if you decide to shame someone on my post then be ready to get blocked and reported. Hate will not be tolerated here.

We're not halfway there yet, but we're slowly making our way there 💔😔

We're less than €2,000 away from achieving this goal.

Please help me get there 🙏🙏

I trust your help 🙏🚨

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸❤🤍💚🖤

I don't have the funds to help financially, I'm sorry, but I can spread this even farther in hopes the right people find it and help even more. Please stay alive and please be safe.

THINGS I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW: Why every fuckin trans man or nb person I know who binds is like “oh binders are the worst, you can’t breathe in them, I know someone who broke a rib once”,

And meanwhile over in historical costuming, we are fucking eating, sleeping, swordfighting, riding horses, and feeling great like this:

(credit: Jenny La Flamme, The Tudor Tailor, Verdaera)

Like is there NO overlap between people who want to bind and people who care about accurate 16th century clothing reconstruction techniques?

(I, okay, maybe it is kind of a niche interest, but…. REALLY? Anyone who’s made a boned binder, PLS SPEAK TO ME)

Keep reading

I hate it when people say that people choose to be trans, or say that being trans is a choice

This week my dysphoria got so bad that I was considering death, I hated my body so much in that moment that I considered ruining my own prospects for a better life. If being trans was a choice, I don't think I'd choose to be trans, because of the dysphoria. Because of that suffering. Yes I've become part of a community and I've gotten closer with some good friends. Yes I've had happy moments. This does not negate the fact that I hate my body so much that I will start HRT and I'll spend money to start to make this body mine, make this body one that I feel I can be actually proud of.

If being trans was a choice then people in the world wouldn't have moments when their dysphoria is so bad that reaching for rope or metal feels like a better alternative to life

If being trans was a choice then there wouldn't be so much controversy about laws for trans people, it would be a simple choice like a tattoo or a piercing

If being trans was a choice then I would be happier, happier with my body, happier with my existence.

I hate all that say "being trans is a choice" because it shows how negligent they are to the lives of trans people.

I would like to clarify that not every trans person experiences dysphoria, no, and they are just as valid as trans people who do.

I dislike the people who are negligent of the pain that some trans people experience, negligent of the struggles trans people face so often in society

No, not everyone is trans-phobic, but not everyone understands. The ones who are so trans-phobic that they yell and scream in the streets or hold up signs or petition laws are so loud and it makes me feel like so few people actually care about or understand trans people.

Feel free to print and distribute this image

Trump is gonna level gaza so isn't donating just a waste of time at this point? We're simply not going to make it. There is no hope

can you shut the fuck up

These weapons I make, the weapons I attach to myself, they're for self defense right? They're only a precaution right? Only two blades and a blunt object. That's where it'll end, right? Why do I feel like the more I make weapons, the closer I get to wrapping my hands around the grip of a glock? Am I turning myself away from my empathetic and gentle origins? I don't want to hurt people. I don't like it when people get hurt. Not usually. If I make more weapons am I only putting up the barricade around me with a door for friends or will the wall block out everyone? I don't want to be alone again.

So many weapons that could be made, and yet I don't know if I could even get myself to use them. I don't know if I could willingly put a blade through someone's flesh or bash a blunt object against someone's skull. Am I turning myself into a danger?

If I let myself strike someone, how long until I can strike at the ones I love without remorse? I need protection, I know, but how much is too much?

When do I wind up going too far?

100% want Trump gone, fearful of this country and the future but hoping for the best while wanting to flee

REBLOG IF YOU ARE AGAINST TRUMP AND PROJECT 2025

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR PEOPLE WHO NO LONGER HAVE ONE IRL

Boss is asleep, cannot stop me from frogposting

Repeat after me:

Homosexuality is not an illness.

No letter of the whole LGBTQIA+ is an illness.

There is no treatment, prescription, therapy or cure BECAUSE IT IS NOT AN ILLNESS.

Thank you for your attention.