FORGOT TO POST HER........ My Dnd Char Mayhem In Modern Au. Shes Such A Failcringe Woman.... The Things

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edit: here’s the intended effect over on twitter, but it works here too if you’re on light mode

anemoia

Salmon Run

A HEFTY VOICE MESSAGE FROM LOUISE CARRIGAN TO HER WIFE, ANNE DAVIS, FALL 17770.

Immortality’s a funny thing. I think—I think I forgot how to struggle. Before us, I mean. You know, back home in Alaska. Yeah, of course there was always some kinda crap, but mostly it was the same stuff day-in-day-out. I’d go to work in the morning and leave work in the afternoon. My job was important, sure, but I’d been doing it so long it just felt like busywork. The day I got my position, though, it felt good. That was what, almost sixteen thousand years ago? Way before we met...

Isn’t that crazy? I lived almost a hundred and sixty lifetimes before I met you.

It definitely didn’t feel like it.

Anyways, on with the message—sorry, this one’s gonna be a devil to listen to. Tell your brother I say hi, by the way! I’m only about 9 hours to Asheville now. Might be a tad more, ‘cause the truck tire just popped. You know, it was just some nail lying about on the road. And the thing is, the roads here are real nice!

ANYWAYS, for real this time, I was finally doing something to give back to the environment. Lord, we really fucked everything up. When I took the job, the chinook runs were really bad. I mean, so many of those salmon were dying during the run or before the run and it was just hell at the fishery. It got better, of course. It all got better, but then there wasn’t this constant stress anymore. After a while they were fine. Still needed management, but it wasn’t as crazy as it used to be. No more fighting with the fishermen ‘cause they didn’t live off of it, you know. Most of the people who fished then were just hobbyists and families—didn’t need much management then. So I went to work and I picked up any book I had lying around the house. This was before I went to college for the first time, so it was just everything I had from high school.

So I started reading Catcher in the Rye, you know, with Holden Caulfield and that hunting hat of his? And I was reading it at work and he said something that kinda snapped me out of everything. He said, “mothers are all slightly insane.” And you know what, that really got me thinking. My mom had been gone a while and I’d been at peace with it a while, too. There were hard days and there will always be hard days, but what I really missed was something she used to do when I was in high school. You know how much of a shit I was then, I took nothing seriously, and you know, she’d always tell me, “God’s watching, Louise.” It wasn’t in too serious a tone, but man, she said it all the damn time. And whenever I fumble one of your absolute dimes, I hear her in my head, going “God’s watching, Louise.” And she had that real thick Appalachian accent too—if you thought mine was bad, you shoulda met her. And I’d tell her right back, “Oh I know he’s watching. Bet he’s cracking up watching me stumble ‘cross the field.”

Anyways, back then when I worked at the fishery, I never did anything that would make her say that. Nothing that was crucial—you know, critical, in-the-moment stuff that God would wanna be watching. I had so much time there. I still have so much time here. And so one day I went out to one of the rivers and I looked at all the salmon, swimming upstream and strugglin’ forever against the current. And I said to myself, I wanna do that. I wanna feel anxious again. I wanna be embarrassed again. I want to trip over my own shoelaces in the middle of the big game.

And it’s kinda funny, cause after that happens, you’re like, “good Lord Above, I never wanna experience that ever again.” But it’s a lie, cause when things get too good, then they’re not good anymore, you know? And I guess that why we do it. Why I keep going back to college even though school’s always my least favorite thing in the whole wide world. And why I keep trying new sports even though the only one I’m good at is that damned football. Hey, I mean, hockey’s fun, but Christ am I a crap skater.

And I guess most important, it’s how I met you—Lord do I remember that! Spillin’ my water and all that fuss. Damn near our whole relationship was swimming upstream, you know that? But shit if it wasn’t worth it. Everything was worth it. I mean, I’ll probably use that radiochemistry knowledge somewhere…

Well, I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. I was just thinking and didn’t want to forget anything. But now I’m rambling again. Sorry bout that. Now this thing’s gonna be like an hour long. I’ve gotta quit while I’m ahead. Love you, babe. See you tomorrow.

I posted this on a discord a while back, but I decided I should post a version here too. That being said, I present to you:

I HAVE GAZED INTO THE ABYSS AND THE ABYSS ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO WATCH A GAME

or

The culmination of a feverish night of theory crafting after a sudden epiphany like a vision from an angry god, which may or may not be pertinent to the plot of “20021, a Football Story” by Jon Bois, whenever that comes out

See, okay, the whole deal with this thing is; If either Nick and Manny get caught and fail to bring the footballs home, or succeed and bring the footballs home, it will become a big story that it was only two guys who stole the footballs from Georgia Tech. This tells Michigan State that the locomotive lateral was performed by two guys, and thus, it would have been almost impossible for them to split the balls up, meaning the 9 balls that MI ST went up by at the end of the locomotive lateral would have been all the balls that GTECH had (given that it dropped in rank to the 0 ball teams at the same time as MI ST increased by 9). If someone from MI ST took a screenshot of their scoreboard before and after the lateral they would be able to tell that by the time the lateral was completed:

1: MI ST has 24 balls

2: GA SO has at most 14 balls because they were a place below MI ST before the lateral when Michigan had 15 balls

3: SC ST has at most 8 balls because they were a place below GTECH, which (based on the number of balls MI ST increased by and GTECH’s ranking afterward) had 9 balls before the lateral

4: CIN, HOW, and TEX likely have 3 balls each, and if they’re not sure MI ST can collaborate with one of them. Additionally, if you know that a certain team has a certain number of balls at any point in the game, then if the ranking group that team is in never drops below 2 teams, then you will always know everyone in that ranking group will have that same amount of balls even if the original team drops out of that ranking group, due to the sheer unlikelihood of every team in a ranking group gaining or losing exactly the same amount of balls at the same time. Remember, it can be days between scoreboard changes. There is a good chance that every team already knows the tied for 5th ranking group have 3 balls each.

5. If you know CIN, HOW, and TEX each have 3, then MO through to UTEP must have 2 balls each

6. There are 28 teams with exactly one ball each. The 1 ball teams extend into the remaining teams section, where you normally would not be able to see rankings and wouldn’t be able to tell which ones are 1 ball teams and which ones are goose egg (0 ball) teams. However: all teams in the same rank are organized alphabetically, and you can see that the alphabetization resets between Washington State University and Air Force Academy. Therefore a MI ST player would be able to know there are 28 one ball teams.

So: 24+14+8+3*3+2*5+1*28=93

111-93=18 balls hidden off the field, one more than the number UAB is hiding in Stannard Rock Lighthouse

Will Michigan State find 18 missing balls alarming? I don’t know. Depends on the kind of story Jon Bois wants to write. I want to believe they will, starting a frenzy that uncovers UAB’s hidden dynasty as the most powerful team in the entire college bowl, which somehow forces UAB to resurrect their steamroller play One Last Time.

Maybe that’ll give Val something to talk about, other than loathsome mosquitoes lurking in limestone quarry ponds, which may or may not have contributed to the construction of the Empire State Building.

I can only say one thing for certain:

Stay in school, kids. It makes you better at cross-country football.

guy who might know how u died

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (1991) for the NES

It's fun to work with the color limitations of the NES, and also I'm a sucker for all-black UIs.

I made a font that matches the modern sans-serif style of the original but still fits into the one-letter-per-tile scheme, and I really like how it turned out.

Might make more AA stuff like this actually.

I forgot I have to be active here so here’s my Twitter tutorial on how to draw folds I made a while back to help a friend!