Sort Of Straightforward

Thank

Thank you for saving me another night

I now see a little bitty light

At the end of the tunnel

I'm just starting the loooong climb out of the funnel

That drains into the black, empty hole of eternal sadness

My parents just think I'm full of badness

Depression is like a black hole that is always going to be tapping on your shoulder

It makes sure that you know if you trip it will come back and hit like boulder

Maybe you were lying

If you were and I find out, you might find me slowly dying

And sliding back down again

I'm not writing this with a pen

You are my idol

My mom wants me to believe in the bible

But she can’t make me believe in something that I'm not so sure about

This is why I sometimes pout

Well I'm writing this to you so back to it

I love you, I have to admit           

Not in the creepy way

You’ve brought me back to bay

I think that is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me

I'm not kidding, you now have my secret key

I hope you don’t lose it

Please don’t quit

Everyone who has told me they would be there for me, forever

Always ended in a never

I'm slightly scared to love you

I might end up, not just blue but dark blue

It almost seems every time I love someone

I always get shunned

Thanks

For putting some of your spare change in my vacant bank

I've been staring at what you wrote in complete disbelief

I'm as lonely as a shrived up leaf

However, I do have many sides just like you think 

Everyone who only sees the quiet side really needs to blink

Or get better glasses

I hope that their phase passes

This poem has finished quickly

I hope you don’t find it sh*tty

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

Rachel

Those damn ex’s

Leave your brain perplexed

Walks lightly

Thinks brightly

Favorite color is green

Just like a spleen

Understands your weird, random metaphors

Doesn’t waste her time and energy knocking down unnecessary doors

The grand piano player

Has many layers

Some that I’ll probably never get to see

Gave away her key

Seems pretty sophisticated

Good fated

Always saying that everyone has their own fight

Not afraid to spend the night

Looking out for me

Lets my thoughts be

She’s courageous

She’s contagious

You’ll always want her around

Leaves you thinking new thoughts like why don’t you just push off the ground

What are you hiding under there?

Doesn’t take a stupid dare

Goes beyond

Knows about that dirty mucky messed up pond

Promises you that you can fly

Look at those blue eyes

Deep

Proves the secrets that she keeps

Fell and scraped her knee

Got stung by the swarm of stinging bees

But stood

To show life that she could

So smart

She’s off the chart

So much more to learn

In life there are so many places to turn...

Wild

Feelings seize

Behind my poker resting face

Thoughts radiating out of my pores

The moon attempts to pull my tears out

As they want to go back home

To the ocean

Instead this werewolf

Howls at the moon

Wanting to slaughter innocent sheep

A fierce

Beast

Yet skittish at the sight of any possible danger

Feeling the wild

Clashing around

Dragging its claws around the inside of me in protest

All the while the sheep

Have grown parasitic teeth

And now they are the wolves Blank eyes

Of a barbarian

Willing to do anything to survive

In the worst of moments

The the savage has been suppressed

With the good old remedy of lack of sleep

I Can't

I can't

Stupid head

I should be thankful

While writing this others feel as if they were lying in their death bed I can't

What is wrong with me

I'm so messed up

I wish someone could get me but their middle name is absentee I can't

I should be lucky I have an umbrella for the rain

But I'm too befouled

Others are in pain I can't

It feels like I'm cheating

You can find rhyming words on the Internet

A "good enough mother" is what I'm needing I can't

I used to despise being called honey

I'm going to be thinking about both of you for eternity

You are mine if I pay you money I can't

I can't stand it

The same thing every time

I can't throw a fit I can't

I can't write

Who can help?

For once I'm ready to fight I can't

In my life I'm confused

This little pointless poem

My heart severely bruised I can't

My life I find perplexing

I am vinegar to myself

My feelings I keep deflecting

Opposites

5:55 at still not, alone

The sun is coming up

And I’ll see it down again

As the day gets brighter

The darker my day gets

If I'm walking uphill

That does not mean I am not going downhill

And if I'm in the eye of the hurricane,

That does not mean from the storm I am free

The higher I get, the lower I sink

The more I wait for the perfect moment

The faster it will pass because I am a small, white, rodent

A rodent so quiet it forgot to squeak

A shrugging girl so quiet she forgot to speak

Tempting, as it may be, I'm too tired to argue with your opinion

Scenery flashing by as I try to run on my legs of rubber molasses

Frustration drips down my face and my body

When I run from my problems I am running right into their tangled arms

Living away from them, they get bigger

Living with them, I go crazy claustrophobic

I want stars; I want the moon’s blood

I do not want to be lonely but I want to be alone

The Movies

The four of us at the movies

Boys free of cooties

Juan and I hand in hand

Zach could barely stand

The normally depressed ones were happy

It may have been that, that afternoon was oddly sappy

After my reflection

I felt a strong connection

I hope we will have many more double dates

Between us, no hate

What will rip us apart, college?

The need for knowledge?

If that tragedy does happen, the girls that didn't get kissed

Will be missed

I love how we were the only ones there

At the moment if all the evil in the world attacked us, we wouldn't have cared

We didn't want the night to end

We were our own trend

All of us never wanted to leave

We knew the second we left we would have to grieve

There was so much love that night

Nothing has ever felt so right

These two girls sometimes pretend that there are cooties

Just so they can spend another night at the movies

Don't Ever

Too good to be true

In the back of my head I knew

Do you really have a freshman crush?

You're still keeping hush

You're a chicken

You're heart is too alive and kick’n

You fall in love to easy

In my world it’s cold and breezy

You loved me

Please

Just tell me how come you don’t want me anymore?

I thought you wouldn't walk out the door

I see how you're just going to leave me like this

Without my first kiss

I was so ready

I won’t believe you if you ever ask me to go steady

Don’t you even dream about coming back!

Intelligence is what you lack

You're kissing a golden one goodbye!

I can’t wait for you to move in four months, I'm not going to lie

Broke my heart without even touching it

You need to teach yours how to heel and sit

I remember when I was still…

I was chewing the idea of you and I over and over like a sweet jolly rancher in my mouth

You're such a hot head you have to move south

Why don’t you just tell me?

Don’t break me slowly while you get to flee

That rumor I heard

It hurt, I now see you as a wimpy little turd

Do you want to change that?

Or are you just going to keep on hiding under your uninterested mat?

The weather is angry

I'm all strangely

Come near me at your own risk

Permanently scratched your video game disk

Oh I can be bitch!

I'm that annoying out of your league back itch

So you don’t want to love this blue eyed mess?

Boy, I'll make you confess

Straight to my face

I'll beat you at the end of the race

You'll want be back after

When that happens I'll be the one making all of the laughter

Summer

Summer will not make me dumber

With no stress, I'm more depressed

Biased people with remainders of my past, in my brain it will never last

I can't breath; It's debilitating but I'm not suffocating

Give me a car and I'll take it far

Wishing things were different, kissing your black shoe

Waiting for that day, knowing you'll be hesitating

Waking up without a mission, then going fish'n

Feeling like you're not going to get there, life is only so fair

Dreamers with their silly fantasy dreams, fighting for them but not getting ice creams

They became depressed, while they were back in their nest

They stopped fighting, and tried rewriting

Their progress plateaued, and started the downhill flow

Then out of nowhere their flame relit, and found the way out of the pit

They wrote of sugar coated endings, to deal with the god sendings

Of summer never being a bummer

Running And Fighting

All the wrong words rhyme

This poetry thing is getting old

And it’s hard to break patterns

It’s hard to be constantly doing something that terrifies you

So here is a messy clump of words with no organization

Here’s me, and I'm not sure who I am without poetry

It might be starting to fade because I've worn it out

But I don’t want to stop

At least not yet

Poetry is the only way I am allowed to rebel

That is without suffering the consequences

Writing is my way of running and fighting

Running and fighting is all I know

Running and fighting is all human nature knows

A lack of life and sleep makes me want to quit,

Running and fighting

Should I try to make the right words rhyme,

Even if it makes me more tired?

I guess that’s what I’ll do,

To make it feel like I’m getting somewhere,

With my endless, restless, wandering…

Wandering…

           Wandering…

                       Wandering