Why Don’t I Hear More About Undead Beings Coming Back To Warn People? It’s Always Zombies Wanting

John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon

studies

Remember how in DMC Beckett was desperate to lay his hands on the Chest because if the Company controls the Chest, they control the sea? The second and third films make it perfectly clear that claiming authority over the heart of the captain of the Flying Dutchman gives you authority over the sea because the captain of the Flying Dutchman is the sea – hence the conundrum in AWE. Since all the rules of Jones’s curse apply to Will, there is no reason to assume that this is no longer the case once he’s taken over, and so the logical conclusion is that whoever has Will’s heart also rules the sea. And we all know what happened at the end of AWE. 

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So yes, what I’m saying is that Elizabeth Turner can stay on land waiting for her husband to come home and still be the most powerful character in the Pirates universe because it just so happens that the love of said husband granted her authority over the sea.

Hey Neil, I have this memory of hearing you reading a poem after explaining that "the poems are free... and its not as if anyone is forcing you to read them."

And I just wanted you to know that I have taken this into the rest of my life. Don't like a scene in a movie? I close my eyes. And it's been freeing. So thank you

I'm so glad!

On mother's day

Mum

I'm sorry

i love you i swear i do i just cant say it. i dont remember the last time i did. i do remember when i promised myself i never would again and now i cant anymore

im sorry and i know you are too i know you love me. you do say it. and you want me to say it back. you hug me and want me to hug you back. you kiss me and want me to kiss you back. i cant. im so sorry.

it hurts and i know it hurts you too. i know, because it kinda was the point. it was payback for hurting me. i was a kid and scared and powerless and the only thing i could take away from you and dad was myself. so i did. as punishment. i didnt know i was punishing myself too. i didnt know i didnt know any better im sorry.

and when we left him i thought we'd be fine. but we're not. we're so obviously not. we're alone with each other and i dont know how to love. and you dont know a lot about me.

you gave me my life and have been with me almost every second of it. and there's so much you don't know. so much i've kept from you. i kept myself from you for too long. i dont know how to give myself back.

and i don't know if you'd want it. if you'd like it. me. if you'd like me.

i remember you wanted me to do ballet, like my cousin. im sorry im black belt now. i remember you wanted me to go shopping with you. im sorry i couldnt care less about it. (i AM sorry. you like it so much and i just dont.) i remember every time i've had to put makeup on and how pretty you say i look. im sorry the mirror makes me want to cry.

im sorry we dont care about the same things. its not that i dont care about you. its not the only way you can care about me.

i remember when i wasnt too excited about doing my hair and you said i might as well have been born a boy im not a boy im just not a girl in the ways you want me to be

i know it hurt that you are not going to my graduation party im sorry, it hurt me too. it hurt me to. I hurt me too. im sorry dad's gonna get mad when he finds out he's not going either. im sorry he hurt us so much.

i remember when you said im cold. im not. i just dont know how to feel out loud. not anymore. not in front of you, anyway. and today you said you hope to at least be invited to my wedding. im sorry i dont know if im ever gonna get married.

but if i marry a girl, would you go?

please go.

im sorry this was such an awful mothers day.

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know im not what you wanted but its all i can be

please understand please love me please forgive me

x your only daughter

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

Astronaut readjusts to life back on Earth

> Don’t give him a baby for a while.

Give me weird daemons. Give me ugly, creepy, fragile, impractical daemons. Give me spiders and slugs and hyenas and poisonous frogs and easily-crushed butterflies and daemons that are too big to take into crowds or through a doorway and aquatic daemons that mean you can’t ever leave the coast. Daemons that come with more symbolism than their human was prepared to deal with. Daemons that don’t settle “properly”.

Give me daemons that bicker with their humans. That drag them out of bed in the morning when they don’t want to face the world and force their humans to face things they don’t think they’re ready for. Give me the fallout from daemons that push their humans too hard. Daemons that don’t follow the usual social protocols, that don’t like interacting with other daemons, that talk directly to other humans even though it makes some people scandalized. 

Give me daemons that are the same sex as their humans. Daemons that are the same sex as their humans and their humans realize they’re trans because of it. Daemons that are the same sex as their humans and their humans are cis. Daemons that are trans. Daemons that transition when their humans do or before their humans do. Daemons that are as fluid as their humans, that can present along the entire spectrum of their species’ sexual dimorphism, that sometimes have manes and sometimes have more colourful plumage and sometimes grow extra horns.

Give me daemons that intentionally settle as something soft because that’s what their human needs to hold. Daemons that settle as something small because they’ll both be happier if they can ride in their human’s pocket and always be in contact or always be out of the way of others or be more easily hidden from the prying eyes of others. Daemons that settle as huge, dangerous things even though their humans don’t feel very scary at all - daemons that settle as huge and dangerous things because their humans don’t feel scary or safe. Give me daemons that are misunderstood. Snake daemons that have similar markings to a much more venomous cousin but are harmless. Daemons that are huge but gentle. Swan daemons that look graceful and pretty and have broken 3 people’s arms already.

Give me daemons that pull back. Daemons that hide in pockets or in shadows. Daemons that aren’t ever going to let their human’s romantic partner touch them, and that’s okay. Daemons that don’t understand or like their humans sometimes, because they are their humans, and honestly how often do we understand and like ourselves, especially when we’re young?

Give me daemons that mirror their human’s health, and daemons that don’t. Daemons whose fur loses its gloss when their humans are stressed or ill. Daemons and humans that are both deaf. Daemons who lose a paw when their human has to have a limb amputated. Daemons who are missing a limb in every shape they take in childhood because their human was born without it. Daemons that share their human’s disability because it’s a part of them just like the way they both hate the smell of citrus or they can both curl up their tongues. 

Daemons who don’t match their humans, or who settle as creatures with abilities that let them make the world more accessible to their humans. Daemons who settle as birds so that they can grab things off of shelves for their wheelchair-using humans. Daemons who settle as something big so their humans can climb on top when they’re tired or in pain. Monkey daemons that can type on their human’s behalf when they’re having a migraine and don’t want to look at a screen. Daemons that can perch on their blind human’s shoulder and whisper directions and sights into their ear, that describe colours and prints so their humans can paint and be fashion designers. 

Give me humans and daemons that fall in love at different speeds. Give me daemons that keep secrets from their humans. Give me daemons with unusually short ranges who can’t be parted from their humans, and daemons with unusually long ones that creep people out. Give me daemons that will check your teeth after you eat a salad to tell you if you have spinach stuck there. Give me humans that will check out a library book in a genre they never read because the main character settled as the same wildly obscure species their daemon is and they’re trying to make them feel better about it. Give me human/daemon pairs who have to re-evaluate the assumptions they’ve made about some species when they meet their college roommate and they’re a scorpion and you’re a frog and you’ve read this story - but you end up being best friends. Give me human/daemon pairs that so far have only dated people with big burly predator daemons, who are absolutely floored when they instantly fall for someone with a ladybug.

Give me daemons, please.

Okay but consider this- Elizabeth Swann. She’s a pirate nerd from the beginning. She’s fascinated. And by the time the Black Pearl blasts Port Royal she knows enough to defend herself- first with the iron, then with the Code. That nerd studied pirate law enough to quote it.

And not just pirates. Presumably she’s been on a ship once- when she comes over from England. But nope no piracy wasn’t enough for this kid no she did some intense studying of sailing too because why not. So when they’re being chased down who’s coming up with all these nautical maneuvers? Elizabeth fucking Swann, sea nerd extraordinaire.

Fast forward and she’s not just a nerd anymore. And she isn’t a pirate, either. She’s the Pirate King, doing battle with Davy Jones and the entire British navy, with every Pirate Lord and their crews behind her. No more improvised weapons, no more parlay- she commands every black heart that ever set sail. And then her bae becomes ferryman for every soul lost at sea.

So then what? Everyone just goes back to what they were doing? And Elizabeth just goes home to make a quiet life for herself as a single mum? From studious sea nerd to Pirate King and now suddenly she’s happier at home, waiting for Will?

Give me an epilogue where Elizabeth has her father’s estate and enough gold to keep her comfortable for a lifetime, but instead travels the world, her son at her side. Adventuring and exploring, in and out of the law. Tell me she calls up Calypso for tea from time to time and they talk about uncharted lands and the price of sugar. Tell me in some ports she’s recognized as the daughter of Governor Swann and wined and dined. Tell me in some ports she’s recognized as the Pirate King and gets barrels rum on the house.

Tell me even honest sailors whisper stories of the mysterious and elusive Pirate King, who rarely strikes at all but then vanishes for years at a time.

Tell me Elizabeth spends time aboard the Flying Dutchman, so she can be with her husband, and her son can be with his father and grandfather. Imagine young William learns to sail on his father’s journeys to and from the land of the dead. And when he finally captains his own ship, he’s learned to be both a respectable gentleman and a good pirate.

Imagine Elizabeth spending her life on the sea, sometimes with Will and sometimes not, with a wind from Calypso always in her sails, adventuring enough for lifetimes as a part-time well bred lady, part-time Pirate King.