Muggles Are Not Able To REBLOG This.

[“I want to give people some tips on what the cold cut-off is like.

First, you gotta stay cold. The whining will go on FOREVER. They will call you directly. They will email you. They will put EMERGENCY in the email subject, and you will find the EMERGENCY is Why Are You Doing This To Me, You Selfish Brat. They will leave messages. They will call you at work, because they are just so worried, are you okay? If you respond to any of this, even just to say “I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU,” all you have done is show them exactly how often and in what ways they have to harass you until you respond.

After the harassment, there will be niceness. Honeymoon. You will get gifts. Concern troll gifts. My dad, he wanted to buy me a coat. It’s so cold out there, I don’t know if you know that. I am worried about your health YOU STUPID BITCH here I don’t want you to get sick now I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN A MENTAL WARD. These will be patronizing gifts meant to guilt you about how much they love you and how you are unable to care for yourself properly. Also, there will be checks. With the checks will be little check-ins. Did you cash the check yet? I see you didn’t cash the check yet. Did you get it? Could you just tell me if you got it? I know you don’t want to talk right now and that’s fine, you need space, but just let me know if you got the check? Or when you’re going to cash it? That’s all. Can you not even do that? Really? Are you that immature? Do you need help getting to the bank? Because I can drive you. It’s just a check, for chrissakes, you can’t even take free money?

After that phase passes, there will be a period of radio silence. It’s not over. It’s just a break. When it revs up again, it’ll be through third parties. My coworker saw you at the cafe. I hope you’re not drinking too much coffee. Here, your mother asked me to give you this trinket from your childhood. She seems really upset. I don’t know what happened between you, but I think she’s been through enough, don’t you?

If you can chop your way through that, there will be mostly silence. Except on birthdays, or Christmas. Then there will be passive-aggressive cards and gifts and FUCKING CHECKS.

Let’s shoot forward a few years. Let’s assume the cut-off has worked and they’ve stopped trying to drag you back. Here’s some shit you’ll have to put up with:

You Should Really Forgive and Forget

Strangers, friends, acquaintances, anybody who hears that you have an estranged family member will tell you to forgive and forget. They will tell you that family is wonderful and really more meaningful than whatever you’re going through. Also, bonus round, but WHEN YOU GET OLDER YOU’LL UNDERSTAND, double bonus round, BUT BY THEN THEY’LL BE DEAD AND YOU’LL REGRET IT. After dealing with this shit for years, I’ve found it’s best, for me, to not respond. Maybe give them an mmm, oh, that’s interesting, but it’s not worth it to explain my circumstances or refute their assumption of my personal feelings. If they cared about my circumstances, or my personal feelings, they would have asked.

What people are telling you when they have this round-up toy spiel is what they are capable of. They are not capable of cutting off their family. They are not capable of imagining a life without forgiveness. They are not capable, perhaps, of imagining your life. They are not capable of separating the word “family” from “blood relations.” They are not capable of conceiving of happiness without traditions. These are not bad things. It’s just them, the way they prefer to live. You live differently. The only thing is, you probably don’t go around accosting strangers and advising them to cut off their family, and if they don’t, they’ll grow old and regret all their years wasted placating and living in fear. So, stay that way. Don’t be that asshole. Just understand that other people don’t have the strength to live as you do, and you do not have the strength to live as they do, and that is all okay, as long as they shut up sometime goddamn soon.

You Are Capable of Leaving Me and I Am Terrified

You will get this from partners and from friends. They know you are capable of cutting off people you love very much, people you are supposed to be with forever. There is a line and it can be crossed, and after that, you are gone from their lives forever. They never seem to hear the, “You could always make amends,” part. Just the, “I am not speaking to you anymore,” part. Some people can’t handle that. A surprising amount of people can’t handle that. They can’t handle the fact that if they were to call you on your birthday you would not be pleasantly surprised and decide that it was really all so long ago anyway. They can’t handle the fact that if they blew into town you wouldn’t have an obligatory cup of coffee, or if they got married you wouldn’t call just to say congratulations. They can’t handle the fact that you wouldn’t friend them on Facebook, or ask other friends how they’re doing.

They can’t stand the fact that you could erase them and still manage to exist in the world, without them.

A friend of mine from college had cut off her family, too. She told me about an argument she had with an insecure, needy, hurtful boyfriend. He was pretty much entirely in the wrong, and when he had run out of arguments, he lashed out using her family. “I guess I just get scared,” he wheedled, “Because you cut off your family, I feel like you could cut me off, too.” She didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah,” she said. “I could. If that bothers you, we shouldn’t be dating.” She and I laughed about it later. As if it was supposed to hurt us, the idea that we could protect ourselves, that we could cut out the riffraff. I mean, she had cut off her ENTIRE family — a boyfriend was supposed to get her shaking now? Get a better ultimatum, man.

Flint tried to use this, too. So did an ex-girlfriend. During fights, they’d spit out something about how I can’t deal with family since I don’t have one. The truth was, I couldn’t deal with abuse if I wasn’t having it. If family meant what they were doing to me right then, then yes, I could not understand, would not understand, and would not participate. And that was fucking unacceptable to somebody who needed me to collude in their madness. They knew that if I made the choice to cut them off, it would be complete. We wouldn’t fight. They wouldn’t have any access to my feelings, my thoughts, my experiences, anything they could use to hurt me or know me.

When people say these things, try to cut me down for exercising my ability to define my boundaries, they are letting me know that they want to reserve the right to hurt me in specific ways. They are letting me know that if I stopped being a part of their life, they would lash out and refuse to let me go. They are telling me they expect this of me, they need this in place if they are to continue being my friend. They need to know that I will let them hurt me as a price for any love we shared. They are telling me that this is what they think love is.”]

HERE IT IS. THE HUMAN SACRIFICE

hey guys did you know my ancestors built floating islands and gardens for sustainable farming? yes we were architectural geniuses actually! they were called chinampas and you should look them up THEY’RE GORGEOUS

did you know the mexica empire was one of the first people to implement a system of universal compulsory education? every child was educated regardless of their social status

REMEMBER THE HUMAN SACRIFICES

also did you know that in Tenochtitlan we mastered the art of aqueducts and built a gigantic one called Chapultepec that ran for three miles and poured water into public fountains and reservoirs? Because of the city being interconnected by lakes, we constructed a revolutionary dam, the largest earthwork in the Americas at the time, and it was fitted with doors which could be raised or lowered to control the level of water behind it!! fucking awesome

HOW ABOUT THOSE SACRIFICES THO

Did you know my ancestors knew how to perform surgeries with anesthesia? Our physicians did all kind of medicinal research and had extensive knowledge of medicinal herbs and plans, for example they used the sap from the maguey tree as a disinfectant and to heal wounds; and argemone mexicana as a painkiller. Research it- it’s amazing!!

KIDS DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE SACRIFICE

also what’s hilarious to me is the two white colonizers reacting to it in visceral horror when they were responsible for the genocide of 23 million of our people- 95% of our population…. let that sink in

Social distancing according to Alex Ryan: imagine Andrew sideways and point him at people

David Tennant reads the bookshop scene from Good Omens during Playing in the Dark: Neil Gaiman and the BBC Symphony Orchestra.

Posting here to memorialise this even after the BBC takes it down from their website. Originally performed 12th Nov 2019 at the Barbican, London. 

…his Aziraphale voice is so delicate oh my word, I’m ready to offer my life savings and possibly a kidney in exchange for a full-length audiobook

I still think everyone is too harsh on JK Rowling, and they don’t give her enough credit.

This is the woman who has created so many brilliant characters, but especially female characters.

JK Rowling gave us Ginny Weasley, who taught us to stand for what we believe in, never give up, and how to be strong while also witty.

JK Rowling gave us Minerva McGonagall, perhaps the most badass teacher Hogwarts has ever had; Minerva who didn’t put up with any shit even from her own colleagues, who was fair and took away house points from her own house when appropriate, who told Peeves how to unscrew a chandelier to annoy Umbridge.

JK Rowling gave us Molly Weasley, who showed us that women can wives and mothers whilst still remaining valid and strong. She showed us that a mother’s love is unconditional, extending to children who were friends with her kids, who destroyed a witch for threatening her family: “not my daughter, you bitch”.

JK Rowling gave us Nymphadora Tonks, an auror who had a sense of humor, was clumsy but endearing, and who loved a man who didn’t think he could be loved. She too showed the strength a wife and mother could have, sacrificing herself so her son could live in a better world.

JK Rowling gave us Luna Lovegood, who is unapologetic about who she is; she’s quirky and strange, and that’s what makes her so wonderful. She has strong beliefs and loves her friends dearly, remaining positive even when people snicker about her behind her back.

JK Rowling gave us Queenie Goldstein, a beautiful blonde witch living in 1920s America who is witty and far more than her looks; despite hearing everyone’s thoughts - good and bad - she remains so bubbly and cheerful most of the time. She falls in love with someone she shouldn’t, and she does some drastic misguided things because of how much she loves him - even if it’s illegal for them to be in love, she knows it’s not wrong and will prove it.

JK Rowling gave us Lily Evans-Potter, who was strong who was stubborn, who stood up for her friend when he was being bullied, who sacrificed herself intentionally so that her son - her baby son, innocent and unaware - could live. It’s her love that saves him from death so many times, teaching us that we should never underestimate a mother’s love for their child.

JK Rowling gave us Leta Lestrange, who was haunted by her past and her family name, who grew up knowing she was unloved and unwanted, knowing that she killed her mother just by being born. And yet she managed to become a friend to a young boy who needed it, and she fell in love with someone who adored her. She showed that you can’t judge someone by their name, that she was brave, strong, and even died to help the ones she loved escape.

JK Rowling gave us Fleur Delacour, who at first seems vain and rude - but who loves her fiancée-later-husband and stands by his side when he’s attacked. She loves her little sister and would do anything for her, would be lost if anything happened to her. She moves to a foreign country away from her family because of her love for someone, even when that person’s family didn’t want her to marry him and treated her with disdain.

JK Rowling gave us Porpentina “Tina” Goldstein, an American Auror in the 20s who’s demoted for helping an abused boy, who broke the law to stop him from being beaten. She’s a woman who has cared for her little sister for years since their parents died, a woman who probably had to give up her childhood to take care of her little sister, a woman who just wants to protect her people. She’s also a woman who makes mistakes and learns from them, who learns that beasts are not necessarily monsters or completely dangerous; she learns to see how wonderful they can be too. She learns to open herself up to someone, taking that chance and eventually starting to fall in love with him.

Perhaps most memorable of all, JK Rowling gave us Hermione Granger. Hermione who was not pretty and had buck teeth with bushy hair. Hermione who valued books and learning but also bravery and loyalty. Hermione who made friends with two boys and helped them along the way, falling in love with one of them along the way. Hermione who fought for the things she believed in, who fought back when bullied or attacked. Hermione who showed generations of girls to never dumb themselves down just for a love interest, showed that being beautiful was not the most important thing a girl could be.

JK Rowling deserves so much more credit than she currently gets.

Just wanted to keep you guys updated

Sherlock fandom: *on their death bed, voice cracking* Boooored *shoots the wall*

PJ fandom: Rick, my man, what the heck. Oooooh is that jason x brick fanart CUTE

HP fandom: *Shouting, glass breaking, cats screeching* ROWLINGS NO LONGER OWNS THESE BOOKS, SHJRHDURHISHROWHEI SNAPE IS A GOOOOOD GUY!!!!!! JAMES IS A BULLY!!!!!!!! NO HE’S NOT!! YES HE IS SHUT UP

MCU fandom: *Hugging Avengers 1 DVD while sobbing* TAKE MEH BACCCCKKK

1.  / 2. / 3.  p.s. i still love you, jenny han / 4. the social network / 5. / 6. / 7. emma  / 8. / 9

Imagine first year Harry Potter looking for Fred and George to see if they want to have a snowball fight with him and Ron and finding an odd piece of parchment lying in their room. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter picking the parchment up and examining it, because he’s learning that in the wizarding world nothing is ever as it seems, not even old pieces of parchment. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter tapping his wand to the parchment to see if anything happens and, to his surprise, seeing thin, angular writing appear as if written by an invisible hand. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s excitement when the parchment reads: Mr. Prongs asks who is trying to uncover the carefully guarded secrets of the Marauders. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter whispering “My name is Harry Potter and I didn’t mean to pry,” before hurriedly trying to refold it and return it to where he’d found it 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s astonishment when the writing reappears, this time saying: Let Mr. Prongs share his immense joy that Harry Potter has found this. He hopes that Harry will find the contents of this parchment useful and use it in a way that would make his father proud. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s smile sliding off his face as he says quietly, “I don’t know. My father’s dead, you see. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter’s confusion when the writing appears once again, saying: Mr. Prongs wishes to tell Harry Potter that while his father may be dead, he is still looking out for him and is incredibly proud of him. Mr. Prongs hopes that Harry Potter knows his father loves him very much. 

Imagine first year Harry Potter taking the map back to his dormitory and spending the rest of the evening talking to the mysterious Mr. Prongs about his mother and father, about whom the invisible man seems to know quite a bit.

Day 24093 This is my house. I won’t allow anyone to harm it. There should have been no more intruders after the last one. I do not want these people here. They will leave-

Day 24095 They are siblings. They are loud. Always singing and talking and stomping. As if they must be louder than anything else.

Day 24106 There are bolts on the door now. Bolts and hideous, gaudy new locks. How dare they-

Night 24112 I was going to fill the night with terrors. But he woke up screaming before I began. She came running from the other room. They sleep right across the hall from each other, with the doors on a crack. …they are young, are they not, to be living on their own. Was I ever so young?

Day 24114 She has fixed the squeak in the door at the top of the stairs. It never squeaked when I still lived.

Day 24121 The noise of the doorbell scares them. But they get so many deliveries. It is a good bell. It has worked all these years- I can see one of the men coming now with his packages, trudging up to the door. …perhaps if I knock before he is here, they will come and look before he can sound the bell.

Day 24129 He is planting flowers in boxes on my windowsills. I always wished I could have some flowers.

Night 24137 She is afraid of the dark. I could see it in her eyes when she got out of bed. …I lit the lamps for her.

Day 24142 They have moved the couch to the sun spot a little to the right of the window. That is where I used to have my armchair. It is the only sensible place for it.

Day 24163 Sometimes the noises of the world are suddenly too much for him. He winces and tries not to sway his head. This is my house. …I can keep it calm and quiet for a while.

Day 24178 She just got a phone call and now they are both laughing. Laughter is a good sound, isn’t it. They said this house has been good luck…

Night 24205 They are singing in our kitchen. He found my cookbook in the gap at the back of the kitchen cabinet and now they are trying to cook. They wanted to start with the soufflé. They don’t even know how to make béchamel! I turned the page to the casserole instead.

Day 24236 This is my house. These are my boarders. I won’t allow anyone to harm them.

“One time my Nanny and the Gardener were having a heated argument in the car and he took her Queen tape out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and she looked him dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same tape and put it back in the player.”

— Warlock, probably