Not All Trolls, Mam

“You’re the kind of person who invades a medieval castle in the winter.”

-My brother

“Physically I’m here, but spiritually I’m in 15th century France being a lesbian.”

“It’s not porn, one of them is on fire!”

“That’s a pretty gender neutral way of killing someone!”

-Me, not making nearly as much sense without context

“Have you got any friends and family?”

-My teacher, to the same student she implied had a small penis

“Hula Hoops are the food of the Gods!”

-Me, being right

They are now talking about wearing his friend

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma

“I am a thot and Thor.”

“You’ve got a crazy grandma.”

-my grandma, being so right