Mental Health Tips I Wish I’d Been Given before Starting University

mental health tips i wish i’d been given before starting university

trying is much more important than succeeding

10 minutes of studying > not studying at all

being a college student is more than academics. it’s also learning how to enjoy your own company, learning and occasionally screwing up meals, wandering outside campus like a tourist, questioning your ideals and presuppositions, discovering new talents and skills for the hell of it, and SO much more. if you feel burnt out in one dimension of college life, that’s a sign to spend some time relishing in another dimension.

if you need more time, take a deep breath and shoot that email to your professor/TA asking for an extension. at worst, they say no. and don’t stress over properly explaining yourself/your situation. hell, just email them: “Hi, Professor. I need your help. Sincerely, y/n.” all it takes is that one initial reach out and the rest will follow.

failure does not reflect character. read that again. remind yourself as often as you see fit because at one point or another, you will feel like you’ve failed. it’s growing pains. once you’ve accepted that, learn to view any setbacks as a hint that you need to try a new method/approach. didn’t do well on that math quiz? don’t beat yourself up over it–instead, regroup with yourself and see which metaphorical gear got stuck in your personal learning process machine. for instance, maybe you used flash cards and that wasn’t really your style. act like a detective, not a bully.

THERE IS NO NORMAL TIMELINE FOR YOUR COLLEGE CAREER(!!!!!!). a lot of people need more than 4 years, a lot of people need 4 years, and a lot of people need less than 4 years. and every single one of those timelines are valid. the worst thing you could do is squeeze the living hell out of yourself into some rigid schedule that is incompatible with who you are and how you learn. trust me when i say u will find yourself doing the best work when u do it at YOUR pace.

how to pick a therapist

A friend recently asked how I found my therapist, who I absolutely adore. I was in a bad place when I first started seeing her, and she has helped me completely turn my life around. The fact is that I saw a lot of bad and mediocre therapists, then finally got lucky. That said, now that I know what a really good therapist is like, I do have some advice for finding one:

Do interview sessions with multiple therapists and take notes on what you like or don’t like. It’s not high maintenance or pushy to ask a lot of questions. You’re a customer looking for someone to provide a service - an expensive service, possibly for a long time. This is someone you will trust with your secrets and your health. Sometimes, your life.

If you’re in a dark place while searching, try to find a level-headed friend or family member to help you interview. The most frustrating thing about mental healthcare is that patients are often too vulnerable and ill to self-advocate and, as a result, often tolerate unacceptable behavior from their mental healthcare providers. Bad providers will blame patient dissatisfaction on patients being unstable. There is little accountability for their performance. If you can’t stand up for yourself, it helps to have a trusted third party that can either come with for interviews or, at the very least, who can talk with you after about your concerns and options. If a therapist asks why you want to bring someone with, simply say, “I’m not mentally able to self-advocate at this time. I am more comfortable having someone with me for support.”

Look for someone who does holistic therapy and/or who talks about using a variety of methods, depending on patient needs. Ask what types of methods they use and if they prefer one over others. A big part of therapy is teaching you a variety tools that will help you cope with stressors. You should expect your therapist to have more than one tool in their arsenal as well.

Ask their opinion on medication. I have met therapists who don’t believe in medication at all and some who won’t even work with patients that aren’t willing to medicate. Personally, I feel the only correct response is, “Medication is an important tool for some people, but it’s not the answer for everyone.”

Ask them what successful therapy looks like to them and what they think the most important things are to be successful in therapy. You want someone who talks about how different patients need different things. For some people, stability is the goal. Others have more specific objectives. The worst sort of therapist is one that uses the same structure for every patient because they’ve decided it’s the “right way.”

During interviews, you do want a therapist to mention that a patient has to be willing to change and give effort. However, you don’t want them to spend an excessive amount of time going on about how YOU have to do the work and “this won’t work if you’re not willing to give it your all” and blah, blah, blah. That is the sign of a therapist that will see therapy not working and immediately say, “Ah, not my fault. They weren’t doing the work,” absolving themselves of any extra work or creative thinking.

The final item is tricky to spot in an initial interview, but it’s crucial. Therapy requires a delicate balance. A good therapist can guide a session and push their patient without being domineering or dismissive. You can spot the domineering therapist fairly easily: they will tell more than they ask, make you feel uncomfortable or self-doubting, and will minimize your wishes or concerns about therapy. The lazy therapist is much more common. They’re not as harmful or obvious as the domineering therapist, but they probably won’t help you. They let you guide therapy, don’t ask many questions, and don’t challenge you. They will let you use therapy as a venting session or allow you to rehash the same handful of traumas without doing any work to process them in a new way. If you find yourself with a domineering or lazy therapist, fire them.

What has made my therapy successful is that my therapist is flexible, adaptable, and willing to try new things and new methods. There were periods where I was actually too ill to do any work, but she never addressed it like, “Ah, She Won’t Do The Work.” She just scheduled us for very frequent sessions and kind of quietly came up with things to keep me busy and stable, monitoring my state for safety until I reached a place where I was able to do the work.

When something didn’t work, it was never my fault, and she never spent any time lamenting that it hadn’t worked. She would just immediately say, "Okay, not this, then. I have something different planned for us to try next week.” Just like that, we were talking about what we were going to do next instead of thinking about the thing that failed.

The mental healthcare world, at least here in the US, is pretty fucked up. For a time, it was definitely doing me more harm than good, and I have trauma from my experiences with bad mental healthcare providers. I think it’s important to talk about patient self-advocacy and provider accountability. I hope the list above will help someone avoid bad providers and get the help they need. If you would signal boost this, I’d really appreciate it.

F1 but it’s ultra specific ship dynamics that I need in order to enjoy the ship:

Versainz: baby’s first situationship (literally pentaltyboxbox’s art is my versainz thesis. “Ay, Max, no. I am not gay and neither are you” 🤨) teammates who weren’t supposed to like each other reluctantly becoming friends and then being intricately connected for the rest of their careers. But totally not in a gay way. Of course.

Chestappen: repressed catholic and some guy who needs dilf pussy so bad he wants to kill himself (this is deeply important to me)

Strollonso: Brat princess Lance. Heros and anti-heroes. I’m on the dark side. Tell Lance not to worry I just want to build a gap with the cars behind. You’re my fucking hero.

Carlando: Baby’s first situationship pt.2?? Lando with a massive crush, first real boyfriend Carlos….i need there to be angst. Lando fell first AND harder, etc.

Britcedes/Gewis: George fumbling all over himself trying to impress Lewis, Lewis just thinking he’s cute no matter what. It’s the coolest man alive/weird little freak he’s obsessed with pairing of my dreams. George: this is my boyfriend he’s cooler than me and also he’s cooler than all of you.

Maxiel: first love married divorced remarried pining missing something that maybe was never there will they won’t they one big game of gay chicken healing from baby’s first situationship etc etc etc (I adore them)

Dando: trying to find solace in another, longing for someone you can’t get back, subversion of expected dynamics (controversial: I fully believe Lando tops in this one). But also. They need to have one brain cell. Lando blabbing on about god knows what. Daniel sweating and popping a vein bc of how much he needs to kiss him.

Twinklaren/Landoscar: third time’s the charm, oh you’re the one I’ve been waiting for, tender glances, young love, first teammate crush syndrome

Danterri: we had something weird in the past. “Find another weed guy I can’t fuck with you…uhhhmm nothing personal I can’t fall in love right now and youre Everything I love so if I ever see you again I’ll never let go of your hand sooo yeah” (we’ve all seen that one web weaving.) Are you dating the female version of me?

Lecciardo: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN VEGAS. Charles needs dick from a guy with unstoppable charisma soooooo bad. Fueling each other’s impulsive sides, etc etc

Sebchal: baby’s first situationship (Charles’ version) (from the vault) I miss you so much I’m going to listen to breakup songs all night long. I still think of you every day. I named you twice in a list of drivers. You may even kiss. If it was the omegaverse Seb is so obviously an alpha.

Brocedes: if it doesn’t make me physically sick to my stomach with anguish I do not want it. I hope you die I hope we both die. Hand in unlovable hand. I still consider him my best friend in my heart. We’re not friends. Are they lovers? Worse.

Chewis (Charles/Lewis. I recognise this is also the name for Checo/Lewis. What is the Charles/Lewis name?) me and the bad bitch I pulled by being in violation of that one article section. You know the post. They suffer together. Kinship in joint pain. You’ve got a long future ahead of you. Praise kink.

Let me know if you want a part 2, if so, send ships you want!

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stubbytime

5 months ago

I think my favorite genre of headcanons (specifically in the arcane fandom) are older people acting their age.

You give Sevika or Ambessa a phone and them being in the 40's-50's age range, they would most definitely hold it too far from their face, squint, and use their index finger to scroll to whatever videos or images they want to see next. Oh, and they don't consider volume to be an issue either. No headphones. No turning it down. You can't walk down the hall without hearing whatever obscure video they're watching.

Ambessa being a black mom would 100% be one of those to see a kid without socks or a coat on in reasonably calm weather - it's just hit 50 or 60 degrees outside in fall (10-15 Celsius) and her brows would knit together in frustration as she mumbles something along the lines of; "Where is that child's coat?"

Both of their Facebook profile photos would be some variation of the awkward mom/aunt angles where they're holding the camera too low so that they're looking down at it with the faintest hint of a smile (not Sevika though, I fear that lady is not about to smile on Facebook. Hell she doesn't post on social media at all, she just has it to occasionally be nosy)

Both Sevika and Silco need reading glasses. Neither of them wears them when they need to. But when they do the moment they're called on by someone or trying to read something they'll do that thing where they tilt their head down and look over the rims as if that'll somehow make seeing whoever/whatever they're trying to look at easier to see.

Like all the sexy headcanons are fun and all, but I do need more of these. I crave it like water.

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