I Found This On WordPress After I Got Told To Look It Up. Why Did I Get Told To Look It Up? Well, Because

“Listen to people who know more than you do. Then do it your own way.”

— Alan Parker

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hahaha Okay, I don't play as much as I used to, and what I do when I play has definitely changed BUT... then and now I can not express enough how thankful I am for this site. With updates, questions, and curious finds, this site has helped me sooooo many times... to figure out what, where, how, and uhm... now what can I do with that information?. hahahaha Enjoy!

A little blip of calm from my walk today.

Art is fun. You don't have to like my art. My art doesn't need to be considered great. I'm not hurting anyone with my art and it makes me feel good so to me.. it's just fine. I don't NEED to get better at it. I don't NEED to do it a certain way. I simply need to enjoy it, and in my mind.. not cause any damage to anyone else. It took me a long time to allow myself that freedom and now that I understand it, I refuse to go back to trying to fit someone else's box. Enjoy art... your own way.

Confused.

Humans make no sense to me. They destroy everything, including each other and seem to think it's okay. It's like people believe life isn't supposed to be annoying so when it is, they find ways to get a "feel good" no matter who, or what, it hurts. It creates chaos that doesn't need to exist, which ends up being more fuel for people to behave poorly in search of that "feel good". The trail of damage left behind is disgusting and yet, it's like nobody actually understands that, or cares. It really does seem to be all about easy "feel good" even when that only adds to the problems. meh Maybe I'm just missing something but then again, I did label this "strugglingasahuman" so... clearly there is a LOT I "miss". hahaha

The same examples can be found for leg protection and other safety gear. It's annoying sometimes but yes... safety first! Ride safe folks. Too many things can happen so fast... especially when other drivers are involved.

SAFETY FIRST

I am not a ghost.

I don't have a job. I have always had a hard time making money. I will not show you my tits or do sexually charged things with you. I won't constantly stroke your ego. I can't connect you to anyone "important". I won't agree with everything you say or do. I won't laugh at stupidity with you. I don't think life is always easy nor do I feel that easy is always the best idea. No, I won't make sure to maintain a certain "appearance", I don't even wear make-up. While I do understand that money is a "need", waving your net worth at me will not impress me. I strongly believe in effort, learning, and making constant adjustments. I have often put a lot of energy into helping others but I have finally also accepted that I deserve acknowledgement and help as well.

I know. I understand. More than one human has explained that I am simply being too difficult and that's why I can't connect. I get it BUT, I also understand that I'm not invisible. Just because I am not one to conform to common behavior patterns does not mean that I deserve to be treated like I am even less noticeable than the homeless person you happily see as either a problem, or a way to feel better about yourself by donating to the charity case. I am very much alive. I too have feelings. I... am not a monster... or a ghost! I am simply different. I don't want to be medicated or changed so I can be more "normal". I just want to be me, and be accepted as human. Yes, I know... good luck with that. Humans can't even seem to get beyond skin color so why would I expect my list of differences to be accepted? meh... A girl can dream.

Learning.

Hah.. so today was the trial and error section of learning how to create an instructional sort of video. There are so many things one does not think about until doing something like this. The first "fail" was finding out that my phone camera had reset itself to photo instead of video. The second "fail" was figuring out that half of what I was doing was actually out of the sideways (oops) frame. The third "fail" was realizing that once I completed the biggest part of the project, the item I needed to show the final "test" was nowhere close to my workstation. hahaha I have made adjustments and will try again soon... HOPEFULLY creating the video I wanted to create from the start and then, I will get it shared in the correct locations. The sharing of videos to certain spots was something I finally tested the rest of the way yesterday so i feel fairly confident that it will go where I want it to go. hahaha Life is fun sometimes. Enjoy.

This... is part of why I get so uncomfortable sometimes. I have always tried, painfully so, to be a positive person. But, I am finding it harder and harder with time to be... positive. Why? The poor behavior that can be found close, out and about, and pretty much EVERYWHERE online, that's why. I mean seriously, the fact that signs like this are even needed is a display of the kind of behavior that makes it hard some days to brush it off and smile. I know it has become the norm to allow your electronics to think for you but dang folks... seriously? From where I'm sitting, we're all doomed but, I still do try... to be a positive person and at least not abundantly feed the ugly, nasty, YUCK that seems to be EVERYWHERE at this point. -sigh-- Okay, I'm done now.

The many faces of loss

I always get so grumbly with humans that think loss is a simple thing. A death, job change, relationship end, and many other forms of loss can have lasting, and often hidden (even to the one dealing with it) effects. So many people focus on the short term handling of the loss, or the lingering obvious issues and seem to think they know how the person should or shouldn't be acting. It's complete ridiculousness. NOBODY has ANY right to tell ANYONE how they should feel, or how the loss impacts them in their own realities. EVERY SINGLE CREATURE deals with each loss in their own ways. Some of the effects can be dealt with quickly and easily, some make permanent changes and will never be fully understood. NEVER.... EVER... let ANYONE tell you that you are somehow broken, or messed up, for how a loss impacts your own thoughts. Those who are trying to help will usually offer support, reassurance, patience, and space. If the person you think is there to help is pressuring you, making you feel like something is wrong with you, or is irritated by how things are effecting you... they are clearly NOT as helpful as they want to believe they are. If someone doesn't understand and is a bit inconvenienced because of your handling of a loss, that... is completely understandable... BUT... if they allow that to become an attitude towards you... THEY are the ones with a problem... NOT YOU! This human experience does not come with complete and foolproof instructions. We each have to figure things out in our own ways, no matter how many others try to tell us they have all the answers. So, if you're out there, and you're dealing with something, and you're feeling a bit beaten.... just remember.... you got this. There are those of us out there that understand it's complicated, it takes time, and USUALLY it's a lot more messy than anyone cares to admit. Just keep picking at it. You'll get where you need to be with it, if you really want to. Believe. ... Much love.