Hi This Is A Comic About Me Please Be Nice

someone has a common tic: “lol why do these fakers always have the same tics”

someone has an uncommon tic: “lol no one actually tics like that”

someone has a lot of tics: “nobody actually tics that much you just want attention”

someone has a few tics: “where did ur ‘tics’ go i knew u were faking”

someone’s tics get worse over time: “ever notice how these people’s tics always get more dramatic”

someone’s tics get better over time: “they finally decided to stop faking i guess”

someone has a tic attack: “no one with tourettes is that dramatic you’re obviously faking”

someone’s tics stop for a while: “you obviously never had tics if they stop while you sing/whatever its too convenient”

someone has tics and also is online: “it’s obviously for attention”

Literally what do people want from ppl with tic disorders jfc

Saw this on Reddit, if this helps anyone (credit to OP)

Idk what I would do in this world without cats 🐈

Me

Lolicons really should fucking learn how human years≠other species years

She may be fucking 13 bilion years old, if she looks like a damn kid, that means that these 13 bilion years ARE STILL HER CHILDHOOD YEARS

your cat is around 28 in cat years when it's two years old. That is a way shorter time of growing up. You'll be 28 in 28 human years. You won't suddenly gain such a mature awareness at 28 cat years (two human years)

THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S A DIFFERENT SPECIES

every species grows up differently. "oh but she's an ancient dragon 🥺👉👈" YEAH, A DAMN DRAGON, NOT AN ANCIENT HUMAN

also, even if she chooses to have such a kid body, you are still a damn weirdo for liking it. We should stop giving pedos names like maps or lolicons, it's just pedophilia

sitting upon my ethereal throne (random armchair) with offerings of aged red wine (fruit punch) and the finest, ripest fruit my worshippers could find (mangoes from a wholesale store)

This is how my mother used to bake bread when we were in Gaza. Now my sister and brother buy a bag of flour for the equivalent of $300 if they can find it.

There is a real famine in Gaza and all goods are very expensive

1 kilo of tomatoes costs $5

1 kilo of potatoes requires $10

1 kilo of onions costs $15

Please donate to my campaign so that I can save my family and support them in their distress

If you cannot donate, share the campaign

Please do not forget Gaza and donate to my family, even if it is twenty dollars

gofundme.com

Donate to Help-Ahmed-evacuate-his-family-from-Gaza, organized by Ahmed Sadeq

Hello everyone, Thank you for reading my story. I'm Ahmed Sadeq, I'm 30 years ol… Ahmed Sadeq needs your support for Help-Ahmed-evacuate-hi

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Welcome to Paradise, Hollyberry 💕

The Siren Tamer

Ambrose is an interesting sailor with a mysterious gift: he can travel the oceans freely, and will never have a single Siren try to lure him to his death with their beautiful songs. The deadly creatures of the sea always leave him alone. Ambrose has found a way to turn this into a living -- by becoming a paid escort for those who wish to travel through Siren territory unharmed. But the reason for the female creatures leaving him alone is one no sailor ever expected.

Warnings: close encounter with Sirens, description of past torture and cut vocal cords, scars

There was a man in the small oceanside village named Ambrose, who was legendary among the townsfolk for his ability to sail the ocean freely without danger of being lured into the waters by Sirens. No one quite believed him at first when he claimed the Sirens always left him alone -- until he'd finally taken up the challenge to prove it to everyone, and sailed a tiny boat straight into the heart of known Siren territory, and miraculously came back alive -- something no one else had done before. And with gifts he said the Sirens gave him themselves -- some deep-sea fish.

After that there was no denying that he spoke truth when it came to his relationship with the wild and dangerous Sirens of the sea -- though no one knew how he'd managed to get into the good graces of the very creatures who took pleasure in entrancing humans with their songs and drowning men.

Bur Ambrose was special, protected somehow. And he found a way to make a living off it -- as an escort for boats who wished to travel through Siren territory without losing sailors along the way. Normally the ships would have to waste extra time sailing clear around the Siren zone, but with the Siren Man, they could cut straight through the territory and save over a day's worth of travel, making trade journeys more efficient.

Ambrose was always paid very handsomely for his services as the life-saving escort who guaranteed the safety of all who were aboard any ship he was on. The only one who could do it. His presence was sacred, more valuable than gold. Everyone knew his name, and townsfolk would wait weeks to book a trip with him as their guide, not daring to venture into the sea anymore without him, especially since the Sirens’ territories has noticeably expanded over the years -- the creatures were showing up more frequently in unexpected locations, which often proved fatal to the unlucky souls who discovered that fact.

But Ambrose was never harmed, no matter how many times he encountered the Sirens -- sailors who traveled with him described it as a miracle, telling tales of how the Sirens would approach the boat and speak to him like an old friend, never singing their death songs in his presence.

Ambrose was a strange man indeed -- quiet and mysterious, who didn't talk much aside from what was strictly necessary for business.

Today was a day like many others -- a group of five skilled sailors hired Ambrose to see them safely through Siren territory, and they boarded a small ship together, setting off into the deadly waters. Ambrose had cost a fortune to hire, but he was well worth every coin.

The captain of the ship -- Barley -- tried to break the ice between him and Ambrose by striking up a friendly conversation to pass time during the long trip. But Ambrose was the silent type, giving simple answers and not speaking unless spoken to directly. He stayed at the railing of the ship while the captain spoke to him, gazing out over the endless blue waters with a tense expression.

Barley eventually gave up trying to create small talk with him -- Ambrose appeared to be too distracted to hold an interesting conversation. So the captain let him be.

The journey was several hours long, and as they neared the end of the Siren territory boundary the captain wondered if they'd even see a real Siren at all -- he'd never laid eyes on one before. But he must have brought bad luck to his crew, because shortly after the thought had crossed his mind was when his spotter called out that sharks were approaching.

But all of them knew that sharks never swam where Sirens lived. Even they knew better than to cross paths with the terrifying women. Which only meant that the 'sharks' his spotter was seeing... were the Sirens themselves, closing in on the ship. Fast.

The crew seemed to come to the same realization, and all gathered together with the captain on the main deck, weapons at the ready and shifting around anxiously.

None of them knew what to expect, what to brace for, and that was terrifying. And the profound sense of sheer helplessness that they were all feeling was awful. Knowing that they didn't stand a chance against a Siren's hypnotizing song.

They held no power in these waters, none at all. At the complete mercy of creatures so ancient they dated back centuries, their full faith in the single man they'd brought aboard precisely to protect them.

Ambrose had wandered over near the low wooden platform on the side of the shop where fishermen could stand near the water to cast nets. He was the only one who didn't seem worried or frightened.

And that's when the first Siren breached the water.

She was... exactly as every description pictured her race when her head popped out of the water -- irresistibly, devastatingly beautiful, with a natural disarming charm that drew men in even without singing her deadly songs. She had long silver hair that flowed over her shoulders like seaweed, and soft, elegant features that brought life to her pale face. Both very attractive, and very dangerous. It was hard to take your eyes off her. No wonder so many men had fallen victim to her kind over the years.

The captain and his crew huddled on the far end of the ship, furthest away from where the Siren was swimming closer with gentle sweeps of her fish-like tail.

The stunning creature came close and docked herself on the wooden fishing platform, resting halfway out of the water.

"Cordelia," Ambrose greeted with a respectful dip of his head.

Oh, so the creature had a name, Barley thought. Ambrose knew a Siren by name. It baffled him, and he stared on in awestruck wonder at the unusual exchange taking place, between man and monster.

He waited for the moment when the Siren would snatch him and drag him down to drown him, but... it never happened. The woman didn't even sing a single note toward Ambrose as they talked.

"I see you are escorting yet another group of poor sailors around," Cordelia said mockingly, and smiled with razor-sharp teeth at the crew cowering far behind Ambrose just to make them squirm with fear. "I assume they are off-limits too?"

"Yes," Ambrose confirmed. "I've made a living off ensuring sailors' safety through these waters."

Cordelia wagged a finger at him jokingly. "Ooooh, looks like someone's taking advantage of our hospitality. Very naughty, human. You're stealing all our fun away." The Siren pouted, though she didn't sound angry or harsh.

"What, not enough men available for you to drown?" Ambrose chuckled good-naturedly, as if he weren't holding a conversation with the most dangerous breed of creature lurking in the ocean. He showed no fear that the Siren could grab him and drag him overboard in an instant.

Cordelia let out a cackling laugh.

A second Siren suddenly came swimming to the surface to join her, launching up enough to balance her upper body on the wooden platform like a sea lion would, her tail still in the water.

Unlike the first Siren, this one had a wide, ragged scar across her throat she wore like a cruel collar, along with dozens of other smaller scars littering her skin. Her tail was pale blue with some darker scales scattered throughout like stars, complementing her sea-green hair and eyes.

"Sylvia," Ambrose greeted warmly, offering a friendly smile that the creature didn't hesitate to return, showing sharp teeth. "It's always good to see you thriving in these waters." He angled halfway around to address the group of terrified sailors behind him, who were clustered on the far side of the boat and watching things unfold with huge eyes.

"Sylvia is the reason I am a protected human among the Sirens," he explained. "She was once captured by a deaf sailor who couldn't hear her song, making him immune to her charm. The man had a fierce grudge against Sirens, though, for killing a close friend of his -- so he tortured Sylvia as a way of getting revenge, cutting her vocal cords so she could never sing or speak a word again, to take away her greatest weapon -- her voice. He left her stranded on a beach to dry up and die in the sun, which is where I found her." His face was solemn and sad.

"Despite knowing what she was and what she could do, when I found her I brought her to shallow waters and treated her injuries, saved her life by making sure she was well before letting her go home to the deepest parts of the ocean. Her story spread among the other Sirens, and I have been a friend to them ever since."

"He also offers us pleasant gifts from time to time," Cordelia added. "If he has extra fish from a catch, or interesting human trinkets, he generously donates it to us. We are quite fond of him."

As if to confirm her words, Ambrose reached into his pocket and pulled out a shiny silver compass, crouching down in front of the beautiful Siren to offer it to her.

"Speaking of which, I know you like to collect sparkly items, Cor, so I couldn't help but get this from a trade ship when I saw it."

Cordelia squealed excitedly, a surprisingly human sound, and took it in her webbed hands, examining it closely and tracing the intricate pattern engraved into the compasses metal case.

"I owe you one, love," she said softly, staring at the silver compass with awe. Her icy blue eyes flicked from the compass up to Ambrose, and she leaned up to affectionately kiss his cheek in thanks.

A Siren's kiss, rumored to doom a man forever if they survived it. Said to be so intoxicating no person could resist, rendered into a mindless plaything for the monsters to toy with.

But Ambrose didn't look dazed or under some spell, he looked completely unaffected, lightly kissing the Siren's wet cheek in return in some sort of silent communication between them.

Cordelia chuckled, then turned to depart, sliding back into the ocean to swim off and add the new trinket to her collection.

Sylvia didn't leave with her companion, though, blushing slightly as she reached underwater to where her tail was -- and brought up a strikingly colorful seashell, offering it as a gift.

"I-I wouldn't accept that, if I were you," one of the terrified sailors behind Ambrose stammered. "Rumors say you should never accept offerings from mers nor Sirens, because then you'll be indebted to them forever."

Ambrose barked an amused laugh, taking the seashell delicately in his calloused hands.

"That rule doesn't apply to me," he chuckled, "any gifts offered to me come with no strings attached whatsoever. Thank you, Sylvia -- this shell is very beautiful." He turned it over in his hands, marveling at the polished surface.

Sylvia smiled shyly, and with a nod, she turned and dove into the ocean as well, disappearing in the dark blue waters with a few beats of her scarred-up tail.

Only when the last traces of the Sirens’ visit had left did the captain let out a shaky breath of relief.

Yes, Ambrose had been expensive to bring along – but Barley was so, so grateful he'd decided to pay him the amount he did. He was, like he hoped, worth every last coin he'd spent.

And Barley would have one heck of a story to tell when he and his crew finally reached their destination. They were now part of a growing number of humans who had laid eyes on a Siren and lived to tell about it, thanks to Ambrose.

The man was a legend indeed.

Masterlist

@scoundrelwithboba @lumpofsand @isikedmyself878 @iamheretohurt @fleur-a-whump

@ay5ksal @otterfrost @sausages-things @togzy

@whump-till-ya-jump @cravesunconditionallove @whumpwritinglover222 @written-in-the-stars135 @neverthelass

@starz8nk @redwinesupanover @whumpisgoodwhumpislife

"Oh but my religion is trueee, y'all will burn in hell!!" Wait till you get to know about soul vibrations