All Of Them Were Fruity Tbh

Art by @vulgarteacups

Def not morbid poem

Can one tell I got depression? I don't think so...

Definition of comfort characters ౨ৎ˚⟡ ˖

vent I'm pretty sure no one asked or cared about

God, I just hate that talk of "oh, things will eventually get better" so fucking much. I have been to therapy for years, so did I keep on taking medication and tried physical exercise but NOTHING worked. And please, do not view this as a "but it doesn't matter doing those things and not changing your mindset" because, FUCK, i tried. I tried so hard to believe things would be better. That this crippling feeling of loneliness that genuinely make my bones ache would eventually dissipate, if not completely, then at least a little. That the little me as a kid wouldn't need to imagine a world he'd feel truly feel seen and understood because people would be like it in the future. I remember everytime I felt disconnected from others around me, even friends and family, I'd tell myself all would change one day and would lose track of time desperately desiring for simple moments that felt magical in my head, like having a true heartfelt conversation and being truly seen and understood by somebody. Now I understand that it doesn't get to happen, you just keep pushing on until you die and I don't want this existence. I feel like I, ironically, love life and it's possibilities too much to end up like this. I just...i don't know. I was diagnosed as autistic not long ago, and yeah, it surely was one of the big reasons why I felt so disconnected and different from others my age but even with that, it still feels like there's something wrong. Something that no doctor can point at or diagnose. Something rotten and wrong and deeply ingrained in me that makes people leave eventually. That make other people see me as "cool or whatever" to be around for a bit before moving on with their lives and finding actual people. So...yeah. It was depressing

Im sooooo funny guys.

jesper fahey as a fabrikator is a fantastic allegory for adhd because he dropped out of higher education due to his inability to sit in a classroom and pay attention, found various reckless and self-destructive habits to distract himself from his own thoughts and the giant void inside him, outwardly presented himself as a fun easygoing guy who's never experienced a problem in his life while actively ignoring how his behaviour is destroying his own life and hurting the people he cares about, and then when they finally call him out on all of this he has a panic attack about it. also the fandom doesn't take his life experiences and pain seriously either because the facade is just so much more fun!!! which is entirely the point, of course. leigh bardugo your MIND

John Turturro on working with Christopher Walken in Severance.

obsessed with the Helena and Irving parallel and what it says about the aspects of our identity we think are fundamental (but aren't)...

Like Outie Irving assumes his Innie is just as radically anti-Lumon as he is. He assumes his hatred of Lumon is something ingrained in his personality! That's why he stays up at night drinking coffee and making paintings, because he hopes that when his innie dreams about the testing floor, he'll say "okay bet" and start exploring. That's what Outie Irving would do, after all. But he miscalculated! His hatred of Lumon isn't inherent--- his desire for meaning and art and spirituality is inherent. That's what his hatred for Lumon is built on. But in a world where there's no meaning outside of Lumon propaganda, of COURSE his innie would become ridiculously devoted to the company.

And Helena!! She is the corporation, that's her whole identity. She presumably assumed that Helly would be just as pro-Lumon as she is. But she miscalculated too! Her devotion to the company isn't inherent, her headstrong and entitled nature is what's inherent! And in a world where she's denied any agency whatsoever, that manifests as rebellion.

It's the same dynamic flipped on its head. They both sent their innies in there with opposite intentions--- one to take down the company, one feed the company's expansion--- only to realize that rebellion and devotion aren't inherent characteristics. Their innies have become the exact opposite of their outie selves, while still being exactly the same!! Because even though your personality is inherent, the values you hold are determined circumstantially. OUGH IT'S SO GOOD.