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it’s completely acceptable to stay alive for tiny reasons. because you want to hear your favorite song one more time. because your dog will miss you if you leave. because the moon is just too pretty to never see again. because you haven’t seen the next season of a really good tv show. because you want to see the christmas lights this year. if you’re alive, you’re doing enough. if you’re surviving, i’m proud of you.

Terrified Texan

I'm honestly terrified of being out in public now. I look Arab, even though I'm not. I'm born and raised in Texas. I'm gay. Maybe it's my paranoid schizophrenia, but I truly believe I will have to be careful when I'm out alone. I believe my looks were part of an assault by a police officer when I was travelling through west Texas. White people tell me I'll be fine. They say we'll get through this. But this isn't another Bush administration. This is this the xenophobic, homophobic, "disenfranchised", evangelical, white supremacist majority that incorrectly sees me as the enemy. With both Bush elections I was disappointed, but I wasn't terrified. I didn't joke about moving, I took democracy in stride and kept living my life. I jokingly get called terrorist, when I'm a native Texan. I get weird stares on the train and bus because I'm brown, and I was born in the US. I get searched every plane ride, even though I'm half white. In fact, I'm half Irish descent and half Indian descent. But I'm too brown for whites and too American for browns. I don't fit in, so I tend to stand out. And in doing so, I draw the ire and looks of others. There's too much hate and uncertainty in the world. This has always bred fascism, nationalism, and totalitarianism. And that's why I'm afraid. These ideals just won majority in the most powerful nation state in the world. And here I am, just wondering why people rationalize hate. Why has my country betrayed me? I'm truly worried for my safety in public. This wasn't the America I was promised under Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama. My first political memory was watching the Berlin Wall fall. And now, my home will be building one. Winter is coming.

I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day. I get these premonitions in dreams I can never recall, though I know I dreamt something. It doesn't come back to me until a split second before the event happens as deja vu. Then I dissociate and know exactly what's happening. It makes me believe in reliving a previous universe. That or I'm just batshit crazy. I'm just now coming into my diagnosis as well, but this has happened all my life.

Is it a common schizo thing to have really intense deja vu? I’m not talking like ‘hey I just saw a cat I’ve seen a cat on this street before wow’ but like,, intense “I’ve been here before this has happened before” type of thing? In this exact building doing this exact thing thinking the same thing with the same story/journey/how I got here/ leading up to it. I dunno insight would be wonderful

Anxiety attacks aren’t always hyperventilating and rocking back and forth

Anxiety attacks can take different forms, such as:

Unpredictable bouts of rage or irritability

Nit-pickiness (obsessive behavior, which may be a part of OCD), and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, or any sort of change

Fast-talking, stuttering, stumbling over words

Not talking at all

Sitting rigid, staring into space, almost seeming “zoned out”

Understanding the way our or other’s anxiety works can help to decrease the stigma and help to calm a person faster and get them out of that state. These are just a few, but it gives an idea of the range in which attacks can come.

I wonder how many people have lay awake at night totally in awe about how stupid they have been … how much they trusted a person who broke them… how they thought they knew someone they clearly didn’t… how happy a person could’ve made them if… how old a relationship would be had it worked out… how long it takes to heal… how do they know hell isn’t this lifetime… how much they love someone… how much they miss someone… how many marks that essay’ll get them… how many more days before it ends… how many people have walked away… how much they’ve changed… I wonder, how many people are awake right now heartbroken, heartless or head over heels. - 4 am thoughts

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

Watch: Regular women and celebrities, many of whom have survived sexual assault or harassment, are banding together to tell Trump “It’s not okay”

In the cases of all the women who spoke out in the video, there was no justice. Their assaulters and harassers walked free because either nobody believed them or there was nothing they could do. The Trump tape was one of many final straws. "We’re not gonna take it any more,“ Amber Tamblyn said. “Like, for real, we’re not.”

Gifs: Humanity for Hillary

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nobody talks about how ugly taking care of yourself can be

yes, sometimes it’s taking a warm bath and texting memes to friends and keeping an aesthetically pretty journal.

sometimes it’s crying silently on your couch at 3am, hugging yourself and reminding yourself that you’re a good person.

self care is not always ‘aesthetic’ and cute…and that’s ok. don’t be embarrassed, just do what you need to do.