I Have No Lover Solitude Is My Soulmate Solace Is My Cat

If I fall asleep now Will we pick up where we left Off in last night's dream? Lips finally locked In a desperate homecoming A desire, a longing Come to labored fruition

Maybe when I sleep I'll return to that Mountain where we folded Effortlessly into each other Where we dropped pretenses And indulged in a fantasy That left me on waking

If we can't exist In this humbling reality Then let me live in My dreaming with the Alternate us, the version Of ourselves that overcame All our worldly obstacles

If I fall asleep now Will you meet me there? Come out of your dream into Mine, let us talk, let us Speak our unspoken uncertainties Of our comforts and the truths We've held on our tongues

Meet me on the water Where we drifted on our backs Where an alternate us floated Contently in the forest lake Where a ripple effect kept us Closer together, meet me Where our dreams still collide

A firefly has been Coming to visit By the window While I lay in bed Unable to sleep

I've gone to the Window, hello little Light, little friend In the dark, you've Been great company

The firefly is Saying goodbye now It is leaving, it Won't visit again, It's moving on

Fly away firefly Fly away firefly I miss you already, I miss you and our Strange relationship

I watch the spider Weaving fresh webbing Because spiders don't Have five day forecasts This spider doesn't know How soon it will rain That all its hard work Will have been in vain

The wolf spider Accepts the advances Of her strongest suitor Knowing as she snatches And savors her final meal Soon her plump body Will feed her children Dozens of her a copy

I watch the spiders My eight legged allies I see them hatch Love them living here Knowing in a year Or much sooner I will Find them delicately Crumpled on the ground Lifeless and so still

Ungraceful am I For grieving so publicly Bereaved, forgive me

I slip into my skin Like slipping into A favorite sweater I am the nurturer Inside my own body A home and hearth Tranquil and secure My body is a warmth I am warm here I am so very warm

Now I am furious with you, You, Who called me your everything, Your soulmate, your most Important person while you Slept in another's bed. You, Who whispered so seductively, Playing your hand of greed, Bluffing with clubs When I Thought you held hearts. You, Who made me feel stupid for Hanging on your words, As if you were used to Your vapid lovers begging. You, You are the one who is so vain And so selfish to tell me What you don't like of my body, To make me feel undesirable. You, Who are not above anyone, Yet chose to make me look small And cut off my air Because you were done breathing. You, Who mistook me for a fool Because I acted like one, Because I fell for your words When they were a trap. You, You will get nothing from me, Not my anger, not my ear, Not a chance of redemption, I will not hold our memories. You, You will feel my wrath in The form of my absence, My cold silence. Now that I Found the voice, You had stolen from me Along with my self respect. Now I am furious with you, Boiling with rage, It is I, I who am the beautiful one I who am desired, I who am lovely, I who am worthy, I who am stronger than you, I who am making this choice. Now that I am furious with you, The spitting of venom cathartic, I am finished. I abandon you. I abandon us before I Become just as heartless.

December is the month In which I first read your words The month in which I first struggled to understand You, the first time I was Puzzled by your language Which made such little sense Still I devoured every Letter you wrote to me

A dozen Decembers later I still find myself lost By your accidentally strategic Wording, the way in which You hide bits of yourself In silly metaphors In carefree excitement In your strongest convictions

December is the month In which I knew the depths Of your emotions, your thoughts Before I knew your voice Before I knew your face or Your touch felt with skin Before I knew your name or story Before I knew I could break You as I myself was breaking

A dozen Decembers passed And we are both healing We are the steady stream of Lovers light, of rain rivers Flowing down the sides of the Mountains we've formed over So many years of crashing plates Stand with me at the peak In our breathless altitude

It is December again My favorite month, it's when You came into my life so Unexpectedly, like a night Blizzard, I awoke to an enchanted World, and with each new year As each holiday I have with you Passes, we have our history And our memories, we have a Bond that strengthens our Relationship, wild and tender

We are floating Through the seas Of the sky.

The gentle wind Grazes our skin And we sway, Oh, we sway.

We are flying Effortlessly Through the airwaves.

And the sun Is so bright It warms our souls And we smile, Oh, your smile.

We are radiating, Reflecting all the light That’s filling in our hearts.

The touch of your hand As we flow Leaves me breathless For a while.

We are floating, We are, Oh, we are.

And there are So many colors To your wings.

Floating on my back Naked in the water I made a promise to The clouds above To never ask about their father

The sky turns gray And I feel cold I give my body to the earth Into her hands to hold One day she may cradle me When I am very old

I see the sun light up Below the horizon Piercing the clouds Warming the land That someday I will die on

Without my clothes I am the planet's creature Flesh and bone And limbs to feature This forest pond is a refuge And the wind's voice my teacher

I felt alone in my skin No, worse so I was a hostage inside myself Choking on a growing body Suffocating in adolescence

My pretty hair was like rope Tying me to a chair Shackled, cuffed I wore a constricting costume That was too hot and sweaty

And I was stuck there Because my flesh Could not be pulled off Up over my head, yet My bones were aching to breathe