I Never Owned You You Lived A Life Beside Me Our Love Was Equal

She rolls over in bed An agonizing, exhausting effort So her face is resting On the corner of his pillow

It still smells like his Shampoo from last night's shower His familiar scent that lingers A lifetime of him on fabric

She doesn't know when it got dark But the wind is battering Against the small bedroom window Knocking, knocking, retreating

His side of the bed Has a deeper mattress imprint She feels she could fall into it And be a part of him again

She hears the front door open It's not his footsteps Her daughters climb in beside her And no one speaks or sleeps

A girl I am dating is reading my palm Tracing her finger Over my life line She furrows her brow

"Do you like evergreen trees?" she asks She doesn't look up and I nod "But you are deciduous," she meets my eyes

I shrug, pulling my hand back But she holds my wrist Firmly and keeps tracing I'm staring at her curiously

"You are nineteen?" it's currently January I nod again, February on the horizon "You will be nineteen for a very long time"

I don't like her reading I don't like her mysticism I break up with her later Then I meet you And I am nineteen for the rest of my life

Pull me along On those strings you Claim belong to a Heart Carelessly you Dragged me down You tore my Spirit apart

If I were as cruel As you make me feel I would help you Break Sticks and stones Crushing your bones You made a Grave mistake

Winter comes to me As an old familiar friend Wrapping me up in its Dark nostalgia Its shadow arms holding Me gently in the day

Grey skies merge into White covered earth The blending of light Colors suddenly Fading into an Afternoon blackness

The cold is my comfort Its wind is a weathered Hand's gentle graze Slowly feeling my face Like winter is remembering What I feel like too

I will live alone Detached But I will be no spinster Perhaps instead A weaver Of loose threads That flow to me Over salty waves, making Their landing In the sands of a Beach I will never visit So the seagulls Will carry your damaged Pieces of fabric Home to me

Pine needle forest floor Afternoon sun through the trees Bunches of wildflowers Hovering bumblebees

The smell of baking bread Hot chocolate in the snow Fire in the hearth Its simple healing glow

Warmth within my bones Favorite memories All the magic in the world What you mean to me

Now my eyes watch moths And spiders, crickets in the night, Infinity's glowing diamonds, The darkest skies alight.

I keep company in blades of grass That were browned by the sun. An eternity of passions passed, If asked, I'll say it's done.

Belong do I to the moon And what it does to all the sea. It cycles through all I have left, We're bound, the moon and me.

Christmas to me is a quiet warmth Background music, spicy candles, My favorite blanket at home.

A comfortable kinship with family, A respite in celebrating alone.

I untangle with the string lights, A gentle glow I feel deep in my bones.

Christmas is a gift I unwrap slowly, With delicate hands and a softer tone, These silent nights are all my own.

How do I give a voice To my anger When I have banished it To the corner For whispering? Like it is the child I am ashamed of, Or that if I were to Let it speak It might scream And never stop

I've passed off so many Thoughts to you, Anger, I'm sorry For making you bear That burden When I had never given You the chance to Grow strong So you might know how To stand by me

And I'm sorry, I never Trusted you Because you hurt So often in the past, I chose serenity, I needed it But I felt you, Simmering inside me Squashed down when All you wanted Was just to be heard

One day the wind blew All the leaves down off the trees And they were bare I saw the birds just sitting there Preening their new winter feathers Two sitting on a branch together

Their nests were empty Broken and falling down Sticks and bits all on the ground Babies all long flown away On that branch they said goodbye Now they huddle side by side

I wonder why they stick around When all the others go Maybe they just like the snow Something I will never know I watch them sleeping in that tree A little rest and finally some peace