One Day We Will Wake Up And We'll Be Older One Will Suddenly Wake Up Wondering Why She Feels Colder One

The little spider Under my table Strung up a pebble To anchor its web And I am as curious As I am impressed By this mysterious Feat of engineering

Please, do not be intimidated I am not really that cold

Or rather, I am that cold But we acclimate, Cheeks rosy with life

I grab your lip with my thumb, Nothing between us can numb

We aren't so different You and I

Birds nestled under Ocean sky

Though

You are an osprey Taking flight from sand

And I’m a kiwi Watching you from land

I will live alone Detached But I will be no spinster Perhaps instead A weaver Of loose threads That flow to me Over salty waves, making Their landing In the sands of a Beach I will never visit So the seagulls Will carry your damaged Pieces of fabric Home to me

I am not a fly on your wall I am an angel with wings I watch you sleeping in your bed Together Then cover you in my feathers

I am not a ghost in your house I am a creature in the sky That can never fly away from you But devour I taste you in the darkest hour

The wings came bleeding out my back Carving open hardened scars The air returning to my lungs I am awake In slumber I am yours to take

Now I am furious with you, You, Who called me your everything, Your soulmate, your most Important person while you Slept in another's bed. You, Who whispered so seductively, Playing your hand of greed, Bluffing with clubs When I Thought you held hearts. You, Who made me feel stupid for Hanging on your words, As if you were used to Your vapid lovers begging. You, You are the one who is so vain And so selfish to tell me What you don't like of my body, To make me feel undesirable. You, Who are not above anyone, Yet chose to make me look small And cut off my air Because you were done breathing. You, Who mistook me for a fool Because I acted like one, Because I fell for your words When they were a trap. You, You will get nothing from me, Not my anger, not my ear, Not a chance of redemption, I will not hold our memories. You, You will feel my wrath in The form of my absence, My cold silence. Now that I Found the voice, You had stolen from me Along with my self respect. Now I am furious with you, Boiling with rage, It is I, I who am the beautiful one I who am desired, I who am lovely, I who am worthy, I who am stronger than you, I who am making this choice. Now that I am furious with you, The spitting of venom cathartic, I am finished. I abandon you. I abandon us before I Become just as heartless.

Do actions really speak louder than words? If so, my actions are to Put pen to paper, to share, to express What I otherwise could not unscramble in my mind.

The action of showing you my heart, A glimpse into my private sanctuary; That is a commitment I could not Match with gestures or tangible doings.

With each letter I unfurl What I've hidden deep within my proverbial soil, Unraveling all my coiled roots and Rebuilding myself piece by fragile piece.

Maybe from words we can take away this: I am crafting, I am weaving, I am building a solid foundation upon Which all my intentions have the space flourish.

Touch may not be necessary for me That warm, skin to skin connection Has never felt as vital as an emotional one

Until I find myself clawing at a stranger Until I am turning my head to the side Avoiding kisses, because that's too intimate And my body wasn't asking for intimacy

In all honesty, I don't even like being touched I avoid situations that involve closeness No need to hug anyone just for the hell of it

Until I wrap my arms around a lover Who's name I've mixed up with the last one's I never picture the ones I really crave Who's touches I am actually yearning for

Certainly I can live my life without touch I don't need it like I do good food or drink It does not sustain my soul like poetry does

Until I remember all the ways I've burned The way you struck your fingers like matches On my hands, on my lips, the entirety of me Inside our fire I have wanted and wanted

But that's really all distant memory now I think I'll slide touch up high on my bookshelf Somewhere between fantasy and memoir

A lyric in a song speaks To me, it lights my mind Clicking my pen And I will think of those words Just two, or a phrase Mulling them over Ruminating on an element The same one I always think of The idea of water Again I'll think of the ocean Or of beaches, of swimmers, Just the word "dive"

And I won't end up writing About diving at all Not about hearts in the sea Nothing at all nautical But the word "dive" It just sounds so nice Saying it aloud so softly Rolling a wave in my mouth And then silently I'll retract the pen Put my headphones back on Thinking, thinking, zoning

Instead I will write about Writing, or a process About listening to music Thinking about words that I don't put down, about Images of swimmers with tanks Reaching the ocean floor To find a lover's guarded Buried treasure, but I won't write about that I'll keep it locked up Safe in my mind forever Unsaid, unwritten, remembered

The baby turtles made a pact To run across the sand together To dodge the swarming birds And looming waves To swim out into the ocean forever

They made it to the sea intact Their shells now hardened So when a current tore them apart They thought they were tough Or that their love was pardoned