Shave My Head And Cover Me In A Black Robe With A Large Hood So I Can Hide In The Darkness Of My Presence

The baby turtles made a pact To run across the sand together To dodge the swarming birds And looming waves To swim out into the ocean forever

They made it to the sea intact Their shells now hardened So when a current tore them apart They thought they were tough Or that their love was pardoned

I thought I saw him walking by Out of the corner of my eye Just a trick of the light A trick of the mind It was just a little cloud Casting a fleeting shroud A phantom little lie He was not conjured from the sky But for a second I had hoped Which I have never since allowed

One day the wind blew All the leaves down off the trees And they were bare I saw the birds just sitting there Preening their new winter feathers Two sitting on a branch together

Their nests were empty Broken and falling down Sticks and bits all on the ground Babies all long flown away On that branch they said goodbye Now they huddle side by side

I wonder why they stick around When all the others go Maybe they just like the snow Something I will never know I watch them sleeping in that tree A little rest and finally some peace

Some people worry of my isolation They think, "you are alone, this is terrible" I think, you are surrounded, which is worse

They think I need companionship Because they need companionship Because "that eccentric person over the hill Far away from the village must be lonely"

Speak too much and I will stop speaking Get to know me and I will unknow you I have moments of wanting to be known They are fleeting and most often, regretful

This is not some flaw in myself to be fixed Do not teach me to socialize I am solitary and they think I am not thriving

Yes, I am in relationship with the wasteland You read of it like it is not my refuge When the quiet, the solitude, the great alone Carries me like a protective lover, away

No one reads an open book They only tear out handfuls Of their favorite pages Give the binding a final look Tossing it into the fire That scatters then rages

Stories of magic hidden A life so private Gone up in the smoke The erasure of the forbidden Secrets of the temple ashen No wondering mind to provoke

My dear, are you here? I reach out to you again From the delicate Attachment of my thoughts And you are sensory An actively forming memory

Do we live just once? I can't take the chance Believing we'll live twice Though that hope is nice We can never touch tomorrow And I won't survive on vices

I would live here in my mind if I could If the earthly world did not always snatch me away With its incessant needing and needing Earth, why are you so attached to me?

I am in my mind today, like most days Don't say it is not a place because you can't walk there When your thoughts wander Is it through a desert? A forest? Do you swim?

Everything that has died is alive here Here is my dead friend that I used to kiss, looking well Here is the art I gave up on in frustration Here are the words you said to me in anger The dreams we dreamed together, still breathing

I walk up creaking steps from my stomach to my head The body is such a desperate thing sometimes Always needing validation and hand holding So I would live up here tucked away in the ethereal

Let me revel in these Small doses of sadness In their warmth, In that quick, biting Shot before blurriness

I find myself a sponge In a hot bath, soaking, Letting sadness fill me Until I become heavy

But in the small doses Measured in spoonfuls, In small bites, I cozy up with sadness Carrying it in my body

I was a child Unsure what it meant To be grown

I tried to learn The way Ducklings learn To swim

But I was Not quite a duck

It did not come Instinctively

I came into Myself differently Swimming Alternatively

I don't think I was meant for Predestined plumage

I have been the rain So I could fall upon your skin With each drop another kiss Just so I could touch your lips

I have been the moon So I could bring you light at night So you wouldn't feel alone Or feel a darkness in your home

You have been a shiver Your touch a spark along my spine I can feel you in this room When your thoughts of me resume

We have been vines Woven together You wonder if my mind's on you While I'm wondering it too In doing so we make it true And suddenly I am there with you