We Speak In Tongues The Wicked We Me And My Anxieties

I was a child Unsure what it meant To be grown

I tried to learn The way Ducklings learn To swim

But I was Not quite a duck

It did not come Instinctively

I came into Myself differently Swimming Alternatively

I don't think I was meant for Predestined plumage

For a moment My mind jumps to Another world A place more familiar To me than anywhere Here on earth

It is sunshine But brighter It is a meadow But softer It is a butterfly But shining It is a reality But fleeting

I try to hold on It lasts a second I try to keep it inside My flowing brain But as quickly as it Comes it is gone

I am remembering But forgetting I had belonged But briefly I was at peace Completely I am searching Come back

I was a sculpture made of ice When you put your arms around me And though I lived in a world of winter Your touch was warm and I felt it

Even though I tried to resist Because I was so afraid of you Your body was a home I'd left And the frozen ceiling cracked open

Suddenly you were a torrent of sun Searching for my heart so cold beneath And because I was hardened I couldn't move So you kept me safe as I melted

Into you I became flesh and bone Bits of slush falling off my skin Finally I could move my arms again Around your body I was defrosting

But as the cold body comes inside To the fire inside the hot house The burning becomes too much too soon And it hurt you to touch me that way

My sun went back up to the sky To look at me adoringly from afar Still I am here on the ground in a puddle Naked and alone and shivering

They say no man is an island So I am no man I am merely made of sand In an unknown ocean I am just a bit of land

Anyone can visit me As long as they don't stay Or they would be deserted too So after a couple of days I would have them washed away

On my island there would be a tree My only bit of company I am happy to be alone With the salty breeze Over the island that is me

He said I wasn't the center Of the universe but I was a star He never orbited around me And I was strong but never asked

I was no galaxy I had no planets

But he was an asteroid that Got caught up in my pull He could never look at me Or be close enough to touch

I was too bright I was too hot

And I could not be cold or dull I was a wildfire untamed So I was just one burning star Among the infinite others

Where do moths live in winter? Where do wild chickens go? I see them out now that it's spring But how did they brave the snow?

How do frogs slow their bodies To sleep within the ice? Who else shelters in the walls With the warm and cozy mice?

I wonder if the fish feel cold When all the lakes freeze over Now I welcome back the friends I haven't seen since last October

Though the finches and the foxes Have been here all year long I just saw the first chipmunk Since all of them had gone

How do rabbits breathe In all the ground they are under? I guess that I could look it up But it's more fun to wonder

I am haunted By a world Where you No longer Exist

I am broken By such an Intense Lack of You

Pull me along On those strings you Claim belong to a Heart Carelessly you Dragged me down You tore my Spirit apart

If I were as cruel As you make me feel I would help you Break Sticks and stones Crushing your bones You made a Grave mistake

Sitting on the curb The cement was warm And cracked Like the lines In our palms

Do you ever smell a flower And know that it's my favorite?

I put my hands In my sweatshirt pockets Like you might hold them

Have you ever looked toward the horizon And seen me looking back?

I could have laid down In the middle of the street And melted away Into oblivion With a smile on my lips

I will be whatever you need to see in me today, My body a canvas open to interpretation. Here I am soft, delicate as silk; There I am sharp, rugged as stone. I am shifting, gliding, reshaping myself, I am swimming through the waters of my gender, Moving from room to room In this house I am calling my body.

But I am twisting in the hallway, Arms and legs spilling through every door; I am too much at once and so never quite enough. Tell me what you want, I will shape myself to fit. Make me compatible with your desire Until I forget the shape of myself entirely.

(In your rejection I’ve flooded our home, Drowning in the rooms where you once wanted me.)