i was going to put this on a spam account but then decided to put it on a public one. who knows, maybe someone will benefit from it! if i’ve made any mistakes, do let me know
à moi. l’histoire d’une de mes folies (to me. the history of one of my follies or my turn. the tale of my madness)
quod erat demonstrandum (it can be shown)
cubitum eamus? (will you sleep with me?)
consummatum est (it is done)
hoi polloi. barbaroi [the many/majority. barbarian (person who doesn’t speak greek)]
bei nacht und nebel (at night and in fog)
deprendi miserum est (it is wretched to be found out)
khairei (hello)
bakchoi (initiates)
cuniculus molestus (annoying rabbit)
arrectis auribus (attentively/ears peeled)
dormir plutôt que vivre (sleep rather than live)
dans un sommeil aussi doux que la mort (in a sleep as sweet as death)
requiescat in pace (rest in peace)
n’est-ce pas (isn’t that so)
amor vincit omnia (love conquers all)
raison d’être (reason for existence)
nihil sub sole novum (there is nothing new under the sun)
quel plaisir de vous revoir (what a great pleasure to see you again)
genis gratus, corpore glabellus, arte multiscius, et fortuna opulentus (smooth-cheeked, soft-skinned, well-educated and rich)
dénouement (outcome)
salve, amice (hello, friend)
valesne? (are you well?)
quid est rei? (what is the matter?)
benigne dicis (i thank you)
bureau de tabac (tobacco store)
Χαλεπά τά καλά (beauty is harsh)
mais, vrai, j’ai trop pleuré! (oh, truly, i have wept too much!)
les aubes sont navrantes (the dawns are heartbreaking)
hinc illae lacrimae (hence those tears)
sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat (such eyes, such hands, such looks)
This work is so beautiful I can't express it in words
😌🤌✨
last piece masterlist
summary a new family move in next door, your adorable son megumi couldn’t help but befriend the pink hared identical twins, nor could you help the buttflies that sore at the sight of the blond man. will your crush be able to develop into more or will your ex-husband try to win you back?
pairing nanami kento x fem!gojou!reader x fushiguro toji
genre parent!au slice of life!au
warnings mature content, sexual content
one two three four
playlist
take responsibility
SQUEALS
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader Chapter Rating: M. Chapter Summary: "Help him," Maria says. "Help Tommy’s brother, Joel." Chapter Warnings: HEAVY SPOILERS FOR S2E2, FIX IT FIC, pov switching, joel survives abby's encounter, injuries, healing, blood, death, apocalypse health care, temporary blindness Words: 2,725
A/N: I don't think I've ever written something so deep and sad, but damn, Joel Miller will do that. Thank you to @mothandpidgeon, @schnarfer, and @for-a-longlongtime for guiding me and looking everything over.
Healed Masterlist Masterlist
—- You’ve given up trying to avoid the glass. Blood smears red against the clear shards strewn across the floor. Too many voices, too many cries of pain. You’ve been in Jackson for only one day, a town that you thought would be a sanctuary amongst the wreckage of the world you used to know. And yet, you quickly learn, no matter how tall the walls are, the blood never stops flowing. The room suffocates beneath the hot, metallic tang of it, pooling beneath your feet as you move among the bodies. You can't get away from the screaming.
You are doing this on instinct. You must be.
"You're a doctor," a voice says. Maria, one of the leaders, grips your arm. "We need a doctor.”
You follow her as she pushes through the crowd, leaving the blood.
The air is bitter as you step outside, the stench of death is strong as you make your way through the corpses of your new neighbors and the infected.
"We need a doctor," she repeats, as you follow close behind. "Before it's too late."
You don't have the heart to tell her that it probably already is. You’ve already seen this type of despair line the streets through the apocalypse.
You’re both running down Main Street, the same street you rolled down just yesterday, exhausted and starving.
You should still be worn down from the days of travel, from the confusion and loss. But each time you think you can't take another step, you do. It’s almost enough to give you hope… until you see the gate burning while a group quickly seals a fissure in the fence.
Just past the flames, a man kneels over someone lying in the snow.
"Help him," Maria says. "Help Tommy’s brother, Joel."
—-
He’s not moving. His leg is mangled, tourniqueted by a belt soaked in red. You put your ear down to his heart and check for a pulse. Nothing.
Tommy still kneels, crying and pleading as his shaky hands grip Joel’s shoulders.
“Move,” you command, getting into position. You find the center of his chest and begin compressions.
One, two, three, four…
A small group forms around you, whispering Joel’s name as they look on. You can’t focus on them now.
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.
You tilt Joel's head back, pinch his nose you’re sure is broken, and give him two of your breaths. His broad chest rises slightly with each one. Back to compressions.
One, two, three, four…
He fills his lungs with air, but it sounds like the opposite… like they're letting the air out.
He’s alive, but barely.
He needs surgery. Now.
"We need to move him," you say urgently, looking up at Tommy. "Can you carry him?"
Tommy nods, and with the help of two other men, they lift Joel's limp body. His head lolls back, face gray beneath the blood. You keep your fingers pressed against his neck, feeling the faint flutter of a pulse.
—-
There's too much blood to hold on to anything, it's impossible to even see without a suction running the whole time. This is not what they taught you in med school. This is nothing like it should be. It hasn’t been for 25 years.
You're out of practice and out of your league.
There’s no oxygen therapy in the apocalypse, and he’s barely breathing. His pulse is weak, but he’s still here, holding on after you brought him back to life.
A doctor, who looks like he should have retired years ago, tells you it’s nearly impossible to save Joel’s leg.
"I’ll try," you respond.
The bullet fragments are still in his leg. Some of them. Maybe not enough to kill, but enough to leave him limping the rest of his days. If he makes it through.
Your steady hands dig and find, dig and find. Shards land on the floor with a tink as they hit the tile.
The operation shouldn't have lasted this long, not with what looks like an old man, not with the slight pulse he barely holds onto.
But he lasts.
Joel Miller survives.
You wash his blood off your hands and breathe in relief for the first time today.
You walk out the door of the tiny, barely sterile operating room, Tommy stands across the hall.
"He's going to live," you say, that’s all he needs to hear.
He hugs you.
"Thank you,” he whispers, pulling away. “He needs care," he says, hands still on your shoulders. “The hospital's overrun. Joel—" His voice breaks. "Joel's gonna need someone who knows what they're doing."
"I'm not sure—"
"Please," his grip tightens. "You saved his life. I'm asking you to help him keep it."
—-
And that’s how you found your new home. Save a life, get a bed. The room across from Joel’s is now yours.
It’s a nice enough room. A queen bed, two worn side tables, and a closet that can easily fit your one change of clothes. You haven’t had an actual bedroom to yourself in ten years. Yet, you hardly spend any time in it, it’s easier just to sleep in the worn recliner near Joel's makeshift hospital bed that sits in his living room.
The silence during the day is overwhelming. Just your footsteps on the worn floorboards, your soft voice telling Joel what you’re doing as you care for him, your knitting needles tapping against one another as you knit with what little yarn you have left. He never stirs; he just lies there silent.
The nights are even quieter. Joel’s breathing is the only sound you hear when you drift off to sleep every night, air filling and emptying, rattling his lungs.
He sleeps for days. You change his dressings, monitor the fever that makes him sweat and shiver, and refill the makeshift IV drip that hangs from a nail in the wall.
There’s a framed sketch sitting on his mantle. The man that stares back at you from the yellowing paper is quite handsome. You think it’s him.
But for now, his face is only a collection of pain.
Bruises, cuts, scabs.
Contusions, lacerations.
Stiff and swollen.
You unwrap his bandages, cleaning his wounds twice a day. You talk softly to him, as if he’s listening.
He's really not much company. The house sits still like him. And yet, every morning you tell him good morning and reintroduce yourself, just in case.
It’s lonely.
Sometimes there’s company, but not enough.
Maria brings you new clothes, spools of yarn, and some essentials you haven’t had in so long. When she leaves, she grabs your hand, tears welling in her eyes, and thanks you. “So many people depend on him here.”
Tommy checks in every day, and on the days he has the time, he sits silently watching his big brother’s chest gently rise and fall. He brings you food, one less thing for you to worry about as you spoon-feed Joel broth and blended vegetables.
“He’s tough,” he always says before leaving. “He’ll pull through.”
You only nod. The wounds are severe; infection is a constant threat. And yet, Joel refuses to let go.
—-
A young woman hobbles in one day. Ellie. Tommy’s mentioned her many times. She winces as she sits, damning her broken ribs when she leans forward and grabs Joel’s hand, tears falling down her cheeks.
She asks if he’s okay.
You nod.
She asks if he can hear her.
You nod.
She asks you to leave the room.
You leave.
—-
His face is still swollen and misshapen, barely recognizable. You stare at the sketch on the mantle. Ellie drew it, a supposed perfect reflection of who Joel was, you look over at his broken face. If you squint, you can almost make it work. You wonder if he will ever look like the man in the drawing again.
His body sprawls on the bed, limp under the blankets that you pull away from him as you check over his body and wash it.
"I'm going to clean you up a bit," you tell him softly, dipping the cloth into the basin of warm water beside the bed. You're not sure if he can hear you, but you talk anyway. "It might sting a little."
His body tenses slightly at your touch—the first real response you've gotten from him.
It’s all so clinical, but you can’t help but take a moment to notice the size of his body. He’s marred, yet still golden. Purple bruises cover his torso, and a large, mangled scar stretches across the side of his stomach. You wonder what story it tells.
“You’ve been through a lot,” you whisper aloud to nobody.
His leg is healing, though still swollen and damaged. He must be in so much pain.
He stirs under your touch, and the briefest twitch of his eyelid tells you he's still hanging on. "Joel?"
Nothing.
It's so strange to care for someone like this, someone who doesn't even know you're there. Or maybe he does. Maybe somewhere in the darkness he’s shrouded in, he can feel your presence.
—-
You don’t know if you’ve ever been around this much silence. You’re quietly reading in the recliner when you see his fingers twitch, the corner of his mouth pulls back just enough for you to tell he's fighting his way back to the world.
“Joel.”
You say his name. His breathing quickens at the sound, but there's no response otherwise.
He's drifting in and out, unaware that you're beside him. But at least he's moving.
He's barely conscious, his breaths turning into grunts and mumbles as you watch over him.
You place a hand on his arm, soothing him softly, petting against the small part of him that isn’t injured. He calms, his breathing evening out. “You’re okay, Joel. You’re safe.” He doesn’t respond, it’s not like you expected him to.
If you can't hold a conversation with him, at least you can try reading to him.
You start taking books from his bookshelves. You start with the westerns. He stays still, stuck under a haze, but you read to him like he's listening. “Lonesome Dove, hm,” you muse to him, when you pick up a thick hardcover book. “Sounds kinda like me right now, doesn’t it?”
You pull the chair close to Joel’s bed,
“When August came out on the porch the blue pigs were eating a rattlesnake – not a very big one.”
You barely finish the page before you nod off. You’re exhausted, you can’t remember the last time you stood in the sunlight.
When you wake, his fingers are twitching again.
You pick up the book and read on, twenty pages this time.
Days blur into one another as Joel's condition improves just enough for you to keep your spirits up. He can't see you through the swollen mess of his face, but you know he hears you.
You read him chapter after chapter, the only entertainment for the two of you. He barely says a word, just grunts in approval or pain.
You feel more like a librarian than a doctor.
—-
The sound of your voice is more real than anything else. He floats through the clouds of half-consciousness. Part of him thinks he’s dead.
He must be a ghost, hovering above the empty shell of his body. But when you speak, he’s tethered back to life.
He wants to see you, to open his eyes and find out if you're real, but it's too much work. His lids are heavy with injury, and the swelling doesn't allow them to open.
He hates the dark.
Sometimes you hum, sometimes you talk out loud to yourself, sometimes to him. He holds on to your voice because when you speak, the pain goes away.
He can just make out your silhouette backlit by the window near his favorite chair. Your face is a blur he can't bring into focus. Maybe he did die, maybe this is some sort of limbo he’s in, because you sure as hell sound like an angel, and when you touch him, he feels at peace.
A whole week passes. The swelling is still too much for him to see anything besides shadows and forms.
He hears pages turning and knows you're still there.
He hears the edge of worry in your voice as you talk to his brother and knows you care.
You’ll sometimes drift to sleep while you’re reading to him, always waking when his breaths become strained, when he struggles in his dreams.
Always there.
"You need to wake up," you tell him.
And still, he can't be sure you're not a figment of his desperate imagination.
Sometimes he’s sure he must be dead, because he thinks you’re an angel. He wonders if he deserves one.
Another day passes.
Another.
And another.
He loses track of how long you've stayed by his side. Until he loses track of everything except the sound of your voice.
But you don't leave him.
His body refuses to cooperate, but you don't give up.
And then, after god knows how many days, progress. His voice is the first thing that returns to him. It barely makes it past his throat.
"Ellie?" It's the most important question.
"She's safe," you tell him.
“Water,” he manages, the word scraping against his dry throat.
“Here,” you say. Your hand slips beneath his head, lifting it gently as you bring a cup to his lips.
“Slow,” you whisper. “It’s been a while.”
"How long?" he asks. He sounds like such an old man, but at least he sounds like himself.
"A while… but you survived.”
“Who are y–” the question dies in his throat, he’s too weak to form it completely.
“I’m a doctor, your brother asked me to care of you."
“Your voice,” he says, the words barely audible. “I know your voi—”
“Try to rest,” you tell him as you adjust his pillows.
—-
Soon, he’s able to say a full sentence without feeling like he’ll never be able to speak again. He gets to tell Tommy he’ll be okay. He gets to tell Ellie he missed her. He gets to say your name.
It has to be easier to take care of him now, he tries not to think about how much of a burden he is to you. A stranger, in his home, taking care of him in the way that you do. The soft way you adjust his pillow, the way you gently brush his unkempt hair out of his face, the sweet way you greet him every morning.
Every night, after dinner, you read to him. It’s his favorite part of the day. The familiar sound of the chair scooching into place, your soft throat clear, and then your voice.
“Live through it," Call said. "That's all we can do.” Your voice catches at the end of the line.
“Repeat it,” he requests.
You read it again for him. He sits silently. Your sweet voice saying “live through it” is repeating in his head.
—-
The breathing gets easier, the swelling begins to subside, and you still don't give up on him.
He flutters his eyes open just enough to see, to test it. It’s no longer shadows.
This time, he opens his eyes and he sees you. He sees your face.
He really sees it.
You’re as beautiful as he imagined, backlit by the window, you’re bathed in an aura of soft light shining in through it. You are an angel.
He stares at you. The mystery of the metallic clicking he’s been hearing is solved. You’re knitting, two needles clicking away in your hands. His vision is the clearest it's been.
He says nothing and watches you. He watches and he memorizes.
You don't even notice him. You're so used to him lying there, lifeless, that you don't even look to check… until you’re done counting your stitches and look up, your needles freezing mid-stitch.
“Joel…”
He croaks an affirmative.
You drop your knitting needles and gasp.
"Joel?" You kneel by the bed, and for the first time, he can see your whole face. For the first time, he’s sure you're real.
You press your palm to his forehead, testing his temperature before grabbing your stethoscope and checking his heart rate.
“Can you focus on breathing for me, Joel? Your heart is elevated.”
He takes a deep breath, trying to settle his heart, knowing it’s only because of you.
—-
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semi realism study w gojo
still not done with that heat stroke photoshoot, here's Toji!
as requested, a longer version of this drabble
synopsis: geto spared one woman from the village he exterminated due to the pleading of mimiko and nanako, now he has to live in between preaching a world without non-sorcerers during the day and sleeping with one during the night; a dive into the mind of a conflicted man.
cw: canon events (no major spoilers), death topics, fem submissive reader x cult leader geto, smut, oral (m -> f), 1.6k words.
The day was horribly busy, on days like these, where he had to talk in front of a crowd for such a long time, then entertain donors, then eat curses, Geto can’t sleep due to the loud noise of his mind, he would probably sleep if he was in a equally loud environment, but, except for the sound of your soft breathing, the room has dead quiet.
Dead quiet.
Geto sits up, the cold air hitting his bare chest as he takes in the sight of the red temple across the open window, a ruffling makes him draw and narrow his eyes to the figure in his bed.
He remembers the day he first saw you, trying to sneak in the room where Mimiko and Nanako were locked in, he was in the process of exterminating the people in that village so he didn’t think twice when he grabbed you by your hair ready to let a curse rip you apart but the deafening sound of the girl’s scream stopped him, only then he noticed a bag with food that fell of your hands.
He could see from a distance, you were like the rest of them, a regular non-sorcerer and a few minutes ago he decided what he wanted.
A world free of non-sorcerers.
He can’t make an exception. He shouldn’t.
The twins had tears in their eyes. They’re young and his responsibility now, so a helping hand couldn’t be a sin. He could leave you for last.
Somehow he finds in his heart to spare you, and once he consolidated his power as a leader, he took the three of you in, the girls only leave your side when he’s around, they don’t approach anyone else except the two of you.
The first week you were around sorcerers he could see the fear and confusion in your face. Nanako tugged his clothing and he squatted to listen as she whispered to him “She cannot see them”.
So he provided special glasses for you, one with cursed energy so you could see what people like you shouldn’t, and he made Nanako hand it to you as you slowly began to comprehend what the weird events around you actually were.
She should be thankful, she’s only alive because of me.
He thought about that constantly, especially when watching you smiling and minding your own business.
And you are grateful and respectful towards him, almost never making eye contact, just keeping your head down and only calling him “Geto-sama”, he appreciated that, you should know your place.
It’s only a matter of time before he grows fond of you too, with his influence and your submission, it didn’t take long before you were in his bed, being happy to serve him in any ways.
It’s a contradiction having you around, he knows it. A monkey.
You sleep so peacefully, he wonders if you understand how lucky you are to make it so far.
Tonight could be your last night on earth, how deserving were you to live in his ideal world? You had two little girls that adored you, was that enough? He could just tell them something awful happened.
His cold fingers trace the back of your neck, ghosting your cervical spine.
You fell off the stairs and broke your neck, so sad.
That’s believable, the temple has many stairs.
His index finds your pulsing point.
A man attacked you, another monkey, and cut your throat, how horrible.
His eyes drop to your rising chest.
You fell on the lake and drowned, a terrible accident.
There’s so many possibilities to get rid of you without them blaming Geto.
Warm fingers unexpectedly find his hand, your small hand covers his. Suguru feels his human side returning to him, the dark cloud over his head slowly fading away as you take his wrist and you turn your head to kiss his palm.
He feels like crying, confused and guilty.
The bedroom is dark enough for you to miss the look of despair in his eyes, he allows you to caress the veins in his forearms, tracing it all the way to his biceps until you find his neck with your arm completely extended. Suguru gives in to the light pressure you make, bringing him to lay back down with you, You kiss his shoulders, his chest, his neck.
He doesn’t feel worth your kisses.
Again the contradiction.
You kiss his jawline and he stops you with a hand over your lips, he doesn’t want you to feel the way his lips quiver, you don’t ask questions, just accept and kiss his palm again, holding it against your cheek.
Geto is hard on you sometimes, giving humiliating tasks such as cleaning up the remains of someone who wronged him or capturing a curse that will for sure attack you. As much as he sometimes thinks of creating a space between the girls and you, the little ones always find a way back, helping you clean while keeping a non-morbid conversation topic or helping bandage the scratches you got from the small but feisty cursed spirited you were assigned to.
Yet you never once complained, always bowing in obedience with a soft “Yes, Geto-sama” coming out of your lips.
He knows when to treat you well too, sometimes he knocks on your room at night, sometimes he sends someone to call you over to his. When his whole cult speech was over he would dismiss everyone except you, to be alone in the giant spacious room with him, he likes to take you there, where your quiet sounds of pleasure bounce through the walls and create an echo.
You’re good to him, not to his cause, to Geto-sama you’re useless, but to Suguru Geto you’re an anchor.
He returns your kisses, sucking on your clavicle then down the soft skin of your breasts, where he takes in one nipple and licks until it gets hard enough for him to gently bite on and make you grasp.
Your hands find his hair, his long soft locks, the same ones you brush ever so patiently when Mimiko and Nanako turn it into a mess of knots from braiding and tying tiny silicone elastics on, you don’t scold them, even if it means to stay hours with Geto trying to undo it afterwards.
They will grow up to be spoiled.
But he also could never scold them like a father is supposed to, deep down he knows he won’t need to, they adore him, anything he’ll say they’ll do.
They’re good kids, he supposes he owns it to you too.
Suguru leaves a wet trail of kisses down your body until he’s in the middle of yours legs, he first starts by licking the surrounds of your clit teasing patiently as you get wetter, the sleepiness doesn’t allow you to protest or whine, only to close your eyes and take whatever he’s willing to give you while tangling your fingers in his hair.
When he finally gives your nub some attention in the form of sucking, your leg twitches, he squeezes it and places it over his shoulder, at this point he’s laying on his stomach vaguely thrusting his pelvis onto the mattress to relieve a bit of the aching in his cock he gets when eating you out.
He adds more tongue as he moves down your needy hole, which pulsates around nothing, Suguru hums nuzzling your glossy folds, the vibration goes straight to your hardened nub.
“Geto-sama” you moan when he fucks you with his tongue, the tip of his nose hits your clit perfectly, once he looks up to see you falling apart on him you shiver, his eyes are predatory, you wonder if you should retrieve your hand from his head, but he quickly closes them again, losing himself in the taste of you. God, you taste so good. What makes him get through the day when he has to absorb those disgusting curses is the thought of getting lost between your legs, sucking your nipples, eating his own cum off you, sucking your tongue…
He feels your orgasm approaching as you tug his locks harder, whimpering softly. Usually he would make you beg, stopping his ministrations just before you get there and delaying it until there’s tears in your eyes. Tonight he’s enjoying the silence, he might just let you go ahead, but there’s something he wants to hear.
“Say my name” he orders with a raspy voice.
“Get—“
“No” he bites your inner thigh, “My actual name.”
“Suguru” you roll his name so beautifully on your tongue.
“Keep saying it” he dives back, making out with your pussy and paying extra attention to your puffy clit as you call his name in a prayer.
He misses it, the way his first name used to be used, nowadays is just “Geto-sama this, Geto-sama that, master, sir”. It would inflate his ego if it didn’t come out of monkeys' mouths.
But Suguru? He left that for you only, even the other sorcerers he considers family just call him Geto.
Before he realizes you’re already cumming, hole pulsating around his tongue and heels digging on his back. He slows down his pace, nibbling on your glossy lips then taking your hand out of his hair to kiss it like you did earlier, the act makes your heart swell, you caress his face, thumb rubbing the dark circles under his eyes.
“Suguru” you call his name again, this time looking straight in his eyes, they don’t seem predatory anymore as he moves up finding a safe spot on your chest, where he lays down listening to your heartbeat as your fingers work through the knots in his hair, this time caused by yourself. Your other hand caresses his back and shoulders, whatever skin you can find to soothe him. Suddenly he doesn’t have the loud voices in his head anymore and manages to fall asleep again.
note: this was short but I wanna explore more of this side of suguru so my inbox is open to suggestions
20's | 18+ blog, I occasionally share fanfictions here primarily in second person POV. ➜ Please pay attention to the tags and warnings on the fics.
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